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A while ago I saw a band called Rilo Kiley on my favorite TV show Austin City Limits. They are a Los Angeles based group and I loved the way they sang about California.
They inspired me to write a song about my home state.
Forgive the vocals as they kept getting worse the more takes I did. This was the upper end of my range (probably just beyond it actually).

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=743715&songID=7286708
Los Angeles
Words and music by Tom Franz

V1
The sun harshly silhouettes the Oakland hills
Illuminates the Golden Gate
On which I’m southward bound
Leaving my home town
On the Camino Real
Driving down old style
To Los Angeles

C
There's no signal here at all
And I need to place a call
To remind me what I’m doing here
I could turn this car around
Whose dreams are these I found
That makes me think that I can
Make it there

V2
The ghost of John Steinbeck haunts these bottom lands
The fertile soil where workers toil
Along the coastal range
Where I’m feeling very strange
Cause Junipero Serra's here
Guiding my way clear
To Los Angeles

C

B
I can smell the ocean
I can feel the fog
Such a strong emotion
And it won’t be long

C

Tom,

Love the sound of those guitar parts working throughout this! This sounds really good. There are also really nice lines in your lyric too.

I had a thought about maybe ending it with the latter half of your first verse on that last version of chorus or something..I guess I had this sense of wanting to take it back to that image of driving down, old style, to Los Angeles.

Here's a suggestion:

This is no signal here at all
And I need to place a call
To remind me what I'm doing here
I could turn this car around
Go back to my home town
But instead I'm southward bound
On the Camino Real
Driving down old style
To Los Angeles

Glad I saw this up! It's downloaded and going into rotation.

Tom,

Been there geographically and "mentally" I can relate to this ...
the voice "breaking" or "straining" sounds appropriate for the piece...I like this.

I love the way you make the singer sound like he feels like a small person in a BIG place... VERY Los Angeles!

Hum Wendy I like your thinking that could work actually. I will pull out the guitar and see if it fits.
Thank you for mentioning the guitar parts I'm glad you feel like they work together.
I have not forgotten "falling short" family issues will be calling me away for the next few weeks but one day. . .

Kenneth,
I was hoping this would connect to my fellow Golden Staters. I drive 101 from SF to LA too much and just had to find a way to write about it.
Thank you,


Tom

Opening guitars sound great -- good recording quality. In fact, great production all the way through. It's a well put together song. Good job.

Kevin

I like the feeling of the song. LA is LA - quite a place and you convey the feeling. That guitar really works. I like the changes in dynamics. The differentiation of the chorus is well done.

Tom

Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your comments on the guitars, many takes and many mic repostitions.
And your comment on production makes my day, thank you.

Tom,
Thank you on the guitar comment. I actually tried a little leadish thing during the chorus. I think it kind of worked but it is not my strength to say the least.

Tom

To have the song sell itself, the vocal needs to be THE thing really worked out, (as far as the right key for the singer in any song)

John

Thanks for the advice John.
I do take a bit of time on these songs and sometimes there is no perfect key. And I do have limitations vocally. Wish it was not the case but it is.
but I do appreciate you taking the time.
Tom

Tom,

I burned this to a disk so I could listen in my car. I just wanted to comment that when I heard this the first time, I didn't notice that great little intro you did. It really caught my ear this morning for some reason. Anyway, just wanted to drop back by and say I thought it was cool.

Hi Tom,

I like this a lot; I love your guitar work, and the way you build up the instrumentation throughout the song...

In verse two, think about your phrasing of that first line, you are putting an accent on the word " of " which IMO is a bad choice--consider three pickup notes with the accent coming down on "John"

Your voice has a distinctive sound, like a husky Alexander Escovedo; in the chorus, your vocal is IMO a little bit "in and out of the pocket". Now, I know you can hit the highest notes (at 2:16), cuz you nail them, it seems more a breathing and phrasing problem--like you're "out of the pocket" perhaps when a little out of breath...one solution may be to punch yourself in, or if you're a purist, make demarcations on your lead sheet in red felt pen, showing where to breath. This has helped me in the past when playing live especially.

And just on a humorous note, when I listened, at 1:18, I kept hearing the line in the second verse: "and I'm feeling very strange cuz your nipples have receded"...LOL...but at least you made me read the lyric sheet, very nice, well thought out, beautiful lyric which you have set very gracefully...I dig this style, and look forward to more projects from you!

--Mike

What lovely lyrics...what a strong melody...and such a good example of showing us how to pull a melody away ..even though it's patterned somewhat similarly!! I enjoyed my listen very much...

