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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 05/01/24 01:05 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/24/24 10:25 AM
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Last edited by theodorekidd; 07/15/21 12:54 AM.
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Good sounding production Theodore. The melody is a little monotonous along with the wavy video but that of course may be deliberate to achieve the effect you want.
Good luck with it.
Vic
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Well, it’s the most unique monotone I’ve heard in a while. I recently watched a David Bennett Piano Youtube where he detailed a few successful one-note songs, some of them I like. Good luck with this one.
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Last edited by theodorekidd; 07/15/21 12:55 AM.
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(Your production seems well-done. Interesting instrumental 'arrangement'. Your Melodies, Song to Song, seem very similar, Lines that go up in pitch, followed by Lines that go down in pitch. Your enunciation is pretty good, communicating the words audibly, for the most part. This Song, titled 'Dear', seems to address itself to someone specifically in the title, but that 'character' doesn't seem to be the main idea in the Storyline. The Storyline seems mainly abstract observations of the Singer-Character without clearly conveying a communication to that 'other' character, perhaps a Love-Interest Character, or explaining why he's telling the audience these things, if that's who he's speaking to.)
"Dear"
[Verse I] Down by the river I wrote this little song (The pronoun 'I' introduces the Singer-Character, the 'actor' to do the action of the verb 'wrote'. But he doesn't seem to materialize significantly. The Lyric is vague in that regard.) It sounds a lot like this one That you're hearing all day long (An 'other' character is suggested by 'you've' in this Line, to whom the Singer-Character might be addressing himself. But that character only seems addressed obliquely, not a significant 'actor' in the 'play'. It may be the 'collective you', the audience as opposed to a character in the Storyline.) Turn on the TV And turn up the radio Winter just arrived And now it's time for it to go (These Lines seem to be just narrative statements, not significant advancing of the Storyline.)
(There are a couple Lines here, or one repeated, sung but not printed, something using the word 'insane' as I recall. The idea doesn't seem to do much in the storyline.)
[Pre-Chorus] I may be bored or I may be tired I could be wrong but it's down to the wire (Hard-Rhyme, 'tired/wire', then no Rhyme in Lines 3-4.) I tell ya things that ya wanna hear (Again the 'ya' character may be the 'collective you' audience, but the last Line, which doesn't Rhyme, the Singer-Character seems to speak specifically to a 'you' character. A Pre-Chorus is generally integral to the Verse, simply a 'rising' of pitch and emotional urgency toward the Chorus. This one becomes a four-Line Stanza unto itself, and is followed by the one-word Chorus which might have 'Hook Factor' due to Melody, but does not seem to qualify as 'THE Hook', the main idea of the Lyric.) But I'm sick of the pain you give me
[Chorus] Dear Dear Dear Dear
[Verse II] (Actually the Song from here simply repeats most of what has been done to this point. It omits the 'insane' Lines, if memory serves. The effect is a simple Rhyming, not a story-telling. Repeating all that has gone before does not seem to be merited. I am left with the insignificance of those ideas. Someone offered the perspective that each Line of a Song has to answer, or be answered by the next, the question "So what?" What is the significance of the idea in the preceding or following Line to the preceding or following Line? Inserting the 'So what?' question at the end of Lines I'm not sure they answer the question. Rhymes have 'Hook Factor', but have to be relevant to each other, advancing a coherent conversational telling of a story. I don't get this Song's story. Every Song is a learning experience. Not every Song is a hit. Not every Song's Lyric and Melody get into the listeners' heads. I'm not 'Hooked' enough to want to listen again. Some of your other Songs that played while I was typing seemed interesting. Again, production seems quite good, the recording, the vocal up in the mix, not buried, enunciation pretty good. Instrumental work seems good, well put together, some unique guitar riffs and fills, and percussion treatment.)
Down by the river I wrote this little tune It sounds a lot like this one That you're hearing in the afternoon
[Pre-Chorus] I may be bored or I may be tired I could be wrong but it's down to the wire I tell ya things that ya wanna hear But I'm sick of the pain you give me
[Chorus] Dear Dear Dear Dear
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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