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My Cocoon (Crysalis) by joice marie 10/ 2006

Been spinning my silks
Been spending my days
Searching my soul
For a better way

chorus
In contemplation
of expectations
I’m hiding in my cocoon
I’ll spread my powdered wings
real soon

Been looking for ways
To be in this world
Life can be tough
On A lonely girl

chorus
In contemplation
of expectations
I’m hiding in my cocoon
I’ll spread my powdered wings
real soon

Beauty grows inside
Shades of blue love
Waiting to fly
When I’m strong enough

chorus
In contemplation
of expectations
I’m hiding in my cocoon
I’ll spread my powdered wings
real soon

Bridge
A time will come
Just around the bend
When a LUNA MOTH (butterfly)
Will emerge and ascend
To the sky
Maybe I....am

chorus
In contemplation
of expectations
I’m GROWING in my cocoon
I’ll spread my powdered wings
real soon

[This message has been edited by joice marie (edited 10-02-2006).]

[This message has been edited by joice marie (edited 10-03-2006).]

Hi Joice,
Uplifting number you got going on here. Powdered wings is a hard way to go to get to delicate , fragile etc. I was thinking powdery , but then , maybe silky would work just fine. Also , in the last chorus :
I'm growing in my cocoon
Cocoons are cool!
Your friend,
Pete

Hi Ms. Joice Marie,

I was also having a hard time visualizing powdery wings. Think Pete has a great idea with the "silky" suggestion.

And, like Pete, I've always loved the cocoon and butterfly metaphore. Long time ago someone told me my name meant butterfly. Well, I'm gonna claim that promise as I keep spinnin away!

Blue love had me a little confused. I guess I've never thought of love as blue before. Maybe it's me though.


"Been spending my days
SPINNING MY Wheels
Searching my soul
For a better DEAL"

Forgive me for messing with the verse above. It seemed to be stated backwards from what I'd expect. Again, it may just be me. I'm not suggesting at all that my line fixes anything cuz it ruins your rhyme. Just trying to show how the arrangement of thought process might flow differently there.

Love the hope and faith expressed in the chorus. Might consider making it a bit more hopeful and determined by replacing "maybe". I want the singer to "know" she's gonna fly one day---in vibrant beautiful colors! There I go again! Gettin' carried away and it's not even my song!

Hope any of this is helpful. If not, discard in the nearest receptacle.

rd



[This message has been edited by royaldghtr (edited 10-01-2006).]

Hi There Pete !

How are you enjoying this wet sunday? Well maybe yours isn't quite so wet. Thanks for checking this little number out. To be truthful, I'm not ready to give up powdered quite yet, but I give it some thought. Silky is quite nice mind you, but because I open with spinning silk, I did not want to repeat. I also like growing in the end so I'll probably take you up on that thought there. Thank you kindly my friend. jm

Hi Vanessa

Thanks for your visit and thinking this through with me. I like the way you critique its like thinking alongside the person. As I said to Pete above I'm not ready to give up on powdered. The powder scales of color pigment are what allow a butterfly to fly and give them an irridescent quality.

As far as the line switch, I can see it working your way as well as mine. 'spending days searching' makes sense too...and I wanted to open with the 'spinning silk' because I believe it is more catchy. Don't mind you messing with it at all though, this is why we post, yes?

I'm considering your thought on 'maybe'. The one in the bridge surely can go. In my mind the other leads into the chorus 'maybe I am in contemplation' not maybe I will fly, which I believed was a given. Glad you've pointed to some questions. Thanks so much for your time. jm

PS Oops forgot to mention the blue love...lost love to me is blue love

[This message has been edited by joice marie (edited 10-01-2006).]

Hi Joice,

Can I vote ?
I think you should keep powdered.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Good Morning Calvin

Well your kind vote and opinion is Always welcome. Thank you very much jm

Hi Joice

I like the butterfly analogy, and another vote for powdered!

here's an old beach boys lyric, sometimes it's amazing how simplicity, can be turned into hits, if you haven't heard the song it's a really slow ballad.

In My Room
Linda Ronstadt
(Brian Wilson, Gary Usher)

There's a world where I can go
and tell my secrets to
In my room
In my room

In this world I lock out
all my worries and my fears
In my room
In my room

Do my dreaming and my scheming lie awake and pray
Do my crying and my sighing laugh at yesterday

Now it's dark and I'm alone
but I won't be afraid
In my room
In my room

Very nice! I like the subject.

I find the word "powdered" out of place because of the science. While still inside the cocoon, the wings are wrapped around the pupa and are very moist and supple (they actually are formed under the caterpillar's skin first). Dry and powdered is after they emerge and let their wings dry and pump blood into them...

Butterflies and moths go through the same kind of metamorphosis, but butterflies don't form a cocoon. Only moths do (some don't, there are some that form underground instead). All butterflies form a chrysalis, not a cocoon. So most moths do their pupa stage in a cocoon, all butterflies do theirs in a chrysalis.

=Bob=

Because this is really about a human, I was going to suggest:
I'll shed translucent wings real soon.



