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A quick post before I head back to work. Is this too hoaky?? Thanks in advance!


I Was There

© 2007 Alan D. David, BMI
All Rights Reserved

(v1)
The first time that you spoke to God
When you kneeled and looked to Heaven
I was there, if you recall
Hymn number one-eleven

(v2)
When at last you said “I do”
Hearts now one, that once were two
I was there, if you recall
The organ playing just for you

(Chorus)
Yes, I was there, I saw it all
Every step and every fall
Every virtue and every vice
I’m the soundtrack of your life

(v3)
When times got rough, as they often do
And you couldn’t find your way
I was there, if you recall
Just two quarters for a play

(v4)
One by one they passed by you
Tears falling down their face
I was there, if you recall
That was me…Amazing Grace

(Bridge)
A song for every place and time
I sang your life and made it rhyme

Repeat Chorus

Morning Al, my kind of lyric this one, simple and economic wording. I like it a lot...not sure that "warmth and ice" is conversational enough to fit the rest of the song. As I try to get back into some serious critiquing, I find that quite often one line in a good lyric will stop me cold but sometimes that line is the one others love the most. So it's just my very humble opinion. "Through joy and strife"??? You seem to be on a roll at the moment, keep it going my friend. Cheers, Judy

Hi Judy!

Hope you are having a nice summer. We are having a very mild winter here in Missouri. Glad you liked this one. And yes, it is veru economical on wordage. I, too, am less than thrilled with the warmth/ice line myself. Just couldn't find anything better. I appreciate your offering. But, I have been scolded, whipped and threatened to have my children banned from Earth if I ever use the word "strife" in a lyric. So, I probably will shy away from that word. But it is so kind of you to offer. We'll see what everybody else thinks. But, if you come up with something else that is better than what I have, please get back to mne with it! Talk to ya later!

Alan

Hi Alan

This reads real easily and has a nice flow to it. You make this sound easy, but I'll bet your muse has been mulling it over for a spell. Nice writing. Good luck with it. : ) jm

Alan,

You're just crankin' 'em out now my friend! Nice one. I do think I like the "joy & strife" sug better. It seems to fit. I only have a moment...family night & all...so I thought I'd just drop a line.

Keep at it!


Bree

jm,

Thanks so much for the look and the comments. I appreciate your kindness. Actually, I started working on this early last week. After giving it about 2 hours, collectively, of attention and not getting it any better, I put it aside until yesterday. I titghtened it up and what you see it was I did to it. Glad you like it! Thanks for saying so.

Alan

This is nice, Alan. Judy pointed out the only thing that bothered me about the lyric. Revamp that chorus line and you've got a winner - with the right tune of course. Good luck with it!

Corey

Bree,

And thank you, too, for your sweet comments. You are always so kind. I also like the "strife" suggestion. But the time I previously used "strife" as a rhyme, the entire world (well...almost) told me to never do that. So, I took that advice. Maybe this is an exception?

Thanks again. And, your son did a "GREAT" job on his song.

Alan

Hi Alan,
As a rule I don't like songs about songs, or songs about writing songs, or songs about singing songs but I have to say this is one of the few for which I'm gonna have to make an exception. " The soundtrack of your life", what a beautiful concept. Wish I'd thought of that one.
Rick

Corey,

Went back and edited that line. Is it any better now? Seems to me that it might be. Appreciate your nice words about this one.

Alan

Rick,

Thanks so much for the visit. You are becoming Mr. Ubiquity around JPF! I always enjoy your visits and helpful observations.

I an honored that yiou nmake such an exception for my song. I was sitting in the lounge of one my customers' workplaces. The piped in music was mostly 60's and 70's rock. I overheard someone say "Man, that song is singing my life". Unfortunatey, I do not recall what song was playing now. I'm not sure but it might have been "Drift Away" by Doby Gray. I got to thinking about what the guy had said as I drove home. This is the product of that process.

Thanks again for your kindness and thoughfulness!

Alan

Hey Judy, jm, Corey, Bree & Rick (I think that's everybody so far)...I've rdone that "warmth/ice" line. Is it better now? Let me know, okay? Thanks!

