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#1205676 06/09/25 12:19 PM
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Lost classic. I think this would be the title of my would be album. This take is so obviously the byrds/Roger mcquinn.

I have to assume every singer that offer Is a replica of somebody commercially successful.

I'd have to tighten up the chord progression seems to run on a bit, but the overall spirit is there.

Gonna take alot if work to completely overall twelve songs

https://www.soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=14838315

She came from New York
On a train
Threw away her dope
Suddenly there's hope
She thumbed a ride on 21
I thought alright
Ain't got nothin but time Tonight

We traded stories for a while
But this one had me beat
She grew up on the streets
I said "let's stop and get a drink"
Shook her head
I appreciate that man,
But no way
I sure appreciate that
Man, no way

I'm lookin for an Antibody, Antibody
To help me fight a soul disease
I'm lookin for ya Anybody, Anybody
Don't wanna lose control of me
And I'm so sick waitin on the fading dark
Tonight I'm seekin someone who'll provide
The Human Spark

"There ain't no poison worth it's weight"
She whispered in my ear
"hope you're stayin clear"
It took me 15 years to learn
Learned it all today
So, mister whaddiya say?
So, mister whaddiya say?

I'm lookin for an Antibody, Antibody
To help me fight a soul disease
I'm lookin for ya Anybody, Anybody
Don't wanna lose control of me
And I'm so sick waitin on the fading dark
Tonight I'm seekin someone who'll provide
The Human Spark

I'm lookin for an Antibody, Antibody
To help me fight a soul disease
I'm lookin for ya Anybody, Anybody
Don't wanna lose control of me
And I'm so sick waitin on the fading dark
Tonight I'm seekin someone who'll provide
The Human Spark

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 06/09/25 12:42 PM.
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If I ever get around to redoing this this would be title track,have at least thirty songs that would fit

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Why re-do it ? Sounds good Dom


We’re all built from the same dust and dreams,
Different roads, but the same means.
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Originally Posted by bennash
Why re-do it ? Sounds good Dom

So I could say " ladies and gentlemen, live from New Jersey it's Dommm!

Just to sing it and play on it tighten up some chords

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 09/23/25 09:28 PM.
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Ahh , Well its just going to a studio , No big deal , Jersey must full of studios


We’re all built from the same dust and dreams,
Different roads, but the same means.
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Originally Posted by bennash
Ahh , Well its just going to a studio , No big deal , Jersey must full of studios

Dude you dint know the half of it. Just about every studio in nj has a picture of the boss on their wall, some legends say he was there...

But this night be a good idea for a cover version

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 09/23/25 09:43 PM.
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Well it could be on your bucket list to go to a studio , its not that much for a small studio


We’re all built from the same dust and dreams,
Different roads, but the same means.
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I like the beat and the musical melody.
The voice sounds like a not-disguised Springsteen.
The rasp is there and inflections are there. The knock-off sounds unmistakable to me. Overall, sounds ok.

Springsteen's early stuff that launched him was dynamic, energetic and unique.
And his lyrics were earthy stories of relatable lives.
As time went on, it seemed like he was mostly charting songs with star power.
I doubt that songs like "I'm on Fire" would have gotten noticed, if done by a lesser known or unknown artist.
That's where I see this song. It's okay, but nothing that really catches a person's attention.
It starts off about a female riding a NE train, getting off and thumbing a ride.
A female thumbing rides in today's urban environments would be a death wish in action.

Thematically, it seems like a less clear and descriptive incarnation of "Bring Me To Life."
Amy Lee put that song in the first person, rather than the 3rd, and with her massive vocal, put the listener inside her head.

QUESTION:
What listener would be interested in this story?
Why would they be interested?

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I do alot of Springsteen inspired stuff. This is not one of them.

And this is based on true account, strung out women still are out there ...she Said most of that

If you wanna say desperate characters, ok, I can see that. But this is a byrds knock off.

It's raw and gritty, wasn't going for purity.

Vocal prowess doesn't matter, it's right for the song. You out too much emphasis with soaring vocals.

But how bout a little credit. ? The economy if words. To get that in your face melody is a skill.

Try rewriting new words to this. From head to toe see what you get

And credit for using phrases you don't hear everyday in songs...the idea is to be different.

And how bout it STILL being a pop song and entertaining despite the grim yet hopeful storyline.

Nothing that catches attention?

I'm looking for an antibody, to help me fight a soul disease? When have you written a humanity driven song like this?

Bruce excelled at that.

