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The lyrics to my song has qualified to be judged for the semi-final round of the International Songwriting Competition.
here's the link to the tune:
www.betarecords.com/player.php?songid=99512

It's a little rough since it is my first attempt at a song. I hope that someone out there can do it right and gig it.

Whaddya' think?

Here's the lyrics:

I Wanna Be a Jetson

I wanna be a Jetson
and live a life of leisure
but I got the latest upgrade
and it's giving me a seizure
Twice as much in half the time
I should be out relaxing
but my heartrate keeps increasing
from all this multi-tasking

I wanna be a Jetson
and compute without confusion
but the learning curve's so twisted
Always looking for solutions
The online manual's printed
but it isn't up to date
I'm goin' broke refillin' ink
and buying paper by the crate

Computerize, dehumanize
Phone in your face
Tech is takin' over
Gotta save the human race
Just find the plug
and give it a tug
and stop this endless chase
The eggheads didn't realize
that we might lose our place

We are all connected
but no one can be reached
We all want information
Please record after the beep
Your call is very important
Hold to keep priority
Always rapped at by a robot
Can't a human answer me

These newborn ultra gizmos
are on sale at all the malls
We've got to go and buy them
'cuz they've got us by the balls
Corporations hook the masses
on these crutches they've created
Obsolescense fills their cashes
'cuz they're constantly upgraded

We spend time and big bucks
on Technology that sucks
We spend time and big bucks
on Technology that sucks
We spend time and big bucks
on Technology that sucks
We spend time and big bucks
on Technology that sucks

I wanna be a Jetson
and fly to work through space
'cuz gridlock's got me edgy
I got rage on my face
My motor's burnin' fuel
that's short in supply
While the polar ice is melting
from the carbon in the sky

Nothin' seems to work right
like the Jetsons said it would
I'm a slave to my computer
Life's not goin' like it should
I got carpal tunnel syndrome
and a virus in the mail
my identity's been stolen
and I may end up in jail

Computerize, dehumanize
Phone in your face
Tech is takin' over
Gotta save the human race
Just find the plug
and give it a tug
and stop this endless chase
The eggheads didn't realize
that we might lose our place

Come on now Mr. Jetson
I wish I had your knowledge
Put it in a time machine
and beam it to a college
There it could be studied
and Mankind could prevail
Seamless, flawless automation
The Digital Holy Grail

The End

Me too.

I want a robot dog that I don't have to walk and that won't chew up the sofa. And, frankly, back when I was a teenager I thought that by about 1980 or so we'd have anti-gravity cars and dress like the guys in the future in the Superman comic books.

Technology was supposed to make life better. It did. It made life better for the people who invented it and sell it.

I like the track. Nice programming and use of the guitars. It's a little long. Nice verse about the carpal tunel and the virus in the mail.

I'd put in a chorus with a lot of space in it to just groove on the music. "I want to be a Jetson...............I want to be a Jetson..................." Maybe some harmonies like the Talking Heads use...you could even put more of a "theatrical" vocal delivery in like them.

Good idea. Good work.

Mike

Thanks Mike. Definitely gotta do something with the vocals and I'm with you on the grooving chorus. Much appreciated!

Hey Zubonzo:

I listened to this earlier but didn't have time to comment.

Really enjoyed this. Clever writing!

I did think it was a little too long - I'd maybe consider dropping the verse with global warming in it. Everything else seems to be about hi-tech, so this one's kind of out there on its own. Definitely worthy of a song - maybe just a different one.

Best of luck in the contest - really amazing that this is your first lyric!

Scott

This is long, but it was so damn cute that it didn't seem too long. Very Devoish. I can picture those guys doing this with their flower pot hats with a Jetson cartoon playing in the background.

Thanks for sharing.

Rick

Hi Zub..I remember reading this before and liking it a lot! Good for you it's qualified for the contest. No room for changes I suppose at this point? I just thought this was a mouthful:

The online manual's printed

My speakers are gone so I couldn't listen..probably sounds good...Best Wishes! Linda

This has real potential.

There are some lines that the meter is off. Such as...

just find the plug
and give it a tug

and...

Your call is very important

Like, one too many syllables. Screws up the flow.

I think the song is too long. I would delete more than once verse, actually. I'd have a catchy chorus that repeats at least once.

The groove is awesome and the song is, overall, well-written.

P.S. A concern is "The Jetsons," since that was like 40 years ago. The current generation, I don't even know if they would know what it is but maybe they would, maybe The Jetsons are still promoted some? I have no idea. Whatever, the word "jetsons" would need to be enunciated clearly.

Zubonzo-- This is a real "club" song....way too long though...it does have a great groove....good luck in the contest...t-bob

Thanks for taking the time to check out my song and for your inspiration.
I am a newbie at this , so please excuse the dumb question, but what do you mean by "meter"?

I'd suggest buying some songwriting books. Or see what your library has. The best, to me, is "Craft And Business Of Songwriting" or something like that, by John Braheny.

Meter article is here. It is about poetry but there is probably some stuff in there that is applicable.

You can think of it as the cadence of the words. You can't cram too many syllables into a phrase, else it is rushed... it's not rhythmic.

"Meter" --
1. Music.
a. the rhythmic element as measured by division into parts of equal time value.
b. the unit of measurement, in terms of number of beats, adopted for a given piece of music. Compare measure (def. 14).
2. Prosody.
a. poetic measure; arrangement of words in regularly measured, patterned, or rhythmic lines or verses.
b. a particular form of such arrangement, depending on either the kind or the number of feet constituting the verse or both rhythmic kind and number of feet (usually used in combination): pentameter; dactylic meter; iambic trimeter.

For a song contest, I would think you would need to shorten this and then to have a very compelling chorus. It's a great read just the way it is but as a song, I think you need some modifications including identifying a more compelling hook. I can't listen on this workstation so I don't know yet what you came up with so far. If you ever do a music video, you should have an easy time of it- just check out a few jetson cartoons and edit in some scenes. You probably could get away with that on YouTube.

This sounds a bit Wierd Al and he could probably get all the verses in in under 4 minutes.

Oh, and for my recommendation for a songwriter's book, my favorite is Jimmy Webb's "Tune*smith-inside the art of songwriting". It is a good combination of a discussion of the art followed by a very technical and practical section, written by someone who has had many hits including "Witcha Lineman" and "By the time I get to Phoenix".

Thanks Bob! I also have a "House" version for the groovin' club crowd. I've taken out the vocals and about 80% of the guitar. If you like that kinda groove, check it out and let me know if you think it works.

www.betarecords.com/player.php?songid=100401

Thanks,
Zub