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If Only Heaven Had a Phone
Copyright 2012 - Susie Whiting

V1:
I hear the rain against my window.
It wakes me from a memory.
Remembering a starlit night
as we listened to the music of the sea.

I wish I could hear your voice once more
Telling me I'll be alright.
Hear your footsteps cross the floor,
Feel you hold me in the night.

Pre Chorus:
I'm going crazy missing you.
and I don't know what to do.
I know I wouldn't feel alone
if only heaven had a phone.

Chorus:
If only heaven had a phone
I would call you one more time
to tell you just how much I love you
and how I'm glad that you are mine.

I would tell you I am sorry
for any words that caused you pain
and if I could I would move hell and earth
Just to have you back again.

No. I wouldn't feel so alone
if only heaven had a phone.

V2:
The clock tells me that it's morning.
Time to face another day.
I'll place one foot before the other
but first I'm gonna pray.

Ask God to tell you that I miss you.
That I'll try and make it on my own.
I would tell you this and more
if only heaven had a phone.

Chorus:
If only heaven had a phone
I would call you one more time
to tell you just how much I love you
and how I'm glad that you are mine.

I would tell you I am sorry
for any words that caused you pain
and if I could I would move hell and earth
Just to have you back again.

No. I wouldn't feel so alone
if only heaven had a phone.

What a lovely concept, Susie. And for the most part, the lyric is well structured and has an easy flow. I've made a few suggestions below that might help you tighten it up a little. KOS.

Most important, though, the emotion clearly shines through.

Donna

If Only Heaven Had a Phone
Copyright 2012 - Susie Whiting

V1:
I hear The rain against my window.
It wakes Awakens me from a memory.
Remembering Of sitting close beneath the stars a starlit night To avoid mention of 'night', which you have in the next part of the verse.
as we listening to the music of the sea.

I wish I could hear your voice once more
Telling me I'll be alright.
Hear your footsteps cross the floor,
Feel you hold me in the night.

Pre Chorus:
I'm going crazy missing you.
and I don't know what to do.
I know I wouldn't feel alone I can hear a vocalist really soaring into the chorus after line 3. This way the hook/title remains fixed only in the chorus, and doesn't lose impact by having been mentioned earlier.
if only heaven had a phone.

Chorus: This is long, especially after an 8-line verse and a pre-chorus. Suggesting dropping two of the lines at least. For instance, 7 & 8 could easily go, I think.
If only heaven had a phone
I would call you one more time
to tell you just how much I love you
and how I'm glad that you are mine.
I would tell you I am sorry
for any words that caused you pain
and if I could I would move hell and earth
Just to have you back again.
No. I wouldn't feel so alone
if only heaven had a phone.

V2:
The clock tells me that it's morning.
Time to face another day.
I'll place one foot before the other
but first I'm gonna going to pray.

Ask God to tell you that I miss you.
That I'll try and make it on my own.
I would tell you this and more
if only heaven had a phone. Suggest writing a different line here so that the hook stays in the chorus. It might mean changing line 2. A rough example might be "And I'm trying to make it by myself/I would tell you this and more/Because in some small way it helps".

Chorus:
If only heaven had a phone
I would call you one more time
to tell you just how much I love you
and how I'm glad that you are mine.
I would tell you I am sorry
for any words that caused you pain
and if I could I would move hell and earth
Just to have you back again.
No. I wouldn't feel so alone
if only heaven had a phone.

Donna: I always appreciate your set of eyes and knowledge. Thank you so much for your input. It will most likely be a keep

I like this! And Donna had some really great suggestions.

Hey Susie,
Tweaks below, keep or sweep
V1:
I hear the rushing rain against my window.
It wakes me from a memory.
Remembering our starlit night
And the soothing music of the sea.

I wish I could hear your calming voice once more
Saying I will be alright.
Hear your footsteps cross the floor,
Feel you hold me in the night.

Pre Chorus:
I'm going crazy missing you.
and I don't know what to do. <<--(Look for a fresher way to say these lines)
I know I wouldn't feel alone
if only heaven had a phone.

Chorus: Too long IMO
If only heaven had a phone
[color:#000099]I'd call you one more time
to say how much I love you
and how I'm glad that you are mine.

I would tell you I am sorry
for any words that caused you pain
and if I could I would move hell and earth
Just to have you back again.

No. I wouldn't feel so alone
if only heaven had a phone.[/color]
V2:
The clock reminds me that it's morning.
Time to face another day.
I'll place one foot before the other
After I kneel down and pray.

Ask God to tell you that I miss you.
That I'll Tryin' to make it on my own.
I would tell you this and more
if only heaven had a phone.

Thank you Shayne: As always, I will most likely keep your suggestions. You are great!

Long distance, directory assistance, God I just need to talk to that special someone who is not omnipotent, but I keep seeing and hearing everything about their love that I so miss. Lovely write Susie.~~MFB III

Exactly MFB-lll Thank you!

Nicely crafted. The only suggestion I might have would be to make it glad that you WERE mine. I think it makes it even more poignant.

Susie,

Nice write here! It's packed with a lot of emotion and the lyrics would fit into a melody nicely. Any tweaking at this point can be done while working out the music. I'll look forward to hearing the final song. By the way, what genre' are you targeting this for? I could hear this fitting nicely into a country format. Best of luck!

Tom W.

Thank you Joy Boy. I think I had other suggestions on the "Were". I appreciate all the help I can get.

Hi Tom: Thank you! I was thinking along the "country" line. I hope someone will look in and decide they'd like to put it to music. I appreicate your input.