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This is a collab with Terry Morris; it's been through a LOT of changes musically and lyrically!! I think we've sent it in for at least 5 pro crits so far and we are getting close to the demo stage. I would love to have your opinions on all aspects of the song and lyric before we demo it. This is just a work tape, Terry has some really cool licks in some of the takes but this is just an acoustic version. Thanks!!


http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?q=hi&songID=10551124

Beneath Alibis

Dottie Corley & Terry Morris
© 2011

V1
When the moon hangs over the bayou
Before sunlight tastes the dew
I'll be leavin' Mississippi
But I won’t forget about you

Pre-chorus
You’ll wake up in the morning
At the dead end of my dreams

Chorus
Beneath alibis
Between love and leaving
Between you do and you don’t
Your smiles put out
My fearful doubt
Until I realized
The truth you were hiding
Beneath alibis

V2
While your sipping morning coffee
Set your pretty head at ease
When starlight greets the skyline
I'll be in Texas and you’ll be free

Pre-chorus
I’m not saying I won’t miss you
But I finally faced the truth

Chorus

Bridge
Your love turned into cheating
My faith turned into doubt
Somehow you turned into someone
I’m better off without

Chorus

Tag
Beneath alibis

Hey Dottie,

Catchy tune you guys have going. My only nit lyrically is the first line mentioning bayou and leaving Mississippi. The bayou is usually associated with Louisiana so there was a disconnect there although there may be bayous in Mississipi as well but I've never heard it mentioned. Anyway, good luck with the song. I think it's pretty solid.

Stevie

Hi Stevie,

Yeah I know Louisiana is known for bayous but Mississippi has them too. Thanks for checking out our song!!

Dottie

This song Bayou is superb no matter what state of mind I'm in,
you just keep getting better and better...LOL~~~MFB III

DOTTIE - TERRY--

MY TAKE CAPS--JMHO--USE OR LOSE--COULD BE A HIT YOUALL


BEHIND THOSE Alibis...........ALIBI IS LIKE A CURTAIN..TO HIDE BEHIND

Dottie Corley & Terry Morris
© 2011

V1
AS the moon FADES ‘BOVE the bayou
AND THE sunlight TOUCHES the dew........MOON FADES SUN COMES UP
I'll be leavin' Mississippi
But I won’t forget about you

Pre-chorus
You’ll wake up THIS morning
At the dead end of OUR dream...
Chorus
BEHIND THOSE alibis
Between love and leaving
Between YOU do and YOU don’t
ALL THE TIME YOU’RE LYING.......ALL THE LYING FAKED ME OUT
ONCE IT EASED MY FEARS
BUT NOW I realize....
The truth you’RE hiding
BEHIND THOSE alibis

V2
While your sipping morning coffee
Set your pretty head at ease
When starlight LEAVES the skyline
I'll be in Texas and you’ll be free

Pre-chorus
I’m not saying I won’t miss you
But finally I’VE faced the truth

Chorus

Bridge
Your love turned into cheating
My faith turned into doubt
Somehow you turned into someone
I’m better off without

Chorus

Tag
BEHIND THOSE alibis

Mackie

Hey....nice tune...kinda reminds me of Dan Folgerberg....."Please come to Boston"....Terry sounds like him alittle....nice lyric....Bob

Dottie, Darn good lyric writing! The story is an old one - a man who's run out of patience and is leaving a cheating lover in the morning - but you bring out the weariness and pained acceptance of what must be done as the singer slips out of town without so much as goodbye or fare-thee-well. Instead of a mere recital of the facts, or a feeling sorry-for-yourself song, you get to the psychological core of the matter. Painful as it may be, sometime the only way out is the door.

Real good piece of lyric writing.

Well, I like it all the way around...great lil' song you got going here...good luck with it..

glyn

Hi Dan,

You just made my day! I’ve rewritten this chorus SO many times, the verses are still exactly as they were originally written but the chorus was very hard to get right (if it is right). That is backwards for me, I usually have at least a hook and idea for a chorus when I start writing.

Thank you again for the VERY kind words, I’m extremely happy that it’s working for you; we plan to demo it in the very near future. When I get the demo back I’ll post it as well!!

Dottie

Hi Dottie

I like the hook, it's a good one. However I think you should save it for the end of the chorus only. I reckon it would hit home better. Having it at the start of the chorus lessens the impact for me.

