Hi Ray

I don’t really know what you are talking about, they all make perfect sense. In fact there’s a little songwriting lesson to be gleaned from that list – i.e. pick a hook and drive towards it. Maybe it’s the succinctness (less conversational) of the lines you don’t like, but that’s something that generally makes songs sound slicker and often occurs in the re-writes.

Have a go as a writing exercise – you might enjoy it smile

Nige