JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Into Make Believe

BIG THANKS to everyone who helped to improve this! For those of you just dropping in...this is now a collab between Terry and I. He has worked magic on this song, with his significant transformative changes! What you're reading here is the completely revised (post-Terry :)) version.

Into Make Believe
© 2007
Words by Lisa Gundling
Words and Music by Terry C. Graham [ascap]

You had me convinced, the earth had sprouted wings
That the forests held a sacred dance
On the shores of a pool where majestic dragons rule
Where elves wished me well with every glance

Chorus
Yes I was into make believe
The happy never ending called you and me
Feasting on slices of moon cheese pie
Refusing to wipe fairy dust from my eye
Yes I was into make believe

You made me queen of the seven seas
Keeper of the purest water wells
Your dazzling mermaid, singing songs on crystal waves
An angel ringing diamond-laden bells

Chorus
Yes you were into make believe
That happy never ending called you and me
Feasting on slices of moon cheese pie
Refusing to wipe fairy dust from your eye
Yes you were into make believe

We frolicked in the sun of magical meadows
Two as one in horse-drawn carriages
Free of the past, in our rose-colored glasses
Saw no divorces, only marriages

Chorus
Yes we were into make believe
That happy never ending called you and me
Feasting on slices of moon cheese pie
Refusing to wipe fairy dust from our eyes
Yes we were into make believe

Bridge
Oh and. . . darling if you can
Please make me believe it's true
That you are still my silver gander
And I remain your golden goose . . .
I'll spread my wings again
And fly with you

Chorus
Yes we were into make believe
That happy never ending called you and me
Feasting on slices of moon cheese pie
Refusing to wipe fairy dust from our eyes
Yes we were into make believe

Tag
You had me convinced
That caterpillars sprout wings...

That butterflies sing...

(to fade)

Wow Lisa, I could never write like that! Guess I'm overly direct on everything I write, verse2 looks like it could come right out of "The Song Of Solomon"

Lisa,

Gotta watch that moon cheese pie...sounds very fattening! I love lots of lines in this one. This verse is my favorite.

We strolled through meadows filled with magic
Ran with unicorns, not horses
Wore our rose-colored glasses
Saw marriages, not divorces

Only nit would be the bridge. Not because of anything wrong with it. Just seems to pale in comparison-putting a hen and a rooster in with dragons, mermaids, fairies, and unicorns. They were gold and silver though, so it might just be me. Enjoyed the read.

Dano.

Hi Dennis,

Wow! I'm so glad you like this! I didn't write this as a country song, as I think your latest is. When you write country songs (which is mostly what I listen to) I think you need to be very direct! Thank you for your interesting observation about that second verse. I've been co-writing a lot with Tall Terry, and your comment points to the fact that he has influenced my writing style a great deal.

Thanks so much for your visit!

Lisa

Hi Dan,

I guess moon cheese pie would be acceptable in the Atkins diet, which I guess has fallen out of favor lately! I'm glad you liked that third verse. I think it's my favorite too. About the rooster/hen thing...I did think about it a long while, for the same reason you mentioned, but liked it for its goofiness. I thought that the silver and gold solved the problem, but apparently not! Maybe goofy-ness doesn't belong here! It's 2 a.m., and way too late to think about rewriting, so I'll sleep on that.

I'm glad you enjoyed this! Thanks for letting me know!

Lisa

Hi Lisa

Many great lines in this....I also got a kick out of moon cheese pie......He he...Yeah! Why not?

My only nit would be the bridge too. I just think the rooster hen thing doesn't support the fantasy of the rest of this piece....Especially the "hen" part.
However, I do love the idea and all those original creative lines.

Eric

Hi Lisa,

Extremely beautiful and the taste of accomplished writing!

I love the mermaid verse and I love the BRIDGE because you've made it both
important for it's hope of potential resolution and also have it fancifully make-believe as suits the makeup of the song -- but Bill's suggestions are
excellent, generous & worth considering . The Goose addition is cute also.

Verse 1

IN YOUR SPELL, convinced I'D sprouted wings (under your spell)
That forests hold a secret dance
YOU HAD ME DREAMING, dragons DESIRE
Their fire quenched by happenstance

"Had me convinced" in line one, could imply that the other person was deceitfully charming, as opposed to the "You had me convincing myself" intention -- if that was your intent. Because each of the people are equally into "make believe" in your song, I didn't think you'd wanted to inadvertently imply the assigning of blame at the outset of the song.

