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Afro Pop
by Raymond Byabazaire - 10/01/26 12:39 PM
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Afro Pop
by Raymond Byabazaire - 10/01/26 12:38 PM
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Gone
by Michael W. Brown - 09/30/26 07:17 PM
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Mara Cole
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/30/26 01:32 PM
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 290
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 290 |
I too like the imagery...but I think we can make this a little less wordy (not knowing what type of melody you have for this)...and also since this is called "Rebekah"...like to see her name in there somewhere...
Suggestion:
v1) hear your footsteps comin down the lane the waves crash upon the shore tell me if it's night or a cloudy day i can't tell anymore
i look down that gravel road but there ain't no one to see Rebekah it's only your memory comin back to haunt my dreams
Chorus) ain't gonna ask for forgiveness ain't gonna ask for nothin from you Rebekah, i got what i deserved broke your heart and then mine broke too
v2) I stare at the big sky at night Wonder if you're alright out in tucson Write you letters everyday, but never mail 'em I know it's been far too long
Rebekah, I remember your green eyes cryin Your dark hair blowin in the breeze Don't think there's anythin sadder than that I see it every night in my dreams
repeat chorus
v3)(and maybe use this as a bridge) tried my best to forget about you it didn't work, not a single time i've seen other girls come and go but you still remain on my mind
still keep a picture of you in the back pocket of my jeans and i know i'll never see you again except for every night in my dreams.
Just my 2 cents to cash or save...but good work over all...
Keep it coming!! Nicki...
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