JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 "Slippery Slope" - Final-ish Version

UPDATE 2/11:

Hi again,

Here's the FINAL-ish version. Thanks to everyone for their input:

"Slippery Slope"
(c) 2015, Beth G. Williams, BMI

I'm trying to keep the past in the past
But sometimes those memories sneak in,
Testing my weak spots, pulling me back
To that place where we did what we did

It's worse when you call every once and a while
Can you sense when I've had a bad day?
Baby, you whisper, remember that time?
And you wash all my good sense away

Then I know it's too late, to put on the brakes, 'cause

The road back to you's
Such a slippery slope
I'm losing my grip
Skidding out of control
I swallow my pride
And end up on the slide
Again, here I go
Down that slippery slope

When I scramble back up, wonder what should I do?
Two families are caught in the balance
Am I looking for what I once had with you?
Or something I'm hoping will happen?

I know I should stop but I'm tangled in knots, 'cause

The road back to you's
Such a slippery slope
I'm losing my grip
Skidding out of control
I swallow my pride
And end up on the slide
Again, here I go
Down that slippery slope

One day will it hit me,
When the kids are all piled
On the bed, what the hell am I doing?
Can I just re-write history
Not dismiss all your lies
And fix all the things that I've ruined?

I finally might ask you to leave me alone, and for once, try to not answer the phone, 'cause

The road back to you's
Such a slippery slope
I've been losing my grip
Skidding out of control
I've swallowed my pride
Ended up on that slide
Watching myself go
Down that slippery slope

Outro:
Then again I might not reach the end of my rope
There's something to say about that slippery slope



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REVISIONS IN RED:

Based on some initial feedback and misgivings I had about the use of a dangling carrot (seriously ), I have tweaked the chorus a bit. Hopefully this will make it a bit more palatable...

Thanks in advance for the look-see....

Beth

------------------------------------------------------------------------


Hey there JPF'ers!

It's been hard for me to get back in the lyrical saddle lately, so when I heard someone use this expression the other day, I definitely thought "hook" and ran with it! Any and all comments welcome...

Thanks in advance,
Beth


"Slippery Slope" - REV.
(c) 2015, Beth G. Williams, BMI

I'm trying to keep the past in the past
But sometimes those memories sneak in,
Testing my weak spots, pulling me back
To that place where we did what we did

It's worse when you call every once and a while
Can you sense when I've had a bad day?
Baby, you whisper, remember that time?
And you wash all my good sense away

Then I know it's too late, to PUT on the brakes, 'cause

The road back to you's
Such a slippery slope
I lose all my bearings
I'm out of control
You dangle the carrot
My secret bad habit
Oh no,
I'm losing my grip
SKIDDING out of control
I swallow my pride
And END UP ON the slide
Again, here I go
Down that slippery slope

When I scramble back up, wonder what should I do?
Two families are caught in the balance
Am I looking for what I once had with you?
Or something I'm hoping will happen?

I know I should stop but I'm tangled in knots, 'cause

The road back to you's
Such a slippery slope
I lose all my bearings
I'm out of control
You dangle the carrot
My secret bad habit
Oh no,
I'm losing my grip
SKIDDING out of control
I swallow my pride
And END UP ON the slide
Again, here I go
Down that slippery slope

One day WILL IT hit me,
WHEN THE kids ARE ALL PILED
On the bed, what the hell am I doing?
CAN I JUST re-write history
AND REMEMBER your lies
Can fix all the things that I've ruined?

Then I'LL ASK PLEASE leave me alone, I won't answer the phone, 'cause

The road back to you
Was a slippery slope
Where I lost all my bearings
And was out of control
You dangled the carrot
My secret bad habit
I was losing my grip
SKIDDING out of control
I swallowed my pride
ENDED UP ON that slide
But now I won't go
Down that slippery slope

Outro:
'COURSE I MIGHT NEVER reach the end of my rope
JUST A STUMBLE AWAY TOWARDS THAT slippery slope

I'm trying to keep the past in the past
But sometimes those memories sneak in,
Testing my weak spots, pulling me back
To that place where did what we did

That first verse caught me right away. Apparently I'm not the only one trying to outrun the past.

ya have some really nice lines here Beth.My only nit is the "carrot" line.You put a carrot in front of a mule to keep him going forward,in your case,the subject is falling backwards.Unless i'm missing the meaning.I like this one!Mike

I think it all fits nicely.
Something bothers me about it, though and I'm not sure what it is.
Maybe it needs more reference to "sliding" or "holding on" or "losing my grip" in the chorus to enforce what has been a well used metaphor. Not sure.

Vic

Hi Beth,

I like this, it reads good to me!

I'm not crazy about the carrot, for different reasons than Mike.
The word just seemed out of place somehow!

Geneva

Hi Beth,


I enjoyed the carrot.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hiya Jim,

Thanks for taking some time out of your day to take a gander at this one. And gosh, "caught me right away" -- that's every lyricists dream comment, thank you!

It is funny about that past...there's no escaping it sometimes. What was it Michael Corleone said in one of "The Godfather" movies: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in"?

Clearly I'm getting too involved in these Lifetime Movie marathons...

Cheers,
Beth

Hey Mike,

Thanks so much for stopping by and offering your thoughts on this one. It's oddly satisfying you should mention the carrot, as I've gone back and forth on that myself. What I was aiming for was the notion that this guy is luring her away, that it doesn't take much from him to grab her attention -- and hence the carrot imagery. I thought the direction of "away", symbolically, was synonymous enough with "down" (the slippery slope) for it to work. I also was not averse to the phallic imagery -- though that might be offensive to some.