Or:

YOU HAD ME convinced I'D sprouted wings
That forests hold a secret dance
**HAD ME DREAMING dragons DESIRE
Their fire quenched by happenstance

CONVINCED I'D SPROUTED ANGEL WINGS (jb)
with: YOU HAD ME DREAMING . . .

You LED ME TO BELIEVE, I'd sprouted wings

Verse 2

You called me queen of the seven seas
Purest water from the WELL
Your mermaid in the crystal waves
Ringing A diamond-studded BELL (jewel-encrusted) (JADE-encrusted)

VERSE 3

We strolled through meadows filled with magic
Ran with UNICORN AND HORSE
Wore our rose-colored glasses
Saw ONLY marriage, not divorce

We GALLOPED through meadows filled with magic
ON UNICORN AND HORSE
Wore our rose-colored glasses (wearing our )
Saw ONLY marriage, not divorce (Seeing only)

BRIDGE
And darling if you can
Please make me believe again
That you’re still my melody
AND WE'RE A SYMPHONY WITHOUT end.

That I'M still YOUR melody
IN A SYMPHONY WITHOUT end. (in a harmony)

That you’re still my melody
In a harmony without end

I'm so used to your Chorus' being excellent and musically oriented, I almost forgot to mention it -- one of those 5-liner's.

Terry

Lisa,
I like the end of bridge. Rooster and hen refer to how they view one another as opposed to how they view "things" elsewhere. I thought in the 2nd lift you might've said "I called you my..." like the 1st lift. Very nice. It seems a playful tone. The beginning of the bridge seems more serious. She might could say the same thing more playfully if that's the overall tone you want. Again this is cool.

John

Mornin’ Lisa,

Very nice I enjoyed the read

Why take a chance with rooster/hen, not going to work for a lot of people and I’ll bet you can do better.

A thought;

Bridge
And darling if you can
Please make me believe again
That you are still my melody
And I'm a song without an end.

Keep or sweep.

Being real picky but you may want to look at the mermaid line. Maybe mermaid of the crystal waves. A crystal wave is solid and if she is in a crystal, how would she be able to ring a bell ??

Told you I was being was picky

Regards
Bill

Hi Lisa,

I have to say wow, I can't write like that either.
But wish I could.
While I respect Eric and Dan's writing ability, I didn't have ANY problem with the bridge, or the crystal situation.
Real cool song.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Real nice work Lisa...

one teenie suggestion to add to the mix

That happy ending called you and me
To feast on slices of moon cheese pie


ie you two were not called "a happy ending", but the happy ending was calling you to feast on the moon cheese pie..??

Lisa, this is just beautiful!
To me the rooster and hen line brings reality,
but still keeps a hint of make believe.

I interpreted "crystal" the same way
I would if one described water as being "Crystal Clear"
so that worked for me.

Bill's bridge is wonderful, but, IMO
not for this song.
"A Song Without an End" Great hook, Bill!!

I joined the "I Wish I Could Write Like This"
club the first time I read it!!!

OH, almost forgot! LOVE the "moon cheese pie!"

Diane
P.S. My son is doing great now, but I'll be on pins
and needles for the next two years each time he has
a follow up. Thanks for your concern.

Hi Lisa

Wow this is excellent! I'm in the same court as Diane about the hen and rooster, but here's a thought for another fairy tale ending. Best to you jm

And darling if you can
Please make me believe IT"S TRUE
That you are still my silver GANDER
And I remain your golden GOOSE

Hi Eric,

I'm delighted that you love so much about this one! Yes, moon cheese pie -- I'll eat it figuratively, but literally...wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot fork!

I definitely see what you mean about the bridge. I went to sleep thinking about it, and woke up to lots of great opinions and suggestions about it! I'll be back later to work on editing.

Thanks for your visit, Eric!

Lisa

-ALSO- Thanks everyone for your responses to this! I'm rushing to go out right now, and will be gone most of the day and evening. I'll be back late this evening to respond.

Hi Lisa

Great write girl-friend! Not exactly sure how happenstance fits, perhaps come what may is magical, but could also be thought of as being flippant...for fun:

You had me convinced the ground sprouts wings
That forests hold a secret celebration
Made me think that dragons want
Their fire quenched by celestial elation

I love this Lisa... It is excellent writing.....

wondered if one of the "that's" should be replaced...

and also...wondered...about marriage(S)...and Divorce (S).... the Plural bugged me...have the feeling that is just me...on that......

