JPF Home Page Forums Week 29 Lyric/MP3 Pick: "Unfinished Letter"

Hi Folks,

This week's pick by Harriet Schock for the Mentor Critique is Big Jim Merilees' "Unfinished Letter". She will be posting her critique on Monday, so starting now we'd like to get all of your critiques on this. Remember, lyrics/mp3's are not chosen on what is best or worst, but rather what will make for an interesting educational discussion of what was done well, what can be improved and basic building blocks for writing strong lyrics and songs. Please jump in and then once Harriet posts, see if you noticed the same points.

Thanks again to Harriet and everyone who has already participated. If you didn't get chosen (or didn't enter) and would still like a Professional Critique by Harriet Schock, or take a class in person or one of her on-line courses, please check her website at http://www.harrietschock.com.

For now, let's hear your thoughts on Big Jim's entry! Remember that Big Jim should not post a response until AFTER Harriet posts her critique.
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Unfinished Letter
Big Jim Merrilees © April 2008





He carefully folded his glasses
Put them away in their case
Leaned back in his leather armchair
And clasped his hands to his face
Sat still there for a few moments
head full of conflicting thoughts
Have all the “T”s been crossed
Do all the “I”s have dots.

He leaned forward and looked at the letter
Is this what he meant to say
Could he have put things better
Was there an easier way
He took a gulp from the bottle
It burned as it went down
Vision was blurred from the whisky
His head was spinning around

How could things have gotten
To this final drastic stage
Maybe he should write
just one more page
He mustered up his courage
This time he was gonna be brave
He was going to print it this time
He was not going to click on save

His finger hovered over the button
His mind was on overload
Another slug out of the bottle
Just one more for the road
This time was gonna be different
He was never gonna be beat
But he knew just like the times before
He would only hit delete.

Maybe finish it another time
This letter he didn’t write
Be brave and complete it
some other dark night
Say the things he’s afraid to say
And the things he’s trying to hide
But some things are better left unsaid
About love and suicide.
_________________________
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=687727&songID=5238055

Hi Big Jim,
This makes a very interesting and cohesive read.
Judging from your other works,I'm sure you'll knock us out with the music.
I'm curious about "no repeating chorus" and all that jazz that usually comes up in critiques but am anxious to hear this one amigo.
That blockbuster finish is killer (pun intended) my friend.
JBW

Hey Big Jim,
I'm new on the block and do not as yet know anything about your other songs. I will remedy that soon, but taking just this one song, your melody would have to be so very, very interesting and involved in order to hold a listeners attention through 5 verses with no break. That's a lot of repetition. Can it be done? I don't know. I'd like to hear it when you finish it. As for the lyrics, the slow painful progression of darkness and foreboding works very well, up through the last and answers just about any questions a listener could have about what's going on. The only line I question is in verse 4. "He was never gonna be beat". It sounds like he's already beat and it's just a matter of following through so I'm not sure what you mean. Just some thoughts. Thanks for sharing your work. Sorry to be so verbose.
Ricki

Hi everyone,

Here are some first thoughts, maybe I'll add others later on.

I'm not surprised this song has been picked. On the forum it was recently posted, it has generated a lot of comments, which usually is the sign that the song is finding an audience. The fact that the posters didn't always share the same opinion was also a good sign, the sign that something interesting was at stake.

The first time I read the lyrics, I thought - and wrote - that they were really good. I only had a few reservations about minor aspects of the text. After reading these lyrics once again, I must say I can see a few problems now that didn't catch my attention on the first time. But I suppose it's something positive that must be said about the song: it seems to give a (very) good first impression to a lot of people.

The first thing that struck me at first was: there was a tone and a mood, that I found coherently dark, the sense of something both terrible and unavoidable. The contrast between the apparent composure of the man's actions and stance - carefully folding his glasses, etc. - on the one hand, and the mention of his "conflicting thoughts" and "spinning" chaos on the other hand pointed both to a resolution and a despair. So I thought - without the help of the last verse, added later on, better left unsaid, IMHO - that the letter was the farewell letter of somebody who had decided to commit suicide. I found that the general tone - a few details apart - was really coherent with the theme, and that pleased me.

