JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Vagabond (fourth version)

Hi Blues -- AWAY I went with your suggestion -- THANKS for the great one! I've posted a fourth version here with your change and others...any other suggestions from you are welcome, of course! Thanks! --Lisa

Hi Pop,

Thanks so much! And yes, collaboration and input can really change a song around!

Lisa

Hi Dave,

Your change is IN -- that works really well...big THANKS!

Lisa

Hi Vic,

You started the ball ROLLING with some changes and I felt I couldn't have made another change without you! But then... I had to go on...! LOL!

Thanks again for your great help -- the newest version is posted now.

Lisa

Hi Bill,

THANKS for checking back again with your wonderful encouragement!

Lisa

Hi John,

"ROLLS" is IN! Thanks! I had meant to convey all along that the mother and daughter were rolling along like vagabonds too, but I guess that wasn't clear. (well, at that point, they were "wandering along!) I originally had a son born in one of my earliest drafts, but then I thought it was too weird for a mother and son to be rolling along, as if the son could take the place of the father! The daughter seemed more natural.

Anyway...your change REALLY drives the point home -- THANKS!!!

Lisa

You still have some tense and grammar issues..

Like happy vagabonds
We roll along
Our love as free as a summer's breeze
Thinking nothing could (can) go wrong
We drifted (drift) on a song
Like happy vagabonds


Looks pretty good now. How to persist

Hi John -- Oops! I've been distracted today....THANKS! All of your changes are in -- thanks a ton for persisting with me! -- Lisa

Hi Lisa. great lyrics and so many suggestions to help it on its way.
Just some thoughts from me. KOS

not sure about 'skeptic'.

Sceptic about what and why...
maybe JIMO


I started down a winding road
Carried with me a heavy load
I met you, such a gentle soul
You had the gift of rock-n-roll

Sailed the oceans, just sea and sky ... or 'blue sea and sky'
AT night your music made me cry
Those days of sun were heaven sent
My heart was melting each mile we went


God Bless Roy and Helen

Hi Roy,

I've been gnawing on that "skeptic" word for quite some time! At one point, before I posted this, I had "burdens melting" as I went, so the skeptic fit in a little better with that. Thank you for pointing that out, along with your other really nice suggestions! I keep fooling with this, as you can see, and I still am, so I'll be trying out your ideas!

Thanks so much for your help!

Lisa

Happy Weekend, Mz MD!!!

"Vagabond"'s come a long way..heh...& Now, sure reads like it's finally "There"!!!

Congrats & Good Luck with a Really Sweet One..that Works!!!

Best Wishes, Big Hugs, & a Wee FHS,
Stan

Hi Stan,

Thanks! I've been amusing myself with this one -- like getting all dressed up with nowhere to go -- ho, ho!

That reminds me...I have a girlfriend who was in the army. During her basic training, she said that there was one girl in her barracks who would spend hours every Friday night getting dressed up to go out. She'd go out and get drunk as a skunk within two hours, all by herself. She'd stagger back, drop like a stone on her mattress -- and wet the bed because she was too passed out to get up! In the morning, she'd drag her mattress out in the sun to dry all day. She said this girl did this EVERY Friday night!

Thanks for your help and for stopping by again!

Lisa

Can tell by your attention on this one Lisa that you like what you are doing with it. The re-writes are tightening it up very well and your attention to the rhyming pattern helped me with the flow. (Tried to get a feel for it on my guitar, found something I liked but then it left. Sometimes does that. )

This is really coming along nicely. Good job!

douglas

Thanks, Douglas! Yes, sometimes I can't rewrite a word of a song, and sometimes it hits me like a puzzle and I get stuck on it! And then everyone keeps coming in with puzzle pieces -- so it makes it fun! Thanks for taking it for a spin on your guitar! Even if you lost it, maybe it's out there now in the universe somewhere, waiting to be found -- LOL! Thanks for your hep and nice visit too! -- Lisa

More than welcome Lisa. This is what I come for here at JPF. I enjoy seeing songs develop, love having the opportunity to "help" when I can and of course like the feedback as well.

see ya around the board!

douglas

Lisa do you have a melody in mind for this?

douglas

Hey Douglas,

No...I don't have a melody in mind. When I first started it, I was listening to some Irish/Celtic songs and I was thinking of it in that vein.

And hey -- I've been following you around the forum today -- I feel like a stalker! Every time you go into a song -- there I am!

Thanks, Douglas!
Lisa

The weekends are when I try to drop in and look over lyrics here and on the Mp3 Board. I guess it is the same with you?

"Irish/Celtic" feel eh? (Interesting.)

Have you ever heard of or listen to "Celtic Thunder"?

douglas

Hi Douglas,

I am familiar with "Celtic Thunder" -- they're great!

When I first wrote this, I had actually been listening to a Grace Griffith CD. She's a local performer/celebrity of sorts (DC area). She and I had once worked together for a few years, unrelated to music. She was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease several years back, and I last saw her perform six or seven years ago. I don't think she's doing much singing these days because of her illness, but she inspired me as I listened!

I just commented on "Teddy" -- it's SO sweet!

Lisa