I personally liked the hen and rooster...was one of my favorite parts of your song... .. Might be
another way to say it...that touches on the same imagery though... but I liked it....

Best to you...this morning......
Kaley...

Hi Lisa,

I read this earlier and loved it. Reads like a fairy tale. I really like the fairy dust/eyes line. Seemed magical and dreamy. I even liked the hen/rooster line but then I don't know all the secret songwriter code/languages out there and that hinders my critiquing ability (so much so that I'm thinking I should start keeping my mouth shut most of the time other than to say what I like---even then I could get into trouble! Ha!) Oh well, Hasn't stopped me before.

Also, wanted to add that I wondered about the marriages/divorces thing and wanted to say marriage/divorce. Not a biggie though. Cause I imagine this dreamy couple is thinking about the whole world maybe?

Great imagery all the way through.


rd

Me agin Lisa

Had a hen stuck in my craw when an idea hit me

Thought I'd share- keep or sweep.

Bridge
And darling if you can
Please make me believe again
That I’m your never ending story
from being to the end.

or

Bridge
And darling if you can
Please make me believe again
We're still a never ending story
the way we were back then.

Bill

Lisa,
I'm onboard too . . . great job here. You have some great suggestions and I almost left with just a "kudos" because I can't really find much to add here . . . but I'm really trying to give helpful crits so . . .

If anything . . . I was uncertain how I felt about the line:
Ran with unicorns, not horses
And since a couple people felt "divorces" should be singular here . . .perhaps something like this could work:

We strolled through meadows filled with magic
Ran with (adjective) unicorns
Wore our rose-colored glasses
Saw marriage, not divorce

It's not a perfect rhyme, but might work????
(edit: although I now realize that messes up your "this not that" theme for that verse )
Either way, well done!!

Hi Terry,

Thank you so much for your high praise! I'm SMILING!!

I love sooo many of your changes, and have used them already! Here are my thoughts and questions....

1. In verse 1, I completely see what you mean about the meaning of "had me convinced." However, I haven't made a change to that first line yet because, while I love saying that "I sprouted wings," I'm hesitant, because I wanted that first verse to refer to things other than the singer, since the singer is so heavily involved in the second verse. I wanted the first verse to convey things about nature and how he has made her look differently at the world, and the second verse to specifically talk about the singer. I hope I'm making sense. (Because I didn't change the first "had me" in the first line...I also didn't use your "had me dreaming" in the third line yet.) However, I did use "desire"...and I also made a change to fire quenching line, based upon Ritt's confusion there.

2. I used what you gave me for verse 2. THANKS! I ended up staying with "diamonds" because I like the thought of the mermaid being very understated, without a lot of coloful, flashy jewels! I liked the clearness of diamonds!

3. I ADORE what you did to the third verse -- the galloping option, where you also took care of the horses/divorces plural issue. I've used that.

4. About the bridge...You and Bill came up with some wonderful ideas for that. You also mentioned thinking that Joice's goose idea is cute....and I think so too. I can't seem to give up on the bird image here, so I've gone with Joice's goose, with a slight change of "silver" to "sterling."

Thank you, Terry, for all of the work you did on this! As I said...your changes are WONDERFUL! If you have any more thoughts for that first line, I'd love to hear them!

Lisa

Hi Gas,

Thanks for the "cool!" That's cool! About the bridge...I'm still giving thought as to how to make the first two lines of the bridge more playful. I haven't come up with anything yet, but am definitely thinking about it. If you have any suggestions, please let me know! Also, I didn't use the "I called you my" in both places, because I didn't want the first verse to be as focused on the person. I wanted the first verse to talk about how he has made her view the world differently, and the second one to talk about the singer specifically. I don't know though....still thinking that one through. Thanks for making me think!

Lisa

Hi Bill,

Okay...you have made this bridge thing very tough for me! My brain feels that you're right about dropping the fowl from the bridge, and if you were giving the same advice and the same great options to someone else...I'd be saying to that person..."TAKE THEM, TAKE THEM!" I read this lyric to a friend tonight at dinner, and when I got to the rooster/hen part, she chuckled. I realize that this is probably not the desired effect.