The second aspect that struck me was the literary quality of most of the lines, at least in the first part of the song. The vocabulary is rich and precise, the images well-chosen. There's a visual aspect that makes us easily see the man in his study, sitting on his leather chair, putting his glasses away in their case, etc.

Now I think that the second part of the song - from the third verse onwards - is not as good as the first part. It didn't really appear to me when I read it for the first time, I just thought a few words in that part were clashing with the language used in the first two verses. And I thought levels of language were in question. But I now think it's got more to do with the sudden change as far as images are concerned: either they are not there any more or they are re-used (therefore not renewed). I miss those images there, all the more so they were so important - and well-chosen - in the first part. I must now be content with "reading psychology", and I'm not really interested in that, I would prefer to follow the film.

About something totally different now: I think it is not coherent to talk about dotting Is and crossing Ts if the letter is typed into a computer. I know these phrases are metaphors, pointing to the man's according his full attention to the clarity of his communication. But these metaphors seem to convey the image of a hand-written page. I've got nothing against the man using a word processor, but then I need a different sort of imagery.

Then about the structure: verses only, no hook, no refrain, no repetition whatsoever. The author says he doesn't want to go commercial here, that's not his purpose. I'm not talking about the so-called commercial rules either. But my question is: do we need a repetition of some sort, would it add something to the artistic expression? Is repetition something that sells only, or does it play a nobler role in (song)writing?

To conclude with: my feeling is that the first two verses are quite good (Is and Ts excepted); verses 3 and 4 could do with being more visual and less psychology-oriented (that is more like verses 1 and 2); verse 5 can be avoided.

I've been long; but I have the impression of having only scratched the surface of what should be said about this song. So, I'll read the other comments with attention.

As always, in order to avoid misinterpretation: I said and I repeat it, if this song has brought about so many comments on the board, it's because people can emotionally relate to it, even under its current improvable form. For this I think we can congratulate Big Jim and encourage him to give his inspiration a fuller expression.

Bye for now, everybody take care,

Yann.

Hey Big Jim:

Gonna be without a computer for a few days so I'll give my review now.

First of all, you won't hear any gripes from me about the lack of a chorus or even a refrain. I'm a big fan of story songs like "Edmund Fitzgerald" and "John Henry".

A song like that DOES put a lot of stress on the music and delivery though. I think you could sing the phone book and make it sound good though, so maybe no worries there.

As to the lyric, I think you have done an excellent job of describing the act of writing this letter. I'm just not sure that's enough though. I kept wanting to hear some of the back story of what brought him to this point. So I think you've nailed the "what" but I'm not sure it works for me without at least a little bit of the the "why".

No gripes on the writing - well maybe one nit. I think "He was never gonna be beat" would be better as "He wasn't gonna be beat"...

I've largely given up on commenting on lyrics in the absence of music - have just made too many mistakes in the past. As I said though, I think this will put a lot of stress on the music and delivery. Will wait and see what you come up with there.....

Scott

Hi Jim

I am just going to watch, & read all the posts, this will be a great learning experience for me.

Congratulations on your song being picked, and I will follow along, to see how this song finishes up.

I look forward to hearing you singing this one.

Michele
Aussie Fan

Let the record note...I spent over an hour adding to the critique I gave on this on board 3 roughly an hour before it was selected here. Pasted that one here and continued. Why it didn't go through, I've no idea. So frustrating. Even had a couple of good old relevant jokes included. BLAST it. Need to take a typing course....

I am not sure if I can add anything to the crit I did on the lyric 3 board. I'll just post the same crit here. I might add to it, I do have a couple thoughts.

I still don't think I'd use the last verse. The last line of V4 He would eventually hit delete. Says the same thing as the whole last verse but says it in 5 words.

From lyric 3

Hi Big Jim

Why? well I don't think it matters. Even a Country Lyric can be a little vague. But if you ask me this one is not vague at all. I think it is about depression. It is pretty clear to me. This person is thinking suicide but suicide is not what the song is about, it is about depression.

