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#540443 - 09/11/07 10:33 AM Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky)  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky)


1st Verse
He had talent thats for sure
Though he was sorta rough
He also had his charms, but
All this was not enough

2nd Verse
To still the demons deep inside
and end his quest for peace.
One late night, he took a ride.
His soul found it's release.

Chorus
Now hes just another star in the sky
Gone too soon, we're left to wonder why
He helped to lift the spirits of others
Looked out for them like they were brothers
His spirit was heavy it could not be lifted high
Now hes just another star in the sky

3rd Verse
Then they found him in a field
One early August morn
Lying so peacefully still
Like his soul had been reborn


4th Verse
On into another world
Cause this one left him cold
An overdose of heroin
At forty six years old

Chorus
Now hes just another star in the sky
Gone too soon, we're left to wonder why
He helped to lift the spirits of others
Looked out for them like they were brothers
His spirit was heavy it could not be lifted high
Now hes just another star in the sky

Bridge
Sometimes when I see stars twinkling above
Im reminded of how he tried to act so tough

Chorus
Now hes just another star in the sky
Gone too soon, we're left to wonder why
He helped to lift the spirits of others
Looked out for them like they were brothers
His spirit was heavy it could not be lifted high
Now hes just another star in the sky

Copyright September 11, 2007 Derek Hines All Rights Reserved

Last edited by Derek Hines; 09/13/07 08:20 AM.

All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#540465 - 09/11/07 12:02 PM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Janice Hopkins Offline
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Janice Hopkins  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Michigan
Hey Derek;

This is going to be really good. I worked through it and found a few places it could be smoother, just IMO. Take it or leave any or all, of course. Here goes...

I like verse 1 alot.

V2.( here's some sugs.)

To still the demons deep inside him
End the quest for inner peace.
One late night, he took a fast ride.
There his soul found it's release.

Chorus:

Line 2: Gone too soon; we all wonder why
Line 3: He helped to lift the spirits of others
Line 4: Looked out for them like they were brothers
Line 5: His spirit was heavy; could not be lifted high

v.3

Line 2: omit ON
Line 3: Lying so peacefully still
Line 4: Like his soul had been reborn

V4.

Line 1: He chose another world
Line 2: 'Cause this one left him cold
Line 3: Died of a hard drug overdose
Line 4: At just forty-six years old.

Bridge: How about?

Sometimes when I look up; see stars shining above
I'm reminded of the things he left on Earth
His kindness,caring; his love.

Hope this helps and not hurts. It's always my intention, (after I've read a set of lyrics several times and get a feel for where you want to go with them), to add to them and actually help if I can. Hope I have. This is a sad song, but It's my opinion that they have to be written too.

But, you have a great start here and you did it all on your own. You're a good writer, getting better all the time in just the few short weeks that I've known you (as much as we could know each other over the net). But that is admirable. I can see that you work really hard at it. Seems to be a driving passion. If it is, then you'll make it. I don't know how old you are, but I think you have an advantage over me working by myself just because of your youth. I have alot more years of life experience, but you have something I can't get back; youth.
I wish I hadn't waited til I was 60 years old to get this going again. I'm loving this so much. I keep a Hook Book; have nearly 400. I write all the time, no matter where I am. I'm never without a notebook. You never know where you'll be when something strikes you. I was sitting in a Subway last night with my husband and all of a sudden I throw my sandwich down and get out my pen. It was just something I heard someone in line say. You always have to be listening. Well, anyway......

Have a great day. Good luck with this one.

As Ever,

Jan

#540471 - 09/11/07 12:31 PM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Hi Janice

Thanks for your help with this one. It was an intersting write. He was a prisoner I watched and his nickname was Star. He was really tough acting in some ways but had a really gentle spirit. Thanks for your help I appreciate your ability to turn this away from a going to heaven song to just missin someone song. We are challenged at my job to be cold and insincere not to let ourselves get caught up in feeling bad for these people. I hoever see them for who they are. Good people who made bad choices. As for Star there was a geuniness to his spirit that I haven't even seen in people I've gone to church with for years. There was a simple honesty that he was who he was an wasn't going to change. Ultimatly it cost him his life. Although while he was here he touched a lot of souls and spirits including mine.
Thanks for your visit kind praise and suggs I've used quite a few of them!
Brotherly Hugs
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#540495 - 09/11/07 01:34 PM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Janice Hopkins Offline
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Janice Hopkins  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Michigan
Dear Derek;

Knowing the background of this, even serves to make it stronger. I know you have to stay reserved in the line that you're in, at the same time knowing that there is some good in every human being if you look hard enough. This is coming along nicely. It's a strong comment about what is happening in our society, but yet shows compassion for every human being put on Earth. Maybe one of the reasons he was put in your path is so that you could know him and write this song so others would think.

Have a good day,

Jan(thanks for the brotherly hugs...felt them.)Right back at ya'

#540666 - 09/12/07 06:35 AM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Hey Janice

Thanks for your vote of confidence on this one. I am beginning to feel like my songs are falling on deaf ears. It's probably just my imagination but I think my stuff is getting kinda overlooked.

