JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Song Contest for August

Hello all!

As the Song Challenge Initiator of Late, Who Ironically Has Failed to Participate, I thought it was time for a new one....I'll try to play catch up and work on both over the next day or two...

Anyway, the new challenge -- for those up for it -- is to write a song incorporating the NAME OF SOME COUNTRY (Other then the U.S. -- hee hee). I know it's still only July 30th, but I figure it's already August somewhere (what time is it in Iraq, Steve?)

Have fun, and please don't take my current lack of a song for the last challenge as APATHY....my little brain is just fried from life these days...and I need to pick my battles!

SO OFF YOU GO....

xoxo,
Beth

Couldn't wait for August!

"Around the World In Love"
(c)2007 Lynn Orloff

I could love you in Bermuda,
I could love you in Brazil,
I'd caress your neck in Paris,
Kiss your lips in Greece and still,

No matter where on earth we'd go,
I'd still love you all the same,
Cause darling you live in my heart,
And that will never change.

I could love you on Mount Everest,
I could love you in Japan,
Hold your hand way down in Mexico,
On a beach in summer sand.

No matter where on earth we'd go,
I'd still love you all the same,
Cause darling you live in my heart,
And that will never change.

Bridge:
Switzerland and Italy, London or Peru,
All would serve as perfect spots, to share my love with you.
North or south or east or west, over oceans wide and deep,
Around the world in love with you, my heart is yours to keep.

For no matter where on earth we'd go,
I'd still love you all the same,
Yes, darling you live in my heart,
And that will never change.

Lynn!

That is so sweet....I've been toying around thinking about country I wanted to play with -- it didn't even occur to me to bring in the whole United Nations!!

Very good, sounds to me like it could be the soundtrack for a chick-flick (and I mean that in a good way).

I have to get my head back into this...I feel I'm getting rusty already, just having been out of the loop for a week or so....

Thanks for daring to take the plunge...

I look forward to hearing from more brave souls....(me included!)

Nighty night for me,
Beth

Beth, here is my first entry on any song contest but my own. I hhope all is going good. and your breaks are healing up.

Once upon the port of Spain,
(c) S Bixby 2005

Once upon the port of spain
i really had to get away
with my guitar on the cobble stones
i felt like i made it home

chorus
So on the streets guitar in hand
Street musicians on a one night stand
chose my corner, let it fly
at that moment it was do or die
the men clapped the women danced
with flowers in thier hair
inever knew what freedom was
til i sailed in there
while i played i was the king
of everywhere and every thing
all of this and soo much more
once upon the port
of spain

Once upon the port of spain,
and once upon a time
all those things i did back then
seem to fall in line

now i'm older, can't you see
and nothing feels the same
now and then i'm looking back
to once upon the portof spain

build
chorus

So on the streets guitar in hand
Street musicians on a one night stand
chose my corner, let it fly
at that moment it was do or die
the men clapped the women danced
with flowers in thier hair
inever knew what freedom was
til i sailed in there
and while i played i was the king
of everywhere and everything
all of this and soo much more
once upon the port
of spain


cheers
-steve

-by the way my time is 8 hours before eastern standard time.

Good write Lynn, I only did ONE country...

Those Days In Paris, France

(V1)
It's been years since we've seen Paris.
We were so in love back then.
You kissed me on a golden bridge
that overlooked the Sienne.

(V2)
We rode upon a ferris wheel
high above a landscaped ground.
And you held my hand so tenderly
as we circled round and round.

(C)
Can we revisit that sweet time
when lovers shared romance,
and get back what we once held so dear
in those days in Paris, France?

(V3)
We saw the Mona Lisa
and she smiled her famous grin.
I made you smile like that once
but, then my artist's brush wore thin.

(C)
Can we revisit that sweet time
when lovers shared romance,
and get back what we once held so dear
in those days in Paris, France?

(B)
We were a masterpiece.
A rare and deep French wine.
Oh, how I yearn for Paris
when the love you shared was mine.