I would not go into the details of why the person got to this point. It does not matter. This song is about the act, the going through the motions of doing something that this person really does not want to do. This is a lost person. Depressed and miserable.
He gets drunk, the drunker he gets the worse he feels. He goes into a state of mind he has been in many times before and the ritual of writing this letter he will never finish is all part of it.
Hence an unfinished letter....If he ever finishes it he is dead.

I would not use the last verse you withheld.

I stumbled on a little bit tho. In the last part
You say he's going to print it but not save it..a little confused by that and then you have him hit delete.

He mustered up his courage
This time he was gonna be brave
He was going to print it this time
He was not going to click on save

His finger hovered over the button
His mind was on overload
Another slug out of the bottle
Just one more for the road
This time was gonna be different
He was never gonna be beat
But he knew just like the times before
He would eventually hit delete.

The only real problem I see with this Lyric is who would sing it. It shows a singer in a bad light, even as a narrator. I wonder if there would be a way to distance the singer even more from the character.

The other thing I might add would be to incorporate the idea of this being a ritual with this person. That would tie it together nicely. People in this state of mind often repeat this kind of ritual. Use that.

Include these things in a rewrite and I think it could be commercial. People are suckers for sad songs.

Technical Structure

? Five verse, possibly the third section could be a B section. Don’t think this works in the current set up.

Title not in the song, but if ever a title was going to work without being in the song , The title “ unfinished Letter “ would have to be up there , but ……it would never be my choice

Rhythm. I struggled to find a consistent rhythm to the lyrics and the rhyming scheme is inconsistent, varying from section to section. I think these elements would make it harder for the song to work with the music

Overall Story line is logical and understandable, and flowed well but see below comments. No problems with possible misunderstanding of meaning etc.



He carefully folded his glasses
Put them away in their case
Leaned back in his leather armchair
And clasped his hands to his face
Sat still there for a few moments ( I think this line is particular weak )
Head full of conflicting thoughts ( I never contemplated suicide but I would have thought if his head are full of conflicting thoughts , I would have expected more that crossing the T’s and dotting the I’s . Even though we don’t know he’s contemplating suicide at this stage , we still need more emotional intensity )
Have all the “T”s been crossed
Do all the “I”s have dots. ( I found the use of a consonant rhyme – the same consonant with a different vowel ( weakest form of rhyme ) on this line further undermined the strength of the message of this line , when we already have what I feel is a weak message. I think the first four lines set a nice image of the person sitting back and contemplating what he has written , but there needs to be a stronger message conveyed in the final four line to build up the emotional intensity leading into the rest of the song , otherwise we’re going to start wondering why we’re listening to the song.

How about something like

He carefully folded his glasses
Put them away in their case
Leaned back in his leather armchair
And clasped his hands to his face
The tension drilled into his mind
And spread a bitter taste
He grasped the whiskey bottle
On the empty fire place

I’d keep the story line of the first section much the same as it is

In the next four sections , I felt , for the story line portrayed , the words take too long to get the message across , and again they don’t come across with the strength they need to , to get across the message of someone contemplating love and suicide. I’d be ditching the five section structure and working out whether you want to go with a AABA or verse / chorus , cutting out some of the filler lines and

I also think the computer imagery doesn’t work in the context of the song . It’s too sterile and emotionally detached. You’ve got a whiskey bottle there so I’d make more use of it….. hic….hic…. ( though I prefer beer  )


**********************


He leaned forward and looked at the letter
Is this what he meant to say
Could he have put things better
Was there an easier way
He took a gulp from the bottle
It burned as it went down
Vision was blurred from the whisky
His head was spinning around

How could things have gotten
To this final drastic stage
Maybe he should write
just one more page
He mustered up his courage
This time he was gonna be brave
I think you could compact the story line down in these lines down to one section covering , uncertainty about what he’s written and uncertainty about how he got into this situation , maybe having the first lines describing him struggling with uncertainty ( without specifically naming the cause ) , and the last lines specifically detailing the causes of the uncertainty .

******************************************************************

He was going to print it this time
He was not going to click on save

His finger hovered over the button
His mind was on overload
Another slug out of the bottle
Just one more for the road
This time was gonna be different
He was never gonna be beat
But he knew just like the times before
He would only hit delete.

Maybe finish it another time
This letter he didn’t write
Be brave and complete it
some other dark night
Say the things he’s afraid to say
And the things he’s trying to hide
But some things are better left unsaid
About love and suicide.
I think you can compact the story line of these lines also down to one section. Doing that would bring the song to three sections .
Alternatives from there would be to have a chorus or a B section

Chorus possibly something like

I’m filled up with unfinished letters
Thoughts no ones ever read
I’ve kept them locked in side
Where they bide their time
I’m filled up with unfinished letters

Cliff

I'd be interested in hearing the music that goes with this, too. I thought at first the link at the bottom was for this song...I really liked your version of The Letter, by the way. :>)

Anyway, I wouldn't be bothered by the structure either if the song were telling the story of whatever led the narrator to this point. There's no doubt about what's going on in Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald or John Henry.

In this case, though, the story's action is all in the narrator's mind -- will he finish the letter or not? Is it a suicide note? A love letter? Or maybe he's quitting his crappy job. Maybe he's an accountant with a conscience before Enron fell apart.
Then the final two sentences show up like a punch line, and the listener still doesn't know if he's talking about love or suicide or both.

And it would be OK, I think, to leave the question of what the letter is about open if it weren't structured as a story song. But the internal story isn't strong enough to hold the song on its own -- you don't know what he's thinking about and the imagery, to me, isn't that engaging. The imagery is good and concrete, just not very interesting on its own.

But if we knew he was deciding whether to end a relationship or kill himself, or even if those questions were raised, maybe it would be. Then the listener would have a stake in the "drama" of will he or won't he.

So after all that blather, my suggestion would be to reorganize the song so that the "drama" is interrupted by a chorus. And the chorus should be built around the last four lines of the song. "Some things are better left unsaid about love and suicide" is a terrific line. Why not make it the hook -- Love and Suicide would be a much stronger title.


Can he say what he’s afraid to say
And what he’s trying to hide
Or are some things are better left unsaid
About love and suicide.

That structure would still leave the question of which one -- or both -- he's thinking about, but lend the song some real drama.

I first read this on the lyric board which does not contain that last verse. Overall, I think it's well-written. I agree with a lot of what Bill says especially how that last verse says just about the same thing as that one line (“He would eventually hit delete”). That verse says he’s maybe going to finish it another time, but then he’s thinking that things are better left unsaid about love and suicide. So I really don’t know if he goes through with it or not. And I’m wondering why I’m listening to this song if he ends up where he started.

Then Bill posted an interesting suggestion on the lyric board about incorporating the idea of this being a ritual. I think that's a neat idea, a character study, if you will…and it would be very interesting to see more of who this person is.

All this discussion makes me wonder as a writer, how to maintain that balance of revealing/withholding details. You want to draw the listeners in, but you don’t want to spoon feed them everything. You want to engage and entertain them, but also not let them down…so it’s a juggling act!

Kristi

HiDee Big Bro Jim, & Congrats!

My main crit at Board 3 on this baby was there was no Hint WHY the Guy was a Boozer...no look at the Other Side of His Problems.

BUT...you've added the Last Verse..and now that Guy is "Suicidal" from this lost-love, it's a whole different Picture. And Note.

Now maybe it's Just Me, but I pen everything in Longhand on-paper Before I head to the Keypad..assuming I'm sending it Out Over The Internet. So..I've no problemo with the "Dotted I's" and "Crossed T's" in early-on verse.

The Verses sans Chorus don't bother me either...but Music'd better be Real Interesting-Enough..(& NOT walk over the Vocals, too!) Your Line 4's seem to be quite Inconsistent..syllabically..7,7,4,6,5..so probably 6-7 in each is worth shooting-for... "Some other dark night", for instance, seems "short-a-syl"..as I read it..."Some other sleepless night" I'd sug...(K-O-S)

I overall LIKE what's going on here...because it ends up with a bitta Mystery, reminding me of "Ode to Billy Joe's" tossing SOMETHING "off the Tallahatchee Bridge"... Lotsa Good Description..BUT we never know if he kills himself or not.

STILL pretty vague about the "WHY" here...but all the rest..Who/What/Where/When/..."HOW" is left out, too...but guess that's Another Song, eh Amigo?

Good Luck with this Interesting One!
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Hey Neanderthal...

Forgive me for not commenting on this when you first posted it. I was immediately drawn to it though. It has some of the similiar themes of a song by The Alan Parsons Project "Oh Life, (There Must Be More)" where you end up wondering if the lady in the song jumped or not...

Now I as a part of the audience come to this song more than willing to work out my own meaning and resolution, but I gotta tell you the only part about it that bothers me...and it may have already been covered in this discussion, I just haven't read each one in full detail.

Your verse two suggests the character is, if not completely, well on his way to being drunk. Head is spinning, vision is blurred...yet the character remains very meticulous and quite capable of reason. I'm having just a wee bit of difficulty reconciling that, but it is quite possible it's because I am unfamiliar (I proudly say) with the inebbriation and even the suicidal thought as suggested by the song.

I can tell by the strange look I just got from everyone that I've totally missed what this critique is for. Yikes. Harriet! Speak, for I am attentive.

T

Hi All

Golly gosh, you are bringing up some painful memories for me, but I am strong, and it is good to talk about it. So I hope you all don't mind, that I share with you that I made quiet a few attempts of suicide back in 1997 to 1998. I lost full control of my life, and today I have a copy of this letter that I had written, on one of those attempts. To read this letter today, that I have no recollection at all of writing, really shows me the state of mind I was in at the time.

So I thought I would share this letter with you all! I hope it doesn't upset any one, but I feel it's time to share this letter, and I hope others understand.

I believe this letter will give you all an insight into what state of mind I was in, when I attempted suicide. If you know the full story you will understand the letter, I was totally confused. The people who hurt me so bad, I was going to leave my children with them? Hmmmmm!

My suicide letter! The writing in this letter is so messy!

The pain thats with in me is so bad, I can't handle anymore. I would like (2 of my eldest children's names are here) to be raised by her grandparents. (2 youngest children's names are here) to be raised by Ph... & Le.... as I know that they will be loved and looked after well. I'm sorry I love my children but I cannot handle the pain any more the pain that is within me is so bad I can't take anymore B...n I love you, but can't handle the pain that is with in me Can't take take anymore Please understand, please be there for my children as I love them so dearly more then anything in the world I know that they will survive with out me, B...n, Get on with your life and be there for our children they are beautiful children and I'm sorry that I have to take my own life as the pain is so bad within me, I cannot stand it. I loved all of you but its over powering me, no one can possibly understand tell my family I love them and thank them for being so supportive of us, but I cant live with the pain that is with in me. I love you all, but the pain is so bad I can't stand it anymore, I love you all but can't stand the pain that is with in me, please let me rest in peace, I can't stand anymore please (the next line I can't read as it wasn't copied fully)next page, our beautiful children I love you all, but can't fight it anymore please understand its over powering me B...n I love you, I just cant get over the pain, the memories. Please bury me so that I'm looking over the mountains I love you honey more then anything I can't move on, I'm stuck with this anger That with inside me, I just can't get rid of me. I do love you I always have Be there for our children as they will need you, especially (My eldest child's name here) as she knows to much. Its about time you became there fa..... and love them as we brought in 4 beautiful children God give them strength to get through this
I know its time to leave use, he came to me and told me I was going to die, but don't be frightened, hes holding my hand, but when I was little and I'm laughing and happy he is also showing me that I'm dead as a it and I know I'm going to a beautiful place, he is telling me not to be afraid, as I am really happy I love you all, I will be watching you in spirit, I will always be with you
I love you all heaps I will be watching you over in spirit Remember that

Love always
Michele

I don't want this to take the lime light off Jim's song, I just wanted you all to understand what it was like from some one who has had experience at attempting suicide.

If this upsets you all, I will delete it from the post. Just let me know, hah.

I'm still here! I made it!

Michele

I have just worked out the reason I am struggling to write that song I was working on "You too can make it" deep down I know that I can't prevent them from suiciding, all I can do is teach those around them, to help them, listen to them, love them, don't turn your back, keep picking them up, let them cry, let them be angry, etc.