BUT...there's just something about the fowl that is calling to me, and I can't seem to shake it! Maybe it's because I'm partial to birds (I own two parrots). Thus, for now, I am going to go with Joice's goose/gander idea, and keep this option of yours as the alternate:

And darling if you can
Please make me believe again
That I’m your never ending story
from beginning to the end

About the crystal waves...I made a change there to CLEAR crystal waves, thus thinking that it would make the crystal sound more like a color? I hope this works better??

BIG thanks, Bill, for your beautiful bridge ideas, and for letting me know that you liked this enough to help me improve it!

Lisa

Hi Calvin,

So kind of you to make me feel good about this! Thank you for your sweet words and encouragement!

Lisa

Hi John,

Well that's a cool idea! If I went with that it, perhaps I should bring the fourth line up, so it would read:

Yes I was into make believe
Refusing to wipe fairy dust from my eye
That happy ending called you and me
To feast on slices of moon cheese pie
Yes I was into make believe

I'm going to play around with this a little more, and let it soak in. Thanks for sharing this, and for the "real nice work!"

Lisa

Hi Diane,

I'm so delighted that you like this! I'm glad you like the rooster/hen thing...per Joice's idea, it's now gander/goose. And yes, I meant "crystal" in the way you describe. I changed it to CLEAR crystal, so I hope that makes it even more...crystal clear! You're right that Bill's bridge idea would make a lovely new lyric! After his first post, you might have noticed that he came in with two more great bridge ideas, one of which is my alternate.

I'm so glad that your son is doing great, but I understand the pins and needles. I have a relative who just celebrated her fifth year of being free of cervical cancer -- it was a huge milestone! My aunt was just visiting, and she's now 20 years without breast cancer!

Thank you for your visit here, Diane!

Lisa

Hi Joice,

Thanks for the "excellent" and for your excellent bridge changes!! I LOVE the gander/goose change! It added a touch of class to the fowl, since I've decided that I'm too attached to rid myself of them!!

I really appreciate the time you spent with this. BIG THANKS!!

Lisa

Hi Ritt,

I see what you mean about the dragon line...my reasoning was that dragons love their fire, and would never want their fire quenched. And especially not quenched for no good reason!

Of course, your changes are excellent, but since I could never describe to anyone what "celestial elation" is, without referring them to YOU (hee hee!), I've opted for another change -- one that I WOULD be able to explain! I've made the change, using Terry's "desire" -- to:

Made me think that dragons DESIRE
TO QUENCH THEIR FIERY CIRCUMSTANCE

Hope this works???!!

I'm tickled that you liked this, and thanks for your time and help!

Lisa

Hi Kaley,

I'm happy that you loved this! Thanks for letting me know! I think I've changed the parts that nagged at you! I got rid of one of "that" in the chorus. I always overuse "that" so thanks for pointing it out on this! Also, Terry had a fix for the plural of marriages and divorces, so I made that change. About the hen/rooster thing...that has tortured me, making the decision about whether to get rid of it or not. I ended up going with Joice's great goose/gander option, which I've incorporated it, and I'll use one of Bill's great bridge options as the alternate.

Thanks again, Kaley!

Lisa

Hi Vanessa,

When you find that secret songwriter/code book let me know! In the meantime, until you find it, please don't stay quiet! I'd miss you! I'm so glad that my version of a fairytale worked for you. I've changed the bothersome marriages/divorces via Terry's changes. I'm glad you liked the hen/rooster part too! You'll notice that I took Joice's idea about the goose/gander there. Goose/gander sounds more elegant than rooster/hen! I was out with Max the other day, and he was feeding the ducks and seagulls. Out of nowhere, a whole gaggle of geese came up and cornered us! I threw the food on the ground, grabbed Max and ran! They were taller than Max, and two of them chased us for half a block!

Thanks for your visit, Vanessa!

Lisa

Hi Doodle,

I love that you're onboard! Thanks! That plural of marriages/divorces seemed to nag at most everyone, so I've made the suggested fix for it. I hope you like the change! BIG thanks for the very helpful crit, and for the "kudos" on this! Makes me smile!!

Lisa

Nice story. Very original. Without looking at the other replies, I'll make an attempt at a new bridge (tho I do like the one you have). See if anything works for you....


Darling, please tell me once more
That you are still my white knight
And I'll make believe that
I am yet your princess bride

Mornin’ Lisa,

Nice edit, like the changes

Goose/gander better than rooster/hen I think.

Still mixin’ fairy tales with nursery rhymes but with a little magic and moon cheese pie I think you can make it work

Yeah I love birds also. I’ve have a parrot I call Chico. Had him now for about 30 years.

