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IRAN
by Fdemetrio - 04/15/26 12:27 PM
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PETE
by Fdemetrio - 04/14/26 06:57 AM
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,870 Likes: 5
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Just posted rough cut of song. Please let me know. mike http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/836510/page/3#Post836510http://www.songramp.com/mod/mps/viewtrack.php?trackid=80225Do you hear me calling, now? Copyright Bluesriff 2010 V1 Good morning, you up there Can you hear me way down here? What’s for breakfast, what’s for lunch? A cigarette first, I figure Careful now, it’s me in here Do you know the man upstairs Will he be there when I arrive? Chorus Music under water sounds so beautiful A son or daughter does it matter? Is that my father or will his name escape you? Are you escaping now? V2 I hear your heart, do you hear mine Thanks to you I’m feeling fine A little faster than I’d expect but so is yours Tell me now, when I arrive Will I be able to survive What you need, I need like you will you feed me too? Music under water sounds so beautiful A son or daughter, makes no difference Is that my father or will his name escape you? Are you escaping now? interlude bridge Hey set em up, I could use a drink I’ve been awake for 3 long days Light one up, I crave another, more than a mother, now v3 Well I’m here and underweight Thanks to you my body aches Not for breakfast, not for lunch it’s why I cry so much Music under water sounds so beautiful A son or daughter, makes no difference where is my father, what will he call me do you hear me calling, now
Last edited by Bluesriff; 09/01/10 12:13 PM.
Write on, Man,
Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Mahatma Gandhi
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WOW....
Ok…I don’t even know what to say about this one…I’m still takin’ in the POV and the message. I think we both know it wouldn’t really be a big commercial hit…but it definitely has something to say that MANY women need to hear. Powerful stuff.
I’ll have to read over it a few more times before I can make any suggestions. Can’t promise when that will be… but I’ll try to get back to it soon. If I don’t…shoot me a PM and remind me. And we can discuss payment <grin> (couldn’t let it go, ya know…lol)
~Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Really Twisty AND Entertaining.
The "but only you'll continue" line tells me the Baby doesn't survive..but it just-barely does tell me. (While I'm left to ponder HOW the baby knows that fact?)
Quite Poignant! Very Different, Very Cool.
Good Luck with this Sad One, Amigo!
Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan
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Interesting one!
Provocative!
In my work I have evaluated many mothers who have had children taken away due to their doing drugs when pregnant and after the babies were born. Also see the children who have problems as they are growin up. The father's name escaping - very good and very right on also. Might say something to mothers with these issues - if they would listen! What is the melody and genre?
Doug
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I had to read this one a few times over before getting the message to it. Sounds like one for those mothers who are addicted to cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. To think that many of us who are now older can remember the days when all these things, especially the former, seemed so sexy and glamorous.
Peace,
Brian
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Wow,
Thanks for the reviews...The genre I am hoping for is slow, melodic folk,...certainly a dark minor mood, Jose Gonzalez comes to mind..but I haven't come up with a melody....I do know e min or D min will kick it off.
Tampa, baby still alive, although jones-in a little...Mom continues the addiction while baby, at birth, must go cold turkey.
I really appreciate the look and comments.
Thank you
Michael
Last edited by Bluesriff; 07/15/10 10:41 PM.
Write on, Man,
Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Mahatma Gandhi
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This is a wonderful creative write. You deal with a tough subject and have done it well. It has a good message, though sad. I look forward to a finished song. Good luck with it!
Jennifer (Jinx) Shaner
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Thank you Jennifer...working out a melody now but it sounding a little like a Radiohead ballad...don't know if that's good or bad...appreciate the kind words.
Mike
Write on, Man,
Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Mahatma Gandhi
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Hi Michael:
reading the title I didn't know what to expect.
I think it's a very clever write that could end up as one of those songs that children make their mothers listen to.
Finish it and make a video and I could see this as a short safety adverts released by one of the health agencys for TV.
Yep cool write.
God Bless Roy and Helen
'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'
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Thank you Roy, I might just take you up on that.
I appreciate the glance and kind words.
blues
Write on, Man,
Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Mahatma Gandhi
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this is really great stuff and sends a message to all mothers no matter what.....would love to see this one where young and older moms could hear it and let them see the risks they are taking...love it can't wait to hear it finished....great stuff, you did good here...glyn
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Glynda,
You've been on such a roll...collabs, individual writings...you are ON! It means a great deal to hear from you (and others)....
hey, Where is Princeton? Thought I knew every little town in Texas.
Thank you glyn,
let's collaborate sometime.
michael
Write on, Man,
Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Mahatma Gandhi
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Hi Michael, i'm about 45 minutes northeast of Dallas, bout 30 minutes from Greenville...and i'd love to collab sometime, if you see one of my lyrics you want to tackle have a go at it...i'm very easy to get along with and love to collab..and thanks for the kind words...glyn
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Glyn...You've done some awesome stuff...Let's toss ideas to and fro and see what occurs.
If you'd like, my email address is
pluckinmageetar@yahoo.com
Thank you for the confidence and will post this song real soon.
MIke
Write on, Man,
Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Mahatma Gandhi
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I just had to drop in and say that this lyric is wonderful and it really moved me. It has some intriguing lines and the imagery is great. I love the poetic lines in this, especially the first line of the chorus "Music underwater sounds so beautiful." I would love to see it reach a larger audience; I can't wait to hear the finished product. Probably saying what others have said on the thread, but I just wanted you to know how much I enjoyed this lyric. 
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Thank you Ann
Your warm words thrill me to no end.
Am finishing up melody now and will post it soon.
Thanks again for your kindness.
mike
Write on, Man,
Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Mahatma Gandhi
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Will look forward to hearing the finished product when it is done. Sounds like something one who specializes in songs portraying the darker side of life, maybe a Leonard Cohen type of piece. We need to have a few of those on occasion. Otherwise one would assume our world to be happy all the time, which we all know it isn't.
Peace,
Brian
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Thanks Brian I just posted a rough cut. Please let me know what you think. Thanks for the look. http://www.songramp.com/mod/mps/viewtrack.php?trackid=80225Mike
Write on, Man,
Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Mahatma Gandhi
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Hi Mike,
I love the music you have put to this and feel it captures the song as it needs to be..love it...you did great on this one..glyn
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Wanted to listen to this, but will have to wait until I get to a different place, as I believe most of our listening speakers either got ripped off or went dead. May try to see about purchasing one of my own.
Peace,
Brian
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Thanks guys and gals for all your comments and critiques.
blues
Write on, Man,
Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Mahatma Gandhi
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