------------------
"Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most."~~Bob Dylan

www.giddygirlmusicpublishing.com

Hi Rittman

Yet another wonderful song that has slipped off my radar. I'm thinking that I may have heard a Beach Boys version of that but not a Linda R....so I'll try to get a listen to it soon. Thanks for the vote on the powdered. I'm still keeping it so far in spite of the growing number of questioners.... see answer to Bob following. Thanks for your inspirational links and info. I appreciate the help. jm

Hi Bob


Thanks for your visit. Sooooo science is getting in the way of my muse???? Well I just looked at the monarch and of course you are Right, it is called crysalis not cocoon. Then my creature must be a moth. So I read the silkworm moth does not fly, that's not good. The luna moth is pretty and does so I'm going to try that on.

Now back to the 'powdered' thing... I still think I'm okay with is since it is 'I'LL" I WILL" in the future spread my powdered wings....

I’m hiding in my cocoon
I’ll spread my powdered wings
real soon

So of course, I will continue to give this thought....could call it My Crysalis tooo. I so appreciate your thoughtful science help. I'd like to be accurate and creative too. jm


[This message has been edited by joice marie (edited 10-02-2006).]

Hi Tricia

Thanks for your visit and giving me another word to contemplate...and it is a good one to consider...sometimes I have to let these kind of choices gestate a bit. jm

Joice,
It seems to me to only look like powder after some careless human tried to pick it up by the wings , until then it looks more like velvet or velveteen (not that familiar with the second one , intuits like minivelvet)
Still Friends,
Pete

Well Pete

Thanks for sticking with this....of course I'm still contemplating, but scientist , children, and I think most adults know what I'm talking about...here's a link
of interest. Thanks : ) jm

Sorry Pete- When I tried the link it made you search, so here's the content of the page.


Re: Why are moths so hairy and powdery and butterflies not?
Area: Zoology
Posted By: Bob Johnson, staff programmer, Insect Acoustics Laboratory, USDA ARS MAVE Research Center
Date: Wed Oct 1 17:23:57 1997
Area of science: Zoology
ID: 874070972.Zo
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Message:


Well, the short answer is "that's what makes them moths". If they were exactly like butterflies, they would be butterflies. But you probably want a better answer than that.

Both moths and butterflies have very tiny scales on their wings. They're sort of like the scales on fish, but much smaller; so small that they seem like a fine powder. The size and shape of the scales varies depending on the species, so some of them seem "fuzzier" than others. The scales are made of very thin layers of chitin, which is the same material that the outer shells of insects are made of. The reflection and refraction of light within those layers is what produces the iridescent colors seen on some butterflies. It works the same way that the thin walls of a soap bubble create iridescent colors.

I'm not sure why moths are hairy (most, but not all moths have "hair" on their bodies). Since moths tend to be active at night, and butterflies in the daytime, it may be that the hair helps keep moths warmer at night. It isn't really hair like humans have: it's made of the same thing that wing scales are made of. They're just shaped differently.

These scales do several useful things (aside from making them pretty). The hairs on moths may also provide some of the same benefits:

They help regulate a butterfly's body temperature by either absorbing or reflecting sunlight, depending on the angle the wings are turned to the sun.

They provide protection from the environment: for example, although butterflies and moths aren't completely waterproof, the scales do tend to repel water so that a butterfly can fly through the sprinkler in your yard without getting its wings waterlogged.

The scales also help protect them from predators by making the wings real slippery and hard to hold. If you touch a butterfly's wings, they feel real soft and slippery, like they are coated with talcum powder (actually, it feels even more soft and slippery). Since the scales are loosely attached, they come off easily and act just like talcum powder does to lubricate the wings. This makes it real hard, for example, for a spider to catch a butterfly in its web. The scales stick to the web, but the butterfly slides off and flies away. Spiders that specialize in catching moths and butterflies have webs that are specially designed to deal with this. For example, they might be funnel shaped so that the butterfly slides down into the funnel and is trapped.

Moths also usually have antennae that are more feathery than those of butterflies. Again, I'm not sure why, but since the antennae are what moths and butterflies use to smell with (this was the topic of another recent question), it suggests that moths use their sense of smell more than butterflies do, so they have a more developed "nose".

You might realize by now that this question doesn't have a simple answer. In fact, there are entomologists who specialize in figuring out exactly what the scales and hairs do on various species of moths and butterflies: they are still figuring out the details of the answer!

You can probably find out a lot more than you ever wanted to know about butterflies and moths (entomologists group them together and call them "lepidoptera") at Gordon Ramel's Entomology pages; there is a University of Kentucky Extension Service page that suggests classroom activities relating to insect wings; and the University of Florida has a good collection of Resources for Teaching Entomology that might point you at more answers to your question.

_________________

"Chitin" is pronounced like adding an "n" to the word "kite", at least in American english. I've been told that they pronounce it differently in England.


[This message has been edited by joice marie (edited 10-02-2006).]