In any case, Tom,good luck with this...I enjoy your style.

very best....
Kaley

i really loved this... i just joined this site and am excited about what i will get to hear. i actually love how your voice sounds...raw and pushed to the edge, just like living in LA.

cool tune Tom, love the guitar work especially.

Hi Tom,

Very cool guitar work that sets off your engaging lyrics. It ends a bit abruptly but I see Wendy had already made a suggestion for that. Overall with the production, it's very nicely done.

Ricki

Tom:

Another great production of another strong song. I think your voice sounds great on this...I like the little bit of strain in the vocals. It's adds a certain realism and grittiness to the song. Now, on this song I think the band kicks in and out in the right places. The guitar parts are tasteful and satisfying. Excellent change up at the bridge and then back to that wonderful chorus.

I listened 3 times and I have a couple of nits (I haven't read the other comments yet, so these are fresh (well, I just glanced up at Ricki's review and I see that the first one is not fresh!))

1. It ends too abruptly.
2. The first two lines are interesting and sing well, but I wonder if some more conversational lines might not be a stronger opening to the song. (On the other hand, they do create a very strong image, so I guess there are no easy answers, only tradeoffs.) This is something I've been working on lately, so I guess that's why it struck me that way. I just thought I'd point it out.

Tom, I always enjoy listening to your work.

Mark

Thank you Wendy for stopping back to mention the intro. I do them so rarely, I usually just jump right in. I think I should have used some sort of outro on this however. And I think your pervious idea might be it.

Michael,
You are so right on the pitchy second chorus. I will fix that right away.
What great advice on the breathing techniques. I can often find myself half way through a line and be thinking "I ain't gonna make it to the end". I will plot out the breaths in the future. Oh and I am not a purist by any means, I will use any trick I can to make it work.
And you cracked me up with the receding nipples, I will work on my pronuciation.
Thank you very much for your thoughfull and helpful critique.

Kaley,
Oh my God you made my day. I respect your talent so much, you know how impressed I am with "Some Day Some Way". Ahh someday I will write that tight of a song.
And thanks for mentioning that departure in the first line of the last chorus. I had to do somethng to make the transition from the bridge not sound anti climatic. The challenge was finding something I could sing.

babette,
I hope everyone listens to "West River" it is a beautiful song!
I think you can tell that you have created quite a stir with it.
I relate to you so much on the delusional aspect of songwriting. It is such a solitary endevor and if one is any good at it they must have some sensitivity issues at the outset.
Your response meant a lot to me, thank you.

Louis,
Thanks on the guitar. I try hard to find ways to make the accoustic interesting.

Ricki,
I hold your work in such high regard so it means alot that you appreciated this. Thank you.

Mark,
Thank you so much for the multiple listens!!!
Shoot those first few lines are my favorites. A little to poetic you think? I will contemplate your suggestion of making it more converstaional. You are probably right.
Yeah that ending is too abrupt. I just really try to keep it crisp but I think I out did myself on this one.
Thank you very much for the kind words.


Tom

i came back to hear this again i just love it. your voice has a truly unique roy orbison quality that is intriguing... i don't think there's anything to forgive in your performance... i like it when things are a little jagged and interesting vs. the super-slick. i wouldn't change a thing.

Tom, I can`t contribute much..I know what I like. there is raw, real" effect in this song..good job. Lane

Tom, I had a few listens, firstly because I liked the song, secondly, because I'm trying to get my head around the art of mastering, panning and all that stuff, and you've done that very well on this track. I like the feel of the song and chorus is one that I think will stay with most listeners. And I can relate to the song as well, as in arriving in the "Big Smoke" for the first time, not so much with London, but it reminds of arriving in Shanghai some years ago, thinking I was already a pretty worldly person, but finding out I wasn't at all, and was nothing more than a bewildered white ghost.

And regarding your singing, it's far from perfect - not as bad as mine tho! - but I would choose a heart felt, sincere, imperfect vocal over a technically perfect vocal that didn't have the same sincerity. And I think you have that quality of not quite sounding like anyone else, which gives you a lot of individuality.

Lucian

PS. Glad you like my Fender Tele 72 Deluxe - she's a real beautyt!

Tom, I love the vocals. It is a great song. This isn't my favorite sound... but the lyrics are tight, and the melody is contageous. I like your accent in this song a lot. It captivated me, and got me wanting more. Your guitar work is to die for.