Do yours talk ??? Ol' Chico will meow, bark, growl and make all kind of strange noise but never did learn to talk ????

Good Luck with the music
Bill

Hi Lisa,

You had me convinced the EARTH sproutED wings
That forests hold a secret dance
That dragons DESIRE TO QUENCH THEIR FIRE
___I can't remember WHAT I had written here___ROMANCE ( sorry! )
AND CAST A SPELL OF TRUE ROMANCE

TO INSPIRE ONLY PLEASANT CIRCUMSTANCE
I love your email simplification of this line!!

The difficulty here is that lines 1 & 2 are, real and pleasant in a make-believe world . . . but the Dragon line is UNTRUE in the MAKE-BELIEVE world of the dragon.

How about a whole new FAIRYTALE image
for line 4 (earth, forest, dragon, ________?)
THAT ELVES CAST A SPELL WITH ONE GLANCE
THAT ELVES WISHED ME WELL WITH A GLANCE

Chorus
Yes I was into make believe
THE happy NEVER-ending called you and me
Feasting on slices of moon-cheese pie
Refusing to wipe fairy dust from my eye
Yes I was into make believe

You MADE me queen of the seven seas
YOUR ANGEL OF RESCUE AT THE WELL
Your DAZZLING mermaid in crystal waves
Ringing A diamond-studded bell (encircled)

MADE me is more dynamically "active", don't you think?
Line one "seemed" connected (not necessarily tho') to lines 3 & 4 and were all ocean images, whereas the well was different in that aspect; and so, if line 2 becomes more a stand-alone image, then sort of makes lines 1 and 3 more independently strong. ?
Angel of the purest water well
Angel of your heavenly well
Angel of your pure water well
Angel of rescue at your well

"crystal waves"
I used to buy antique crystal necklaces and take them apart to make silver wire earings that I had in some nice stores. Had them in the Princess Gift Shop of the Empress Hotel in Victoria for two years. How romantic is that! Ho Ho.
Crystal waves. . . I just realized!!!! ... you and I used that in AUNTIE HOPIE.
(washed over us in crystal waves)

BUT STILL. . . I think that the word CLEAR waters-down an otherwise powerful and romantic image of sparkling waves.

TAG

You had me convinced
That caterpillars sprout wings . . .

That butterflys sing . . . . .

To fade.

Terry

Hi Lisa and TT

not sure if I should interject, but not liking romance or encrusted, well encrusted seems very unsong like, and romance is in it's own way redundant, or too much tell and not enough show. Thinking on the horse/divorce verse, and it's rather mundane and way too realistic for this fanciful tune, in fact I think the song could carry quite well without that verse, besides it takes away from the bridges significaNce. Liking the catapillar imagery....cool....!!!

Hi Wolvman,

Thanks for the visit and kind words! About the bridge...your suggestion is definitely a good one! Hee hee...If you take a look at the other responses, others have wanted a change too, but I've been stuck wanting the fowl. Originally, I had silver rooster and golden hen. Then, Joice suggested the neat goose/gander idea. Bill came up with a cool bridge, removing the fowl altogether, which I'm using as an alternate, once I'm willing to let go of the farm animals!

Lisa

Hi Bill,

Thanks so much for dropping by again with encouragement!

I have a macaw named Alex and an amazon parrot named Emilio. Alex doesn't talk, but Emilio says all sorts of things. I've had both of them for over 20 years now, since they were first hatched, but Emilio stopped learning new words after the first five years. He learned only from my voice, and he would only learn if I talked in exaggerated tones, and said strange things...like "I'm a duck, quack, quack, quack."

Chico's a cute name!

Lisa

Hi Lisa,

Not trying to gum up the works here on your beautiful almost literary piece but instead of your title/hook being:

"I was into make believe"

I thought it more elegant or more in in keeping with the tenor ofyour lyric to say:

I believed in make believe and
Yes, we believed in make believe (for your last chorus).

My reasoning is that "into" sounds so contemporary like "I'm into skiing, or I'm into yoga". I think "believing in make believe" sounds so much more romantic and fits better.

Best,
Lynn
P.S. Maybe this verse below can help get rid of that whole divorce issue/verse since that word in this piece seems out of place:

You were my knight in shining armor,
As you rode that gallant horse,
And I'll remain your fairest maiden,
As our love has set it's course

Hi Terry,

Wow! Thanks for coming through with tons of suggestions! I love all the wonderful choices! Here's what I'm thinking:

1. I love the "earth" idea! I've made that change.
2. Thanks for trying to put back the "romance" line! Hee hee...I saw Ritt's response, went to have a second look at that line, and POOF! It was gone, followed by other good things that came and went in a flash! After e-mailing you about that romance and pleasant circumstance dragon line, I had another thought about it...

