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IRAN
by Fdemetrio - 04/15/26 12:27 PM
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PETE
by Fdemetrio - 04/14/26 06:57 AM
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 4,029 Likes: 28
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 4,029 Likes: 28 |
Jackie/Caroline,
Beautiful song, love the title, cool idea for lyrics using dandelion! There is something magical how every child seems to like dandelions, and most adults will relate to that.
I have one sug for lyrics--you might consider using the word "entwined," rather than the 3 syllable "intertwined." I think it would flow slightly better.
Beautiful vocals! I like the arrangement--very cool bridge. With the chorus, I would rather see you resolve the last line melodically back to the root chord by going down on "intertwined." As is it feels almost launching or climaxing too early in the song--I would save that melody on the last word for the "tag" at end of the song to give the "icing on the cake" at the end--helps dramatize ending and create "build" throughout the song.
Very nice write, I'm impressed!
steady-eddie.
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