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Twenty Chickens For A Saddle
© words and music by C. Stewart ( May 22,2008 ) ...........thanks Skip

I live in a one story town
With not too much to do
The only entertainment
Is a yard sale or two

Lots of goodies on display
And I'm lookin' for a deal
I would've bought that wagon
But it only had one wheel

CHORUS...
A quarter for a thin wooden paddle
That's what the old lady said
Twenty chickens for a saddle
I think I came out ahead

The level of excitement is high
When you come out on top
Just be careful what you bring home
Last thing you need's another mop

CHORUS...
A quarter for a thin wooden paddle
To bad she's only got one
Twenty chickens for a saddle
Now this is how I spell fun

BRIDGE...
I'll give you this, if you'll give me that

INSTRUMENTAL BREAK....

CHORUS...
A quarter for a thin wooden paddle
My baby dolls butt will be red
Twenty chickens for a saddle
I think I came out ahead

Now this is how I spell fun. This is really cute, Calvin. Enjoyed it all the way through...I've been at those yard sales.

Liked it alot....a fun one...Jan

Cal--you have an original approach to everything, refreshing...this music has a Johnny Cash feel to it...very cool...the baby dolls butt line cracked me up...you too huh, ya had to sing it twice...ha...moker

Hey Cal,

Very clever and refreshing and of course a little risque...like how you used the hook as the device for getting your little paddle.

But your poor "baby doll"....I wonder if she has any idea what she's got coming?!

You and Moker...naughty naughty naughty.

Remember "back in the day", in schools they used to call those paddles "the board of education"? So an interesting turn of events....

Ciao for now,
Beth

Calvin,

Very good addition to the "Community Hook" collection. What fun!

I remember a "board of education" paddle that hung on the wall in the principle's office in the little country school I attended as a boy. It actually had holes drilled into it to make it easier to swing, and more potent to sting. It was only occasionally applied, but its existence was a source of some interest to us all.

I never got a licking at school, except once. It was in second grade, as I recall. We were moving from addition to multiplication in math, and I'd kept on adding those numbers instead. I wiped out three times running, then carefully jotted down the correct answers as the teacher gave them to us to correct our papers so I wouldn't get them all wrong a fourth time.

She caught me at it. She took me down to the office where that paddle hung on the wall. Then she told me how disapointed she was that I had cheated. She took off her shoe, removed the thin styrafoam liner that protected her corns, and--much to my amazement--gave me five or six whacks on the seat of my breeches. I couldn't even feel them. She could have dropped that liner and it would have drifted to the floor like a leaf in autumn it was so insubstantial. The big paddle hung on the wall, raging.

Then my teacher got out her really big guns. She said, "Now we are going to kneel down together and you and I both are going to pray and ask God to forgive you for what you did." So we did, right there beside the humming milk machine on the concrete floor. The same teacher was also our preacher's wife.

I've got to admit, she did well by me. She couldn't give a guy a licking worthy of notice (my Dad could, and did). But I never cheated again, ever. Not once. It stood me in good stead in high school where I quickly discovered if I studied I knew more than anybody sitting near enough to copy from their papers. Not much sense cheating of someone's answers if they're getting more of them wrong than you are. It also stood me well once during my seminary training when a standardized test on a book we were all supposed to read was given two years in a row, and a whole bunch of my classmates discovered this and failed to read the book, since they had access to the test from students who took it before.

I read the book. Good thing I did. When the proffessors discovered their error, they wrote a new test with nothing from the old one on it. I got an "A", while many of my fellow ministers in training who had relied on the answer list flunked out enmass. So much for the natural integrity of the clergy, I guess. And thank God for my preacher's wife teacher who gave me those ridiculous whacks with her corn protector and made me look God in the eye.

As for the connection between pain and pleasure in certain forms of foreplay, guess that's a flavor the absence of which I've never missed. Glad you sang that verse the second time and Beth chided you in her post. I was picturing a Barbie doll and a canoe paddle--which I think would be a bit of overkill even for the S and M crowd.

Keep writing.

Skip

Hey Skip (excuse me Calvin...),

As always, you've got a great anecdote for us...Felt like I was right there with you as you were getting "padded"!

As for chiding Calvin about the plans for HIS paddle, SOMEONE's gotta do it, right ?

See ya around!
Beth

Hi Janice,

Good to see ya !
Thank you for your comments & I'm glad it was fun for you.

Calvin


http://www.osundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Gawrsh, this IS a Fun Crowd around here at Board 3!

"KUDOS" for a Fun "Take" on the Community Hook, NeighborGuy!

I've never been into Pain..tho I'm aware the Nerve Pathways for Pleasure are right next to Pain, in the Human Brain..which prolly Does lead to a Lotta "Kinkiness" in our Species.

My Stepdad came from the Old School, in Tennessee...where ya just DIDN'T say "No" to Mom or Dad. Kindling Sticks, Belts, Razor Straps,& Ping-Pong Paddles (Broke quite a few) all earmarked my Childhood..& more than Once I plotted His Demise. But...I also don't believe in Killin'...

