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“Dreamin” you Into My Heart”
Words, Melody & Music by: Olivia Francis (c) 2004


I’m dreamin’ you into my heart, until you are mine
I can see it all, as clear as day, everytime I close my eyes
You’re standin’ there, right next to me & we never part
They say if you believe, then dreams can come true
So, I’ll keep on dreamin’ of you……

CHORUS:
I’m dreamin’ you into my heart, every minute, every day
Then, Darlin’ when, I am sleepin’, I’ll dream the night away
Dreamin’ you into my heart, a little at a time
Then, Darlin’ as soon, as my dreams come true
You’ll be the true love of my life

BREAK

I’m dreamin’ you into my heart, & prayin’ you will find
The right road to take, to make your way,
Straight into these arms of mine
I’ll be right here, waiting for you, until you arrive
They say if you believe, then dreams can come true
So, I’ll never stop dreamin’ of you……

REPEAT CHORUS
TAG
Thanks to all of you for your helpful comments.
"PLEASE" feel free to make changes to what you believe will make a better song...
Olivia


[This message has been edited by Turquoise Rose (edited 04-05-2005).]

[This message has been edited by Turquoise Rose (edited 04-17-2005).]

[This message has been edited by Turquoise Rose (edited 04-17-2005).]

G'Mornin' T.R.!

I, too, just read Rafe's & commented...

YOUR Lyrics, however, make a nice Melody ring in my Ears as I go along with 'em..and it's Far Sweeter Subject Matter herein.

Structure-wise, V1 is the Same as the Chorus...so it READS like a Pair of Verses. Then the BREAK seems to have the Same Structure, too...(Tho it could be Modulated Up for SOME "Variety" when-sung..but it'll STILL sound pretty Monotonous UNLESS ya make SOME Structure-Change thereabouts..IMO. Fewer Lines...Diffo Rhyme Scheme, for sure SOME Pitch Change...whatever Works..(Probably NOT the TITLE for an Opener Again, too, there)..THEN get back to your "Chorus" again.)

OH, if the "BREAK" is a MUSICAL BRIDGE, then ya can Disregard the above. DOES look like a Verse ya got there..heh!

Suggest, IF that's The Case, maybe ya come up with a SUNG Bridge..with alla the Diffo Structure I've just suggested earlier. Give us listeners a Little MORE Storyline. How'd She Meet Him...HINT what He Looks Like..ANYTHING to make Him "Less Nebulous" & Singer More Real. (& perhaps a Hint that This Relationship's More "Happening" & LESS-Purely-Yearny?)

Good Luck with it...I found it Closer-to-Commercial than Rafe's because
1) It's of a POSITIVE Nature
2) Less-Littered with Cloying Rhymes/Stereotypes
3) The Melody seemed to Jump Right Out of the Lyrics/Felt Easy-to-Sing (In Comparison, anyways!) ;-)>

There ARE some Cliches.."We never part".."Dreams can come true"...(even "the Love of My Life"..) BUT they seem to NOT call attention to themselves here.

(Or maybe I'm Wrong..heh-heh..about this..but you'll see if Lots of Others callya on this Factor!)

Good Luck on this Lyric/Song..

Big Hugs,
Stan

Have you really listened to songs on the radio? Cliche heaven! Anyway, thanks for your opinion, but I doubt I'll change this one unless I feel it would make it better than it is. I like the flow of melody & chorus, which can't be heard here. Sometimes it's hard to critique lyrics w/o hearing the melody...TR

Mornin' Stan,
Although the verses & cho. are close in structure let me assure you they are miles apart in melody. Not sure what you mean about the structure of the break or it needing pitch change. This song is actually about a fictitious character she sees in her mind. The kind of man she wants but hasn't met yet...( I guess I could add a bridge that explains it more clearly) Thanks...Big hugs back... TR

Hi Olivia,

I am always open for a new love song...but in order to survive these days it has to go somewhere new. This one, unfortunately, pretty much treads well done territory. It doesn't use enough paint on the canvas to lure the listener/reader into the situation. You are basically telling us something but not showing it to us. Each section verse/chorus/break all start with the same line. I am sure you have done that in order to have impact, but unless you are doing a vvbv structure, with a refrain, that is generally not recommended. Usually, the hook is reserved for one segment...either a repeated refrain in the verses or repeated several times in the chorus...but not in all of them. HOWEVER, and this is a big HOWEVER...since you are a performer...and may not be pitching this to anyone else...if it works for you...then go for it. I do think you would do yourself a big favor though, by making the lyrics work as hard as your melody. Nothing bothers me more than hearing an incredibly beautiful melody with weak lyrics!! Believe me...I hear a lot of those these days, especially from performers who think they can write their own material.

I was in a pitch session awhile back with a few other folks and in the middle of one guy's song, the publisher stopped the music and asked him: "do you consider yourself a musician or a lyricist or both?" The guy said, "I write both the music and lyrics." The publisher then said..."well you need to work with a lyricist. I can always tell when a musician writes his own lyrics." That may or may not be true, but expecting the music to carry a weak lyric is accepting less than you should of your writing...at least IMO.

After reading your explanation to Stan about the singer not having actually met this person she was dreaming about..I went back to see what clues I had missed that you had put in there about that. Guess what...there is nothing there to indicate that this isn't a case of unrequited love (which is what I interpreted from the lyric). And..it really is pretty full of cliches. Who actually says..."we never part?" I am sure you can perform this and folks won't get up and walk out (I have heard you have a stunning voice)...but it definitely could be much stronger.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Bobbie Gallup offered you a very thoughtful post Olivia. I agree with her analysis of these lyrics. I know cliches SEEM to be rampant in country music but that is an illusion. It is not cliches the masters are spinning, it is the phoenix rising from the ashes of the cliche that you are witnessing. That is their skill. Cliche means common and common means lots of ears are listening but those fickle ears want a payoff and these master writers are giving them the pay off. They twist the cliche and surprise the ear constantly. The hits are always inventive.

There is something about all of us that recognizes and gravitate toward the novel and new.
We all want to hear something fresh. We yawn when we read, "It was a dark and stormy night..." That was really a first line in a novel but can you tell me which one? How about this one for a first line,

"Marley was dead; to begin with, as far as I remember"

Good advice already, but let me add this.

True, cliches sometimes are part of hits on the radio..but chances are, those songs were written by
(1)staff writers
(2)the artist
(3)a friend of the artist
In any of these categories, songwriting rules/guidelines often take a back seat..

What you must remember is that an outside writer must actually write BETTER songs, especially in the case of staff writers, who are paid an advance salary against future royalties. If it's not better than the "in-house" staff, it doesn't stand much of a chance.

One more thing. To keep focused and to try and write more original lines, try this. Write down your title:
Dreamin' You Into My Heart

Now follow your title with
a mental <because>
Make a list of reasons why
These will be your verse lines

Good luck with it

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