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Bayside
by Gary E. Andrews - 10/19/26 09:48 PM
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,172
Top 200 Poster
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,172 |
Something I started working on... is it worth continuing?
Defenseless
Vs
Its an uphill climb
fighting how you feel inside
while hearing whispers
Behind your back
With a dizzy mind
Trying to rationalize
Why you're under attack
You cant decide
But know that
Ch
Being exposed
Leaves you Defenseless
defenseless
with a target taped to your shirt
Defenseless
To get away without being hurt
Defenseless
Defenseless
Last edited by Kathy Bampfield; 09/25/12 06:45 PM.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
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Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
In a word, yes.
More images needed here.
Vic
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275 |
HiYa Mz Kathy!
GREAT One-Word Hook!
I think it'd be More-Commercial IF ya'd pen it from a Lover's POV... You're at your MOST Defenseless when Ya put your Trust in Someone Else's hands...& Your Fate is much Up-To-Them.
So..I'd sug veering from Backbiting Rumors....& focus on that Kinda-Helpless Feeling when so Much of a person's happiness depends on That Significant Other.
KOS...& Good Luck with a Great Hook, M'LadyChum!
Best Wishes & Big Hugs,
Stan
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,172
Top 200 Poster
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,172 |
Thanks guys will continue and play with the angle.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712 |
Kathy,
This is a great title. The verse seems a bit abstract, but I can see the chorus being powerful.
Jim
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 551
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 551 |
These are my first thoughts after reading all the above.
Out on the ledge
Back to the wall
Exposed to the elements
I don't want to fall
You offer a hand
But it's wearing a glove
I can come back in
But where is the love?
Defenseless
My shields are weak
Defenseless
At your feet
Depending on you
To keep life support going
I can't hide
What my heart is showing
Defenseless
An ego under its own power travels assback. ~ Smarticus
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,172
Top 200 Poster
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,172 |
Thanks Jim....vague...yeah I would use that work..gotta fix that...:)
Taggy nice rewrite....:)I like the way it bounces
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 551
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 551 |
You're welcome to use anything you like or not. I'll follow the bouncing ball.
I wrote one called "Danger Close" where I discussed loss of defenses so I think some of the thought are still rattling around.
An ego under its own power travels assback. ~ Smarticus
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"Defeatist Pessimists and Rose Colored Glasses Optimists are lonely companions, victims even. Both ideologies imply predestined outcomes, and therefore breed inactivity in its victims. Inaction is the only sure way to lose at anything in life. All positive action guarantees at least a fighting chance." -Brian Austin Whitney
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