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Ellen.....where you been girl? PM me if you get a chance. I haven't had a chance to listen to your newest song, but i will
when I get home. Thanks for your comment!


Janet

Hi Sharla & Janet ... nice to meet you
Wonderful collaberation! Such an inspirational story. Great movie/video material... Wish you much success ..
Here are a few of my thoughts .. take 'em or leave 'em

I think you are really close. You have gotten some good suggestions.. I agree on possibly adding melodical "rise" in the chorus to add to what you are saying.. either to the melody or maybe even with a harmony when you finish it up.. I definitely agree with the whittling down on some of those lines.. less words often make it easier for the words to roll off the tongue in addition balance out the meter from line to line/verse to verse... but then again.. i am a meter freak! lol
An example of what i mean .. keep or sweep,

SHE GETS READY dresses FOR SCHOOL IN CLOTHES SOMEBODY GAVE HER 12
THE BUS PULLS UPIN FRONT OF HER RUN DOWN HOUSE TRAILOR 12
SHE'S GREETED BY LAUGHTER WHEN SHE TAKES HER SEAT 10
BUT SHE'S BECOME AN EXPERT AT TURNIN THE OTHER CHEEK 12

FROM THE FIRST GRADE OF SCHOOL SHE WAS LABLED A FAILURE 12
CAUSE HER DADDY'S SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH THE COUNTY JAILER 12
AND HER MOTHER mama WALKS THE STREET FOR THE DRUG MONEY to get what SHE NEEDS 10
HER INNOCENCE was HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY, stolen BY HER PARENTS GREEDS 12

I enjoyed listening..
All the best
Joanne

Thanks Joanne,
I actually have the "new version" ( fully loaded)I am having some difficulty uploading it to my website so that it can be linked to here..
and I am leaving early tomorrow and won't be back till sunday afternoon. I wish I could post it ( I really love it) but it is going to have to wait......UGH!

I just listened to the song. this is a very good track. Great acoustic piece. If you do a "professional" recording, keep the acoustic and the vocals at the center of the recording, they sound great as they are.

If I ad anything it would only be drums, bass and light piano all playing very simply and not drowning out the performance of the lead singer and acoustic guitar.

Great job. Let me know what happens next with this song.

Very powerful story. Great lyrics. I loved the performance. I am generally not too keen on acoustic ballads.....I felt that it did need a bit of something to break it up.....The melody reminded me a tad of Knocking on Heavens Door. I also felt it was just a tad slow a few extra BPM might help.

Jim,
Funny you should bring that up,
when I went back in the studio to make changes, we did increase the temp from 138 to 142 but after adding the drums and other instruments, it didn't sound right so we kept it at that 138.
we are talking about re- recording and some other ideas with this,
it's still in the changing process. did you hear the revised version?

Manoreza,
Now you tell us.... actually originally we were just going to only add some percussion and strings and guitar, but the guy involved got inspired to do the full monty as you will here in the new version.
I am sure, it will change again.
hopefully better and better.
thanks for your suggestions!
sharla

Love the sounds, I'm still jamming from them. Hot!
"THE CONSTRUCT PART 1 REMIX"
"TRY SOMETHING NEW REMIX"
"PREVIEW TO THE SQL REMIX"
"SKATE REMIX"