We ended up the Best of Friends when he passed at age 94. Think MY Sons got maybe about 3 Lickin's their entire Childhood/so far neither's been Arrested..& they grew up more Thoughtful of Others than I ever did, methinks.

As for What Works in-Bed, Ol' Sly said it well-enough: "Different Strokes...for Different Folks."

Good Luck with The Lyric/Watchout for BabyDoll when she gets "Liberated"...heh!

Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Hello Moker,

Glad you took a moment to drop in.
I appreciate your refreshing remarks.
This was a fun song to be a part of.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Calvin,

A very innersin' take on this hook. It sound like a goodun' but only if your lady is gettin' as much pleasure out of that paddle as it sounds like you are. Now you need to write one from her perspective, maybe one where the shoe goes on the other foor, or the paddle on the other..... It was a fun listen

I got paddled in eighth grade for climbing the flagpole. It's one of those weird consequences that schools think up: if you choose to climb our flagpole, then we will choose to whap you on the butt. With our special whapping paddle that has holes drilled in it for extra easy swingin'. Very kinky.

I also got punished for skipping school once. They suspended me. So...the punishment for being away from school... is to be away from school.

I often wondered if I robbed a bank...would they make me rob another one?

Hi there Beth,

GOod to see ya.

Thanks for giving me your 2 cents.
Clever & refreshing is nice, thank you.
I would like to think in this story, Baby Doll has a pretty good idea.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Morning Calvin,

Just trying to bump all these up, so people can see them all in a row. Pretty funny stuff.

And yes, I hope things work out with you and your Baby Doll! If she's willing -- as Stan has wondered -- sounds like you two are well-suited (HA HA HA)!

Cheers,
Beth

Hey....was going thru some old CD's today...and came upon this great one from Laurie Anderson..Ever heard it? Here are the lyrics...gotta see if I can find a link to listen to it:

Can't seem to find a free link anywhere...it's on her Strange Angels CD...(a good investment). You can find snippets, but anyhoo:

"Baby Doll"
I don't know about your brain-
but mine is really bossy
I come home from a day on the golf course
and I find all these messages
scribbled on wrinkled up scraps of paper
And they say thing like:
Why don't you get a real job?
Or: You and what army?
Or: Get a horse.
And then I hear this voice
comin from the back of my head Uh huh
(Whoa-ho) Yep! It's my brain again
And when my brain talks to me, he says:

Take me out to the ballgame
Take me out to the park
Take me to the movies
Cause I love to sit in the dark
Take me to Tahiti
Cause I love to be hot
And take me out on the town tonight
Cause I know the new hot spot. He says:

Babydoll! Ooo oo oo Babydoll Ooo He says:
Babydoll! I love it when you come when I call
Babydoll! You don't have to talk I know it all
Babydoll! Ooo oo oo Babydoll Ooo

Well I'm sitting around trying to write a letter
I'm wracking my brains trying to think
of another word for horse
I ask my brain for some assistance.
And he says: Huh...Let's see...How about cow?
That's close. He says:

Take me out to the ballgame
Take me out to the park
Take me to the movies
Cause I love to sit in the dark
Take me to your leader
And I say: Do you mean George?
And he says: I just want to meet him
And I say:
Come on I mean I don't even know George!
And he says:

Babydoll! Ooo oo oo Babydoll Ooo He says:
Babydoll! I love it when you come when I call
Babydoll! You don't have to talk I know it all
Babydoll! Ooo oo oo Babydoll Ooo

Babydoll! Babydoll! Ooo oo oo
Babydoll! Babydoll! Ooo oo oo
Babydoll! Babydoll! Ooo oo oo

Hi Stan,

Thanks for looking/commenting.
I've never been into pain either.....except for when I cut myself at work.
This chicken challenge has been very interesting.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hello John,


Hope you're doing well this weekend.
Thanks for dropping for the chicken song.
Had a good time doing it & seeing all the other directions the chickens went..

"the shoe goes on the other foot, or the paddle on the other....."

yikes !

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Mark,

Hey, thanks for taking a minute to see what's happening here.
This chicken thing has turned into a fun thing, doesn't take much to entertain me, how bout you ?
I was also paddled in about the 8th grad for putting a tack in somebodys chair.
I deserved my paddling, I never did that again !

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hello Beth,

Yes these chicken songs were fun to write / read & laugh with & we all owe Skip a big thumbs up for getting it started.
As for Baby Doll, it's a wild fantasy, seems so close but at the same time is miles & miles & miles & miles away.
Have a good weekend.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Calvin,

May I have your permission to use this lyric in the "Hook Hunter's Heaven" project in the chapter on how various lyricists will develop a single Community Hook in different ways based on their individual perspective and life experience? I would credit you by name, give your copyright info, and note "Used By Permission" to retain all other rights to you. I may not be able to use all the 20 Chickens lyrics, since the chapter would become a book in its own right. But I'll fit in as many as I can, God willing and the creeks don't rise before that project can be completed.

If you will give your permission, please let me know email: <SkipJohnson777@gmail.com>

Thanks!

Skip

Hi Skip,

It's ok with with me.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart