JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Piano Song # 2

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The lyric is exceptionally good. Really good vocal.Builds really nicely. Nice job

These lines are so good.

"Somewhere on this adventure
the GPS got lost
the prophets lied about too little profit
you didnt make back cost
but there's no tell in your poker face
it's time for a bid"

Steve

I remember this one, good lyric! I can hear a lot of Bruce in the way you sing

Thanks Japov, I kind of lost contact with these ones its been a while, I think this would be worth redoing full.

My vocals change per song. I dont try to consciously change them, I think I just find a sweet spot for the melody and go with it. Yes, I very much hear Bruce in this. Wish I could howl like he does, but he has songs that are more breathy and from the throat more than from the gut.

Whatever makes the song seem real, Ill do it. I just cant sing like Daltrey or Plant, but I can like Petty or Neil Young...or Bruce. I can also do Ramones Green Day, Pop... Blues I can do pretty well. Just forget me for Metal, Hard Rock....meh, Country i can fake an accent but...

I

VNorth...thanks for the spin and comments.

Great soft rock piece. Didn't think of this when I heard it but yes the voice is somewhat reminiscent of Bruce Springsteen especially since he launched the soft rock/folk music phase of his career.

Thanks Beech, I dont know if im soft rock, certainly not hard rock. Most stuff I do is on the power pop stuff, but I think Id be a good for for the singer songwriter era

Back in the day, I used to use sax and was not shy about sounding like Bruce, and I used to get notes from these small time record companies and publishers blasting me for sounding like him. Theyd see new jersey on the mailing adress and then let me have it... lol

But I think your right, play my tune, and then watch this video, id say the influence is quite evident. If only I had half the E street band AND the roots workin for me lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtZZ8B9KsEE

I remember this one too. And yes, I hear the Bruce influence. In a lot of Springsteen songs, the piano is absolutely key to the whole sound.

My only criticism of this would be that it seems to lose energy a bit as it gets into the chorus. I think part of it is that the ear is expecting two more lines of the verse. The chorus seems to start too soon. If you added two more lines there, building up the chorus and then launched into the chorus with more oomph, this would be really great.

What are you using to master this?

I think with some power chording on guitar and other interesting bits it wouldnt sound so abrubt. Its also nice to a curve ball in there, if the ear expects it...maybe im being too predictable.

I like some of this, the melody is good and the lyrics are pretty good. The stuff im working on now kicks this ones arse....

lol, dude your funny, mastering? Its two instruments, its a demo, scratch demo, Why master it if theres no bass, guitar, backing vocals

If i used anything it might have just been the generic pre dump gadgets in my daw

A rough master only takes a few minutes and it's fun to hear how it sounds. Check out this site. I haven't used it, but it lets you upload a reference track to base the master on. Springsteen maybe
https://www.musicgateway.com/free-online-mastering

Here's your song run through Ozone with no tweaking, just using the Master Assistant function. It's set to private and I'll take it down when you've heard it.
https://soundcloud.com/themysteriousbeings/fds-song-breaking-records/s-mkJrTyC4Shp

Cool, if I hear a difference it sounds a bit more spacious, and a bit cleaner, kind of wasted on a dink arrangement

That was very thoughtful of you to give that a go, I may call on you when ive done the basics. I still think im gonna use some real people in the next batch. Toontracks also makes mixing and masteing software, where you just load up a mix, and all your stuff changes into their mixing settings, and can be tweaked...again havent gone there since im still in phase one

The music is stellar................really excellent. The lyrics are good. The music has that something special. Has a great "feel" to it. Sounds inspired.
You sing it very well, too.............a great part of the music's appeal.
Good stuff, man!
-Tom

Thanks Ironknee. The music wasnt played by me, it was written by me, for the most part, i worked with piano software to see if I could get it to play close to what I thought the song should have. This one came close, as least as piano and drums. I wish I coulda gotten more variation for the second and third verses, its basicly the same loop.

But thanks for the nice comments

Thought this exceptionally good Fde. Someone mentioned Bruce and yes I hear this too.
I don't remember it I confess but it's the best of the small batch I've heard on here for a day or too.
Good vocal, lyric wise, I particularly like the first couple of lines of the chorus
Breakin records and breakin hearts
precious seconds and second starts.
Regards
John

Way good ! No nits and crits from where I'm listening.

cheers,niteshift

I just took another listen and I think I hear what Gavin is saying, but I have a simpler solution. In your verses you change the chord progression for lines 3-4. If you save that progression for lines 5-6 and just repeat 1-2/3-4, I think your vocals will naturally build into the chorus better. No need for extra lines or chords, keep it simple and treat lines 5-6 like a lift

Woh, the little song that could resurfaces, lol

Travis, Niteshift, and Japov...again... Japov, Niteshift SAID no NITS, and he meant it, no NITS from you either LMAOOOOOO

Truth be told this song used to have a completely different set of lyrics, whereas now it goes into the chorus with a series of rhyming words, it didnt always. After the third line, so here say " saved up since we were kids" there was a tension chord there, and then it went into the chorus, but the "chorus" was the same line, three consecutive times.

