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Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,236 Likes: 4
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This is a new rough tune. Any thoughts/suggestions appreciated. http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12895826Mama's in-line at the drugstore Trying to fill her pain medications Her back it ain't been right She can't sleep at night There's no such thing As a vacation Mama lost her job making carpet There's a burning in her hands She hauls the world on her shoulders But the world, well It don't give a damn Ly dy dy.. Johnny got himself into a jackpot Lord knows, them boys They don't mess around Now he walks the halls of his high school wearing colors And beating kids down He don't want to be no killer But he can't seem to find his way So he takes his mama's pills And he makes them go away Ly dy dy... Mama goes to church Strains to hear the call But Jesus did not whisper Whisper at all Johnny calls up his cousin Gonna buy himself a nine Then he hears an whisper say Don't let it end this way Don't make your burden mine Ly dy dy..
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 763
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Very Nice Wendy...remenicent of The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkle.
Learn all the musical rules inside and out- Then break 'em...
Grace..Peace...Love
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,858 Likes: 1
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Really like the write Wendy, nice melody. I felt that there could be harmonies in there to create some lift in the song, I felt right before the Ly dy dy's.... Nice song!
Tammy
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Joined: Jan 2005
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what a cool lyric,i'm likin' this one Wendy.Mike
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Joined: Jul 2004
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Wendy , I really enjoyed the listen and performance .
Love the way you tell a story .
Keep up the good work .
All the best
Jan
"You have to react to what's around you in the moment, whatever the music is.
Just think of it as some place you have to enter and you need to find the key."
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Powerful write. Good just the way it is.
(forgive my faux pas previously regarding mismade. you are even more clever than I imagined...)
fj
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Joined: Sep 2004
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Yep great start. Capturing life nicely.
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Joined: Mar 2008
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Very nice write! I liked the conversational approach. It evoked genuine emotion as only real life can.
Tom
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Joined: Jun 2010
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A truly captivating lyric Wendy.
The Boxer, eh.... nice call Doug.
All the best with it.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 4,029 Likes: 28
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Wendy,
You have a captivating voice. Nice song here, a nice melody and story that that some unfortunately will relate to, but also one that captures anyone that feels compassion for sure. I like the concept of the Ly's for a brief or subtle chorus refrain. Your verse melody here is strong enough with this story that you don't need a lifting full chorus for sure.
One little thought--I was wondering if when you said "Jesus did not whisper," if maybe you said "to her," or "but she did not hear Him whisper?" -- which might make that line feel more about "just her," as she wants to hear Him? I'm not sure that it needs changed, and I like the concept you have--just something for you to consider as an option.
Poignant grassroots write here! I also like with this song the idea of having "no" harmonies and keeping this vocal singular/heartbreaking, as it accentuates the pain and hopelessness that these lyrics evoke. Your "sweet" voice makes a great contrast to the pain of this song--which is one reason why this song hit's you in the gut.
steady-eddie.
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Very Nice Wendy...remenicent of The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkle. Doug, I thought about The Boxer about an hour after I posted this. It did not occur to me that I might be ripping off the Boxer, so now I'm thinking this is one for the dust pile. Also, when I went back and listened, I realized that the coffee pot was beeping in the background. So another thing I need to do is set my recording gear up again. It's mostly packed away because I do not do much at home anymore. But I need to do a better job with these things. Thanks for listening.
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Calvin,
My bro..not wasting the words! Thanks for listening.
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Joined: Oct 2007
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Really like the write Wendy, nice melody. I felt that there could be harmonies in there to create some lift in the song, I felt right before the Ly dy dy's.... Nice song!
Tammy Tammy, I was listening to a couple of the new ones you posted. You are sounding great! You are inspiring me to get my gear back out. I have not tried to actually "record" other than using my digital machine in so long.. I packed that stuff away a couple of years ago. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts on the harmonies. I need to try that. I'm not sure if this song will go anywhere but maybe on some others.
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Joined: Feb 2013
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STRONG STRONG STRONG
Powerful lyric and delivery. Sounds like it could be set in NW Georgia with the carpet mill reference. Put the right production behind it and I could hear it rolling during the credits of a Justified episode.
J&B
Last edited by Janice & Bud; 08/28/14 07:23 PM.
Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?"
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