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IRAN
by Fdemetrio - 04/15/26 12:27 PM
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PETE
by Fdemetrio - 04/14/26 06:57 AM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 387
Serious Contributor
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 387 |
The Wrong Side Of Goodbye GJ Shades 2001
Without you I've found a new place to stay Where brightest rays of sunshine Can't stop the rain And there's a pool too deep to measure Reflecting angry sky Where the promise of forever Is drowned in endless lies
It's just a little south of heartbreak Along the road to lonely nights Beyond the pool of tears You'll find me living here On the wrong side of goodbye
Without you There's a place where flowers won't grow And the warmest August evenings Never felt so cold Where memories bring the lightning And thunder shakes the walls But the people here don't worry They don't seem to feel at all
It's just a little south of heartbreak Along the road to lonely nights Beyond the pool of tears You'll find me living here On the wrong side of goodbye
But don't you worry about me Don't you think I won't be strong I'll get by Don't you worry about me Don't you think I can't go on I'll be fine
Just a little south of heartbreak Along the road to lonely nights Beyond the pool of tears I'll be waiting for you here On the wrong side of goodbye
Last edited by GJShades; 12/26/06 12:30 AM.
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 3,279
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Hi GL, Nice job on a well worn subject. Personally I'd rather hear the guy address the listener. Addressing her and ending with "I'll be waiting here" makes him look kinda hopeless to me????? Enjoyed the read and good luck  Bill
Drop by and listen to.. My Music ..when you have a chance.
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,339 Likes: 6
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Hello GL. Liked the flow of this one and the 'familiar' ring of a sad country melody. Tried and true.
Good Job!
Douglas
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
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Hi G J, welcome back. It's been a while. I remember you write a good deal like I do sometimes, only better. I like your song . The C is really good IMO. 'Bout the only nit I can see is this line ---------- "There's a place where flowers won't grow" It seems a bit long to fit and then it has "place" in it again. You may have wanted it to reinforce the place thing. It seems to be the same place. Possibility of "In my new home" or something instead of "There's a place" Possibility that "where" could be cut out Well, had to find "something" to nit <G>. Good job as usual Wy
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Joined: Jul 2005
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Fields once flush with flowers won't grow
Good writing, though it's hard to be fresh on this, you knocked out some good lines. Ben
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Joined: Apr 2002
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Hey GJ, Enjoyed the read.
Favorite lines:
I've found a new place to stay Where brightest rays of sunshine Can't stop the rain And there's a pool to deep to measure Reflecting angry sky
Along the road to lonely nights Beyond the pool of tears
There's a place where flowers won't grow
Where memories bring the lightning And thunder shakes the walls
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
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Hi GJ... Very nice seeing you here again.. I thought this excellent. The lyric was very expressive..and I love how it was broken up so well from verse, chorus..and bridge. I heard skies rather than sky..., but just a personal preference thing. & typo (too) deep. best to you.... Kaley
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Hi Bill, Actually that changed line in the last chorus is meant to suggest that the singer wants the subject of the song to experience what it feels like to get dumped and find his/herself on the wrong side of goodbye.
Your comment will make me re-think if it works...so thanks. GJ
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Thanks Doug, I appreciate your comment....But this is actually a Rap song...(I'm teasin'  ) GJ
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Hi Wy, It was nice to see you still hanging out here. I was hoping you might find some time to take a look at this. You're right about the one line...it is a tight squeeze. And I will indeed consider your other comment...I see exactly what you mean. Thanks.
GJ
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Hi Ben, Thanks alot for your comment and suggestion for that line. My first thought was that your change might make the line a bit too flowery (yeah...pun intended  ), but I'll give it a try and see how it sounds. GJ 
Last edited by GJShades; 12/26/06 12:56 AM.
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Thanks for the reply shayne. It's nice to get some confirmation of specific lines that work. GJ
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Nice to see you too Kaley. Hope you're having a nice Christmas. I did actually bounce back and forth on the sky/skies thing. Skies is the better rhyme. I think I must have been feeling more poetic when I settled on sky... I'm not sure  . Thanks for Commenting. And thanks for pointing out that presentation flaw too. GJ 
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