Alan

How about "Every virtue, every vice". be back later.
Cheers, Judy

Judy!

Hi there sweet lady! I think you got it right! That's a great great replacement line. I'm gonna stel it if ya don't mind. Thank you so much for the suggestion! It's perfect!!!!!

Your day is just starting...mine is about to end. I'm gonna make that change and then head off to bed. Thanks again!!!!

Alan

Judy,

Had to take a couple ofr seconds before I went to bed to tell you that I went up to the lyric and made the change you suggested. It looks and reads SO MUCH BETTER now. I can't thank you enough! So please accept a simple and very sincere "Thanks a bunch"!

Alan

Alan,
You rascal, this is cute, fun and oh so true to life. The only thing I would change is the title "The Soundtrack of Your Life".
John

Al...thanks for the thanks and glad you liked the suggestion. It came to me when I was working away today (thus the really short post). That's what happens with me when I think and think and think (dangerous I know) about a lyric that I really like and just for my own satisfaction come up with something I'M happy with. That doesn't mean that the writer has to think it's better but it's good practice for me. So often I hear top 30 songs on country radio, or see the videos on cable and I think to myself - why that line - would be so much better with my line!!!! But I don't have any songs on the radio .....LOL. Anyway, let me know when I can hear this one. It's 10 pm down here, nearly bed time. Cheers, Judy

John,

Glad you liked this one. When I overheard that conversation that I mentioned in my reply to Rick (argo), this lyric started writing itself before I was out the door.

And, ya know, I too had strongly considered "The Soundtrack Of Your Life" as a title. But, the several people here in the neighborhood who read the lyric kept referring to it as "I Was There, If You Recall". If it's catchy enough that they always remembered it by that line, I felt heck...use that as the title. At least they'll remember that much of it!

Thanks again for looking and commenting. I do appreciate it!

Alan

Alan,
I have to agree with John on The title. I did not read it to begin with, and once I got to the Chorus, I had to scroll back up to see the actual title. But you have to go with your instincts.
Good call on going with Judy's sug.
You have a great concept, and it's very easy to read. Best of luck with it!

Melissa

Hi Melissa!

Glad you liked the song. I appreciate you taking the time to tell me.

Regarding the title, I would be fine with "The Soundtrack Of Your Life". That was actually my first option. But, the several folks here in the neighborhood who looked at the lyrics all said "I Was There". Maybe they were a little off base, eh? Let me see what others say. I have no problem at all changing the title on this one.

And I kind of like the concept, too! My wife and I have said several times, as we were watching a movie or a program on TV, "That's what's missing in our lives...there's no soundtrack!"

Thanks for the kind words and the title suggestion.

Alan

You're welcome, Alan. It is easy to say nice thing about a nice lyric!

Have a great day!
Melissa

Would anybody else like to vote one way or the other on the title to this lyric? I am not married to the title that is working right now. Should I keep it "I Was There" or change it to "The Soundtrack Of Your Life"? I am open to either. Thanks in advance!

Alan

Hi Alan

I do remember a singer/songwriter with her debut album title track "The Soundtrack of MY Life" Kim....her last name escapes me...not well known at all, it just sticks in my mind 'cause there was a song I liked called 'Nobody Loves You When You're Desperate". But I would vote for what you have because of the simplicity of it anyway. Just my spin. jm

Hi again Alan,
I'm voting for "I Was There". Like I said 'soundtrack' is a beautiful concept but in this the music is doing the talking. It doesn't seem right to then title it in the 3rd person when it is the first person "I" that is doing most of the talking. Just my thoughts on the matter.
Rick
Ps.
I do have the luxury of being able to look in on these boards at different times throughout the day and genuinely enjoy reading other peoples stuff. So if I can help someone with a turn of phrase or even an objective viewpoint it's a plus for me because I'm learning so much at the same time.
Hence the ubiquitousness.

When times got rough, as they often do
And you couldn’t find your way
I was there, if you recall
Just two quarters for a play

A jukebox, playing songs that helped you through the hard times, right?

jm,

Hi Joice. Ya know, you are the first Joice I've "met" he spells her name with an "i" instead of a "y". But, of course, you are unique and special, so you deserve your own spelling!

Thanks for the vote on "I Was There". It's looking more and more like i will keep thast title. Thanks again!

Alan

Rick,

You are such a wise and observant man! I think you have convinced me to keep the title as is. Your explanation makes terrific sense. I had never thought of it in that manner. Thank you so much.

I get around the site a bit...mostly the lyrics forums, songwriters' forum, and music theroy forum. I donlt know a danged thing about music theory...but I plasy a pretty mean lead guitar in spite of myself and my ignorance. I can't remember who said it first, but it went something like this: "I don't 'splain it, i just do it!".

At the expense of sounding braggardly, I am an accomplished guitarist and play pretty decent bass and some keyboards. And I honestly know almost nothing about music theory. Mike Dunbar just amazes me with his knowledge. And he is so casual and laid back about it. You should hear the man play and do arrangements..he's killer! So, I hang out on the teory forum a bit, hoping to understand why those things I do instictively work the way they do.

I have always appreciated the keen and constructive suggestions you have offered me and many other writers. Thank you very much!

Alan

Shayne,

You are a bright and insightful young man! Our new Gold Star winner! In all seriousness, I wonder if anyone outside the country music crowd would know that. Since this is written for the country crowd, I guess it really doesn't matter. But still, I wonder. Thanks for the visit, Shayne. And keep on critiquing my lyrics/songs. You do a very good job of it. I may not always use your suggestions (although I often do), but they are greatly appreciated either way.

Alan

Since it's for the country crowd, I think they'll know.

You're probably right about that, Shane. And thanks again for all the in-depth critiques uyou give me. Will massage that one line we talked about either this evening or tomorrow.

Alan

Alan! The country crowd are the only ones that know about a jukebox? You're all kidding right? I guess it's all where you live what selections are placed in the box...we even have them in our Pizza Hut restaurants with a country tune or two..mostly rock in our pahts of the world! I do love your song here...you never had to mention the word "music"! I love that! Take Care, Linda

Hi Alan,

This is just...very pretty and lovely! A sweet one that makes me smile!

I had a random thought about your ending. I thought it would be nice to make it somehow come full circle -- the singer did so much, was always there, for his mate, and so I wanted to hear that it was mutual. So something to the effect of...I sang your life, YOU MADE MINE rhyme.

Lisa

You asked if this is hoaky? No, it's Okee-do-kee!

I like it. It made me think of how myself and I'm sure lots of others connect a certain song w/a certain time or event in their life. Sometimes that song can cover a period of time in our lives that spans an entire phase so to speak. These specific songs historically mark key moments of our lives and so they become very special all the more so as time passes. Oh, I better quit while I'm ahead, I'm sounding too philosophical.

Best,
Lynn
(p.s. thanks for not taking my gold star away)

Linda,

Hi! Thanks so much for stopping in to look at this one. Around here, about the only place you'll find a juke box is in a country bar. In the venues other than country, it's mostly canned music playng, or a DJ sat up in a corner. Of course the other folks know what a juke box is, in most cases, but I am not sure that they would grasp the meaning of that line.

I am most pleased that you like this one. I still haven't put any music to it, yet. It will probably be a little while before I get to that. Regarding the lack of the word "music" in the lyric...that was intentional. Being so abrupt with that word would take away the small bit of mystery that I think the lyrics initially evoke. Glad you agree. Take car, yourtself!

Alan

Hi Lisa!

Hope all is well in Maryland. We are doing okay here in St. Louis.

I am just delighted that you enjoyed this one. I will gladly accept "sweet" as a description. However, you missed one significant point...the song is not "sung" by the the "singer". It is the music...the soundtrack of his life...that is "talking to him...reminding him that there was always background or upfront music at the more important times of his life and how important that music was to his life events, even though he may not have been aware of it. Just wanted to clarify that!

But, very glad it appealed to you, none-the-less. Take care...hope your weekend is full of fun.

Alan

Lynn,

Don't worry...I will not recall your Gold Star! It is yours to keep and proudly display at all appropriate times.

Thank you for your very kind words in support of this lyric. I fully agree with your assessment of the lyrics...couldn't have said it better, myself. And, philosophical works for me!

Again, thank you. Hope you have a really great weekend!

Alan

Hi Alan,

Oh! Duh on me! I was thinking that this was you, and your life with Helen. Since you're a musician, I was thinking that you were talking about how you chronicled all the parts of her life with you through music. Like...you've had a song for her every step of the way!

I'm sorry for my dense confusion!

Lisa

Hi Alan

Haven't read any comments, so here goes nothing...first verse didn't mo0ve me, seemed like ok what do i say/write now, but the rest is A+ material, now I don't know what hymn one eleven is, if it's a wedding hymnal then I stand corrected....

Hi Alan, your craft has really shone through lately. I can't even believe you could ask if this is hoaky. I love V4! It's amazing, no pun intended. I really think this is simple and lovely and will speak to many.

The only question I have (and I haven't read the other replies, so you may have adressed this already) Do they play "Amazing Grace" at weddings. I suppose they do, huh?

Anyway, your ever-evolving talent and intuition is nothing short of incredible! Keep doing what your doing, eating what you're eating, drinking what you're drinking, cause whatever you're doing, IS WORKING!!

Love ya,
Tink

Lisa,

You are anything but dense. I am guessing that this one simply "spoke" to you a little differently than it did to some of the others. There's nothing wrong with that. I appreciate you looking and speaking kindly of it, though! Jope your week end is really nice. We have half an inch of ice all over everything. All the trees, bushes and grass look like they are made of crystal! It is actually very pretty...but cold!

Alan

Ritt,

Thanks for looking in. Appreciate your comments, as always. Hymn number one-eleven is simply a generic reference to any hymn that may have been sung by the congregation the first time the subject of the lyrics went to church. Its significance is that it is the first musical piece to play on his life's soundtrack once he found religion. Pick a hymn of choice..it really doesn't matter. It is a metaphoric reference.

And thank ya kindly for the "A+" on the rest of it. Maybe I made the Honor Roll this quarter? i was going to be a smart butt and say "That would be a first!"; but, actually, I was a pretty good student. Academia and I get along pretty nicely for the most part.

Thanks for kind comments.

Alan

TINK!

Hi Cindy! I always enjoy your visits so much. maybe it's because you are always so nice. You always find the good lines in my various lyrcis...even when the overall piece may be less than stellar. Now, I am not sure that this one is stellar...but I do think it is at least decent. And I am totally delighted that you think this one shines through a little bit. The most difficult aspect of writing this one was to keep it simple, don't over-explain but get the nessage across. I think I may have accomplished that. Hope so, anyway!

(1) What I have been doing....spending considerably more time with Helen and hanging around JPF alittle more than I had been recently. I am over on the Songwriters' Forum quite a bit these days...as time permits.

(2) What I have been eating....lots and lots of the really hot jalepeno peppers. You know, the ones you cannot open without a special certificat from the Fire Dept.

(3) What I have been drinking....way too much Dr. Pepper and an occassional straight shot of Bacardi Rum...it's great for clearing the vocal chords before recording!

Do they play "Amazing Grace" at weddings? If so, I've never heard it. But there are many things I have never heard. I have only heard it played in church and at funerals. In my lyric, of course, it is at his funeral.

It warms my heart when you say such nice things about my writing. Thank you for your kindness, but, there is a lot of reciprocity here as well. I have told you before on a couple of occasions...anytime I need inspiration to get my writing back on track, I simply go back in the archives and dig up a TINK lyric. I have always been fond of "I Touched You Last". It's one of your very best.

Tomorrow I have to go look at a few other lyrics by some of the other lyricists. I have had but enough time to reply to my own threads the past week or so. So, I need to go comment on some other folks' songs...including the one I saw that you just put up yesterday. Haven't looked at it yet...can't wait, though!

Luv ya, too!

Alan