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FULL HOUSE - EMPTY HEART
© words and music by C. Stewart ( Jan, 31, 2005 )

She lays the card
On her father's bed
Birthday wishes
In her head

But he's not there
To celebrate
Will he show up
Or just be late

CHORUS
Full house, empty heart
Where's the hugs and the kisses
These are things, that she misses
Full house, empty heart

While love was going
Down the drain
He drinks with strangers
Feels no pain

Her mothers sad
He's, gone again
But she hangs on
Until the end

Repeat CHORUS...

As a little boy
He never knew
The simple words
Of I love you

In the final chapters
Of his life
He's still a stranger
To his wife

BRIDGE...
The road he travels on is, cold and blue
When love should be a warmer, avenue

Repeat CHORUS...



[This message has been edited by Calvin (edited 02-04-2005).]

Hi Calvin

there's so much to like about this!!!!

but I'm thinking, if perhaps this could be written from the perspective of an older brother who has come to grips with the sadness, watching his sister go through the pain?

Hi Calvin,
Looks pretty solid. Title sets up contrast like they keep telling us to do. A few of the lines may be somewhat "predictable."
In lines 7 and 8, if line 7 could say something about the fact that he's not there, and line 8 "Then her heart breaks" or some such. In the "wife" line before the last C, maybe could say "to kids and wife" or something similar. Seems like that would still go with a melody.
Last line of the bridge, since the title sets up contrast, instead of "healthy" maybe something along the line of "warmer" only a better word , to contrast with 1st bridge line.
Pretty good. May need a little more to "set it apart" from others
Wy

Hi Calvin - I like this a lot!

It say what you want it to say simply and eloquently.

I think Wy makes a few good points, but I don't see the need to change much.

Following Wy's suggestion re the bridge - how about:-

"When love could have been a SUNLIT avenue"?

good luck with it!

Diane

Howdy Calvin,

This is pretty potent stuff and there is a lot here to like. However, I think it may end up being rather short. Given the short lines you have, this is going to have to be slow enough to be a dirge or else it will fly by in probably a little over a minute and a half IMO.

I was breaking your lines up in longer bites that made more singable lines to me:
She laid the card on her father's bed
Birthday wishes in her head
He's never there to celebrate
But If he was that would be great (this line seems like it could be stronger) Perhaps: She rarely ever sees his face

The only other thing I noted is that this seems to vacillate all over in verb tense, starts off past, then switches to present, then past...etc. I think you could make it easier to follow if that is made more consistent.

Wy also had some good suggestions for you.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Hello Witty Ritty,

Thanks for stopping by to read this one & I appreciate the real nice comments.
Actually it is written from that perspective.

Have a good day.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

Hello Wyman,

Hey man, glad ya took a minute to check this one out !
Thanks for all the good suggestions.
Originally I had used ...

In the final chapters
Of his life
(He still can't connect)
(With his kids and wife)

and then I changed it to this...

In the final chapters
Of his life
He's still a stranger
To his wife

but I did use you're "warmer" suggestion, thanks.

Have a great evening.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

Hello Diane,

Hope you're doing well this evening.
Thanks for the read & I'm glad you liked it ok !
Thanks for the very nice compliment.
I appreciate your time & suggestions.
Stay cool !

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

Hi ya Bobbie,

Glad you stopped in to take a peek at this one.
I'm glad you're on english patrol, I need all the help I can get, especially with the tenses.
They always gives me a problem.
I made a few changes, hopefully it's closer to being correct.
Maybe you could let me know what ya think about it now !

And.....yes it is slow, but it seems to come out to about 2:45 seconds when I play it, maybe even a little more.

Thanks for all your help.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

Morning, Mr. 6-Pack. Already got some good suggestions on this one. I know you're busy working on it. Good read, for sure. Have a great weekend.

------------------
"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

I just thought this was super....Calvin...
Read it this morning...but have not had chance...to get back....and comment....

nice write...nice follow through...

best..to you..
Kaley

Hi, Calvin. I see you've already gotten plenty of good advice. There's lots to like another this lyric, but it's not quite there yet. "These are things that she misses" needs a rewrite, for one. It's too empty of a line. The "drain" line sounds kinda forced, and the bridge is kinda weak and should be rewritten from scratch. When you have so few lines, every one of 'em needs to be powerful.

Nice job here, though, as-is. With some tweaking, it can be even better. Good luck with it.

Anthony

Hi Tricia,

ha ha, you're too kind !
I appreciate you taking time to read it, glad ya enjoyed it.
I'm only about a 2-pack, cause I eat a huge banana split with strawberry syrup.
Plus 3 eclairs.
Then tonight I just had half an apple pie with melted cheese all over it....uummmm good !
This will be a busy weekend at the store, superbowl partys, etc.

Have a nice night,

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

[This message has been edited by Calvin (edited 02-05-2005).]

Good morning Kaley,

Thanks for paying me a visit.
Glad you enjoyed the lyrics.
That makes me smile real big !!
I'm quite flattered.

Have a great weekend.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

Hi Cal

Put me on the list of liking the sparseness...and really, there's not a lot to say, so make what you say have an impact.


Jusat 'cause I love to play with words, let me suggest an alternative here

While love was going
Through her pain
He drinks with strangers
Down the drain

and in the next verse

she'll hang on


ciao

Hello Anthony,

Thanks for taking a look at this one.
I'm gonna be lookin' it over a few more times myself.
Thanks for your comments & useful suggestions.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

Hello John,

Hope you're doing well this morning.
Yes, you're so right.
I appreciate your time & useful suggestions.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

Hey Cal, quite a switch from the humorous songs, which are usually enjoyable. This is a good one. The hook/title is killer, but I think you can make this song shine with some imagery. The lyrics are descriptive, easy to understand, and get the message across, but I just don't feel you've milked this great hook for what it could wind up being.

The song is touching, and reminds us of the sad reality of family settings not being all they should be. Going through the motions is not enough, and kids, when they realise it, it hurts them, even if they keep it inside.

Just an idea, how about a verse with the little girl confronting her father.
"Daddy you make sure we have everything like food and the comforts of home, and mommy has a nice car and all, but we miss you when you're gone. Please stay home tonight and fill our empty hearts"....or something similar. Perhaps put a happy/touching ending
in there where he tells the little girl " I guess I'm not sure I know how to be a good dad, no one ever taught me, but starting tonight, I'm going to start trying"

Any of this make sense ? I'm just pushing you a bit to make that hook shine. It's a good one.

Tony

Hello Tony,

What's shakin' !

Thanks for taking a look at this one & the really nice comments & suggestions.
Yes....what you suggests makes sense.
It's kinda on hold for a while, a good friend is possibly joining me on finishing this project.

Thanks for your time.
Have a good evening.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm