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I actually worked at this market for 3 years in a tiny town in Tennessee but every town has that place. I love my two verses, not so happy with the chorus cus it seems weak. ...........it's an upbeat melody kinda like grundy county auction song. not to mention, Breakfast club should be in the chorus somewhere right?


At Eddie’s market and hardware , in pegram Tennessee
Six tiny booths by the deli in the back That’s the place where they all meet
The trucks start pullin in trying to beat the sun that’s comin up
Old men in F250’s arrive for the meeting of the breakfast club

CHORUS
WE love those guys, they got your back
I lost a tool, I need a jump
Free advice, imagine that

I love those men, who raise their hand
Solve all the problems of the world
When we’re all in a jam, (yeah)

Verse 2
Mr. Brown and Jack sit down and the rest just wander in
A silent obligation they all agreed to way back when
Eddie puts out the flag and everyone grabs a cup
It’s half past 8 and you’re all late for the meeting of the breakfast club
CHORUS

BRIDGE:
They’ll send you off in the right direction
If you get turned around just find the breakfast club in your town
CHORUS

Hey Kay-lynn,
first off in verse 1 I would replace "That’s the place where they all meet" with "that's the place to be" because it rhymes with line 1 "Tennessee".

Right now, the chorus is positive, but could be any group of good ol’ guys anywhere and doesn’t sonically or lyrically lock into “Breakfast Club” as the hook.

For an upbeat, sing-along melody, the chorus needs a strong, repeatable phrase, “Breakfast Club” front and center and less explanation, more feeling and identity.

Why not make the chorus feel like "this is our town's Breakfast Club - and everybody knows it", instead of describing what they do, and celebrate them.

How flexible are you? Do you want a 6-line chorus with 2 groups of 3 lines or are you open to different things?

I know what you're talking about, but where I'm from a small town in Arkansas it was more like a Coffee Club.
They would gather drink coffee and tell their stories, some times you might need boots cause the bull [naughty word removed] might get a bit deep.

Yup Tex , that's what I mean, but I thought breakfast club was a kewl reference. they usually got a biscuit with their coffee lol

I'm thinking the chorus should point to the universal truth that we all know, there is one in every small town. Sometimes it's the hardware store, gas station, barber shop... wherever..

Those guys showed up on time like it was their job.
so just look for a small store that has all the trucks in front, and that's where they'll be.

Years ago I worked at the local John Deere dealership, we opened at 7am but had to show up at 5am to put on a pot of coffee. Shortly there after they would show up then they would sit in the lobby and hang around till around 8am.
Guess I'm getting old because all of them guy's are no longer with us.

A friend of mine said remember when them old men would gather up at the town square. That doesn't happen any more wonder why. I said because we're them now.

Tex... a john deere dealership?? That's precious!!!

Thanks for posting this Kay-lynn. Writing a lyric is such a freaking puzzle!

A line that jumped out at me was:

Free advice, imagine that.

But I had no idea why it jumped at me!

So I read over the entire thread a few times, trying to understand myself essentially, to see why.

Your exchange with Tex brought insight:

I am retired.
I still have lots of ideas to share.
I am up early in the morning.
I go to the breakfast club, early
I meet people in my situation and share ideas
We love it when others, non-retired, show up, busy busy, lots of stress and problems, etc
And we help them, sharing free advice....making there day as they hurry on.
And making our day as well!

Hay Bill,
That hits home. Not sure how that would make her chorus but maybe Kay-lynn can get something out of it.
Tex

Bill!! You're a member????? How cool is that. Please give us some input as to what you talk about day after day after day.....I never got to hear their conversations cus I was in the front. haha

Yes. I see what you mean, I think.

You have enough furniture in the verses. You need a good universal for the chorus. Use the the current bridge as chorus, maybe?

yup it's a start, but that chorus has to be strong......easy to sing and remember.

took a crack at setting the stage....


Eddie’s Meats and Hardware is the only place in town
Everybody gathers swapping stories by the pound
Trucks start pullin in trying to beat the morning rush
Old men in their pickups meeting at their breakfast club

Coffee's hot and strong and pours as easy as BS
Puzzled looks and laughter are a sign of success
Friendships here grow strong, everybody buckles up
When helping hands are needed you just ask the breakfast club


.....









CHORUS
WE love those guys, they got your back
I lost a tool, I need a jump
Free advice, imagine that

I love those men, who raise their hand
Solve all the problems of the world
When we’re all in a jam, (yeah)

Verse 2
Mr. Brown and Jack sit down and the rest just wander in
A silent obligation they all agreed to way back when
Eddie puts out the flag and everyone grabs a cup
It’s half past 8 and you’re all late for the meeting of the breakfast club
CHORUS

BRIDGE:
They’ll send you off in the right direction
If you get turned around just find the breakfast club in your town
CHORUS

I just want you to know John... Eddie (who was my boss) would be laughing his butt off if you called it, Eddie's MEATS.. ahhah

It's an actual place. You can google Eddie's Market & Hardware and go to the right side and click on photos' you can see the six tiny booths by the deli in the back... LOL

He had to sell it a few years ago but it really did say Eddie's Market & Hardware.....

You were around with Tink back in the day Kay-lynn. Wrote one for her called "Pickled Tink" that had all kinds of references to Harlan Iowa...her home town
Played it for her at a JPF Detroit roadshow where a bunch of us met...where we actually planned out the first Nashville meet that turned into Pineyfest.

So I'm with you all the way here....I use Google and Google earth all the time to get some realism into my words...

And I really wanted to get that feel for a merchant that sold an odd assortment ...like a deli in a hardware store...love it.
I live in Toronto and years ago I passed a little shop that was a tailor, a bookeeper, a travel agent and some merchandise.Great example of hustle!

Actually, I really did work there. the first part was typical convenience store, deli etc but if you turned to the left behind those hanging plastic curtain things there was left over hardware from like 50 years ago, even a key making machines (that only one customer knew how to use) hahah

Oh yes I got that....but the offer to look at it via Google is what I was responding to

And remember Tink...Cindy Miller? I still laugh at her "Vacuum Casanova" about the traveling vacuum cleaner salesman

I do not remember Cindy Miller...............ya lost me there.

Rough draft in Suno of my melody, I'm still working on make the chorus more strong like "friends in low places" sort of sing along sort of thing.

https://suno.com/s/pyDmFUVYPIzSeJBm

I like it. The interlude before the bridge is a bit long. It's kind of catchy even though it has no real hook line. In my opinion a hook line would be the only thing that really needs to be looked at.

I thought The breakfast club was the hook line............. (?)

yeah ... the problem with this topic is there are 100 ways to write it, and that's the problem! lol

LOL... Would you like my help, Kay?

I appreciate the offer, but I will have to respectfully decline.

LMBFHWCCAO!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, she's so far and above you as an artist, why would you think she might want to?