This song is about the truth. So in simple terms if the question were where is the truth? the answer would be beneath alibis. So if you make your chorus abouth the truth it could begin it with something like "Somewhere it lies" ('it' being the truth) then the end of your chorus will spell it out with
The truth you were hiding
Beneath alibis

Just a few thoughts

Nige

Dottie,
You are really close to something really substancial with this.
I love the crispness and clairity of the verses.
To me the chorus does not flow as simply as the verses. But close. Really close.
And if I am honest, I am not sure about the dead end line in the pre.
But this makes it sound like I don't like it. I DO! It is so close I am looking at it differently than most songs.

Good Work,
Tom

HiDee Mz Dottie!

SO Close, M'LadyChum!

For me, it'd have more Bite if Singer had a bit more SAD in his Vocals. Bustups are never Happy Affairs..even if Singer's now "Free" from the Cheater.

JMO/I could be wrong.

Good Luck with a Good'n'!
Best Wishes & Big Hugs,
Stan

Hi Guys

There are some really good things going on in this song. It has one very important aspect "Nice Feel"

The fact that your getting those critiques and thinking about a demo means your serious and want to perhaps do something with the song. That means the word "hit" or "hit potential" comes into play.

In that case I don't think the songs ready to demo yet.
By the songs end I was starting to get a feeling for it's chorus ya know where it may stay in my head. That is normal but while the chorus was close it jut didn't nail it home for me.

I'm gonna go to a second listen now.....

Okay quick note on lyric On my list of lyrics I run away from is the word "Dew" it sits behind "Strife" on the list
Man unless the song is "Mountain Dew" that word is just to blah for a hit song. Or unless your Alan Jackson and wrote it, then you can get away with dew, strife, rose gardens, beckon,

Also it sets up the rhyme with "you" so obviously, like using "blue" too soft for a first verse and unknown writers.. Say something none of us can predict so easily.

Okay next - The chorus while well crafted just doesn't cut through. The clarity! I mean we understand it but still is a bit vague for a pitch song. Maybe not vague but it's lacking "Edge"
It not only feels a touch lacking in resolve "Singing/musically but also lyrically. No twist no turn that felt effective enough.
Staright off the bat for the chorus doesn't want to sing so powerfully "Beneath Alibis" hmmm... The singer in me probably would have had to sing "Beneath the alibis" perhaps..

I know how hard it is, so I sympathise. And it's so much easier to pick at this then to sit dfown and resolve it or make it happen.
I just feel like your not setting up something for people to gravitate or connect with quite enough.

It could be started with getting more action in those words maybe

Beneath the alibis
Between loving and leaving

These are all some good lines but there not rewarding each other enough, which is just another way of making them more effective with each other, paying off for being in there.

Ahhhhh! I found something! A key to pivot off of
To me this is the most relatable group of lyrics in the song

Your love turned into cheating
My faith turned into doubt
Somehow you turned into someone
I’m better off without

Ya know what? sing that in your chorus...

The verses are too similar in a way... I think the second one could be first, it's STRONGER fresher and doesn't have the word "dew" in it

Yeah I'm sure of it, your bridge is your chorus... I know but.. but what about the title and the whole rest of the song? Your screwing us all up buddy!!

Well if we unknown writers want a song that's gonna make some artist push there own off there record, every darn thing in it has to be strong and count. At least try that till you just give up, you'll have way lesser songs but i promise they'll be much more effective.

You can always keep and do your orig version, but here is the start of yet another draf of an optional song...

While your sipping morning coffee
Set your pretty head at ease
When starlight greets the skyline
I'll be in Texas and you’ll be free

I'll wake up in the morning
And finally faced the truth
I’m not saying I won’t miss you
_ ___ ______ __ ___ ___

Your love turned into cheating
My faith turned into doubt
Somehow you turned into someone
I’m better off without
Between the loving and the leaving
The answers and the lies
___ ____ __ ___ _____
Beneath the alibis


If your gonna use that title or end hook really try to give it a purpose for being there. With your brige is the only time I'm feeling the emotion of a person fed up and done with the alibis
Run with that best you can...

Keep working on those hooks too, make em so there's no hesitance about them. Is that a word even? lol

All all the best & luck in the world.
Thanks in advance for being so professional and cool about folks tearing into your hard heart felt work. Again I understand completely how all of it feels.