Bitter sweet Heidi,

I felt stage presence here. you had a like a braodway play in mind for this, right? i could feel the cold breeze off the louve.

-steve

Hey Steve,
Just wrote what came outta my head when I read the challenge...

Glad you got a nice breeze out of it! As I wrote it, I could hear the French instruments playing. I guess I just love Paris.

Beth, "taking the plunge" was easy in this summer heat.

Steve, especially liked these lines:
while i played i was the king
of everywhere and every thing

Viva la Heidi, ooh la la, this is rich. You must write a melody.

Fjords Of Time

I was stranded in Scandanavia
Trondeim Norway to be exact
where white is the color of the day
but the natives all dressed in black

While there, I figured what the hay
and married a fair haired Norwegian
jeg me speiza og hvordan jeg likee
loosley translated the sex was scorchin'

at one with the fjords of time
watching the musk ox climb
wild daisies yellow in abundancw
strawberries doing a sun dance

fjords of time
an inlet between two mountain ranges
fjords of time
when iced over, everyone is a stranger

pictureque and frozen as if in place
the contrast of nature and the inhabitants
an abstract beauty that could curl your toes
you can see more smiles inside a labyrinth


at one with the fjords of time
watching the musk ox climb
wild daisies yellow in abundancw
strawberries doing a sun dance

fjords of time
an inlet between two mountain ranges
fjords of time
when iced over, everyone is a stranger

a magpie flies onto my window sill
looks at me and plainly says
that's what you get when you zoom in for the kill

rittman

Thank you Lynn, i had forgotten to put those in, they were my favorite lines too.

Rittman, pretty, i liked the happy go lucky attitude "what the hey?"

-steve

Wet ink.
They used to say this about guys a' course but "The Times They Are A' Changing"
Wy

Rushin' Hands

V 1
Covered up from head to toe
And it was summertime
Still it wasn't hard to know
That was a girl inside

V 2
She had a sunny smile
And she flashed it at me
Said could you come in a while
And I right away agreed

C
She had Rushin' hands
And Roman fingers
And I couldn't hardly get enough
She wanted to explore
Where she'd never been before
'Cause she'd been under Daddy's thumb

V 3
I'd expected maybe Geenland
Or at best Northern Maine
But we were on some tropic island
And I'll never be the same

V 4
Ain't nothin' like an amateur
To think of something new
It was soon just me and her
One where first was two

C
She had Rushin' hands
And Roman fingers
And I couldn't hardly get enough
She wanted to explore
Where she'd never been before
'Cause she'd been under Daddy's thumb

{I'll have to put on my Fake English Accent to make this Baby Rhyme Right...but Herewegooo....(agAin!)}

"WE DID IT ALL" (C) 2007 by Yers Truly

We Did It First in Heidelberg
'Back When You Took My Name
We Did It Down in Switzerland
(While) Grandpere's Slate Roof Shed the Rain

We Did It All Thru the Pyranees
On Our Honeymoon thru-Spain
& If Our Love Started Out..Tomorrow..
Hell, I'd Do It All..Again!

We Did It Up in Amsterdam
& In Belguim (In Soignies!)
We Did it Once in England
(After Channel-Crossing..Memorably!)

We Did It All Across the Alps
Remember Italy? Milan?
& If Our Love Started Out..Tomorrow..
I'd Love to Do It ALL..Again!

(BRIDGE)
We've Made Love All Around The World
Great FUN (We Learned a LOT:)
How "ANYPLACE..is HOME"..With You,
(You'd Make..A GLACIER..HOT!)

We Did It in Aruba
& in Venezuela, Too
We Did It WELL..in Ecuador
We've Also Well-DONE..Peru!

We've Done a Beach..near Cozumel
('Found White SAND..can be..a PAIN)
& IF we Started This Love OFF..Tomorrow..
Hell, I'd Love to DO IT ALL...AGAIN!

(TAG)
Yeah, If I'd Just Met You..TOMORROW..?
(You Can BET)
We'd DO IT ALL..AGAIN!

