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8Graves
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/20/26 06:05 PM
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Saosin
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/20/26 02:43 PM
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Spiritbox
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/18/26 09:51 PM
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TV Drama
by Bill Draper - 09/18/26 02:22 PM
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Syd
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/17/26 09:40 PM
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Lagoons
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/17/26 01:34 AM
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Söndörgő
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/17/26 12:01 AM
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 0
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OP
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Thursday
March 29, 2001
Hi Friends,
For those that have read this one, you've
watch me toss around some various ideas.
Hopefully this one is almost
ready for the stage! Ha!
Thanks!
Ron
"Joker's Wild"
Genre: Country Artist: Male
(c)2001 Ron Boyte
v1
I'm sitting on a bar stool
Sad music's playing low
I'm thinking of Diana
And how I love her so
I glance across the dance floor
And stare as she sits down
A Cowboy rambles over
He must be new in town
v2
He leads her to the dance floor
Then swings her too and fro
Diana's snagged a live one
He pulls her in real close
He's trapped but doesn't know it
And thinks she's his to tame
Some others point while laughing
They've figured out her game
chorus
Diana does things to me
That shouldn't be allowed
One minute my life is over
The next she's full of smiles
No laws have been broken
Teasing's just her style
The beauty's in the holding
Of my Joker's Wild
v3
Sad music keeps on playing
Warm whiskey goes down smooth
I hear an Angel calling
It's got to be the booze
A tap upon my shoulder
Diana's headed home
Like a bolt from Heaven's sky
She's back where she belongs
chorus
Diana does things to me
That shouldn't be allowed
One minute my life is over
The next she's full of smiles
No laws have been broken
Teasing's just her style
The beauty's in the holding
Of my Joker's Wild
bridge
Diana holds all aces
To play I play her way
Though she teases
When she pleases
Her loving makes me stay
chorus
Diana does things to me
That shouldn't be allowed
One minute my life is over
The next she's full of smiles
No laws have been broken
Teasing's just her style
The beauty's in the holding
Of my Joker's Wild
tag
No laws have been broken
Teasing's just her style
The beauty's in the holding
Of my Joker's Wild
add
The cards fold to the holder
Of this Joker's Wild
Contact Information:
Ron Boyte 20455 Cr 146
Tyler, Tx. 75703
Ph/Fax: (903) 894-5634
Email: RBoyte7293@aol.com
All material is Copyright Protected!
All Rights Reserved!
[This message has been edited by Ron Boyte (edited 03-29-2001).]
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 286
Serious Contributor
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Posts: 286 |
Hi Ron,
I like this one very much, 'cept for the line 'the beauty's in the holder'....my problem I think is in understanding that line properly. I'm understanding it as you are the holder of this joker's wild....so....that would seem to me to say the beauty's in you? I don't really think that's what you meant here, but that's how I'm reading it. Maybe if you said 'she's a beauty to the holder' or some such. Or maybe I'm just dense...this is always a possibility..especially on a Saturday...lol!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
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Posts: 10,240 |
Hi Ron...Thought this was done up well too..
Your flow and meter as always are done well..
I have a few thoughts on word useage...and
that is strictly personal preference but for
what that personal preference is worth ...i'll throw them out..
can't see the word GIGGLE in a country song
"BUGS" me....and the one Char brought up too.
that be it...good luck with it. I'm sure others may feel differently...
Kaley
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 0
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Posts: 0 |
Hi Char,
I love this board! Sharp eyes everywhere! I had just put the finishing touches on this one today. You said it exactly as I meant for it to be. I made the change. It now reads:
"The beauty's in the holding"
Or, at least I think so! Ha!
When I don't get any suggestions for change,
I grow mighty suspicious! Ha!
"Walking in Flames" has not had too much criticism. I don't know if people are getting it.
Thanks!
Ron (Have a good weekend!)
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
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Posts: 3,072 |
Hey Ron, I also like this one very much. Flowed near perfect for me. I have to agree with Char however about that line. It sounds as if the beauty is in the holder. Like the holder is the beautiful one. I'm thinking the beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but could be wrong. Clarify that and you have a winner all the way!
hotrod
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 0
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Posts: 0 |
Hi Kaley and Hot Rod!
Thanks much for the read and the comments!
Kaley,
You may be right about giggle. I originally had used laughing but, because of the subject at hand, I changed it. This is based on a true story. I was in a bar once in Waco, Texas. There was this couple that was doing exactly this. Seems the lady enjoyed tormenting her boyfriend/husband. They left together though! Ha!
