JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum A Daydream Night

One of the few decent recordings I got on my old gear, just wondering, is this catchy? Does it hook you musically, atmospherically, lyrically, vocally?, Does it create a mood? Asking for a friend

https://www.soundclick.com/music/songInfo.cfm?songID=13712118

"Cars" vibe, cool! Ok so there's a lot to like here. Singing is so well done! I'd like to hear the verse that starts at 1:19 repeated. Like the rhythm guitar pattern till the vocal starts then it should change. (too repetitive throughout) Lyric is difficult to follow.(The Gina bit is out of nowhere) Some very nice work here, best of luck!
-Mike

Thanks, its just a hooky track.

Try rewriting the lyrics, it wont be easy. melody is only made for a few words. Gina is who he was talking to all along

It's just a commercial track, the music was used without any vocals on a financial advisor podcast. He liked the music and I didn't charge him a royalty...a good 30 people heard it....

Still, I think it IS worth a look, just to bring the song to it's potential...

I'm in the process of going through old stuff and new stuff I got some new recording stuff too. I'm gonna be banging out alot of new stuff.

But just to show you what I mean, I offer you a chance to rewrite the lyric, using the same melody, if I think it works and sounds better than this i will rerecord it using your lyrics.

There's not many choices....

Well, I'm constantly working on my own stuff so why I want to take on yours... but PM your lyric so I can match the phrasing, I'll do a verse or whatever see if it suits: MUSIC!
-Mike

Cause it sounded like you had a better idea of how to fix it. I wanted to hear your ideas.

There aren't many lyrics that would work in this context, almost none, I tried a few alternatives but it's based on the sound of the words not the story. On this one.

Haven't heard your stuff, where do you work on them?

Keep going with it.
Sounds good to me.

Vic

Thanx Vic, I'd use a smiley face but why be predictable!

We all have them, like it or not, sitting next to our name.
I got used to mine now.

Vic

Hello

I love the production of this the melody is killer in all that I have learned in song writing it is so important to build to the tittle the lyric is weak the the production and performance is Great the verse and pre chorus did not lead me to that killer hook I hope this helps

Hello ...

I may not be the right listener to answer most of your questions. But I'll give you my thoughts in general.

The vocal is very strong and the b/g tracks fill nicely. I like the change of the left channel guitar on the chorus as it breaks up a sound that could, otherwise, become monotonous. In my ears, the change was enough to dilute that concern.

I tend to view/listen to songs from the big picture POV, rather than picking at details ... unless the details are distracting. I try to take off my musician/songwriter hat and listen as the average person might. I want to hear a good story (on vocals) and backing tracks that support the story ... in other words, decent prosody. Does it catch my attention and keep it throughout? Does it want me to listen again? To me, those are the more important things. A lot more general-public listeners buy music than songwriters do. So, that's who I try to write/perform for..

I hope that helps, at least a little bit. As I said, I'm not a nit-picker type of listener. I just want to be entertained. And, for me, you punched all those buttons. I enjoyed it!

Best to you. Be safe ...

Alan

Thanks singer x2,

They are rhetorical.questions, they were stringed to a different thread so I guess the inside story or back story was omiited here

This is not one id consider a strong "song" but an enjoyable track to listen to.

On a song like this you don't get many words to work with, like I told the other guy, if anyone wanted to try new lyrics to my melody, they would have a hard time.

Sometimes it's the sound of the words, using whole vowel rhymes, phrases that are meant to be sung and not resd.

It's pop. I think radio friendly

And I agree, different songs require different critiques, and are meant for different audiences and have different purposes.

Poncho and Lefty it is not....

But I had a decent sounding track to share,....