(C) 2007 by Stan Good, BMI
All Rights Reserved.

How awesome is this??? You guys and gals are so clever!! I've been very pre-occupied with some kid stuff, but will FOR SURE be back to respond approptriately to each and every post here tonight, and to get my sorry butt in gear and play too!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for not blowing this off!!

Cheers,
Beth

Post deleted by Patrickfoy

Well, that was great. I didn't mean to send it yet..
I'll try again later....

Sorry

L.A. AND BACK

He takes to the sky
Like men took to the ocean
Men long ago
In their whale-stained ships
At the drop of a hat
He picks up the notion
With no second thoughts
Sails away with it

Cincinnati, Ohio, Paris, France
London, Toronto, Detroit, Amsterdam
Dallas, Milwaukee, Moscow, Atlanta
Tampa, New Orleans, L.A. and back

He works anywhere
As natural as dancing
He's the best of the best
At what he does
Ask him where he lives
Most likely he'll tell you
Home isn't a place
It's what woman he loves

Cincinnati, Ohio, Paris, France
London, Toronto, Detroit, Amsterdam
Dallas, Milwaukee, Moscow, Atlanta
Tampa, New Orleans, L.A. and back

What woman would put up with that
She must love him a lot
She does in fact

Cincinnat, Ohio, Paris, France
London, Toronto, Detroit, Amsterdam
Dallas, Milwaukee, Moscow, Atlanta
Tampa, New Orleans, L.A. and back

Copyright 2007 Cynthia Lewis

Poland
© words and music by C. Stewart ( July 31, 2007 )


When slippery fingers start to slip
Cause my popcorns soaked in butter
I was having trouble with my grip
Spent a lot a time in the gutter

Chorus......
My balls were rockin and rollin'
I was midnight bowlin' in Poland
I got a ham hock in my bun, I'm a Polock havin' fun

To my left is a perfect game
And I can't even get a spare
I got gooseeggs in every frame
But I don't really care

Chorus......
My balls were rockin and rollin'
I was midnight bowlin' in Poland
I got a ham hock in my bun, I'm a Polock havin' fun

To my right is a work of art
She got jeans that just won't quit
I guess it's ok to fart
Cause I think I just seen her spit

Chorus......
My balls were rockin and rollin'
I was midnight bowlin' in Poland
I got a ham hock in my bun, I'm a Polock havin' fun

I got a ham hock in my bun, I'm a Polock havin' fun
I got a ham hock in my bun, I'm a Polock havin' fun

Chorus......
My balls were rockin and rollin'
I was midnight bowlin' in Poland
I got a ham hock in my bun, I'm a Polock havin' fun




Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Okay, I'm going to sneak in a few comments while kids out with hubby at neighbor's pool...

Steve,

First off, thanks for the info on the time change and the question about my various bones....I just got back from Ortho in fact, and he said "the bones coming along"--so he's going to start me on PT for arm, but wants foot to be more healed before we proceed. Apparently falling on it at the beach did not help it any....

Anyhoo,

Love your song....you have a great sense of nostalgia in your writing. As I've said to you before, there's definitely the essence of having been around the block a time or two, and your recollections though perhaps sentimental do not seem bitter.

My only question was in the second chorus, I guess....

Once upon the port of spain,
and once upon a time
all those things i did back then
seem to fall in line

I don't know that the last "line" fits. I sorta get what you're saying, maybe it's just a matter of changing the tense...as in
Once upon the port of spain,
and once upon a time
all those things i did back then
Just seemed to fall in line.


Keep or sweep as they say...otherwise, really pretty, and I'm glad you decided to join the land of the living contest entrants!!

Long distance hugs to Victoria -- and hey, we need more pictures!!

Ciao for now,
Beth

Dear Heidi,

First off, thanks for playing....

Secondly, Romance is in the air!! Very bittersweet, but nicely written and evocative of the singer's time in France. I especially liked the line the Mona Lisa, and the pay-off couplet of:

I made you smile like that once
but, then my artist's brush wore thin.

