JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum daves not here re-write by dmk

hi,this is the re-write i mentioned below, finally getting around to putting this here.

daves not here by david michael kissinger c 2011

daves not here in the morning
daves not here in the nite
he's been gone for a long time
he's been long gone alright

he took off for the west coast
on a cold winter day
but he stoppped in the mid-west
and decided to stay

chorus: daves not here, daves not here

one day dave took to like'n
a sweet girl from birmingham
her long hair was striking
and the rest wasn't bad

but his wheels kept-a-roll'n
and he had to let her go
'cause the song she was sing'n
was one dave didn't know

chorus: dave's not here,dave's not here

bridge: yeh dave started roll'n
roll'n along
down them lonesome highways
sing' his song, daves not here,dave not here,daves not here

all the old folks at home
go to work every day
and they all gave up sing'n
and forgot how to play

but ole dave is still roll'n
and still sing'n his song
it's the one he's been write'n
as his wheels roll along

daves not here, daves not here



this change is per the mp3 recording on the mp3 form if you care to check it out, and i have included the suggestion for the change to the last part of line 2 by david woolacoot

I like this one. Regarding the way it is written and regarding its rhythm it reminds me a bit of another German song that is not to be taken too serious either, but fun (nevertheless very nice). It is called "Maschendrahtzaun" and sung by Stefan Raab.
Would like to hear this one once if you can manage to put it on soundclick or myspace, for example.

hi petar,

thanx for the response.

cheers,

dmk

Im not sure if the younger crowd remembers that particular Cheech and Chong skit, "Dave's not here" but I can't help but flash to that....certainly takes a different and refreshing direction...nice story and visuals...It's hard to put a unique spin on the over-done "road" songs, but you did.
Nice work.
blues

thank you sir,i wondered if anyone would pick up on that.

dmk

I first thought it was about Dave Rice, but see it is the writer Dave here.

Enjoyed it.

Petra

How could I not read this one? The title is the same title as the most famous Cheech and Chong skit, but so what...

Only one thing I would change...


daves not here in the morn'n
daves not here in the nite
he's been gone for a long time
he's been long gone alright

I think it relates directly to the sentence before it and accentuates it.

Signed,

Dave

hello, have not been around for some time . thanx for taking time to review this and dave, i like your change to the first verse and will use it. by the way, this song was re- written after this post on the lyric forum and you can check that out on the mp3 forum.

dmk

Nice start, and yes I too flashed upon C&C's Up In Smoke album! You give yourself a LOT of different, interesting ways to go beginning with the Not Here concept, liked how you began to tell the story of when/where/how he left. Sounds like you could whip up a whole big interesting storyline from it. With some kind of captivating twist in the bridge, like telling the listener "why" he left in first place.

hi charlie, thanx for your input and for taking time to review this lyric. it is appreciated.

shalom, dmk

Hello David. Thought to take a look and see what pops out. My insight is below.

Dave’s Not Here
[david michael Kissinger © 2011]

(Chorus)
Dave’s not here in the morn'n.
Dave’s not here AT nite.
He's been gone a long, LONG time
YEP! DAVE he's gone alright. [This opens up whole new direction IMO. Might be worth exploring? “What is up with Dave?”]

(V)
HE took off for the west coast
on a BITING cold winterS day.
Stopped FOR A WHILE in the mid-west.
That's where he learned to play. (Chorus)

(V)
One day Dave took to like'n
a sweet girl from Birmingham.
her STRAIGHT long hair was striking,
SHE WAS SOMETHIN’ HE must have. (Chorus)

(V)
But his OLD wheels kept A roll'n,
that girl he couldn't keep.
DAVE COULDN’T SEE the forest,
THE PLANTS, THE BIRDS AND trees. (Chorus)

(V)
THE day Dave started roll'n
he just kept roll'n ON.
HE rolled them lonesome highways,
LIVIN’ THROUGH HIS songs. (Chorus)

Not sure if I am seeing this in the same light as you but ran with what came to me. It definitely has potential but needs more to flesh it out IMO.

But fun none the less.

Douglas

hi douglas, thank you your effort here, i thot this would go off the board and be forgotten but it keeps coming back so i guess i will have to post my re-write . also if you care to i have this on the mp3 forum or you could just go to my soundclick site soundclick.com/goodtiller and check it out. thanx again for taking time to check this out.

dmk

You are most welcome DMK aka David

Had fun doing it.

Later.

Douglas

HiDee Bro Dave!

Hey, I like this one a lot (Even tho I never got deeply into Cheech & Chong)...

Final Verse Sug:

Dave's not here in the morning/
Dave's not here in the night/
He's LIVIN' HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER Down Some Lonesome HIGHWAY
Singin' His Songs into The Night--

KOS & Good Luck with a Good'n'!

Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

hi stan, thanx for checking this out, sometime today i will have to post the re-write as i have said i would do before (and lazy me have not done it yet) the song is on the mp3 forum as well if you care to give it a listen, the rcording has the re-written words. thanks for the imput.

cheers, dmk