Way to get a "Born To Run" and "Thunder Road" reference in there. I really liked this alot. The singing and melody are super. Very catchy tune. I do love the signature guitar riff in the song, but I agree it may be a bit overdone. I also think it needs more effect to sit in the mix better. Maybe a bit lower on that riff with more reverb or echo. While the mix seems wet with reverb, that signature guitar seems a bit dry. For me, best of the tunes you have posted and not because it is a better quality recording. I think it is the best of the songs you have posted. It did strike me as giving off a bit of an 80's feel ... not The Cars, but maybe more pop oriented 80's groups. I can't think of the band I am thinking of. If it comes to me, I will mention it. Well done.

Dave

Thanks GM, didn't see your reply sitting there. Yeah, I think the riff was supposed to be more of a accompaniment than the main riff, since I did this I have ideas for a few different variations.

Was the band The Police? Every breath you take riff is similar.

I'm glad you like this, not sure this will make my album, whenever I get it done, but it's not a bad track.

Thanks for the ears and encouragement

I like this, as well as the others. Love the melody and singing. The lyrics feel good to me.
If anything, the production....the mix.... could be more professional. Everything always gets better with more spit and shine.
Good luck with this........lots and lots to like here!!
-Tom

Fremetrio,
Yes to all questions. Totally hooked me in. I liked everything about it. I also get 9ne's "Cars" comparison (Drive).
You are good and have a really good voice too. I'm jealous.
Tom

Iron knee and Tom thanks, always nice to have good songwriters on the same page. Tom, your song you posted, nothing to be jealous over dude, sounds great!

Somehow I missed this post until now Fd. Sorry.

I liked the song. The intro and basic feel and guitar rhythm sounded Pretenders to me.
But then you shifted the melodic feel a couple of times, which I really enjoyed.

Nice tune.

Martin

Thanks Marty, yes absolutely hear what your saying about pretenders, I'm actually a fan so many great songs but didn't realize it in this until you mention it...sounds similar to" "don't get me wromg" there's is better, but I love her and her voice, time to break out some of their stuff.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P6u9C_SH3mQ

Fdemetrio,

NIce groove on this right out of the gate�very engaging intro. It�s a very solid vocal as well�kinda 90�s alternative sound . . . Third Eye Blind comes to mind, but that�s not quite it. Best thing I�ve heard from you, no question. I�m not sure I�m following all the lyrics without seeing them . . . but it doesn�t matter, and it�s just another example of the fact that it�s never just about the lyrics, but about the sound of the song as a whole. And everything comes together on this one . . . really well. Very nicely done!

Best regards,

Deej

Wow the boards must be coming back, this got buried fast since last night.

Thanks Dee, soon I'll be posting stuff where I'm not worried about the sound. And can post more frequently. I got some new recording stuff and will probably work with live musicians in fiverr.

Fd
The longish intro works well and welcomed you to stick around for a pleasant journey,which it turned out to be.
The vocal was good and in a nutshell a really decent sound
Regards
John

Thanks Travis decent is what I strive for

FD,

I really liked it a lot. I love the contrasting music movement with the longer drawn out vocal phrasing--great timing needed to make that work. The melody grabs you for sure, but I like the lyrics too--feels passionate. I think this song would work in almost any music era--has a unique element--nice work and performance!

steady-eddie

Thanks Eddie. Yeah it was a groove that I came in on top of after the track was done, I found the pocket to sing in, little bit of a timing challenge but it came out good.

Thanks for encouraging words.

The HIGH & LOW is very catchy...

Now it�s stuck in my head

Hi FD,
It all works well together for me, nice smooth soft rock, good ambience. A little JD, a nice woman, and this...

Thanks Steve and John. I like it enough to put more work into it, and with these positive reviews means I probably will.

I like the steady vibe of the guitar(s). Well done here. Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" has that continuous undertone, but more so Phil Collins' "Take Me Home." Good stuff. But don't you think some of the lyrics beg for a story? You write about "two can play this game" and "we'll put on a show." Seems the theme is a night with a lady, a daydream night, where everything's right, and it's not really about a movie. Also, I think there must be a better phrase than the dress is "out of sight." Sorry I'm commenting so late and I know your song has been up for a while. I just joined. thx

Now that you mention it, it is a coincidence you landed on my song out of all the others.