I see your point about the dragon line not being congruent, in a make-believe world, in the same way as the two lines above it are. I believe that that is what Ritt was saying to me too...that anything shouldn't "just go" -- even in this make-believe world. So, how about this, incorporating your elf image too:

You had me convinced the EARTH sproutED wings
That forests hold a secret dance
MADE ME THINK THAT DRAGONS RULED
AND ELVES WISHED ME WELL WITH A GLANCE

4. "Never" ending is great! I've used that!

5. About verse 2. I've used most of your suggestions, with this change to the well line and the diamond line...

You MADE me queen of the seven seas
PUREST ANGEL OF THE WELL
Your DAZZLING mermaid in crystal waves
Ringing A diamond-LADEN bell

6. Oops! I had forgotten about "crystal waves" from our Hopie song! I guess it's still okay to use here!

7. The caterpillar/butterfly tag is inspired! I'm using that! The funny thing is...in verse 1, line 1, I originally had "worms sprout wings," but changed it because "worms" seemed too earthy. And, besides, I thought that it's a little true to life, since caterpillars are worm-like, and they sprout wings. So, to see that you brought in the caterpillar thing...NEAT!!

Thank you for taking me up on my presumptuous e-mail request, requesting that you put this to music! I'm thrilled!!!

Lisa

Hi Ritt,

Thanks for interjecting here! Do you like diamond "laden"? I think that this might take the crustiness off of it? When I went back to look at what Terry had written in the dragon line about romance, it was gone! I e-mailed him about it, and it looks like he didn't keep that original line. But, I've made changes to that verse, using both the dragon, and the new elf idea that Terry introduced. I think that you two were saying the same thing about the old dragon line...that it was too unreal, even for a mythical, make-believe world. It simply took beating me over the head to finally get it! Thanks for picking up the club!

About the third verse...I don't wish to let it go, simply because I liked the realness that it introduced, and because, as I mentioned to Dan, it's my favorite verse! But, maybe that part, about marriages and divorces, is more bridge-like? Although, you don't think it belongs there at all. Dilemma! Terry's doing the music, so perhaps some new avenues will arise out of that.

Thanks, Ritt. I'm leaving here, head swimming...

Lisa

Hi Lisa,

Your attention to detail, tireless application of reason and stick-to-i-tiveness,
is a songwriter study in itself!
Thanks for your appreciativeness!!

You had me convinced, the earth had sprouted wings
That the forests held a SACRED dance
ON THE SHORES OF A POOL where MAJESTIC dragons rule
Where elves wished me well with a glance

You made me queen of the seven seas
KEEPER of the purest water wells
Your dazzling mermaid, in crystal waves
YOUR ANGEL RINGING diamond-laden bells

might be nice to highlight crystal?
brilliant crystal, blue crystal, azure,
delicate, sparkling,. . . something?

Your dazzling mermaid, in shimmering crystal waves

__________________________

I was down in L.A., making five thousand a day
And Elvis wished me well with a glance


Terry

Hi Lynn,

I definitely see your reasoning about "believing in make believe" sounding more elegant and romantic. Thank you for putting so much thought into that. It is an excellent suggestion! However, I think that I'm sort of wedded to "into make believe" for a few reasons. I like the casual feel of "into make believe" -- and the fact that it gives the feeling that I was into it for a time, but keeps the feeling open that I could, indeed, be into it again -- as the bridge suggests. If I said that "I believed" I feel like it's not as circular, not as easy to get in and out of. Like...it's harder to change a belief in something than to be "into" it for a time. Uh, I hope I'm making sense!

Also, I did a google search of both options, and there are already several "believed in make believe" out there, but nothing came up for "into make believe," when I originally googled that. So, that makes it more appealing!

Thank you for offering that very sweet verse! You're in good company about wanting to rid this lyric of that third verse, but I'm still stuck on it. Maybe once I let this sit for a while, I, too, will feel the urge to dump it! But for now...for whatever reason...it's still my favorite verse!

Thanks for your help and feedback on this! I'm so glad you liked it!

