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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: May 2010
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Donna Marilyn issued a totem challenge at FAWM and my friend Jane wrote a lyric about her assigned leopard and the write blew me away. She allowed me to take one of her verses and make it into a chorus and I chorded it and played it on my guitar and sang it. I really like this song and am thinking of doing a better production of it, so if you have suggestions on what instruments you hear, what genre do you feel this is, anything to get me to the next step with it is appreciated. Hunter In The Darkness on SoundClick Hunter In The Darkness by Jane Eggers and Tammy Carlson © 2014 You don’t know I’m in the shadows, but I’m taking it all in: Every nuance of your heart: the hidden joy, the secret sin No need to make a spectacle, don’t try to change your spots But turn your focus inwards – find what works, and what does not. chorus I'm a hunter in the darkness - you won’t hear me passing by, silently I’m watching I'm a hunter in the darkness willing you to try you yearn to know what will be, silently I'm watching You may sense me prowling on the far edge of your dreams common sense will tell you things might not be as they seem Learn to trust the wisdom that your instincts long to share Find your true desire act upon it, if you dare. chorus Im a hunter in the darkness - you won’t hear me passing by, silently I’m watching I'm a hunter in the darkness willing you to try you yearn to know what will be, silently I'm watching I can help you find your path, it’s yours to take the step There’s nothing much to lose except the wondering and regret So I urge you, turn to face me: if you’re willing you'll see; Gather up your hopes and dreams and bravely go with me chorus Im a hunter in the darkness - you won’t hear me passing by, silently I’m watching I'm a hunter in the darkness willing you to try you yearn to know what will be, silently I'm watching
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You have your claws in this one Tammy!I'm hearing dark instruments with sneaky stealth attacks.It's gonna be a nice one when you're done.Mike
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Nice, Tammy. Bass and cello maybe starting on second verse. Vic
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Oooh, "Claws In This One"...you are such a writer Michael LeBlanc!! I like it!!
Tammy
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NICE...MAYBE REDUCE THE NUMBER OF OPEN BARS BETWEEN L 2 & 3 IN THE VERSES DOWN TO ONE BAR2 MAX.
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Vic,
Glad you liked it, thanks for listening and appreciate the suggestions friend!! Hadn't thought of cello, but that sounds like a good idea....
Tammy
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Really, really grabbed me from the get go. Add a band and wow! Great lyric and delivery. I do have to admit that I kept hearing "huntress" instead of hunter. Not a gender specific noun thing at all -- just that huntress seems even darker and magical. But I know it wouldn't work with "darkness."
Thanks for the post!
Last edited by Janice & Bud; 03/18/14 03:37 PM.
Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?" on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
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I like the cello idea..or maybe a low fiddle.
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Hi Tammy,
You've created a really cool musical atmosphere for these somewhat mystical lyrics. I have no idea about additional instrumentation.
I agree with Neil about the pause at the end of the second line. It's good at the end of the forth line but my ear wanted a smoother transition between lines 2 and 3.
Ricki
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Good one! I agree with the cello and I also like the "huntress" suggestion.....:) Liked the lyrics, liked the melody, and the overall feeling of the song. As far as full scale production of this one....I hear with a Def Leopard type of production.....but that might be the old rocker in me .......maybe a little more current would a female like Brandi Carlisle.
Last edited by Fred Choate; 03/19/14 03:32 PM.
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Yes cello needs cello. In fact I’d add a whole string section. I also heard some nice crying guitar fills in between the verses. Cool song with so much potential! I see why you chose the lyrics, very well crafted.
This is one of those songs that could stay dark then blast off into a full blown rock song. Nice.
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Wow Tams, really powerful. Made me think of Heart. Had me waiting for a rocking bridge. I look forward to hearing it further along. Very cool.
John
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
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Bill,
Thanks for listening, glad you liked it!
Tammy
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Hey Tams,
Wow ! Haunting, and with such a great feel.
