JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Time is like a train, coll. Kimberly and Vicarn

Hi folks,
Can we have comments on this one please.
Kim did most of the writing. Me the music. It started off almost 4 and a half minutes long. Shaved a whole minute off it.
That hurt.

http://tinyurl.com/2eomx2r


Time is like a train

When I stand still and clear my mind
I think about how long I have, and precious time
I landed in the right place, and yet somehow
I wish I knew then, what I think I know now

Chorus
Time is like a train
Without a slight hesitation
Time is like a train
To an unknown destination
On a one way track
There’s no going back (going back)
When time’s like a train

Musical Break

I’ve seen how life can change with one goodbye
And caused bitter tears to fall from angelic eyes
I’ve ridden high enough to kick around the clouds
Then in a turn, felt buried ,knee deep in the ground



Bridge
Now that silver threads run through my hair
I remember the rocky roads that put 'um there,
I can't change a single thing thats said and done, but I can be a better man til I see that setting sun?


Chorus
Time is like a train
Without the slightest hesitation
Time is like a train
To an unknown destination
On a one way track
There’s no going back (going back)
When time’s like a train

Outro
Time is like a train
Time is like a train

Hi Kim and Vic,

I think this has very good sound. Vic sounds like Johnny Cash again, and the song has a Johnny Cash vibe. I like the guitar tone in the intro/verse 1 - what kind of guitar/pedal/amp is that if you don't mind me asking?

The lyrics have a good hook and chorus. I don't think there is much meat to the story however. A series of observations about getting older but no real punchline or explanation as to what is making him feel that way. Leaves me hanging or wondering what it was all about.

Overall good though.

Hey Kim & Vic,

Nice work you two. I loved the Johnny Cash-like musication and the wealth of strong lines, such as:

I’ve ridden high enough to kick around the clouds
Then in a turn, felt buried ,knee deep in the ground

&

Now that silver threads run through my hair
I remember the rocky roads that put 'um there

Still, like Colin, I guess I'd like to know a bit more about what brought him to this place. It doesn't have to be dramatic -- like he just got diagnosed with some fatal disease -- but maybe he's waiting for someone/something at a train station?

Along those lines, I'm not quite sure what you mean by the second line in the chorus. I think you could get some more bang for your buck there. How about something like:

Time is like a train
PASSING BY ME AT THE STATION
Time is like a train
To an unknown destination

That aside, I think this has a lot of potential. I look forward to seeing where you take it.

Good luck,
Beth

KIM andVIC--

I LOVE THE SOUND AND MUSIC--I'M WITH COLIN, THE SONG STORY FALLS SHORT--I FEEL TIME IS A TRAIN ROLLIN'--WHEN WE PASS ON THE TRAIN IS STILL ROLLING
ON WITHOUT US--THEREFORE I OFFER THIS ILLUSTRATION-- (CAPS) JMHO YOU ALL:


Time is THE train ROLLING ON

I’M WAITING AT THE STATION CLEARING MY MIND
WONDERING HOW LONG ‘FORE I’M LEFT BEHIND
NERVOUSLY WONDERIN’ WHAT’S DOWN THE LINE
I’M WATCHING THE CLOCK AND CHECKING THE TIME

Chorus
Time is THE train ROLLING ON
Without ANY hesitation
Time is THE train ROLLING ON
To SOME unknown destination
On a one way track
IT AIN’T COMING back
Time is THE train ROLLING ON

Musical Break

I AM A RIDER ‘TIL THAT LAST goodbye
SOME WILL CRY TEARS THEN DRY THEIR eyes
MY LIFE'S BEEN FULL WITH UPS AND DOWNS
ONE DAY THEY WILL LAY ME in the ground



Bridge
Now SHADES OF GRAY run through my hair
I RECALL HARD TIMES that put 'um there,
Can't change A THING THAT I 'VE done HERE.



Chorus
Time is THE train ROLLING ON
Without ANY hesitation
Time is THE train ROLLING ON
To SOME unknown destination
On IT’S one way track
IT AIN’T COMING back
Time is THE train ROLLING ON

Outro
Time is THE train ROLLING ON
THE TRAIN IN MY MIND..........
ROLLING ON...................

Mackie

Hey Kim and Vic,

Kim this is a great lyric and the song sounds wonderful.
Vic you really do sound like Johnny Cash and that's a very nice way to sound!

Great job here all the way around.

Dottie

I liked the song overall. The recording was top-notch. Maybe the drum-track was a little high. I would've liked to hear the original(being a musician), I tend to look at stuff a little differently. Like, I can hum guitar solos and melodies, and not remember anything lyrically.
I think with what everyone is saying about the lyrics and not giving enough 'story' is interesting. i don't think it needs more 'story' other than what it has...the curveballs life throws at us. But Mackie's version has some good content, too. And it fits right in.
Good job Vic. Nice writting Kim.
Hey Kim,sent you a pm with a link

This is nice, you two! Wow Vic, you sound so Johnny Cash!

Nice demo, fitting music. I would like to see more images in the verses, it's OK for a chorus to be a bit general.

