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Just a work tape. Never did get around to full-demo. All comments and suggestions welcome.

The Warden
copyright 2007 Droptine

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7999706

V1
Wakin' up in your prison cell
Makin' coffee for The Warden
Another day in your living hell
Across the table sits The Warden
Silent lips and painted smile
You gently kiss goodbye The Warden

CHORUS
Close your eyes and you're in my arms again
Resting peacefully and safe until the end
A pretty bird is what you'll be
The day he sets you free

V2
Bread and water meet your simple needs
So supplies The Warden
And it's his voice that you must heed
Thus dictates The Warden

CHORUS

BRIDGE
Your gilded cage is now ugly, tarnished red
As you lay cringing from his touch beneath your bed
You lift your wings to leave
Tonight he set you free

Child close your eyes and you're in my arms again
Resting peacefully and safe, it never ends
A pretty bird is what I see!
The Father's set you free

Hey Drop...

I enjoyed your vocals and the base melody for this.
I have to admit I am a bit confused (I will confess that I get confused easily..lol) as a listener so maybe you can help me understand the story better...
At first take, to me the singer is in his prison cell and then having coffee with the warden...since he is across the table I assume they are in his office...then after reading thru I feel the subject is on death row and God is comforting him and assuring that a better life ensues...
I don't know if that's what you were going for...I like the premise but it might need some fleshing out so more could relate...or it could be just me.....lol
Sorry I didn't get more in depth but I just need some help as to where your thought process was.

Larry

in2piano

One tiny little explanation and it will ALL become clear. A friend of mine compared her marriage to being in "prison", I thought I'd write a cute little song about that. Well,...like so many of my songs, it evolved in to something a little different. For whatever reason,...this is what came out!?

Thanks for the listen, Droptine

I like this and your voice and how you sang it..I closed my eyes and it felt good...glyn

HiDee Mark...Enjoyed the Listen.

Lyrically...to me it read like a Daughter's getting mature-enough to leave Daddy behind. BUT..the Bridge smacks of her being Child-Abused...& that "Father" line oughta be clarified...by either "God" or "Daddy"'s settin' her free...JMO.

Sans the "Tarnished Cage" bit in the Bridge..this COULD be on the Lovely Side..methinks.

Good Luck with it, Amigo,
Stan

UGH! OK, I love the melody. I assumed in the first verse this was about marriage, then it goes into more of a prison scene in the second verse, still fitting, but causing my brain confusion, it's early, maybe i need more coffee. The chorus made me think she was supposed to be with him (this singer) but ended up with the abusive guy, who, come the bridge, ulitmately kills her.

SO, I'm off, I suppose!

Either way, I enjoyed the listen.

Caroline,

One tiny little explanation and it will ALL become clear. A friend of mine compared her marriage to being in "prison", I thought I'd write a cute little song about that. Well,...like so many of my songs, it evolved in to something a little different. For whatever reason,...this is what came out!?

Thanks for the listen, Droptine

I read the explanation before I listened so it all made sense......and it is done well.

Perhaps the first line should be an explanation....

Life at home, is like a prison cell or similar.

I thought this was really sad and beautiful. I loved your playing and your vocal. I liked the metaphor of a bad marriage like being trapped in a prison cell, with the husband being the so-called "warden." That is the reality for some women. I also liked the guilded bird in the cage idea. I don't think you need to define if she died or she left, the listener can decide. But I would make her the author of her escape, rather than leaving it to the warden to set her free. Maybe she leaves, maybe she commits suicide, we don't really need to know specifically..but I think making it up to her would add something to it.

That's my two cents, adjusted for inflation, which ain't much. It's a very pretty, sad tune and I really enjoyed it.

Colin,
Thanks for the listen! Good idea with the explanation in the first line,...I remember back to MTV days,...I'd hear a song I really liked, Had an idea of the direction it was going, saw the video for the first time,...sat back and said "Whoa", THATS where they were going!?? Sometimes "intrigue" is your friend, sometimes NOT!