Congrats on a great tune!

Hi Tom,

I like this very much. I think it is able to capture every small town aspirant's emotions coming to a big alienating city. This is about LA, but could be anywhere around the globe.

Two things, I felt the chorus were a bit lyrically thin, not really going anywhere, but I see how this builds prosody to what you are saying about 'thinking he could make it there'. But you have that driving ideas in there, and Im not sure the music supports that underneath in the chorus. Could you do better there?

And I have a hard time seing how the ending of the bridge builds to the last chorus?

But, I had a good feeling listening all the way through it.

Hi Tom,

Cool vocals, loved it all, very soothing.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Tom

Nice Nice Nice

really like those harmonic touches on the guitar - great touch there and sounds to my ears - nice changes musically from verse /chorus /bridge... my only musical nit really is the abrupt end - I did not like that as much

as far as the vocal thing - i think your vocals Are a good match.... wondering if you try it a half step lower - would it work better for you.... another thought for the final chorus maybe add a backing vocal ( I can hear Wendy there )

okay and lyrically I like what you are doing - my favorite part is the chorus. Good song - worth more attention and fine tuning for a final mix, but you have it together ! Best regards. jm

Tom,
i enjoyed your work on this...the song pulls the listener in with music that has a good feel, then we hear what the guys thinking and doing and then that chorus reels us in further...this is a pitch for film and tv as is, with and without the vocal track...be well...moker

babette,
You know for you to stop back in and say that means a lot to me as I believe you are the real deal.

Lane,
Thank you I am glad you liked it. Raw I got. I would like to do something refined once. Grass is always greener as they say.

Lucian,
I do like your Tele 72 deluxe. There are so many things I like about it, (My son has a 72 thinline and it is a lovely guitar) I like those fender humbucker pick ups the four knobs and that cool switch on top!
I have to confess that I have NO clue how to master a song. To tell you the truth I don't even really know what mastering does.
Now mixing I know a tiny bit about. But what I have learned is by listening to other songs on these boards that sound good to me and asking the person how they did it.
You are kind to say that about my voice.
Thank you.

Dear Mr. Songcabinet,
You are very clever indeed. You have identified all the weak points to the song that I was well aware of but was not talented enough to fix. Damn I was hoping you would miss those!
I have heard it said about poems that they are never finished only abandoned.
I think I abandoned this one to soon. Thank you for your insight I hope you comment on other songs I post as I respect your opinion.

Thank you Calvin.

JM,
You are right on the key. But the darn thing is that key problem did not become apparent until I did the bridge which was the last part. And by then I just had to many hours (months actually) invested in this and did not have the stomach to start over.
Thank you for your listen.

Moker,
Funny you mention that. I actually like this better as an instrumental. Thank you for your listen.

Tom

Kevin!!!!!!
I am so sorry that I missed responding to you.
For you to appreciate the guitar on this is such a compliment. I really liked your guitar on "Light a Candle". Trust me I am not a natural on guitar. It takes me many, many takes to get the simplest things passable. So Thank you.
Tom

it's been haunting me for three days! going through my head...

Tom,

I really enjoyed this. the guitar was particualrly enchanting. My wife is from Bakersfield. I lived there from 92 - 97. I have driven the PCH several times from LA to SF. we used to go to Morro Bay and Pismo beach a lot.

I read most of the comments by other reviewers. I agree it would be a GREAT soundtrack piece for a Film or TV project. I write a lot of Film/TV SOundtrack pieces. This is an ideal candidate for that genre. I can also empathize with you about vocal limitations! Good thing I'm a decent guitar picker...otherewise, I'd have gone broke via the music business! I enjoyed your song.

Alan

Hi Tom

I thoroughly enjoyed it too, you have a nice style. Looks like you have a lot of great advice here. Keep working on it hah, you have a nice voice.

Michele
Aussie fan

Babette,
You think this song is haunting you. You have no idea how many times I have listened to West River.

Al,
Bakersfield hey, Merle's home town. Mr. Haggard is about as good as country gets.
Fortunately, I am able to make a living in other ways than music. I would be very thin and homeless if I had to.
Thank you.

Michele,
Thank you.

This is a gem, Tom. Love everything about it - especially your vocal.

I love songs that put pictures in my mind and this one does it.

My only nit is that I wasn't crazy about the abrupt ending. I can really hear it end on a slowed up vocal phrase with maybe just a guitar strum behind it.

Is a small nit - t'is a beaut!

Scott

Very diff and very good...good lyric and production