I'm on fire has been covered by dozens of people.

I disagree it's appeal..true if not Springsteen's song than how?

But that's any song, star power is needed.

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 09/25/25 11:51 AM.
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And who wants to hear a song like lou reeds wild side, talking about transgenders

Who wants to hear a song like Brown sugar talking about slavery.

Who wants to hear ANY song.

Love songs bore the shite out of most usually hokey and contrived

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Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
And who wants to hear a song like lou reeds wild side, talking about transgenders

Who wants to hear a song like Brown sugar talking about slavery.

Who wants to hear ANY song.

Love songs bore the shite out of most usually hokey and contrived

Pointing at other songs, that for one reason or another became well known...does not de-legitimize the question, and it answers nothing.
I don't know why Lou Reed caught on. Brown Sugar was the sound and vibe of the song and the Stones star power.
Paul McCartney would clearly disagree with you about love songs.

Whatever the reasons were that made people like those songs are not the reasons that people would like your song.

The question specifically regarding your song is legit...why specifically, would a listener want to listen to your song?

Desperate characters?

What makes this desperate character interesting? And interesting to who?

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Well Springsteen whole Nebraska album is about desperate characters, and they made a biopic about it

You have a killing spree, where guys only answer is " I guess there's just a meanness in this world

You gotta a guy who loses his mind cause his house was taking away.

You got a guy who is going to work for the mafia to help him out of debt.

It does delegitimize your question cause your question is not valid.

Pop songs agreed, love songs.

Rock music has always been more than that

Paul McCartney, is one of the most gifted songwriters the world has never known
Neither of us are him.

But who wants to hear Helter skelter ?

Who wants to hear..

It's the end of the world as we know it by rem.

Who wants to hear crazy train by Ozzie.

Who wants to hear a song about a stalker like every breath you take?

Who wants to hear a song about Vietnam...born in the USA....

Evidently millions . Maybe they didn't know they wanted to hear it.

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Who wants to hear Sunday bloody Sunday.

Who wants to hear i don't like Mondays

Who wants to hear rain in the scare crow.

Who wants to hear a song about woman leaving her baby in a garbage can...Neil young rocking in the free world

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 09/25/25 01:27 PM.
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Might be my favorite desperate character song of all time, apparently billy Joel concurs.

This is totally gripping, intense, powerful, your in till the end.

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I liked Born to Run, a lot. It put him on the map.
It was dynamic, powerful with relatable lyrics.

Springsteen and McCartney have star power.
Some of McCarty's solo stuff bored me.
After Springsteen's first couple of albums, I lost interest.

This thread is not about Springsteen's song. It's about your song.

Imagine this scenario,
You are a staff writer for a significant label or publisher.
The top guy stops by your desk to see what you have going on.
You start in about Springsteen and Lou Reed.
He interrupts you and says...

"There is a big nut to crack here, every month and every year.
If I don't make rent, payroll and expenses...all of this ends.
Everything needs to work in order to get that nut cracked.
I don't rep Springsteen or McCartney.
I rep you and what you write.

Who would this song appeal to and why would they stream it, download it and go to a concert to hear it? And want a tee-shirt with the title written across it?

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Originally Posted by Sunset Poet
I liked Born to Run, a lot. It put him on the map.
It was dynamic, powerful with relatable lyrics.

Springsteen and McCartney have star power.
Some of McCarty's solo stuff bored me.
After Springsteen's first couple of albums, I lost interest.

This thread is not about Springsteen's song. It's about your song.

Imagine this scenario,
You are a staff writer for a significant label or publisher.
The top guy stops by your desk to see what you have going on.
You start in about Springsteen and Lou Reed.
He interrupts you and says...

"There is a big nut to crack here, every month and every year.
If I don't make rent, payroll and expenses...all of this ends.
Everything needs to work in order to get that nut cracked.
I don't rep Springsteen or McCartney.
I rep you and what you write.

Who would this song appeal to and why would they stream it, download and go to a concert to hear it?


Go see the biopic he's the only one who wanted to release it. Widely regarded as a cult classic or low fidelity masterpiece

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Knew I saw billy agree


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You don't equate to Springsteen or Billy Joel except in your own mind.
I asked a question. I am not looking for fanboy info on Springsteen.
The question is legit. Read this and answer it, if you have an answer.

I liked Born to Run, a lot. It put him on the map.
It was dynamic, powerful with relatable lyrics.