Any way I am off to bed. Good night all!

Now back to Jim's song okay!

Michele

Hi Michelle.
We had a thread here a few months back that dealt with this. Many of us shared our stories. You are not alone. I am happy you were able to work through it and are here to share your story.

While this may not have been the right place for this it is timely.
It gives a sense of why we don't need to Know the "WHY" in Jim's song. It also gives us a glimpse into the Ritual. You have stated that you attempted suicide several times. Did you write a letter each time? Did you finish every letter you wrote?

This song is about that. It is about the act, the pain, the torment. As the song progresses the character keeps drinking, getting more drunk and more depressed.
I would have kept him drinking.
In verse two
He mustered up his courage
This time he was gonna be brave
I would say He drank another shot of courage.

Then I would have him finish the bottle in the last verse
Another slug out of the bottle
Just one more for the road
drank the last slug from the bottle

He keeps writing. Probably rambling on as you did in your letter.

You never say WHY you are in this state. Jim does not go there either.

With this character he cannot finish the song. He keeps looking at it for mistakes "crossed T's and dotted I's. In this case a metaphor because it's typed and he is looking for it on a screen.
Big Jim could have used "He kept hitting the spell checker" but that is too literal. I think the T's and I's is more of a show us rather than tell us line.


I cannot wait for Harriet to look at this one, to share her insights. This Critique is going to be great.

My cousin Bobby Smith, a DJ in Prineville, Oregon wrote a song when we were both in our early twenties called "One more shot to go" about a guy who is drinking and contemplating suicide. It was well written and it had a killer hook, pardon my pun. But seriously, my brother-in-law killed himself with a shotgun in his closet leaving my sister with three kids under 5 years of age. What drove him to that? He lost his job. You might say he overreacted to a life situation. My brother (21 at the time) is the one who found the body- and 5 years later, he shot himself. Why? He never got over Lenny's death, descended into drug abuse, and apparently saw suicide as an option. I am not going to comment on this lyric because I won't entertain the idea that suicide is an option. It is a symptom of an illness and I am afraid it is an infectious one.

Michelle, welcome back to the land of the living and don't ever ever ever go to that dark place again. Call me first.
.

I haven't read the other critiques...it sways me too much...so please forgive if I repeat.

Here is a bold move, writing a song with no chorus and no particular line repeated...and the hook is simply the concept. Frankly, I think it's too bold. As a poem, it works for me...but as a song, I think it would benefit from a hook. One way would be to have one line at the end of each verse, ala "The Times's They Are A-Changing" or "It's All Over Now, Baby Blue". It gives us something to hold onto, something sticky we can remember.

Another thing worth working on is meter...I believe in an "anything goes" rhythmical approach to a lyric when it is being applied to existing music. But when the lyric comes first and there is no music yet, I think the meter deserves to be very tight, otherwise the composer (and then the singer) needs to sweat out how that melody is to be altered upon each pass. As an example, here are the 4th lines of each verse:

And clasped his hands to his face
Was there an easier way
just one more page
Just one more for the road
some other dark night

Melodically, I would assume them to be the same...but with this much variation, it becomes a real puzzle finding a melody that can accommodate that much variation in length and rhythm.

Hey, where are my positive comments? I'm a big fan of Big Jim, only he's Bigger. I happen to love the immediacy of this lyric...I can picture this man sitting at his computer, drunk, distraught and tired...I like how I sense more than just lack of nerve that holds him back.

This song originally came without the fifth verse, and many of us were scratching our heads and demanding more. Love and suicide gave us that clue...but because those are two different subjects, I think we still wonder just what happened here.

I would suggest injecting this character with something that makes us care more about him. It wouldn't take more than a line or two to clarify what was at stake and what held him back...and it might be nice if that reason had a compelling aspect...maybe a daughter or something...something that might also speak to the real suicidals out there, something that might even turn them around.

Unfinished Letter
Big Jim Merrilees © April 2008





He carefully folded his glasses
Put them away in their case
Leaned back in his leather armchair
And clasped his hands to his face
Sat still there for a few moments
head full of conflicting thoughts
Have all the “T”s been crossed
Do all the “I”s have dots.

