JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum "They'll Say".

Here is a song I wrote and recorded. I copied and pasted the drums, played guitar and bass, sang lead, added back-up vocals and finally added the lead guitar. Lots of work and I intend to re-record this song. Please leave a message....and thank-you.

"They'll Say"

I've seen love destroy a man,
I've seen lovers dancing in the sand,
It's one of those things that can go either way,
Aaah but look out for the heart-ache,

Tunnel vision is a way to explain,
Someone in love and someone in pain,
They're not aware of a change,
AAh but They'll Say,
Whatever happened to me?
Why did'nt my heart let my eyes see?
I lived only for the day,
Why could'nt I see it slipping away?
"They'll say"...hey..hey..hey

You can learn to love again,
but a broken heart will tell you it'll never mend,
They don't wanna hear it takes time,
Cause the pain is now and ya feel like crying,
Hey...Hey...Hey
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=918984

Sounds like you have compression (or some efx) too high. Very difficult to listen to. I like the chord structure.

Mix does need work but lyrically and musically I think it's a fine piece. Just a few minor adjustments away from being a great piece, and well worth the effort.

Very Bruce Springsteen to my ears. In my opinion I would re record this from scratch to do a good song like this proper justice.

Mark

I think the lyrics are pretty good as they stand. The melody and chord structure is too repetitive IMHO. Not much variation between verse and chorus and no bridge that I noticed. Some nice lead guitar. Basically it is OK but lacks some punch at this point.

Hi John

welcome to jpf an Hello


I had started this challenge of sorts on the General Forum......


http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=794045&page=0#Post794045

and posted these comments over there.....


and yours happen to be the first song and writer that I picked...... as a listen for my challenge 5 --- and Boy am I surprised !!!! I don't have to go ANY further Than this !!!! But I will do the other 4 ... Honestly -- I liked your song right out of the gate... from the first melody line and first couplet.....


I've seen love destroy a man,
I've seen lovers dancing in the sand,

2 Really good lines here !!

It's one of those things that can go either way,
Aaah but look out for the heart-ache,

followed BY 2 more !! --- now I have to go listen to 4 more songs before I take another listen to your s.......... but I'll be back ! ; )



Sometimes I just get a Good Feel for something and someone's work right out of the gate -- you hooked me right away -- I want to hear more of your work -- There's a real groove here the music really complements the words.. Though I was Not suppose to talk about the vocal --- I can't help it, you have a powerful and catchy voice - that really adds to the musical journey.

Overall this has a contemporary feel , style and a fresh secondary hook tunnel vision -- love that too

Thanks for sharing your work with us
and Best wishes.
jm

Your voice is Springsteenish but BETTER! I absolutely LOVED the lyric, who hasn't been there? I agree that there isn't much distinction between the chorus and the verses, but hey, that's kind of Springsteen's style too...only, you want it FINIZIO style! I'd try to make the chorus a little more different although the "heeeeeeeeey, that's what they'll say" to ME is a chorus and a hook as well. Add a bridge (people here are obsessed with bridges...makes you want to jump from one! ) I'd say you have the makin's of a catchy tune here!

John,

Welcome to JPF. I like the song a lot. the lyric is quite good and your guitar work is real sweet. By trade, I am a lead guitarist, so I I can appreciate good fretwork.

The musical bed needs to be redone, but that doesn't diminish the quality of the song. Nice job and good luck with the song.

Alan

Agree with Joice and Polly, very BossBruce-like vocals. Also agree with Polly re the "Hey-hey-hey" part, in fact that could even be the title rather than "They'll say", if only because of the melodic hook there.

Hi John,

Wow, A lot of Bruce in there! Naturally good vocals is always a nice place to start.

This has flurries of being really good.

The song's structure is interesting in a good way, the long chorus works, cuz that "what ever happened to me?" is such a strong kick off to the second half of that chorus. I like how you subdivide the drums in the second half.--that's nice.

Maybe it needs a bridge? some third music sequence?

I think some of your music got recorded too hot, as I'm hearing distortion here and there.

Worth taking to the next level.

Mike

Hi John,

Nice to meet you & welcome to JPF.
You're very talented.
You've already got some great suggestions here.

This sounds like hit material to me.

Keep up the good work.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hey John....yeah song structure is important....for me I listen...I don't dwell on the structure part....that's fixable....the thing that stands out for me is the great voice...what a great tone.....keep workin' it'll come together...alot of good knowledgable folks on here will help you....you have a good foundation to start from....Bob