That said, if a lyric has to be explained, something isn't working, so I'll definitely be revisiting that section.

Thank you again,
Beth

Hey there Vic,

Thank you for giving this the once-over and for your helpful comments. But I wonder, may I hit you up for a twice-over? I've made some changes to the chorus and I hope you might find they support the hook more explicitly now.

Either way, I appreciate your input. I've missed getting outside feedback...

Have a good evening,
Beth

I think it reads better, Beth.
"Swallow my pride" is possibly a bit too cliché and could be altered maybe to "let go my pride" which also suggests slipping.

You could have another look at the outro. As you mentioned it could be a bit "Pat".
As there is no mention of the singer being on the road to recovery may be you should send him/her spiralling away in helplessness.
E.G.
"Tumbling, spinning, end of my rope .....
.... confused, bruised, down the slippery slope

Best of luck with it.
Vic

You have a good title/hook here. I agree the carrot line is better gone, though I understand what your thoughts were to write it in. I think it's looking better. It's a song many will likely be able to relate to...know it's wrong or wrong for you, but so easy to be drawn back in unless you completely ignore the other person. Nice write!

Hi Beth,

I like this -- nice write! (Instead of the lyrical saddle, you're back on the lyrical slide -- LOL!)

You know, I like the idea Vic mentioned of just letting her slide! I don't think it needs a resolution, because the hopefulness lies in the fact that, throughout, she does keep trying! So, it's not like a depressing song that needs a lift at the end! We already sense that she's going to get up and try again, even if she goes sliding again...

A few little things...

In the first verse, line four, I think a "WE" is missing
To that place where WE did what we did

Instead of falling onto the slide, I thought maybe:
And END UP ON the slide

For the brake line ... I thought maybe:
Then I know it's too late, to PUT on the brakes, 'cause

Lisa

Hey Geneva,

Thanks for stopping by and for your input. Apparently you were not the only person having issues with the carrot (myself included), so I yanked it. Hopefully it's a bit more to your liking now !

Have a good afternoon,
Beth

Why does this not surprise me?

Thanks as always for chiming in...

Beth

Hey there Vic,

Thank you so much for coming back to check this out again. As I mentioned, I am not especially happy with that ending...and I like your suggestions quite a bit.

Stay tuned!

Beth

Hey there Jen,

Thanks a bunch for taking a gander at this one. It has certainly been a work in progress and I appreciate all the feedback I've been getting.

Glad you feel it's heading in the right direction.

Ciao for now,
Beth

Hey Lisa,

Thanks so much for your visit and your input. I have already made the changes you so shrewdly suggested .

Still fiddling with that outro...though I appreciate your thoughts on Vic's suggestion.

Stay tuned,
Beth

I'm losing my grip
SKIDDIN' out of control
I swallow my pride
And END UP ON the slide
HERE I GO AGAIN
Down that slippery slope

Good lyric Beth a couple of ideas.
Travis

Hiya Travis,

Why do these improvements seem so obvious when someone else suggests them?

Thanks a bunch, I'm going to incorporate them right now....

Beth

have many thought on chorus and outro...your decison.
also check verb tenses through out

This stanza here is not as clear as it should be at this stage of the lyric.
Does she try going back or is she still thinking...

One day it'll hit me,
With kids in a pile
On the bed, what the hell am(was) I doing?
I can't re-write history
Or forget all your lies
Gotta fix all the things that I've ruined


I would re-write the whole thing now, not do a patching job...the potential is here.

Nice array of soft rhymes, & fresh stuff throughout......Gus

Hey there Neil,

Thank you for helping draw my attention to the unresolved issues with the bridge and outro. I've made some changes which I hope will clarify both those sections and the story as a whole.

Let me know what you think....

Ciao for now,
Beth

Thanks for your feedback Gus. I've made some final (I think!) tweaks which hopefully address the straggling issues (which you were kind enough to gloss over )....

Have a good day,
Beth

I like it all 'til it comes to the outro.

It seems too tidy and final where it should be non committal.
It needs to be saying something like "I'm drifting and spinning".......imho.

Vic

I like all the changes Beth!

Good choices!

Geneva

Hi again Vic,

You have been so nice coming back to look at this for me time and again.

I totally get what you're saying about having the Outro be more non-committal. I tried to convey sense of indecision through the combination of the bridge and the outro: she sort of KNOWS she shouldn't be giving in to him...but something is obviously keeping her involved. So anyway, guess that's where my thoughts are right now.

Again, thank you so much for your comments along the way. You've been very helpful!

Cheers,
BEth

Thank you Geneva,

It has definitely been a work in progress, and I got a lot of helpful feedback along the way. Glad you feel it paid off in the end.

Have a great evening!
Beth

Hi Beth,

Well I've been off jp for about 2 years--thank you work,--not really,lol. I missed out on the early stages of this one--but I have to say--I love the changes since the first version. YEah--the carrot line--kinda stood out--the new version is much better. Not much I could think of to change that would make it any better. Nice to see you're still out there making great songs. Take care,
Roger

Hi Roger,

Belatedly, thank you so much for your response. It's always so nice to see the old gang around here. Personally, I keep trying to get back into the swing of things, but then get distracted by Life again. Oh well, guess I'm going to keep repeating to myself the mantra I'm always doling out to everyone else: "what I can, when I can"!

And oh yeah, glad you enjoyed the lyric . It was definitely a group effort.

Hope you can stick around for a while too!

Cheers,
Beth