He leaned forward and looked at the letter
Is this what he meant to say
Could he have put things better
Was there an easier way
He took a gulp from the bottle
It burned as it went down
Vision was blurred from the whisky
His head was spinning around

How could things have gotten
To this final drastic stage
Maybe he should write
just one more page
He mustered up his courage
This time he was gonna be brave
He was going to print it this time
He was not going to click on save

His finger hovered over the button
His mind was on overload
Another slug out of the bottle
Just one more for the road
This time was gonna be different
He was never gonna be beat
But he knew just like the times before
He would only hit delete.

Maybe finish it another time
This letter he didn’t write
Be brave and complete it
some other dark night
Say the things he’s afraid to say
And the things he’s trying to hide
But some things are better left unsaid
About love and suicide.
_________________________

Someone once said, and it is so true, "Songs are small things." This song should be judged accordingly.

It's unusual for me to select a lyric that I could live with pretty much as it is from a craft standpoint, but I think this is one. My suggestions will be more about message and content, and taking responsibility for those. I do agree with Scott that the line, "He was never gonna be beat" would be better as "He wasn't gonna be beat." That's pretty much it for the nit picking, but I would like Jim to take a look at adding one element and I would not intrude upon his process enough to suggest how to do it, just that he do it. Because of the serious subject matter, whether we decide for us that it's love or suicide, I think Jim needs to add an element of not knowing whether it's courage or cowardice that makes him hit the delete button. Right now it looks like he's saying he's not brave enough to send it. In fact, most lucid people would agree that staying alive or in a relationship that's not working or whatever he's doing--requires courage. Printing the letter is the coward's way out. Of course, he's been drinking so maybe it would look more like courage to him now. But it would be good to get across the hint of his possible awareness, even in this state, that it takes courage to keep going. This would give the song the one tiny element of hope or bravery that I think it lacks. Right now, it's about a meticulous, cowardly person who habitually tries to get out of something the easy way but decides not to--because he's even too cowardly to do it? I don't think so. I think the infinitesimal voice in his head that makes him hit delete is the voice of life, of reason, of caring about the repercussions. Even a hint of this will make us like him better. Maybe before he hits the delete button, a hint of something or someone goes through his mind. Mark Kaufman suggests a daughter. Jim doesn't have to be that specific, but something to make us know that this character is not totally unaware of the effect this action would create. Even if it's love and not suicide, that would work.


I do think structurally/melodically Jim should make the second and fourth section another melody and maybe call them bridges. I know they have the same rhyme scheme and essentially the same meter, but they would still be fine set to another melody and chords and I think he should do it. Since we haven't heard the music, we have no way of knowing if he might be planning to do just that.

As for not having the title in the song, neither did "Rainy Day Women #12 and 35." And I'm sure you can think of other songs that don't contain the title. The purpose of the title in a song is to hammer home the message, to give us a memorable hook, to create an emotional impact when we hear it, etc. This song has emotional impact because of a small story that's being told about a small action that deals with a large issue. We see the mundane, miniscule movements leading up to it. Nothing is repeated. This is as it should be. There's no chorus or repeating hook or section. It's a day in the life of a man making an important decision, one which he apparently has made before. He's trying to bolster the "courage" to print the letter that will end something. As Joyboy suggested, we could imagine it's his job, his evil deeds, whatever...until the last line. At that point, we still don't exactly know, but that's where the emotional impact comes in, and it wouldn't have if we had heard some repeating title, no matter how carefully set up. If the song were called "Love or Suicide," that slamming in the face effect would not occur the second time we hear it.

A number of you seem to think Jim should lose the last verse. I vehemently disagree. It does not say the same thing as the previous verse. It suggests he may want to try again in the future, that he's hiding things, that there are things he's afraid to say--all of this is new information. And the last line is stellar, in my opinion. He is equating them in a twist of irony. If he's ending a love affair, it feels like suicide. If it's a suicide note, there have been times he's felt the same way about love, or love gone terribly wrong has driven him to suicide. Or maybe he just realizes that some things are better left unsaid in love and suicide. The possibilities are nearly limitless and the line is replete with irony. I love the ending. It's a little like "all's fair in love and war." The person who first said that did not mean you had to choose between love and war. It's simply a statement of opinion, and the juxtaposition of these two words--apparent opposites-- is what creates the irony.