Springsteen and McCartney have star power.
Some of McCarty's solo stuff bored me.
After Springsteen's first couple of albums, I lost interest.

This thread is not about Springsteen's song. It's about your song.

Imagine this scenario,
You are a staff writer for a significant label or publisher.
The top guy stops by your desk to see what you have going on.
You start in about Springsteen and Lou Reed.
He interrupts you and says...

"There is a big nut to crack here, every month and every year.
If I don't make rent, payroll and expenses...all of this ends.
Everything needs to work in order to get that nut cracked.
I don't rep Springsteen or McCartney and I wish that I did.
I rep you and what you write.

Who would this song appeal to and why would they stream it, download it and go to a concert to hear it? And want a tee-shirt with the title written across it?

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I've answered several times over.

Same appeal other hundreds of dark songs have

And I don't have to worry about publishers . I can write how they want, but I'm the artist.

What's the appeal of say whut?

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You have not answered.

You have not written hundred of dark songs that you want to equate this to.
You have written a specific song with specific elements.

I am asking you to explain why a listener would be specifically interested in exactly what is here.

And if a big time publisher asked you that very question and you answered diffusely with references to stars that you are not and songs that you did not write, he'd prolly be deciding that you weren't going to work out.

Can you answer the question about the elements, characters, context cited in your song?

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Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
What's the appeal of say whut?

I don't know how much appeal that it has, but if I was writing it and needed to justify it to someone.

It's a bit outrageous.
The beat and other musical elements come at a listener hard in an attempt to grab their attention.
It's conforms strictly to a genre that is known to sell.
"Say whut" is a well known phrase and is designed to be a mnemonic device that I hope stays in people's heads for a while.

It did all the same stuff in TROLL IN A HOLE.

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Originally Posted by Sunset Poet
You have not answered.

You have not written hundred of dark songs that you want to equate this to.
You have written a specific song with specific elements.

I am asking you to explain why a listener would be specifically interested in exactly what is here.

And if a big time publisher asked you that very question and you answered diffusely with references to stars that you are not and songs that you did not write, he'd prolly be deciding that you weren't going to work out.

Can you answer the question about the elements, characters, context cited in your song?

The appeal is in the humanity and in the frailty. People don't know what songs will be about until they hear it.

Songs are three minute movies. The hope is they connect. Feel empathy for the woman and how in God's name does somebody get to that point.

She has a natural metanoia finally quits drugs on her own realizing that drugs are not the answer, people are.

She's looking for somebody to fill the void as unorthodoxed as she may be

Great answers.

Movies are based on feeling for the characters in it

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Well, that's an answer.

I understood what she was looking for, and though the mood and character are not very relatable to me...I get that answer.
Ok

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Originally Posted by Sunset Poet
Well, that's an answer.

I understood what she was looking for, and though the mood and character are not very relatable to me...I get that answer.
Ok

It would be lost on most people, some might say... I like the beat, oblivious to everything else which is cool, and common.

Others may like the song and want to dig deeper.

The more levels you have best chance at an audience.

Not sure you can calculate it

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We traded stories for a while
But this one had me beat
She grew up on the streets
I said "let's stop and get a drink"
Shook her head
I appreciate that man,
But no way
I sure appreciate that
Man, no way

Interject some sad irony...

Said she paid the coyote
But the snakes wanted more
The streets have no memory
Of what she's working for
I said let's have a drink
She said no way
I appreciate that man,
But no way

JAPOV #1208161 09/25/25 03:55 PM
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 9,239
Likes: 100
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Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 9,239
Likes: 100
Originally Posted by JAPOV
We traded stories for a while
But this one had me beat
She grew up on the streets
I said "let's stop and get a drink"
Shook her head
I appreciate that man,
But no way
I sure appreciate that
Man, no way

Interject some sad irony...

Said she paid the coyote
But the snakes wanted more
The streets have no memory
Of what she's working for
I said let's have a drink
She said no way
I appreciate that man,
But no way

Not bad, but I already let you cut up one of my songs already lol.

Co Writing makes a unified storyline hard

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Posts: 7,297
Likes: 175
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Likes: 175
Excuses, excuses...

Joined: Jan 2017
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The artist ? Well go to a studio and sing one to an acoustic guitar , its almost like recording studios are a dirty word with AI in the picture. See how it turns out.


https://www.0x1sound.com/book-a-session

Last edited by bennash; 09/26/25 09:23 AM.

We’re all built from the same dust and dreams,
Different roads, but the same means.
1 member likes this: CTthomas

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