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No Future In The Past

Verse 1
Can’t believe twenty years have passed
Our lives took separate paths
Fate put us in touch again
It was pure coincidence
But, there’s no future in the past


Verse 2
I remember your precious face
Now gentle lines show a trace
Of the awkward boy in you
It brings a smile it’s true
Yet, there’s no future in the past


Verse 3
Once, young love swallowed our hearts
But, we chose to be apart
And, the longing is still there
But to hold on is not fair.
‘Cause there’s no future in the past.

Bridge
I will stop every once and a while
To think about you and I will smile
We had no chance, we were too young
But it will help when I recall our days,
our days in the sun…..


Verse 4
So turn around and walk away
There is nothing left to say
if teardrops fall down your face
Help me walk far from this place
Lord, help me see, there’s no future in the past
No, no, no, there’s no future in the past

I remember your precious face
Now gentle lines show a trace // //Love these lines//

Kim, right away you get your point across in this song,im liking that.And you carry it well through the song,and yet leave a little hint of some feelings for this person wich i think is cool cause it wants the listener to hear more of the story.

(But to hold on is not fair) Not real sure about this line? Only because it doesnt point to who the not being fair is directed to,just a thought you may want to concider??

Great rhyme skeem here, nice twist with the title/hook .great word play . These two never had a chance did they(smile) or did they?? hmmm?? makes one want to hear the song til the end (thats a good thing) Nice work, my 2 Cents, S.Dee

Kim,
You have a great start and some good suggs above, so I'll leave that alone. The very first thought that came to mind when seeing the title? Vince Gill, he sang one a while back, same title. Yeah, I know, titles are safe, but something so popular, may be your downfall here.

I didnt know Vince had come up with a song by that name. I need to work on that, thanks for telling me.Kim

One line hit me:

It brings a smile it’s true (tag-on line for rhyme)


I know you will hear tag-on lines in hit songs, but I've always considered it "lazy" writing; not spending enough time on a better end rhyme.

Some songwriting books state that any phrase that can be removed from a line without changing its meaning is not needed.

Thanks for the critique and I will keep it in mind, I am re-writing it now anyways with a new title and a complete turn in events, suggesting there is a future. I will post later, thanks again, Kim

Hey Kimberly,

Like you, I was in the dark about Mr. Gill's use of the hook -- but the way I look at it, if at least the two of US didn't know about it, maybe there are OTHERS!!

Regardless, I thought the story was well told. I especially enjoyed how even though the singer knows the past has to stay in the past (well, MOSTLY... !), she can still take pleasure in the present, and look back at that time fondly. I too loved these lines:

I remember your precious face
Now gentle lines show a trace
Of the awkward boy in you
It brings a smile it’s true

And I suspect more than a few of us has one of these to think back on:

And, the longing is still there
But to hold on is not fair.

So nice work, Kimberly....I see you've got some other suggestions you're working on, so I look forward to seeing where you take it....

Good luck,
Beth

A charming, nostalgic story, that I'm sure will be fine in the re-write as well, especially if you bear in mind what others have suggested here.

Donna