I felt like my posting too much at once maybe annoyed some people. I have tried my best to not do so as much. Though maybe I still am? I dunno maybe it's what all artists go through wanting seeking acceptance of their ideas.

Anyways enough rambling thanks for being there for me and giving me suggestions an critiques I really do appreciate them. Also love the way your writing style is developing as well your songs are seeming much more communcative and relational.

I agree that the best way (at least for myself) to write is just to let it flow out and not try to create something forecfully but to create with the idea that I am sculpting from a delicate media such as sand or clay.I think the best writers are the ones who let the song find them not try to find the song.

Look forward to continued time of getting to know you and working with you. Also didn't have a chance today to work on the melody for no interest but trust me I will be doing so tommorow probably just a rough vocal though. I'll see if I see some music that could work with it if I have time. Thanks again for considering me a decent artist and not a hack that makes me feel good inside.
Brotherly Hugs Backatcha
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#540679 - 09/12/07 09:12 AM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 66
PogoDog Offline
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PogoDog  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 66
I have something to say about this here song. But it's gonna have to wait 'till I get some sleep. I've been up far-too-long.

Randy

#540716 - 09/12/07 01:13 PM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: PogoDog]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Janice Hopkins Offline
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Janice Hopkins  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Michigan
Derek,

I think you and I post alot because we're fired up. When you're in that mode, you have to go with it, because as we all know, it may not always be that way. You do alot of critiquing of other peoples work though and that is very much appreciated. I've already learned alot from you. As far as being a hack, well, some writers are, but you're not one of them. You make us feel. When I listen to a song, I want to FEEL something. Music is an expression of life and for sure it's filled with all kinds of strong emotion. You put all those down really well. I'd like to hear some more humor come out though. Hope we can collaborate on something. Keep it up....

Sincerely,

Jan

#540898 - 09/13/07 07:37 AM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Hey Janice

Thanks for your kind words of encouragment. I feel like I have some talent. I know I must cause I get lots of praise mixed with critiques lol. Sometimes I just don't feel self validated. I guess it has to do with my upbringing.

Some one here was saying I have a real hi. I either missed something or I am not reading it correctly.
Cause someone else had to point it out.

I would love to do a collab got any ideas? lol Of course you do!
I do have one that concerns bridges (not musical0 just the idea of bridges metaphoricaly. I'll put down some ideas tonight an maybe you can help me fit it together.

Little Brother hugs Your way
Derek Hines


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#540901 - 09/13/07 08:00 AM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,839
Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,839
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Good morning.

I like what ya got going on here but, I'd like to see a few words chipped away.

1st Verse
He had talent thats for sure
Though he was sorta rough
He also had his charms, BUT
All this was not enough

2nd Verse
To still the demons deep inside
AND end his quest for peace.
One late night, he took a ride.
HIS soul found it's release.

Chorus
Now hes just another star in the sky
Gone too soon, we're left to wonder why
He helped to lift the spirits of others
Looked out for them like they were brothers
His spirit was heavy it could not be lifted high
Now hes just another star in the sky

3rd Verse
THEN they found him in a field
One early August morn
Lying so peacefully still
Like his soul had been reborn


4th Verse
On into another world
Cause this one left him cold
AN OVERDOSE OF HEROIN
At forty six years old

Chorus
Now hes just another star in the sky
Gone too soon, we're left to wonder why
He helped to lift the spirits of others
Looked out for them like they were brothers
His spirit was heavy it could not be lifted high
Now hes just another star in the sky

Bridge
Sometimes when I see stars twinkling above
Im reminded of how he tried to act so tough

Chorus
Now hes just another star in the sky
Gone too soon, we're left to wonder why
He helped to lift the spirits of others
Looked out for them like they were brothers
His spirit was heavy it could not be lifted high
Now hes just another star in the sky

Copyright September 11, 2007 Derek Hines All Rights Reserved



Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#540902 - 09/13/07 08:23 AM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Heya Cavlinini (wasn't that what beth said?)lol

Thanks for the visit and praise and help wow! Yes the trims and other suggs worked great I used em all. Thanks for making it easy to make the changes as well.

Do you have an idea of a genre for this one? I was thinking early 70s rock and roll ballad along the line of Dan fogelberg's "leader of the band".

If you have any ideas musically I would be open. Thanks again for your help and visit have a most excellent morning!
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#540946 - 09/13/07 02:41 PM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Tampa, Florida since 1973
G'Mornin' Bro D!

I respect your Compassion...and Your Sensitivity...in this Lyric, as well as ALL you write, Amigo!

While, Yes, I'm sorry you lost a Good Friend to Drugs (& probably Depression)..I, personally, don't feel "Close" to this guy..BECAUSE of his Drug Habit.

&...I realize that's prolly a bit Facetious of me..I'm as-guilty of "Self-Medicating" as the Next Alcoholic.