HotRod,
Thanks man! This is a work in progress as all of mine are!
Thanks you two!
Ron
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 86
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 86 |
Ron I like this one alot. Paints a good picture and has some nice word play. I guess you made some edits after the first few posts. I can't see anything I'd change now. Good one!
------------------
Capt. Tom-Luc
Capt. Tom-Luc
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 16
Casual Observer
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Posts: 16 |
Hi Ron. Very strong imagery here. I agree that "The beauty's in the holding" is much better than "The beauty's in the holder". That is the hook, of course, and is original, interesting and sings well.
The only other line which struck me a little awkward is:
"Though she teases When she pleases.."
But..I can't pin down exactly what bothers me about it.
Overall..VERY cool country tune here..
Ric Swanson
"New kid on the block"
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Hi Ric,
Thanks for your take on this one. You were right to question the "pleasing" line. I modified it, and it does seem to sound better.
I am not sure that I like this lyric much though. It just doesn't have any pazzazz! Ha!
Thanks!
Ron
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Thurs. March 29, 2001
Hi Friends,
For those that have read this one, you've
watch me toss around some various ideas.
Thanks Don Rowe! Ha! I think with both
your ideas and other's, this one is almost
ready for the stage! Ha!
Thanks!
Ron
"Joker's Wild"
Genre: Country Artist: Male
(c)2001 Ron Boyte
v1
I'm sitting on a bar stool
Sad music's playing low
I'm thinking of Diana
And how I love her so
I glance across the dance floor
And stare as she sits down
A Cowboy rambles over
He must be new in town
v2
He leads her to the dance floor
Then swings her too and fro
Diana's snagged a live one
He pulls her in real close
He's trapped but doesn't know it
And thinks she's his to tame
Some others point while laughing
They've figured out her game
chorus
Diana does things to me
That shouldn't be allowed
One minute my life is over
The next she's full of smiles
No laws have been broken
Teasing's just her style
The beauty's in the holding
Of my Joker's Wild
v3
Sad music keeps on playing
Warm whiskey goes down smooth
I hear an Angel calling
It's got to be the booze
A tap upon my shoulder
Diana's headed home
Like a bolt from Heaven's sky
She's back where she belongs
chorus
Diana does things to me
That shouldn't be allowed
One minute my life is over
The next she's full of smiles
No laws have been broken
Teasing's just her style
The beauty's in the holding
Of my Joker's Wild
bridge
Diana holds all aces
To play I play her way
Though she teases
When she pleases
Her loving makes me stay
chorus
Diana does things to me
That shouldn't be allowed
One minute my life is over
The next she's full of smiles
No laws have been broken
Teasing's just her style
The beauty's in the holding
Of my Joker's Wild
tag
No laws have been broken
Teasing's just her style
The beauty's in the holding
Of my Joker's Wild
add
The cards fold to the holder
Of this Joker's Wild
Contact Information:
Ron Boyte 20455 Cr 146
Tyler, Tx. 75703
Ph/Fax: (903) 894-5634
Email: RBoyte7293@aol.com
All material is Copyright Protected!
All Rights Reserved!
[This message has been edited by Ron Boyte (edited 03-29-2001).]
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 1
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This is kewl!! Good story!
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 2,290
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
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Posts: 2,290 |
Ron, you devil! Wow! I like it! I like it! I'm not even going to hunt for a nit. This ought to get out on the radio immediately, no holes barred or no bars holed, whatever. I sang this all the way thru but of course I'm sure you heard me all the way over to there? eh? Say fellow get this one pitched, hurry, man! Anyway, can you tell I really like it?????? Congratulations on this write.
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 0
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OP
Casual Observer
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Posts: 0 |
Hi Sharon,
Thank you for your kind remarks. This is based on one of the first lyrics that I had ever attempted.
Thanks!
Ron
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 4,528
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
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Posts: 4,528 |
Very nice job Ron; this might be my fav you've posted along with that religous one you posted; nice tight lyrics, good imagery, good flow and meter. Nice!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
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Posts: 10,240 |
Good job on this rewrite Ron...!!!!!!
Kaley
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 0
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
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Posts: 0 |
H i Blake and Kaley!!
Thanks for the comments. I am glad you liked it!
Best to you both!
Ron
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"If you are stuck in your musical composing, be unreasonable. Change your environment. If you are stuck in your lyrical efforts, instead of forcing the same old words out, force yourself to do unreasonable things." -Brian Austin Whitney
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