As a skinny dipper of near 60 years who never belonged to a club< I guess i have seen as many clothing optionan bvenues as anybody and For what it is worth, I found the take the kid's clothes off bit a bit off.
I have four kids. Two who are quite comfortable a la naturale and two aren't.
We let them make their own mind up same as wwe did about faith beliefs.
You do seem to have a thing about naming peole which i would lose if i were you.
I try to rememebr, even i the personal ones , I am writing them so the majority of peope will relate to them.
I would also make a valiant efort to quit the chorus first thing you do.
What say you re'write this so it has two verses, then a chorus, then another verse and a chorus? With an outro if you feel the need.
If you write a few in that format, youwill find it fairly easy to then swing across to putting bridges etc in .
I remember you said you had beeb a member of FAW for a number of years. Nine I think. Did you ever attend any of their writer's workshops? Or attend writer's night's where writers listen and critique each other?
If you haven't, i sugest you think about it Ray.
And yes. Critiquing others is a good and valid learning lesson, as well as good manners.
Regards.
Graham

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