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Under The Snow

© 2011 Cindy Prince


Under the snow
We don’t see the poor
We don’t see the rich
The warn path, or grand tour

Under the snow
Everything is the same
The Porsche or jalopy
There’s no playing games

Chorus
Can’t you see the snow falling
Covering old and new
We’re all in this snow globe
Doing what we do
Let us remember
When it next covers the land
That we’re all under the same blanket
Under God’s hand

Bridge
The snow falls so lightly across the lake and the wood
It doesn’t differentiate separate neighborhoods

Under the snow
Everything is so white
We should stop and remember
The magic of this sight

Repeat Chorus

Hi Cindy,

I just read this really quickly, but my first reaction was that I love the image in the chorus of us being in a snow globe! I think that you should really develop that theme even more in the verses!

Lisa

Thanks Lisa. I do like that image too-will think what I can do.
Cindy

Hi Cindy......The snow globe is so relevant this time of year. I shook one yesterday. It's a good fun idea to pursue. I like the way the verses start with under the snow. I think the following lines could use some more development. Good start with some good ideas to expand on. Arealrush

Going to go with Lisa here Cindy. You have something going here that needs to be explored more and written about. Good start to a great idea IMO.

Douglas

Thanks all! I will see what else I can dig up out of the snow-ha
Cindy

Sharon helped me with this from Muse and I like it much more. Thoughts?

Under the Snow
© 2011 Cindy Prince

Under the snow
There's no rich or poor
No beaten-down path
No Easy Street tour

Under the snow
All cars are the same
No Porsche or jalopy
No one-upping games

Chorus
Can’t you see the snow falling
It covers the land
We’re all in this snow globe
Under God’s hand

Bridge
The snow lightly falls on the lake and the wood
It falls on the city in each neighborhood.

Under the snow
All roads shine so bright
Fresh and untraveled
A magical sight

Repeat chorus

I like this second version much better. Its tighter, but still carries the message of the original. Another good job, Cindy!

Aaron,
Thanks and I like this version much better too.
Cindy

Hi Cindy, I really like these lyrics, I feel a rhythm without even hearing the music. My only constructive criticism would be as you have already heard me say before--Although, I really like the lyric in your Bridge (poeticly). It pretty much is giving descriptive information that isn't related that much to the message that your verses are giving. Your song isn't about a picturesque setting, it's about how the snow disguises and hides differences in our perceptions in life. Digress with your Bridge and make a dramatic point relative to the story--happy, sad, nostalgic, anger, distrought, ambivilance, whatvever.

Ex: (Bridge)

"I look up in the sky, there's snow flakes in my eyes
Another Winter's come, to lay down it's white disguise"


I'm not saying this above ex. Bridge statement is what you need, it might work, you may want to add a couple more lines depending on the pace and style of your song. Just an idea for you to see my point about using the Bridge for "Bridge expression" rather than more description. I like this song Cindy, nice job.

steady-eddie

Hey Cindy,
I like the version that Sharon helped with.

The job of the bridge is to introduce a different angle to the story but this...

The snow lightly falls on the lake and the wood
It falls on the city in each neighborhood.

...merely lists more places that the snow falls.

Cindy,

I didn't like the first ex. I gave you and changed and edited my above post.

steady-eddie

Thanks! Let me think a bit on this-I do like your example Eddie.
Cindy

Hi Cindy -- I like the rewrite too! Nice! Lisa