JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Can't slow down

Hi ,

I went down to the basement to remake Jacob's Song but got sidetracked and came up with this.

It didn't turn out as good as I hoped but I'm not sure what the problem is ... (other than the lyrics are crap

Can't slow down
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=9531622

v1.
I keep hiding you keep finding me
From the begining I keep sinning
and I feel like I just can't be free

chorus

I just crossed the line with everything I am
I've done it all before and I'll do it all again

I can't slow down till the bitter end
I don't know why and I dont know when
I got no life and got no friends

v2.
I keep hiding you keep finding me
in places where I should not be

I keep runnin you keep coming
I dont know why I just can't be free


thanks for your feedback
glen

I think there is a lot to like here. I think you have a good melody going and a good groove. Can't figure out if you want to go country or the Byrd's, though (ha, ha).

Lyrics can always be improved -- but the words "sound" good, which if you are going more rockish is most of the battle.

Kevin

Hi Glen

well it's a good rocker so far ... perhaps creating an ironic SLOW DOWN then back to full speed might be a fun way to go.
It's good that you got it down to ponder and plunder. ; ) jm

HI PapaGlen!

I got inspired off your "Crossin' the Line" Line to pen a 3-AM Insomnia-Song..."Pushin' The Envelope/Crossin' The Line"...I'm about to post at Lyrics Feedback Forum 3.

I've just now Listened to Your Song..DEFINITELY like your Music & Vocals. (Your Hook is what attracted me here--It's a DANDY!)

Let me know if ya'd consider Co-ing on BOTH Songs. Words are my specialty/You've OBVIOUSLY got Everything ELSE Down-Pat, Amigo!

Best Wises/Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Hi Glen

Very nice! What I enjoy the most about singing/songwriting, is working it, bringing a song to it's best. I love what you have here, and I'm looking forward to seeing how this song improves.

I'll be watching out for it, and that's a good thing.

Hugs Michele

PapaG , groovey baby ;-)

It`s something in your voice that reminds me of Tom Petty .

I really enjoyed the listen and performance .

Keep up the good work !!

All the best
Jan

Cool groove, the melody is sweet, got a catchy lick running
all thru which is very infectious, yeah the lyric is a little
ho hum but that can be fixed, it's a good song that could
be great,

Tony.

I Glen. Don't have much to add. I love the groove and it reminds me of a Tom Petty song. I wouldn't worry much about the lyric being world beating poetry. It works well as a simple pop/rock song. Maybe add a short guitar solo and repeat the chorus in the end to fill it out more time wise as it ends rather abruptly. Other than that I really loved it. My kind of music.

Stevie

Hi Joyce, Jan, Michele, Kevin

Thank you guys for listening and providing great feedback. I can sit and crank out a song in an hour with guitar, bass, keys, and stuff, and even come up with a cool melody ... but singing and coming up with words is so hard ... I usually just throw something together so i can be done with it

Hey ... yes I'm so confused I like singing country .. but I think i'm not good at playing country music . Oh well I like things a little "rockish".

Thanks again yall.
g

Hey Stan ..

You know I am all for it!! I love writing melodies and music .. but can always use some help with the lyrics.

Let me know what i have to do ... I can send u some blank mp3s with just the music (no singing) or if you have some lyric ideas i can try to sing them. Singing of course is not my best ability But i do love to sing backup and harmonies if you or someone else want to sing a lead part.

I am looking forward to playing around with it. Thanks for taking interest.

Big guy-hug back at ya.
g

Hi Tony ... thanks

I've been playing around on my new Taylor guitar ... and am liking the sound alot. It is lots of fun ... .

take it easy,
g

Steve,

Yes, I will see what I can do about adding a guitar solo. I was also thinking of adding some piano or synth stuff.

If I had any abition for this song, I probably should get someone with some skill to play a cool solo riff. Any ideas?

thanks for the input.
g

PS: Tom Petty is great. Thanks for such a wonderful complement.

G, I don't think you need a slashing guitar solo, just something simple and understated like what you already have going on. Maybe a piano part like you mentioned or if you play harmonica that would sound great. It's a great pop/rock song as is though IMO.

Stevie

I just listened again and the running time of the song is two and a half minutes. That's pretty good for this type of song.

This is really cool papaG. The track sounds great. And the energy is great.

I think you need to mix the vocal back in the track a bit. A little more processing on the vocal might not hurt too. It's the only thing in the mix that doesn't sound really good. Your vocal is fine, I think. It's just not mixed into the track as good as it could be IMO.

But overall this is really catchy. Nice Job.

Peace,

Ian

PapaG....I hear this as an attitude song...so my first thought was to change "I can't" to I won't slow down....this is was popped into my head....no biggy there....the music is very good, really good groove....just keep workin' at this one, you are definitely on the right track....Bob

Hi Ian ..
Yes i wish i would have noticed that before .. I would have mixed the vocal down more. Oh well. Once i get some better lyrics down, i'll try to re-record and make sure it mixes better.

thanks for the input,
g

Robert .. yes that would be cool .. I'll change it to I won't slow down and try to put more attitude into it See how it goes.

thanks ... i really apreciate the feedback.
g