My only question is the use of the word "revisit" in your chorus. And almost sounds too clinical... Maybe something like:

Can we find that place again
when lovers shared romance,
and get back what we once held so dear
in those days in Paris, France?

I'm also not sure you need the "so" in the third line.

As yall say, keep or sweep. Loved it otherwise...never having BEEN to France, I'm just going to have to keep taking everyones' word for it that is tres romantique!!

Cheers,
Beth

Hey Rittman,

Boy, the closest I've ever come to Norway was listening to "Norwegian Wood"...so this was very cool to read. A lot of beautiful, almost mystical imagery.

I'm just a little confused by the ending....

BTW, LOVE that word fjord. I'm so glad this contest gave you an opportunity to use it...

Thanks and keep up the good work!

Beth

Hey Wy!

Loved this story...especially verse 4, where:

Ain't nothin' like an amateur
To think of something new
It was soon just me and her
One where first was two

One tiny question....the very opening, where she's covered from head to toe? Is she a geisha girl? If so, I don't understand the connection to being "underneath Daddy's thumb?" And if not, what does that line mean for you?

Thanks for participating, this has been so great to see the different directions people are going with this. And having BEEN to northern Maine (Fort Kent Mills ring a bell to anyone?), I'm glad you found it songworthy....

Cheers,
Beth

Hey Ampersand Man!

Long time no visit! I'm glad to see you've been able to get back to your casual use of syntax!!

Anyhoo, you're a tried and true storyteller...Forget "Sex in the City"....you've got it going on GLOBALLY!

Such fun to read about your antics -- though didn't need an English accent to pull it off from my end. Otherwise, I'd be "tut tut tutting" you all over the place!!!

This is my favorite part, for whatever reason...maybe b/c of my love of the ocean...

We've Done a Beach..near Cozumel
('Found White SAND..can be..a PAIN)
& IF we Started This Love OFF..Tomorrow..
Hell, I'd Love to DO IT ALL...AGAIN!


Thanks and again, congrats to you and La Femme!!! Ah...L'Amour!!!


Ciao,
Beth

Patrick,

No worries....you've just succeeded in whetting our appetites, is all!!

Looking forward to hearing a couple more verses!!

Beth

Hi Cynthia....

Boy, this poor singer puts up with a lot from her man! Sounds like more than a few people I know!

I really like the flow of this...but I get hung up a wee bit on your bridge, I guess:

What woman would put up with that
She must love him a lot
She does in fact

It just sort of comes across as too quick, or something....I'd love you to explain her a bit more...or connect her in some extra way to him....

KEEP OR SWEEP.....otherwise, I think you are tied with Stan for the most locales included!!

Thanks for playing...

Beth

Good golly, Calvin....

You hear so many things about Poland, jokes and all....I've never really considered the underbelly of the Polish Bowling World. Your verse is more than a bit suggestive -- which suits me just fine!

I'm not a big fan of the word "fart", but sometimes we must put aside our tastes at the Altar of the Rhyme. But might you consider an alternative, such as:

To my right is a work of art
She got jeans that just won't quit
She struts the alley, legs apart
I hope she gets a split


I'm not sure if that maintains the "gutter" level you were working with, but.....keep or sweep.

I am definitely going to be bringing my Purell next time I'm at the alley!!!

Thanks for playing, and keep up the good work.

Beth

Okay, I think I'm caught up for the moment...

Stay tuned for my submission, which I'm still tweaking....and hoping to kill two song contests in one fell swoop!!

Thanks everyone....hope you had fun!!!

Later!
Beth

ha, thanks Beth, your verse if funny and cleverly done.
Thanks for allowing me to share my ideas.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

My pleasure, Calvin....

I think working with given parameters is not only a good stretching exercise, but it might also inspire a good song which otherwise might never have materialized.....And as a relative newbie, I know I'M looking in a million different directions, and I sometimes find my MUSE pulling the sheets over its head and shouting ENOUGH!

So as far as I'm concerned, these song challenges are win-wins for everybody!!

