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12 members (bennash, Sunset Poet, David Gill, Gary E. Andrews, Guy E. Trepanier, rpirone, PopTodd, Everett Adams, Calvin, 3 invisible),
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Sad Day
by John Lawrence Schick - 09/20/25 04:10 PM
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Autoheart
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/19/25 10:21 PM
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LIESURE
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/19/25 05:30 PM
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 214 Likes: 6
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 214 Likes: 6 |
New demo: https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=15038467BETWEEN DREAMS
V1
I have lived somewhere
Between faith and doubt
I have looked within
And I have looked without
V2
I wandered this world
Living with lonely
Waiting on the love
Of a one and only
Chorus:
But don't worry bout me
I'll be alright
Despite how it seems
Someday I'll find peace
Right now I am just
Between dreams
Repeat V1
ChorusAny feedback is welcome and appreciated
Last edited by rpirone; 09/21/25 12:43 AM.
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Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,577 Likes: 101
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Top 200 Poster
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Seems odd you would repeat v1 instead of continuing story on a v3
Sounds good man
it be a V/V/C/V/C/V/C or V/V/C/V/C/B/C. for a standard 3 chorus song. So you need would v3 and 4 or a bridge . if you paid a studio , They know that, to complete a 3 chorus song , Never heard a song with just 2 choruses. You could also add a tag . Which is v1 on end of song
I have lived somewhere
Between faith and doubt
I have looked within
And I have looked without
V/V/C/V/C/B/C / tag /... Bridges are more common for a twist. more effective than a v4 on the risk of repeating yourself on real estate of in between dreams
Last edited by bennash; 09/21/25 10:30 PM.
Retired from all music endeavors . at least 98 %
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 6,054 Likes: 66
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Top 40 Poster
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Posts: 6,054 Likes: 66 |
I think that it's pretty. If that is you singing and playing the piano, you have a nice sound.
I agree with Ben. I wouldnt repeat v1, but rather expand on the theme to v3.
Marty
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,396 Likes: 40
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Top 200 Poster
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Hey Rich,
The music and vocals are nice but the structure of the lyric is throwing me off.
I feel that V1 and V2 could be combined as V1. The words can be tweaked to match the reference of time in the story. Perhaps also change the chorus a bit. For example:
[V1]
I am living here
Between faith and doubt
I have looked within
As I look without
I wander this world
Living with lonely
Seeking the love
Of that one and only
[CH]
But don't worry about me
I'll be alright
Someday I'll find peace
Or it could be tonight
Despite how it seems
I am just Between dreams
Just a thought. As always, KOS. :-)
Peace,
Dave
"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 214 Likes: 6
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OP
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 214 Likes: 6 |
Ben and Marty - I agree it needs a 3rd verse. I had written several but either they didn't fit the narrative or they were just not the quality I thought the song deserved. I'm always writing and rewriting so I'm sure this will get a re-work. Thanks for the input.
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 214 Likes: 6
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 214 Likes: 6 |
Dave - Thanks for taking the time to check this out. I played around with different formats and this one seemed to stick. Also, my co-writer, Gerry Peters, came up with what I think is a pretty melody that fit the mood of the lyric so I was pretty satisfied with the effort. Thanks again
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1 member likes this:
David Gill |
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Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,577 Likes: 101
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Top 200 Poster
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Posts: 2,577 Likes: 101 |
No worries was trying to help
Retired from all music endeavors . at least 98 %
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 214 Likes: 6
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 214 Likes: 6 |
As always, your input is welcome.
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Jan 25th, 2020
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