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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 561
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 561 |
Hi Corey
I like this and in particular the chorus and the bridge. In my opinion it would be better if you left the 1. chorus as it is and not changed it at the end, leaving out the last line. Also someone who is as drunk as the singer wouldn't normally be in a state to observe the time as exactly as "By eleven oh eight" and "It's half past two" sounds more conversational than your line "It’s thirty past two". The singer isn't put in a favorable light but I think you get away with it since it's so humorous.
I like it
Jan
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