Cheers,
Beth

Hey Beth,
Your sugs are wonderful. I love how you provide a game for the songwriters and I admire your wonderful interactions. It's fun to read everyone's entries and your replies. Thanks so much!

You're welcome Heidi....like I said, win-win!

So here's MY deal...since I failed to participate in my own challenge from last month, I've been trying to figure out a way to kill two birds with one song....

Though you won't necessarily know the premise immediately, the title is going to give away my SOLUTION....

ENJOY!!


“If it’s Tuesday, it Must Be Belgium”
© Lyrics 2007 Beth Williams


We know Matt Lauer gets a lot of mileage
Out of his pilgrimage to interesting locations
And while each year the viewers try to guess just where he is
He just aggravates my teaching-job frustrations

For me there are no tropical excursions
Or vacations where you’d really need to pack
So instead I save my money up for trips to the movies
To escape and make up for the life I lack

Chorus:
No matter what is playing, I know I’ll have a reel good time
I take my aisle seat, wait for darkness, oh so welcome
I especially like the ones that carry you to distant lands, like
Last week’s “If it’s TUESDAY, It Must Be BELGIUM”

When the credits are all finished and it’s time to head back home
It’s hard to let go of the places I have seen
So tonight I head to IHOP for some waffles
To indulge in fantasy Belgian cuisine.

I need no reservations here
Just sit and shut my eyes
Inhale the food’s aroma
And try to visualize
What it must be really like
To “Fly the Friendly Skies”
Then remembering my fear of heights
I gladly realize….that

Chorus:
No matter what is playing, I know I’ll have a reel good time
I take my aisle seat, wait for darkness, oh so welcome
I especially like the ones that carry you to distant lands, like
Last week’s “If it’s TUESDAY, It Must Be BELGIUM”



All commentary welcome!

I'll start by saying it reminds me that perhaps I should have a song in my pocket before throwing down the gauntlet for the NEXT challenge.


Obviously overtired,
Beth

Please Allow me to interupt myself.

Calvin, YOu tickled me with the rocking rollin bowling poland. he he he. it was fun, but i think bowling alleys are illegal there....he he he why? because it rhymes in english.

Cynthia, gosh, if that is your man, he doesn't seem like he is 100 percent devoted to you....

Patrick, it is good not to hover the cursor over the "Send" button. all is not lost though, you can go back and edit what is there. it is okay. trust me...

Tampa Stan, you must be tired by now pushing the missus around the world like that one thrust at a time. he he he always fun to read a tampa stan write.

Wyman, russian hands and roamn fingers, that is inspired,

Beth, good to hear about the arm. sad to hear about the foot. you know, if you write more music, and quit slaying soo many dragons, you wont need to see the doc for "dragons breath burns"

Good write Where in the world is Matt Lauer?

-steve

Hello High-Ranking Marine Man Steve (I can't keep track of all the damn ranks):

Last I heard, Matt Lauer was laughing all the way to the bank...

Love that line "dragons breath burns"....what's it from?

And yes, I would love to be spending more time writing too...last two days have been spent on Post-Bucky-Covington-Encounters-&-Concert activities....quite a process. Have had some could-be-interesting e-mails from his Step-Mom...

Anyhoo, I'm in and out....tomorrow afternoon (well, later today for you), we head up to Maine again for a few days...Hubby will join us Friday night (taking the train), so I'll be completely laptopless until then....Doc says to take it easy on the drive up (about 2 1/2 hours.... :o). At least hubby will drive home...

Try to go on without me, everyone . Maybe that should be your interim (another good word) song challenge -- Ha ha!!

Ciao for now...will try to pop in before we leave...

Beth

Hello Steve,

Thanks, glad ya liked it ok.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Hi Beth,

I jusyt wanted to say that I enjoyed this....
“If it’s Tuesday, it Must Be Belgium”

and this.....

(reel)

See ya at the movies.

Calvin


http;//www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Thanks Calvin,

I was going to work the whole song around that reel/real play on words, but then I remembered my double-assignment(!) and thought it best just to try to sneak it in somehow...

Glad you caught it...

It's Wednesday now....what does that mean....ah yes, HUMP DAY!

Later,
Beth

Ok, my computer had some issues. I believe are straighened out now. Tanks for the kind words.I changed it a little.....


Last time she landed in Paris
and France just before that
She always calls for a minute
to let me know where she is at

Every day I think of her
and seldom does my mind sleep
dreaming of the day that she will settle
Though she's not mine to keep

She loves to fly high in the sky
then she left me standing here
Off to England again she flew
I surfed home on a tear

Anyway, I have been playing with this song idea for a few months now. What you think?

Hey Patrick,

I don't recognize your name, except from earlier on this thread...no problem-o though, all welcome here...

As for your song, let me say first and foremost that I like the idea of it...it's always such the sad existence for those in love with a flight attendant and/or jet-setter?

I do, though, have a couple of comments, questions, which you can "keep or sweep", totally up to you. First off, how about a title? That would really set the tone for the piece. Maybe the last line of your second verse, "She's Not Mine To Keep".

Also, I'd love you to flush the story out a bit more...maybe let us know how they met? Was the singer on one of her planes? And the "surfed home on a tear line"...it's really pretty, but how does it fit in? Is he an actual surfer? That might be an interesting angle to explore....his passions keep him literally "grounded", while she is airborne, going in a totally different direction...

In the second verse, I like what you're trying to get across, but the third line seems a bit incomplete, and doesn't really flow into the fourth line. Maybe you'd consider something like:

Every day I think of her
at night I seldom sleep,
How I've wished she'd settle down
But she's never been mine to keep

Lastly, just a couple of syntax/tense points....first verse, maybe you could just get the last words to read "to let me know where she's at"...it just saves you a syllable. Last verse, how about:

She loves to fly high in the sky
Does she also like leaving me here?
Off to England again she'll fly
I'm left to surf home on a tear



So Patrick, I know that this is a lot of nitpicking, but you asked, and like I said, keep or sweep. I think the main challenge I have is that it's written more like a poem than a song....so in that sense, it's a bit tricky making lyrical commentary..

Regardless, I am not an expert (I just play one on TV -- ha ha!)...and I'm sorry if this wasn't the most gentle review. The good news is that you have some nice imagery going....you just need to take it a step further.

Good luck, and I look forward to reading more of your work!

Beth

Hi again, Patrick,

I've just noticed that there's been a gap of time b/w your post, my post, and now...

I know that it took you a while to get your computer working the way you wanted it to, and you also said you've been pondering this song for a while -- so I just hope that you've been too busy or whatever to post back, and are not upset about my perhaps overly zealous remarks.

Either way, ciao for now....

Beth

P.S. For those of you keeping track, we're not going to be leaving for Maine until tomorrow AM....so I'll be checking in later over here....

Have a fun trip Beth

Thanks...will get computer access by Saturday AM when hubby joins us...


Stay safe, Steve!

Ciao for now,
Beth

Hey Beth,

I like your comments. I really never thought of the girl as being an airline employee though, it's a good concept. This was someone I knew years ago who was well off and we had a little thing going at one time, in between her jet setting. I never really thought of singing about it, until I saw the August Contest. I am new to JPF. I found it through Taxi.I am a full time musician and I keep a part-time job, so I don't have a lot of time to spend on the net. Please don't think that I don't appreicate your comments, I do and they are pretty smart at that.
When I learn how, I will post a couple of my song for you to listen to.

Have a safe trip

Patrick

www.conchcritters.com

Hey Patrick,

Hubby finally arrived with laptop, so before hitting the hay,I had to check in on you...I'm glad you're not peeved. I found it a bit challenging here at first, b/c the whole reason you come here is to get REAL constructive criticisms, not the proverbial family pats on the back.

I just joined a couple of months ago, and I have learned a ton already (some may question that ), but it's definitely worth sticking around.

I don't know your background,share what you want (you probably will with all your music), you'll soon get to know some of the "regulars" at least on this forum. I haven't dared venture much to any others...