No, I don't think it calls for a story, cause it's not a story song.

It's about one person telling another how he deals with the struggles of the day, how a daydream, can be used to spark a nice evening, and that they should try doing it.

It's been a hard days night,
and I've been work in like a dog
It's been a hard days night,
I should be sleeping like a log

Where's the story in that?

I didn't post the song as a lyric where all eyes are on the lyric, but I posted a mp3 of a track, lyrics were written to fill the track.

It's not one of my better songs anyway, but not cause of lyrics

I think this is on one of them disks I can't access. Back when I had a smidge of patience to produce.

Yap. These are different times

Where's the song? Man, even Marty said it was good. I can't find it. Poof!

I can't locate it either but that was the irony that struck me too.

It's quite possible, and albeit totally plausible, that Marty might be full of [naughty word removed].

It’s interesting looking back at this old thread — everyone was respectful, focused on songwriting, and enjoying the exchange. It shows how good the atmosphere here was. I wish we can get back to that.

I like being supportive of people. I'm able to do it everywhere else that I visit. But every time that a good atmosphere starts to build on this site, someone comes along and posts what they hate about a politician, or something or someone, and the place regresses again. It is a hopeless pattern going back years.

Agreed, it left alot of us wondering what happened.

The bottom line was there were dozens if not hundreds of everyday members.

Members wanting to improve, wanting to get down to music, cause that was the purpose.

We just don't have enough to carry us any more. Now it's about personal vendettas, critiquing the person instead of the song.

And many members really knew a lot about the craft. Some were leaning.

There was always spats and drama, and controversial topics, but songs were the main dish.

We had literally hundreds of lyric writers. It's surprising to me that they haven't returned using ai. Many never got anything on tape cause the lyrics would pile up

Now that they can do it themselves, not sure why they haven't done so.

Or maybe they are just not here

But there was, and you were booted for doing same thing.

And you continue to do it.

Yeah yeah, anti dom rhetoric , my interest in music is evident here and my level.

And I bought hundreds of dollars of music from people here.

So if I come to cause havoc, it sure comes with perks.

I was banned from Toonsmith because I quit giving AF.
It was pointless to care. Same moderation mentality here.
They do nothing about attacks and dysfunctional behavior...and encourage the distraction of incendiary topics.
People either quit, which most have done, or hand it back, which I do.

You were previously banned from here as Bugsie.
You and Tony were recently blocked from another songwriting website because the mods realized you both for the destructive forces that you are. They wanted no part of your havoc or your perks.

Toonsmith dwindled and disappeared, largely due to what they allowed on their site.
This place probably will to, because you and Tony, and maybe Rob are about all that is left....and nothing good can be built up from that basis.

You were booted for being abrasive towards the faithful thryr.

It's really sad you have to keep trying to bring me down to your level

As I've said I i think people have seen enough sampling size to know what your only purpose here is

View it however you like. Mental clarity does not describe you.
Your "level" is a guy that has been banned from this songwriting site once, and another songwriting site recently.

As for me, I have no purpose here.
When I gave the site $300 I was very hopeful that there would be a new beginning. And the garbage that occurs here would be cleaned up.
That did not happen.

Now I am resigned to the fact that Bugsie (FDmetrio) and Tony (JAPOV) are the most prominent presences here, on a daily interactional basis.

So, where do you go from here?
Will you continue talking about the "mastery" in your own songs and how much you "love" them? How talentless everyone else is?

Can't wait to see.

Your like my dog, she picks up a sock she finds on floor, and keeps turning away so I can't get it, holds on to it for dear life , cause I mistakenly taught her that if she gives me what I don't want her to have, shell get a treat.

Here you keep hanging in to that sock, refusing to let it go until you get the snack. Your snack is somebody else siding with you.

I doubt that even truly makes sense to you.

I think it’s great when people are supportive and positive — that’s what keeps a forum healthy. But the real test of that is how we respond when someone posts something we don’t agree with. It’s not the topic or the person posting that causes problems, it’s how people react to it. Respectful disagreement keeps things interesting — hostility just shuts everything down.

You return over and over, to a chimerical scenario where you get to discuss anything that you want and all the children remain perfectly behaved, and the atmosphere is productive and wonderful.

I keep repeating over and over, that 99% of the people in the world know that if they are involved in an endeavor with a specified goal such as songwriting, and the conversations are allowed to wander unfettered into politics, religion or whatever may piss some nut-ball off...then the endeavor is going to become governed by the lowest common denominator...and acrimony is inevitable.

In this specific case, a guy who lists Germany as his home in his avatar. comes onto an Indiana based songwriting site with railings against the current United States president, and expects everyone to respond cordially. That is always going to degenerate to the lowest common denominator. To beleive anything else is fantasy.

For future brevity, I will refer to this response as "the chimerical takeaway."
I get tired of writing the same obvious observation over and over again.

Hi FD,
Thanks for bringing this thread forward.

Anyway you can repost the lyric…and the music…even as a AI facsimile?

Bill

Well, Marty, there you go again. What exactly is your issue with Germany? I could change my location to Florida next week — would that make me a different person? For the record, I actually grew up in Bluffton, Indiana. Take a look at what you just wrote: I didn’t wander into politics or religion — I was simply talking about how we behave as a songwriting community. Yet somehow, that still set you off.

I can answer that. A complete answer is more detailed than what you're making it sound like.

#1. You now list Indiana, along with Florida, along with Germany as your past and present places of residence, or birth. BUT, what you actually display in your avatar is only Germany. anyone looking at it would reasonably assume that you live in Germany, and are very possibly German.

RULE#1 OF LIFE- What people actually do is much more telling than all the stuff they rattle off to explain what they do.


#2 Many of your previous political posts have been Eurocentric.
For example, when Charlie Kirk died, you stated that the Germans didn't even know who he was, with the clear implication that no one who matters believes that Charlie Kirk was someone who matters.
(I suspect that you will deny that now)

You have peppered this site with what the Europeans think about Trump and his tariffs and his authoritarianism, his fascism and all the other MSNBC talking points. You caught my eye once, when you wrote “the American President,” in reference to Trump. That seemed like the viewpoint of a foreigner. Over here we just say, "the president," because we're here.

Those things taken together would lead a reasonable person to conclude that regardless of wherever you may have lived, your primary allegiance is Germany and Europe. In your writings, you appear to favor calling yourself a European and seeing the world as a European.

Even your new bestie Tony, derogated you as a “German Activist” only a couple of days ago.

As for me, I am a big fan of European history. With a lot of nasty bumps it carried the torch from the Roman empire, through Christendom, into the Renaissance, the Enlightenment, and evolved into the Western world that I feel very fortunate to live in now. But it is also a history riddled with countless nightmares of wars and human atrocities. The takeaway? I value the opinion of a solid Texas citizen much more than a random Frenchman. BTW, your beloved Germany tried to subjugate all of Europe twice, only one century ago. I definitely wouldn’t rattle around there asking random people for life advice.

#3 Lastly, in one of your hair-afire Trump bashes months ago, when Trump started rounding up illegals, I recall you stating that you were at risk of being rounded up because you did not know if you had the proper papers to prove-up your American citizenship.

I remember thinking…How TF is that?
Was this guy born in a barn in the deep woods northeastern Arkansas, or is his US citizenship questionable. The phrenetic tone of some of your posts seemed to indicate some details may be out of view.

And as far as "wandering into politics"...you are the sites unappointed Rachel Maddow. You rattle MSNBC talking points often and have even advocated for people to listen to Maddow on this in order to get the real truth. You are ever-ready to wander into politics, which is actually Trump-bashes.

Auf Wiedersehen,
Marty

And, I like discussing and debating politics. But it is a community killer.