Mike

Hi Nigel,

Thank you very much, this kind of honest critique is what I was hoping to get! It's more helpful than you know and I appreciate it so much...You made a good point and I will put more thought into it...Looks like I'm not done with this one yet.

Dottie

Hi Tom,

Thanks for the visit and kind words...I realize now that this song needs more work so I will be tearing back into in very soon!

Dottie

Hi Stan,

Yeah this is just a work tape so the vocals will change when it gets to demo...Funny thing is I thought this was ready for demo the very first time I heard Terry sing it...I fell in love with it, so it's hard for me to be objective, ya know?

Thanks for the visit, no doubt there will be updates to come on this one!!

Dottie

Hi Mike,

WOW!!! You have never critiqued (if that's a word) one of my songs but when you do you REALLY do!

First things that really struck me, you said exactly the same thing as one of the pro crits I have about making v2 v1. Also she/he said v1 was vague. The whole song is vague really. Like I told Stan it's very hard for me to be objective about this song, I'm too close to it, and to me it's perfectly clear!

You have helped me more than all of the critiques put together, and there must be 4-5 of them so far! What was really so confusing is one of the coaches at Songu said "I wouldn't change a word in the lyric" then (the same coach) said it's too vague, make v2 v1, lol and I still didn't want to change a thing!!

My husband loved the verses, I loved them, I didn't want to change them...I FINALLY understand why I need to...It's not even the verses that I'm in love with now, it's the beautiful music that the verses inspired Terry to write, so they have served their purpose already...

I’m going to study this critique and I’m going to fix this lyric if it’s the last thing I ever do!! I’m not a quitter and I know Terry isn’t either, we decide a while back that it was worth continuing to work on.

Thank you SO much!!! I am really thrilled that you took the time to help me understand!!

Dottie

Dottie Corley & Terry Morris
© 2011

V1
When the moon hangs over the bayou
Before the sunlight tastes the dew- I feel that singing of the words tastes the dew, loses something.. though a pretty phrase, I think it could be missed by the listener and it's too nice an image to miss, what about before the sunlight or before the sun nips at the dew? just an opinion
I'll be leavin' Mississippi
But I won’t forget about you

Pre-chorus
You’ll wake up in the morning
At the dead end of my dreams

Chorus
Beneath alibis--I can see here perhaps you are using beneath due to the waking up in the sheets? maybe say beneath THE alibis..or beneath YOUR alibis?
Between love and leaving
Between you do and you don’t
Your smiles WOULD put out
My fearful doubtS
Until I realized
The truth you were hiding
Beneath alibis

V2
While your you're sipping morning coffee
Set your pretty head at ease
When starlight greets the skyline
I'll be in Texas and you’ll be free



Pre-chorus
I’m not saying I won’t miss you
But I finally faced the truth but finally, I faced the truth, to take out those two F words next to each other?
Chorus

Bridge
Your love turned into cheating
My faith turned into doubt
Somehow you turned into someone
I’m better off without

Chorus

Tag
Beneath alibis


This is really very very pretty. I had a few suggies though I doubt they count for much if the others in your crits. didn't mention them, but its how I see it..but I am not a pro..so ... :D--Good luck with this one, it really has a lot going for it. I think you know Dottie I always am pulling for you!! Kim

Hi Dottie

Thanks YOU! especially for being so professional about it and cool.

Ya know your not the first person to tell me that the pro critiques mentioned all or part of the same of what I did.
Hey maybe I'm a Pro! LOL

Last week or so one of our kids here was working on there song. She is VERY talented, she's 15 now. As we were trying to add things to her song's production, it just wasn't jiving, the fiddle and then the pedal steel... I mean technically or even musically you'd think they would have worked great.
Maybe it wasn't the right parts or whatever.

I turned to her and said, "ya know the song is beautiful and your usually spot on in your arranging of a natural, catchy and commercial song. I can tell that all the lyrics count in this one and hate to suggest editing it. But maybe we feel we have to add these instruments to make something happen over these sections because there a bit too long. Less effective for the musics sake. What your calling a first verse still I'm calling a second verse or a pre-chorus"
What do you think?

Well the kid say's "you know I been thinking about this song and yes your right in that all the words have a special meaning and count. There are no "throw away lines" "as you put it" in the song. I have an alternate lyrical idea to try. Can you cut these sections out of the song!!"