I don't know where it's going to go from here, but it's certainly a great beginning.
cheers, niteshift
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Hi Tammy,
Once I entered your song, I felt like I was in the woods, at times being hunted, at times being the hunter! Really cool, the way you pull the listener in, experiencing the hunt-- it sounds GREAT!
Lisa
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Neil,
Thanks for giving this a listen Neil, will certainly consider your suggestion!
Tammy
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Hi Tammy,
I like this too, I actually thought I had commented on this one, but saw that I did not--I know that I played it a while back.
Anyway, I know how the industry is always encouraging us to get to that chorus more quickly such as after the 1st verse--but I personally think that an interlude that acts as if it's about ready to launch a chorus, then pulls back to the 2nd verse would create more "suspense and tease" here. I think this would actually empower your chorus by doing this. Incidently, I especially like the lifting chorus. The verses with some cool percussion effects as well as perhaps some vox effects and music "answers" as suggested above with cello could also really enhance the verses.
Lot's of potential here, and nice performance vocally.
steady-eddie.
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Janice and Bud,
Appreciate the listen, glad you liked it, I do hope to do a full production of this song. I understand your idea of the "huntress", but since the subject totem is a leopard, I feel good singing hunter, taking the part of an animal and a lyric that can taken many ways. Just my take on it, but thanks for the idea!
Tammy
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Hi Tammy you got a really powerful mystical song here, cello sound coming in at certain times would make this song and take us deeper into the forest, very visual effect the way you sing it really is a great song.
Best of luck with this.
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Ben Willis, I like the cello idea also, thanks for listening!
Tammy
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Hey Tammy and Donna,
I really enjoyed it. I am hearing screaming violin fills and classic mandolin playing in the background with the acoustic guitars and vocal in the forefront. I am also hearing some slight percussion here. What a great lyric Donna, and as always beautiful vocal Tammy.
Dave
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Ricki,
Glad you stopped in and gave this one a listen, appreciate the comments and thrilled you liked it!
Tammy
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You Two have a fine song here--Good luck with the demo--
Write on--
Mackie
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Tammy,
Super enjoyable - really suits your vocal style. Sounds like you are set on the "hunter", but I like the huntress idea, too (and I would drop the "I'm"... so it is "A huntress in the darkness.." (a female leopard...).
A nice B3 organ might work on this along with the cello/violin idea...
Good luck with this one!
floyd
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Fred,
Appreciate your thoughts and listen on this, thanks!
Tammy
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Hi Tammy, This is without a doubt my favorite of your songs!!! I love it! Love the lyric, your playing, singing. This is awesome!!! Dottie
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Iggy,
Everything you said made my day, thank you!! I needed that!!
Tammy
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John,
If you mention HEART, then you have won mine, they are my fav, appreciate the listen and glad you liked it!!
Tammy
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Geoff,
Glad you stopped by and gave this a listen and wow, you liked it?? I must have done something right....
Tammy
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Lisa,
AWESOME girl, that is what I was going for...YAY!
Tammy
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Eddie,
Always appreciate your comments, thanks!
Tammy
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Haunting and beautiful! I like the cello idea as well. I love your vocals on this!
Jennifer (Jinx) Shaner
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Wow... Tammy this is awesome. The arrangement is wonderful and the tension in the music is very very well done.
Your growth technically and creatively impresses me to no end.
KEEP PUSHIN
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Hi Tammy, I really love this song from the first time I heard it, through the mixing process, and I still love it. So, I guess there must be something to it. Jane wrote an incredible lyric and you did a great job rearranging the structure. I'm happy to have been a small part of this one. You're making great strides! Danny
The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing of." —Blaise Pascal, 1670
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Pat, Dave, Mackie, Floyd, Calvin, Dottie, Jen, Nelson,
Friends, I am so sorry that I jumped ship and didn't thank you for your kind comments, they are very appreciated!!
Between life and allergies, it seems a break was inevitable, but please know how much I appreciate your time and I have read every one of your comments and thank you so very much!
Tammy
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