Lisa

Hi Lisa,

Being as you are enjoying the new slightly elongated lines, I thought
that this would afford us the opportunity to "soften" the impact or tone of the "divorce" verse while in the process of stretching line 3 musically.

VERSE 3

We frolicked in the sun of magical meadows
Two as one in horse-drawn carriage
Free of the past, in our rose-colored glasses
Seeing no divorces, only marriages

We frolicked in the sun of magical meadows
Two as one in unicorn-drawn carriages
Free of the past, in our rose-colored glasses
Saw no divorces, only marriages

Terry

Hi T

glad I'm not the one who has to pick...cool stuff!!!

Hi Ritt,

Thanks man!!
You're such a good writer, I thought, "Uh oh!" . . . when I saw your name!

T

Hi Terry,

I'm blown away by all of your cool changes! I love...sacred dance...shores of the pool where majestic dragons rule...all the changes to the second verse, where you made each line about a "being" (queen, keeper, mermaid, angel) -- much more romantic to be the keeper of the waters than to be the waters themselves! Also, you managed to bring back "ringing!" That makes me happy! Okay, back to the great stuff...frolicked in the sun...carriages/marriages...horse/divorces...ending that line with marriages....

WOW! I just have to say -- let's use it ALL! I've made the changes already, and am very excited about the music you're working on!!!

Lisa

P.S. For anyone who might be interested, I'll go ahead and post the original (pre-Terry) version here:

Into Make Believe - VERSION ONE
© 2007 by Lisa Gundling

You had me convinced the ground sprouts wings
That forests hold a secret dance
Made me think that dragons want
Their fire quenched by happenstance

Chorus
Yes I was into make believe
That happy ending called you and me
Feasting on slices of moon cheese pie
Refusing to wipe fairy dust from my eye
Yes I was into make believe

You called me queen of the seven seas
Purest water from the wells
Your mermaid in the crystal waves
Ringing diamond-studded bells

Chorus
Yes you were into make believe
That happy ending called you and me
Feasting on slices of moon cheese pie
Refusing to wipe fairy dust from your eye
Yes you were into make believe

We strolled through meadows filled with magic
Ran with unicorns, not horses
Wore our rose-colored glasses
Saw marriages, not divorces

Chorus
Yes we were into make believe
That happy ending called you and me
Feasting on slices of moon cheese pie
Refusing to wipe fairy dust from our eyes
Yes we were into make believe

Bridge
And darling if you can
Please make me believe again
That you are still my silver rooster
And I remain your golden hen

Chorus
Yes we were into make believe
That happy ending called you and me
Feasting on slices of moon cheese pie
Refusing to wipe fairy dust from our eyes
Yes we were into make believe

Hi Lisa,

You must be the queen in the song
I feel like I've just been knighted

Confession:
I snuck in and took the "S" of CARRIAGES
but the last line can still stay plural.

I like CARRIAGE too, for it's ancient meaning -- so it has a double meaning now.

ON SECOND THOUGHT. . . (typical Libra)

Let's stay with CARRIAGES -- I have a feeling you like it better too
and a weighty word like "marriages", especially being plural, needa all the help it can get.
Sufficient unto the line are the words therein.

Your servant,
Terry

Hi you two

might just be the mood of the moment, but every glance reads better to me. Just seems with all the plural words leading up to glance, that a glance seems a bit abrupt....???

Hey Ritt,

Something like ???

Elves held me spellbound with their glances

The elves casting spells with only glances

Elves granted my wishes with only glances

(The) elves wished me well with playful glances (mischievous)

Elves wished me well with mischievous glances

Time to hit the hay . . .
Thanks,
Terry

Morning Terry

door number four...no THE

singing this in a Hershel Bernardi fashion, with a strong pause between pool and majestic in the previous line, playful not only sings best, but matches well phonetically with believe in the first line of the chorus.

Hi Ritt,

Well big "DOH!" by me here. . . cause my diminutive co-writer has informed me
that what you meant was to simply add the word "every"-- I thought you were looking for a plural for "glance"; i.e., "glances"!

But . . . your fault too, cause in my late-night state, I needed to see:

"but EVERY GLANCE, reads better to me; or, "but 'EVERY glance', reads better. . ."
and like that.

I'll try the playful line on for size, but now that I know what you meant, I do LIKE this!

Elves wished me well, with every glance

or: with every playful glance.

Musically, there IS a distinct pause (one or two beats) between POOL and MAJESTIC.

Thanks,
Terry