Lines below in bold need more images, IMO:

When I stand still and clear my mind
I think about how long I have, and precious time
I landed in the right place, and yet somehow
I wish I knew then, what I think I know now

Chorus
Time is like a train
Without a slight hesitation
Time is like a train
To an unknown destination
On a one way track
There’s no going back (going back)
When time’s like a train

Musical Break

I’ve seen how life can change with one goodbye
And caused bitter tears to fall from angelic eyes
I’ve ridden high enough to kick around the clouds
Then in a turn, felt buried ,knee deep in the ground



Bridge
Now that silver threads run through my hair
I remember the rocky roads that put 'um there,
I can't change a single thing thats said and done,
but I can be a better man til I see that setting sun?

Hi Colin,
I just use one guitar, which is a Takamine Tan 15c electro acoustic. Also a Fender Jazz Bass.
I record through a Boss BR1200 and use the built in effects to change the guitar sound.
Thanks for the comment, Kim and I will maybe rethink part of the lyric.
Vic

Thanks Beth,
I like your suggestion:
PASSING BY ME AT THE STATION
Vic

Hi Mackie,
Thanks for that. I appreciate all the time folks take to reply to these posts. Hey you almost rewrote the whole song, lol.

Not sure if I agree with all your changes as sometimes I like to leave a bit of mystery so that people wonder what it's all about.
Vic

I thought it was a pretty good listen. The vocals might be too much like Johnny, but that's the way it goes sometimes. Lyrically, I would revisit the chorus before anything else. Seemed a little long and therefore lost its impact. The "slight hesitation" phrase doesn't make any sense to me. I would look for a different couplet than hesitation-destination.

Good collab!

Kevin

Hi Kevin, thanks for the comments.
Kim and I did discuss shortening at least the first chorus,so you may have something there. The "without a slight hesitation" part could be replaced with Beth's suggestion "passing by me at the station". I'll check what Kim thinks. She's in charge there, lol.
I can't do anything about the voice. That's the way I sing.
It's like a cross between Cash, Waylon and Julie Andrews. :-)
Vic

The man in black is back! I love your vocals on this one Vic you've got such a nice voice such great tone. Kim has written a stunning track and the arrangement is floorless. Great mix top recording.

I'm defiantly hearing more Julie that Johnny

Polly,
as ever, you're a great boost to the confidence.
Thank you
Vic

Hi there Dottie,
A BIG thank you
from Kim and I
Vic

Coalminer,
Thanks for that,
I agree that sometimes you don't need to spell out the lyrics for people to like the song. People will usually adapt the meaning to suit their own experiences. I mean, you could write a song about someone dying and that would have different meanings to a large number of people. Maybe to a young child it could be the death of a pet dog, but to us old folks it opens up a much larger group of memories.
Mostof Bob Dylans lyrics are really obscure but I'll bet most of them hit home to somebody.
Vic

Thanks for taking the time R.S.V,
Kim and I struggled over that verse.
I think she meant to convey the idea of someone who hasn't got time to stop and think, but when they do they suddenly think ....
Wow! I could have done some things much better. Is it too late to change my ways?

is explained in the next line
"And caused bitter tears to fall from angelic eyes" which suggests that someone has left a young child behind, maybe because of a relationship break down.
"I can't change a single thing thats said and done"
followed by "but I can be a better man til I see that setting sun"(the question mark is a mistake) suggests a decision to seek redemption.
Vic

Hi Andy, Thanks.

The cheque is in the post.
With a small reduction due to the Julie reference.
Vic

Hi guys, I'm late to this one but I like it.

Agree with the Johnny Cash comparison and that is NOT a bad thing, last I checked he sold a few records. And he's gone so he can't make any more.

It's late so, I just enjoyed the listen and I didn't worry about the lyric too much. I see what they're saying, but, I think this is one of those where people will catch on to the chorus and sing along and not worry too much about the "story" of the verses anyway, if that makes sense.

For example, totally different song but to prove my point, we can all yell "We will, we will rock you!!" ad nauseum but can ANYBODY remember any of the three verses?? much less define that they're about the three stages of man, young, middle-aged, old?

Yeah, I thought not

But does it matter? NO. Not a speck!

Linda

I am definitely in your camp with this and I can yell we will rock you with the rest of them, but trying to pitch the song through layers of suits who are looking for ways to reject the song?......I think they will be looking for a stronger story. And I know Kim will want to pitch it.

Arghhhh,
The suits are coming.
Thanks again Linda and Colin. I sort of agree a little bit with everyone. I know Kim is thinking about it so we'll see what happens. We may change it a little. Watch this space, lol.
Vic

This turned out very nice, I would like to see more train descriptors in the lyric, but that is just my opinion.

Tammy

Vic & Kimberly,

Well done.
Good luck with this one.
I enjoyed the listen.

Peace,
Nathan

Though this is Vic's forum, posting, I want to add that I have been reading all the comments, and really am grateful for the comments and suggestions given. You guys are the coolest!

Kimberly

Vic/Kim: Geezzz, everyone's right, they froze Johhny Cash and occasionally bring him out of the freezer to do another tune. I enjoyed the overall vibe here, but as regards the lyrics, I will give a big bow to Mackie, who I am tempted to refer to as "Professor Mackie, musicologist". Nice tune, could use some lyric tweaking.
Ott

And peace and thanks to you, Nathan.
Vic

Thanks, Ott and Tammy,
All points taken and we will take another look at it.
Vic