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Four Quick Shots

Officer O’Bannon set the shot glass on the bar
Took a call and headed for his old squad car
Pulled up siren blarin’ at a pawnshop by the bay
He saw someone with a toy gun in an alleyway

It was four quick shots
In the dark of night
Shadows play their tricks
Blurring wrong and right
Funeral in the fog, after four quick shots
In the dead of night

Well, they took O’Bannon’s future, pension and his badge
And regret cut through his nightmares like a razor’s edge
Whiskey midnights in a one room off a cobweb hall
Dusty bulb above a cot and whispers in the walls

It was four quick shots
In the dark of night
Shadows play their tricks
Blurring wrong and right
Funeral in the fog, after four quick shots
In the dead of night

Neon lit his teardrops as he left that liquor store
Loaded on some rotgut and waving an unloaded .44
Rookie cryin’ near a chalk line by the curb
White sheet gurney and the final thing O’Bannon heard

Was just four quick shots
In the dark of night
Shadows play their tricks
Blurring wrong and right
Funeral in the fog, after four quick shots
In the dead of night

© 2009 Robert George

Hi grouch. I like the wordplay on "four quick shots". I'm having trouble following the story. Here's what I'm reading:

V1 Past tense - The night of the event
He was in a bar
Then in a car
Then at a pawnshop
Then in an alleyway near the pawnshop

V2 Present tense - Life now as a consequence
He lives in a one room apt.

Bridge Past tense
He was in a liquor store
Then somewhere outside near a curb with a rookie cop
- Is this going back to the night of the event or yet another event after O'Bannon loses everything for drinking on the job?
I was once cautioned by a Music Row publisher about not making songs simple enough for the country music market. Your lyric IMO is more complex than the songs I was pitching that day. In your bridge you doubled up on loaded in one sentence. I would suggest rewording that line - eliminating "waving" for "toting", "carrying", and some more believable description of how a professional law officer would handle a weapon.
If the bridge is referring back to the night of the event, you now have him leaving a liquor store instead of the bar. Anyway this bridge has me confused.

Sum, all three vss are written in the past tense. "loaded and unloaded" is a turn of phrase which is common in country. waving a gun is an apt decription of someone who's drunk and suicidal. it's a very simple lyric.

hey Mr. C Grouch,

I know that for this whole entire song to work, the one line that bothers me most is the one you need the most...and here's what I'm struggling with.

So Officer "saw someone with a toy gun...in the alleyway." My question as I read it, how would he know it was a toy gun? He wouldn't know that until after the shootin' was done, and then if that's the case, what's the issue? Is the issue that he was drinking on the job, or that he shot someone who, though may have posed a threat, was only holding a toy gun? After all, he has a police call to respond to the pawn shop, so something must've gone down....

and I admit, I'm reading way too much into the lyric...so here's where you just smile, nod and say..."thank you sir...now run along and play with your toys." But say it nicer than that!

shooting children after drinking is frowned on in law enforcement.

Perhaps...as is overstating the obvious frowned on in songwriting...or so I'm told. Heck, what do I know? I'm still trying to find a rhyme for "orange"!

Good luck with it. Sorry if I came across in any way less than respectful. Certainly wasn't my intent.

I didn't think you were being disrespectful. the first poster said he was confused because the 2nd vs was in the present tense. it's not and there's no reason to think it is. then you seemed to have a problem with a cop being fired after killing an unarmed child after drinking. People demonstrate in the streets if Letterman cracks a bad joke. an intoxicated cop kills an innocent child...there would be and have been riots. I'm never sure how to respond to these comments. there's almost no right way to do it.

[quote=couchgrouch]then you seemed to have a problem with a cop being fired after killing an unarmed child after drinking. quote]


No friend...I assure you, that is the LAST thing I would have a problem with. I want that bastard hung immediately for driving while drunk! That aside, my issue is that I (and I'm only talking about MYSELF OBVIOUSLY) am stuggling with feeling anything for this schmuck. You state that he "sees someone with a toy gun"...and I'm only saying...if it is that obvious that they have a toy gun, then there are other word issues at play.

Argh! I'm sorry...I'm not making any sense. My bad.

Best if I just leave the critiquing to those how know how to do it. And I certainly have nothing but respect for you and your writing. I've been following your stuff for quite sometime.

Mea Culpa for not being able to convey my point.

it turned out the person he shot had a toy gun. it was "four quick shots in the dead of night, where shadows play their tricks blurring wrong and right".

in a song you have to use shorthand. no hard feelings Terrill.

Robert...I had ya outta the gate on this one..lots of great lines here bud...wordplay...good story well told...IMHO.

Thanks for the read...

Larry

Grouch,
well told tragedy to me. Hook stands out nicely. But a terribly sad story.

have fun,
John

thanks guys.

rob, most of the cops i know have had to shoot a few bad guys based on nothing but the circumstance they see and a split second decision. go into the underworld day after day and you soon realize you are a target. along the lines of duty at some point a tale like O'Bannons continues to unfold quite often. well told story, every line points the plot forward, crafty as usual...could go blues with it too...you gettin' any cuts lately?have some fun, it's summer...mj

MJ, I've got a real good bite on Just Enough Light. I'm cynical enough to wait and see.