Thanks again, Droptine

Hi Drop,
I too, was confused 'till I read yer "tiny explanation". With that in mind I echo Wendy's comment. It's a beautiful song delivered very effectively....and whether the listener "gets it" or not, it's still a moving, lovely song.
yerz, Ellen

Hi Droptine

Beautiful melody and singing - SAD- I'm with Wendy in that I want her to be empowered and get free.

Best wishes
jm

Hi Drop,

Beautiful guitar/vocal, beautiful & sad lyric. I'd be the last person to tell you to change anything to make it less sad. It is what it is and maybe the next one will have a happier ending. I will suggest making some clarification of "marriage is like a prison" because that gets lost. It seems obvious now that I know, but it wasn't at first. Very well done overall.

Ricki

Droptine,

Finally got a chance to listen and review a few songs. As mentioned to you in an earlier revierw, I really enjoy listening to you sing. You have very good voice with good control. And the guitar work on this is splendid. I listened twice and the guitar is still playing in the back of my head.

I do agree it would immediately diffuse the confusion, for most listeners, if you used that first line to analogize marriage and prison. If your goal is to present this as piece for the commercial market, I would seriously give that some more consideration. If, however, that is not your primary objective, then it's not as much an issue. Sometimes we just write a song to say what we want to say, how we want to say it...rules be damned.

It was a great piece to listen to either way. Nicely done!

Alan

Hey guys and gals!
Thanks for the listen! Alot of good suggestions here,...I'm glad I hadn't demoed it yet. Once I get the lyrics tightened, I was thinking of pitching it to a "Abuse Hotline" group, to use as a theme song or as a teaching aid,...as in what NOT to do. It really has a message that several songs didn't address. In "Independence Day", and "Goodbye Earl" the women are empowered, fight back and are victorious. If the actual statistics were known, I'd bet there are more women that stay in a dead end relationship until the very END!? Making this unfortunately realistic!

I'm still waffling, Droptine

Hey Drop,

I'm so glad I read some of the responses before commenting myself...because yeah, I was confused too. I actually got the marriage part at the beginning, but then got mixed-up again. Sounds like you have some good suggestions about how to tend to that though....

How about this: While maybe she doesn't get away in the end...perhaps The Warden allows her to go to see her dying mother "on parole" or something...so he lets out the leash a little, but not too much. I agree, there isn't always a happy ending....and as Al mentioned, WHY you're writing this song will dictate what you do or don't change.

Otherwise, musically and lyrically, it is a very pretty and sad song. Your voice really pulls off the story, and your guitar playing is quite nice. Ironically, though -- given the subject matter -- the music is actually quite soothing...

Anyhoo, I look forward to hearing where you take this....

Good luck and thanks for sharing,
Beth

Droptine,

This is such a great song, and the melody lines in here are just breathtakingly beautiful!

I think your should really try to make this fly. It is sad and gloomy, but it sounds so unique, that I think it'll make it.

To set the story up just a tiny bit better, I would change the opening couplet to:

Wakin' up in your prison BED
Makin' coffee for HER, The Warden

That way, the characters will stand out more clear, and you won't need edits in the rest.

It would work great for tv/film as is, I think, but if you want it on radio, perhaps a change of pow from second to third person would be appropriate, so an artist could sing this, and still keep his/her integrity.

Great work!

Hi Droptine

Wow, what an amazing voice you have, very moving. I have to agree with the others on the lyric changes, but Droptine, I really believe it's worth spending the time on it, fantastic, loved every bit of it.

Make sure you post up any changes hah, cause I would love to listen to it again.

Aussie fan
Michele

Thanks to ALL for your kind words and suggestions! As soon as it's ready for a real demo, I'll post it again.

Droptine

Hi Droptine,

I just had to come back and listen to this song and your voice again..your voice with the lifts, the melody, the way you sing this, it's just so beautiful..I can't wait until you have the demo done on it, and hope I get to download it, cos, I for sure want a copy of this song... had to come back and tell you one more time, love your voice....glyn

Thanks Glynda! Still workin' on our collab,...won't be long!