I told her of course I can, And also that I'm really proud of her for not only the work but to TAKE away her lyrics that meant so much. She smiled and said oh good and thanks for understanding how hard that was for me too do, I'd knew you'd get it and appreciate that.

WELL... Hello! Now that is BIG part of what will make this 15 year old a star one day. She could of just thrown a hissy drama queen teenage girl fit LOL
She'll save that for something else maybe

The point is very simple in just that it really matters alot to us to have respect for each others work and feelings. To try to think a bit before speaking and make sure the other person knows where your coming from. REALLY KNOWS! The kid respects me for more than one reason and the more I work with her I am doing the same.

As a matter of fact I may make an mp3 post with her next. Instead of invading yours Dottie lol.

The thing that made me think of it was your AWESOME response. Recognizing what's going on in your song from ALL the angles.
Like :

My husband loved the verses, I loved them, I didn't want to change them...I FINALLY understand why I need to...It's not even the verses that I'm in love with now, it's the beautiful music that the verses inspired Terry to write, so they have served their purpose already...

And!

I’m going to study this critique and I’m going to fix this lyric if it’s the last thing I ever do!! I’m not a quitter and I know Terry isn’t either, we decide a while back that it was worth continuing to work on.

I'm not a quitter! Good for you, and when we do "stop" and say that's it man, I can't do anymore with this song lets move on". At least you know you gave it your best and you set your bar a bit higher.

Whatever or which ever way it takes to eventually make what you can do naturally and that high bar be one in the same.

All the best!
Mike

Hi Mike,
Dottie told me about your input during our writing session today. I just wanted to thank you for the excellent analysis you gave.
It is so appreciated !

Cheers
Terry Patrick Morris

Hi Mike,

First I didn’t mean to imply that you aren’t a pro!! I’m so sorry if it sounded that way, lol. I was so surprised that you said the same thing as one of the coaches at Songu. I don’t usually get attached to my lyrics anymore but with this one I was. I was too close to it to see what was wrong. When you said “relatable” the light switch came on… I’m usually judging my lyrics that way, trying to make them relatable, but everything I thought I’d learned went out the window with this one. The one coach saying “I wouldn’t change a thing lyrically” confirmed to me that the other coach didn’t know what they were talking about, lol. So you can imagine my surprise when the same coach started suggesting changes!

Anyway thanks to you I can now see where the problem lies…I’ve already rewritten the chorus and Terry is doing a quick audio as I’m typing. He has been so patient with me on this one; I can’t even count the mp3s!!! I am sure glad I posted this song, thank you so much you have no idea how much you’ve helped!

PS
Please feel free to (as you say) invade my post anytime anything that comes out of it will be good!

Dottie

Hey Kim,

Believe it or not I was sitting on my front porch last night and thought that should be behind Alibis. Mackie said that in his comment and even then it didn’t click…Oh well better late than never. I totally agree and have made that change. The song is already going through major changes again and I’m sure it will be a better song because of it!

I’ll be going back over EVERYONES comments again to make sure I didn’t miss anything else!

Thanks again for all your help!

Dottie

You are entirely welcome, nice work Terry!

Dottie

I didn't take it any other way but the right way
Can't you tell by my smiley faces all over lol

All the best

More along the "By the Time I get Phoenix" story line. It all sounds good to me. You could say: "I'll be leavin' the Mississippi Delta" -- I think it will fit.

Nice lyrics and music. Maybe the music should have more of a "bayou" feel, but it is good as is.

Kevin

Hi Dottie:

I really liked this - everything about it.

Then I read Mike's critique and thought, "That really WOULD make it stronger". LOL

It's hard to tell when a song is finished

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do with it!

Scott

Hi Kevin,

Thanks for checking this out, we're working on the new version I'll post it when it's done.

Dottie

Hi Scott,

Thank you for checking out our song. It's still a work in progress but I think it has potential.

Dottie

great production here and a beautiful song! lyrics are touching and emotive. Look forward to hearing the newer version!

great production here and a beautiful song! lyrics are touching and emotive. Look forward to hearing the newer version!

Hi,

I LIKE what you're doing on this one.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/band/0/calvinstewart

Hi Dave,

Thanks for checking out our song, I'm a big fan of your songs!!

Dottie

Hi Calvin,

Thanks for listening, we are working on making some changes. I'll post the rewrite when it's ready.

Dottie