Anyway, not even going to look around to respond to anyone else until tomorrow....So until then, take it easy!

Beth

Hi Beth,

I don't believe we have had the pleasure of meeting since I was on a self induced hiatus for a few months til recently. I just want to say this is great...I'm gonna get to work on this today. I have an idea already. I'm so glad you are doing this. I have enjoyed the song challenge on one of the other boards before and had a bit of luck with it. We'll see how this one turns out.

I have to admit, I didn't read any of the submissions to this one yet, because I didn't want them to pop up in my mind while I was writing my own. So I'll be back later to read those.

Nice to meet ya!


Bree

Where the heck are My manners<

Bree (the snowman) Griffith here is the truck driver for all my beer as I (the Bandit) drive around and talk on the cb, Snowman, this is our new Friend Beth, She is Lightning fast at a rhyming (and sandwiches) she tells great stories, and is slightly accident prone. (don't let her drive the beer truck) he he he now that we all know eachother... "east bound and down loaded up and truckin...."

-steve

ok well a bit different...


My World All Wrong

she's so amicable
accommodating
all my life I've been waiting

first words from her lips
what can I do, to please you
so tell me, why am I so blue?

I feel like I don't belong
at the end of this song
she'll be gone
I'll be anywhere but here
my world all wrong

did I do something right?
I'm so undeserving
it's all so unnerving

what planet did she come from
certainly she is not from earth
at least not as I know it

for what it's worth

I feel like I don't belong
at the end of this song
she'll be gone
I'll be anywhere but here
my world all wrong

© 2007 by rittman

LOL...first off...Bandit (aka Stevo) you have ruin'd me...I have been singin' that song in my head since last night!!! I'll let ya know when it stops...lol.

Ok...On to the song challenge. I don't have a title....I just don't know what to call it!! Ya'll can help me out if ya like. & yes...I know Verse 2 is only half a verse, but it seemed to work for me...plus it was gettin' a bit on the lenghty side. Let me know if ya think it needs more. Anyway...here it is! (Ohhh...& keep in mind...I wrote it in about 30 minutes...lol)


Title(Dive In...maybe????)
Bree Griffith/ASCAP
© Aug. 4, 2007

V1
After 23 long hours
Piercing through the bright blue sky
I took a Jeep out west until I finally arrived

Pulling down the pathway
Brought back faded memories
When he walked across the porch it all came back to me

Chorus
We were swimmin’ in the sapphire sea
Sweltering ‘neath the fiery sun
Chasing ghosts from Snowy River
Til’ there was no where left to run
And where the coolabahs were growin’
We watched the sunset fade
As I listened to the Outback call my name

V2
Walking to that front porch
Seemed longer than that flight
Until I heard him say, “ya know I thought we might...

Chorus
Go dive into that sapphire sea
Beneath that fiery sun
Chase away the ghosts of yesterday
‘til our bodies become one
Fall asleep inside each other’s arms
As the sun begins to fade
While the Outback is whispering our names


Bridge
After way too many years
I can’t believe I’m standing here
Helpless, beneath Australia’s skies
Falling deeper, drowning in your eyes

Chorus
So let’s dive into that sapphire sea
Beneath the fiery sun
Chase away the ghosts of yesterday
‘til our bodies become one
I’ll fall asleep in your arms
As the sun begins to fade
While forever is whispering our names
While forever is calling out our names

cool beans Bree

nothing to nit about, but I'm wondering if I plant coolabahs, will more folks do collabs with me?

rittman

LOL...Ritt...they might. You can give it a shot. If not. let me know. I'd be glad to colab with ya anytime. Just remember...I can't play any instruments.

Bree

Rittman,

comming back for a round 2 are ya? This thread might never die. seconds and thirds all the way around. be the first thread to hit a thousand entrys. I can't think of singing about that many countries, it give me a headache. do you think "smurfland" counts as a country? he he he
your write seemed to border on "what planet" vice what country. leave it to you to go that extra light year...

he he he

-steve