Droptine

Good singing and playing. Home life for some folks can be a prison sometimes. It is a good take on this concept. Nice to see she has someone waiting for her "on the outside". Actually maybe you could work "on the outside" in somehow, it fits in with the warden/prison metaphor.

Kevin

Droptine;

I won't have a chance to listen to this until tonight, I only got to quickly read the lyrics.
I like the jail metaphor, you had me believing you were actually talking to the warden. About half way through I realized it was a spouse, I thought it was a man describing his wife. I finally realized it was a women's pov. Not as clear as it could be but I like the way you had my brain snaking around like that. I agree with Kevin, I'd like to know more about who's waiting outside!
I'll listen tonight.

Steve

Hey Steve,
Hope you liked it!? I smiled when you said I had your "Brain Snakin' Around"! This song does that to alot of people. Sometimes a little ambiguity is a good thing,...I think that's the right word?? I've spent tooo much time on the "farm"!

Thanks again, Droptine

Hey Steve,
Did you get a chance to listen? Holiday weekend and all, you're probably doing something FUN!? We'll catch ya after the BBQ!

Droptine

Droptine,

very nice tune both verse and chorus. nicely sung and played. good vocals.

that said, the lyrics need work because there are just too many possible interpretations, some very odd. i think with some re-work this could be a very solid and moving song.

..ant

Hi,

And I sure like everything about this.
Man, you're good !!

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Thanks guys!
Appreciate the comments! Yes, it is a smidge odd, but isn't that what makes US songwriters!? "Cookie cutter" songs rarely get noticed, so I like to write out of the box a bit. Sometimes waaaay outa the box!?

Thanks again, Droptine

I got it from the outset.
Nice picking pattern and progression.
Nice melody, voice and performance.

But I got to know did he really set her free?

Tom

Hey Tom,
Thanks for listening! This song is sung from God's perspective. He's observing this poor woman through her life of abuse, comforting ALL the way. At the end, God releases her by the hand of her husband,..."The Warden"!? I know it's on the DEEP side, but I tell people, (my little disclaimer) I write what I'm given.

Thanks again, Droptine

P.S. I've always heard that if you have to explain your lyrics, that you haven't done your job as a "songwriter". That would be on ME!

Droptime...really very nice vocal and guitar treatment on this song....very pleasant to the ears....yeah the Warden...wish that was different...but I hear you on that point.......Bob

Bob,
Thanks for the listen! Haven't seen your name on here so far, nice to meet you. I'll drop by and give your songs a listen also!

Droptine

Opps, I did not get the God part. I was thinking love interest. But now that I relisten there was a sweetness to the Narrator.

Droptine,
I'm glad that I read a comment further down about why you wrote this song. This explained every aspect of it totally to me once I started listening to it. The story was superb and well stated lyrically. The music was excellent. You do have a lovely voice as a folk artist in my opinion.. I would add a touch of reverb and maybe a ash of delay but not alot. Beautiful song!!!
Good Luck,
BOB

Hi Drop:

It is a very pretty song with a great vocal and melody.

I wouldn't have figured it out without an explanation. But there are plenty of songs that I don't know what's going on and like 'em anyway.

Kinda depends on your goals, I guess. Doesn't seem commercial in its present state but that is more a comment on the current scene than on the song.

If you are to be the artist, why not just use it as is and let people hear a pretty song and wonder what it's about?

If you are gonna try to pitch it, maybe tighten up the story line.

In any case, it's a good one.

Scott

Gentlemen,
Thanks for dropping by with your comments! They say you can't pimp ballads in Nashville because the "artists" want to write their own. So, even if I did want to market it in some way, it'd have to go as a "corporate theme song" for a women's rights group, or abuse hotline group. Someone other than normal pitching. The jury's still out on this one.

Droptine

Hey JPFer's!

I'm submitting this song for an NSAI Evaluation. I've never had it critiqued by them. It's not a "demo", just one of my worktapes. Is it good enough for an eval!?! I've been sittin' on a bunch of songs that need to be demoed,...tryin' to decide which ones!?

Thanks alot! Droptine