BUT..(All Caps)..when Life-in-General gets to the point ya need Professional Help to cope with it..I lose All Respect for folks who Don't Seek It. Suicide and O.D.-ing are the Ultimate Cop-Out, unless you're Disgustingly-Old or pathetically Physically-Handicapped.

46-&-Talented sounds like he was Neither. So...Nice Tribute Song..but I don't feel tremendous Empathy for the guy, no matter how well-penned it is. Sorry, Amigo!

Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

#541006 - 09/13/07 07:25 PM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: ]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 11,186
John Voorpostel Offline
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John Voorpostel  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 11,186
A few more minor suggestions if I may Derek. A few for flow, and some that may mess with your head tune...but do present an alternative. I took the stars out of the choruses because you also mention stars in the bridge....

BTW, to get the symbol (on a PC) simply type in 0169 while holding down the [alt] key

Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky)
September 11, 2007 Derek Hines
All Rights Reserved

1st Verse
He had talent thats for sure
Though he was sorta rough
He also had his charms, but
All this was not enough

2nd Verse
To still the demons deep inside
and end his quest for peace.
LATE ONE night, he took a ride.
AND FOUND HIS SOUL RELEASED.

Chorus
Now hes just A LIGHT IN THE CORNER OF THE SKY
Gone too soon, LEFT US WONDERING WHY
He COULD lift the spirits of others
LOOK out for them like they were brothers
BUT HE COULDN'T LIFT HIMSELF UP HIGH
UNTIL HE FOUND HIS CORNER in the sky

3rd Verse
WHEN they found him in a field
THAT early August morn
Lying so peacefully still
KNEW his soul had been reborn


4th Verse
On into another world
Cause this one left him cold
An overdose of heroin
At forty six years old

Chorus
Now hes just A LIGHT IN THE CORNER OF THE SKY
Gone too soon, LEFT US WONDERING WHY
He COULD lift the spirits of others
LOOK out for them like they were brothers
BUT HE COULDN'T LIFT HIMSELF UP HIGH
UNTIL HE FOUND HIS CORNER in the sky

Bridge
Sometimes when I see stars twinkling UP THERE
Im reminded THAT HIS JOURNEY TOOK IT'S FARE

Chorus
Now hes just A LIGHT IN THE CORNER OF THE SKY
Gone too soon, LEFT US WONDERING WHY
He COULD lift the spirits of others
LOOK out for them like they were brothers
BUT HE COULDN'T LIFT HIMSELF UP HIGH
UNTIL HE FOUND HIS CORNER in the sky




If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

My Youtube Channel <<<>>> iAccountant
#541113 - 09/14/07 06:22 AM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: ]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Heya Amigo

Thanks for the commentary on this one. I agree with you for the most part. Although the circumstances surrounding his death may clarify a few things.

He was with two other guys getting high when he Od'ed and they were so scrared they just went and left him there. So I don't think his intention was suicide at all. His addiction did not fade while encarcerated. He was still using on the iside I get the feeling he was just a plain ole addict who couldn't get better.Maybe that's a cop out I'm sure it is but at any rate may give you a little more of the picture.

Thanks for your kind visit sorry it doesn't hit ya right I'll post a different one tonight may be more up your allley. Have a good one amigo will see you when I see ya!
Big Guy Hugs
Bro D!


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#541114 - 09/14/07 06:25 AM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: John Voorpostel]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Hey John

Thanks for your suggestion although. I am afraid the star part is not an option. Because the neatness of it is that his nickname was Star. So changing that takes away some of the magic I was looking for. I appreciate your help on this one. Though I do have someone else cowriting with me on this one who may have some changes for it as well. Thanks again though for the visit time and suggs
Sincerely

ps thanks for your information on making a copyright mark that'll make things even better!
Derek

Last edited by Derek Hines; 09/14/07 06:26 AM.

All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#541145 - 09/14/07 11:13 AM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 66
PogoDog Offline
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PogoDog  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 66
Derek,

For what it's worth.

Empathy's an acquired taste... and until you've lost a loved one to overdose or suicide. You have all the freedom ignorance affords you.

God bless.


#541149 - 09/14/07 11:30 AM Re: Now Hes Just another Star (In the Sky) [Re: PogoDog]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Heya Randy

I appreciate that. Yes it's interesting how society tries to seperate suicidal and drug addicted people in to weak minded slovenly people with no hope.

For the most part(and statistics will state this). The majority who commit suicide or overdose have pleanty to live for and are very talented they just reach a breaking point somewhere and don't know how to turn back.

I have seen this time and again where I work and everytime it's someone who is either getting out or has gotten out. They have everything to live for except that they have blinders on and can't see it.

Well at any rate at the risk of being unpopular I'll just say we somtimes try to shield ourselves from harsh realities. Sometimss you just gotta wake up a lil. Thanks again for visit and commentary mean a lot to me
God bless you as well Randy!


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
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