Joice,
File not found Error # 404 , if you followed an outside link to get here try the madscience search engine...
Pete
edit: Thank You Joice , very informative , bugs are such complicated critters...
Pete

[This message has been edited by TheGuyWhowouldn'tSignHisN (edited 10-02-2006).]

sorry look again petey

[This message has been edited by joice marie (edited 10-09-2006).]

Thanks again , Joice,
Now , you got me wondering if the "hairs" on moths aren't like the cones or rods in our eyes , they do seem to home in on porchlights...
Pete

Melody is the complete key to this, I think, JM. Only thing I don't care for is "powdered wings". Makes me feel like gasping for air...the thought of when those wings start flapping...like being in a chalky duststorm!
Ben

Hi jm,

Well, this makes twice that I have disagreed with Ben in less than 2 weeks. Could that indicate the onset of the demise of my critiquing skills? Oh no....!

I like "powdered"...I like it a lot. If this were my lyric, I would would hold tight to that word. Can't find anything to nit that hasn't been said already. So, I guess you're just gonna have to settle for a simple "nicely done".

Alan

------------------
If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Don't take more than your love can buy,
Don't live faster than your angel can fly...
Hal Ketchum

Alan on Soundclick

Alan's Web Site

[This message has been edited by sideman66 (edited 10-02-2006).]

[This message has been edited by sideman66 (edited 10-02-2006).]

HiDee Mz Gem!

I'd vote for "Glistening" Wings. Internal Rhyme/Better Imagery.

Why? Waal..IF ya extrapolate "Powdered" to "Lady" whatdya get? "Made-UP"--

AND the Overall Analogy is this is An Emergent GAL.

"Glistening" hints they're Not Completely Dry yet..also has that Jewel-Lke Quality to it. Hints at Best is Yet to Come, too!

I didn't know Butterflies ALL came from Chrysalises...something rings un-true to that...but I'd have to Read Further/no time today!

Suggest "CECROPIA" (It's a Gorgeous Moth) instead of "LUNA"---(Means MOON..& comes kinda Close to "Loony" when-sung.) Sounds Poetic-Enuf for Brother Ben...Insect-Lovers'll go for it...& yeah, many WILL have to Look It Up Later..but what the Heck, SOUNDS like Something Beautiful!

Suggest "Life can be tough/On A lonely girl"...(Insteada "this"...makes the lyric More-inclusive & "Universal")

LOVED the "Shades of blue love" Line...it's worthy of a Whole Song, IMO~

Chorus feels "Short"...(Since the Verses Are, too.) Somehow Doubling it might Double Our Pleasure... Just a Thought!

All Sugs are K-O-S...& Good Luck with this Song that's Growing Wings!

Big Hugs,
Stan

Good Morning Ben

Yes, a good melody and music arrangement will make this something, I think. Thanks for your thoughts. I did chuckle with your image of the dust storm and you gasping what do you think we're talking about "MOTHRA" chinese sci fi?? giant moth...sometimes you are a goof ball and I mean that in a nice way! : ) jm

[This message has been edited by joice marie (edited 10-03-2006).]

Good Morning to you Alan

Thanks for stopping in and the yeah vote for powdered. One, yes, one no...seems there's an even divide....I'm still in the yeah court myself. I appreciate the 'nicely done" thanks for that! jm

Good Morning to you Stan.

Thanks for stopping here and for the glistening word to ponder. These kind of word choices often sort out when it gets the music added. I'm hoping it will be clear by then. I do get your make up connection. Don't know that many would be thinking of that in this context. I'm of the thinking that a little of that can be okay, but not overdone...

I'll do a seach look for the moth you suggest today too."CECROPIA" Thanks for a pretty option.

I like the shades of blue as a hook idea too, thanks for the encouragement.

The chorus is short, but the tempo as a whole might be slow. Seems so far with my music, I end up having to trim songs to get them short enough. I'm not a fast picker yet. But the chorus can be lengthened or repeated if needed. I'm okay on that idea.

I appreciate all the nice feedbback. Thank you kindly. jm

PS I missed the remove "this" idea, I like it. thanks again!

[This message has been edited by joice marie (edited 10-03-2006).]

Hi JM,
Count me in as another vote for "Powdered." Maybe "powdery" would alleviate that dust cloud. ?? LOL
I knew about butterfly wings--some might not, but those who do will know what you mean. They really can't fly without it, so it's a significant feature. Keep it in!

I love the imagery and the emergence theme. Spinning silk was great too. Nicely done overall!!

Linda


PS (edit Of course glistening ALSO works nicely because the wings are wet coming out of the cocoon, and the image in the lyric is of that moment of emergence/birth.
(how's that for waffling!)

------------------
Linda Adams
Read about my novels:
http://www.alyssastory.com
Bits & pieces of music:
www.soundclick.com/lindaadams

[This message has been edited by adamszoo (edited 10-06-2006).]

Hi Linda

Thanks for weighing in on this one. Heck waffling is my day to day condition
It's going to come down to how it sings, I think. Powdered seems to flow better in my mind, but I will try them all. It's the same with the chrysalis vs luna moth. Even though the c moth is pretty I think the luna will sing better...I'll try them both. The feedback is most helpful. : ) jm