Guitar is out of tune but that untuning has alot to do with how your strumming it @ John, lol.

I understand you are a lyricist primarily so im not gonna harp on that. But it is important to add some melody to your words, your melody is an aferthought

I would suggest trimming down the lyrics some, you dont need 5 perfectly metered lines up and down the page.

But i could see this as a Irish or Scottish ballad, wolfe tones or something, who i happen to like. Folksie rebel music.