If you consider structure, it USED to be an AAA, and theres no chorus in that form. There's a line at the end of each verse thats the hook. So when I got there, i thought this sounds better three times.

Used to be a punchier hookier chorus, but the lyrics werent as good. I went and redid the lyrics, and created all those internal rhymes, which i seem to be doing alot of now, its becoming my style.

But this tune gave me the chance to use some "sound of the words" and i think i have some good keeper lines I can use, but this song itself, I doubt ill redo, but you may see some of the lines show up in something else.

Cant wait to start doing the new stuff I have dozens of tunes needing to be done.

Could totally live with this version

Wish I could find the original, God Bless Nightshift. And Beechnut and Travis , Shame...

Anyway wish I could find the rough track I posted. Mine was nire Springsteen styled, udios more rod Stewart Young Turks I think.

But the rhythm of the words again is the template

https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=14782295

Cmon buddy just answer me
I know what you've been through
the world's in need a brand new hero
my money's still on you
Spend a little of that no quit
saved up since we were kids

Breakin records and breakin hearts
precious seconds and second starts
makin messes and makin art
you've got alot of life to live

Somewhere on this adventure
the GPS got lost
the prophets lied about too little profit
you didnt make back cost
but there's no tell in your poker face
it's time for a bid

Breakin records and breakin hearts
precious seconds and second starts
makin messes and makin art
you've got alot of life to live

One word could mean everything
like the moon in the dark
aint no doubt in my dubious mind
you'll hit one out of the park
all I ask is to hear from you
we'll get this whole thing fixed

Breakin records and breakin hearts
precious seconds and second starts
makin messes and makin art
you've got alot of life to live

Not to mention inventin things
good intentions and wedding rings
comprehension of everything
you've got alot of life to live

Fdemetrio,

I actually like the lyrics to this one a lot. Some great lines scattered throughout and a hooky chorus that catches the eye and ear. I do remember this lyric actually, though I don't see that I posted on your original thread back in 2021. Odd. Well, despite my absence from the board, I have checked in from time to time to visit and occasionally listen, so perhaps it was then. Or maybe you posted the lyrics prior, dunno.

Anyway, I regress. The song itself is solid, a Springsteen/Rod Stewart vibe to it. To me very listenable and very likable.

I have little interest in getting into the lively AI debate that's brewing on this board . . . but will say only that I don't really mind how the music is made, as long as I like it (a subjective thing, always). And I like this.

Regards,

Deej

Well I'm kinda just experimenting with ai, it's very limiting and it does bring up ethical questions

I don't think I'm going to use ai at least not like this much. I wanna be in there more than just lyrics.

And it's not really that satisfying , but recordings and producing takes alot of time and work

I'll be on lookout for a hybrid system that allows me to use all my ideas .

For now this is just a toy really

It's written well , but recordings and producing takes alot of time and work, YUP

Probably why these sites can't exist any more, you post a song and then you're done for a while

nobody really cares about others music they just want their own heard

Well least I got it going for a short time . Most forums are the same I dint recognize any name in the other forums any more

I would not worry about forums
A decent guitar vocal and lean towards promotion and getting a return on investment
Your wasting your time talking to pictures
Get a fan base and talk to them
Internet radio , FM radio , They might like you and buy cds
I listen to a few songs on here , and leave positive reviews , But its not my whole world on forums

It sounds like you're speaking not only about yourself but for everybody else here. I absolutely disagree! That surely doesn't apply to me. I love collaborating with other songwriters and where do find them? In forums like this one. I listen to other peoples' tracks and read their lyrics too.

There's been one lyric posted here since May 8, mine. At one time there would be 20 a day all three lyrics section would be new postings

There has been 3 or 4 songs posted, in weeks.

And the same cast of characters with a pat on the back. . now check out mine .......

You trying to talk down to me is pretty funny.

When I was posting there were people visiting the site

One day you might have a point.

Fdem,
you don't read what people write, do you? I didn't mention the traffic here. But continue to rant if it makes you feel good.

I did read, if there's nothing posted how could you be here reading and listening. And if you are, your're not telling them that you are.

This is a pretty boring place without music, suggest you find something to do.