I have no problem with the dotted "i" and crossed "t" lines, despite our discovering later it's on a computer. Another touch of irony as we realize he meant it metaphorically, so we roll our movie back and make a note of that. Speaking of movies, though, I agree with Yann who said about the lack of imagery later in the lyric, " I must now be content with 'reading psychology,' and I'm not really interested in that, I would prefer to follow the film. " There aren't a lot of places you could put a picture instead of an abstraction, but maybe in these lines:

How could things have gotten
To this final drastic stage
Maybe he should write
just one more page

and


Maybe finish it another time
This letter he didn’t write
Be brave and complete it
some other dark night

In the lines above, you have the closest thing to wasted real estate that I can find in the song. And, of course, "wasted" is too strong a word. But if Jim wanted to get more pictures in it, which I think would keep us pinned to it even more closely, these are the places he could do it.


Bill says, "The only real problem I see with this Lyric is who would sing it. It shows a singer in a bad light, even as a narrator. I wonder if there would be a way to distance the singer even more from the character." First of all, it's already in the third person, which distances the singer from the character. Secondly, "Whiskey Lullaby" is about two different people shown in less than flattering light. And what about "Papa loved Mama/Mama loved men/Mama's in the graveyard/Papa's in the pen"? And that was in the FIRST person! Of course, it was humorous, but still...I think the suggestion I made at the beginning about having the glimmer or rationality seep through will raise this lyric to the level it deserves. And no one would worry about how the singer looks at that point.


As far as back-story goes, yes, in the hands of most writers, this lyric would scream out for back-story. But to paraphrase, "there are no bad parts, only bad actors"..."there are no bad subjects, just bad songwriters." We don't need backstory in this particular piece. We want it, of course. But that doesn't mean the song is "wrong" or "needs to be rewritten to give it to us," or any of the other things people will tell him. Songs are small things. This one has all the information it needs. But I still think if he added the element of courage vs. cowardice, it would pay off at the end like a dark horse only one man bet on.


Yann made an excellent point when he said, "Is repetition something that sells only, or does it play a nobler role in (song)writing?" I agree and would say further that conventions of songwriting are there because they work, not necessarily to make something commercial. But this song would not work with repetition, in my opinion. It needs to just march on to that powerful conclusion -- the last line -- without any repetition, which would destroy the effect of the last line.

TampaStan seems to think the guy's a boozer and wants to know why. I don't know that he's a boozer. From the effect the booze has on him, he could be an occasional drinker, just when he's composing exit letters. And this isn't about why. Songs are small things. And this is a wonderful, small song. Or, at least, it will be when it has a melody and adds that second splash of irony that could raise it to the next level.

Hi Bill

Yeah I was definitely not in a state of mind when I wrote that letter, and yes towards the end you can see that I keep rambling on about not handling the pain with in me, you can see that I was totally confused & hurting real bad. Sad letter.

No I didn't write any other letters Bill, that I know of, the only reason I got this one, my ex had it, him & his mother showed it to my eldest two children,(teenagers at the time) and said to them to read it, and also said to them, "this is what your mother thinks of you". To me, they are very nasty horrible people, that whom I loved and cared about very much, once. Today, I have no respect for them or for those who aren't willing to look out of the box, as Jim puts it.

Hi Samuel(Joe), I am so sorry you lost your brother in law and your brother. So sad. Samuel(Joe) your brother couldn't cope with the memory of seeing your brother in law, this is what I am hoping I can get out to those who want to end there life. The impact it has on there loved ones, the ones who find them, is huge, and yes its an illness & infectious. Just recently a couple of friends that I got to know through my work, found there best friend who committed suicide, now they are struggling with life.

If we can plant the seeds today, to change it in the future, maybe there wouldn't be as many suicides as there is today. We need to look out of the box, learn, reach out to those who are hurting, touch them, tell them it's okay to feel what they are feeling, listen, help them to heal with the pain & help them to get over the trauma's that they have experienced or are experiencing, give them strength, give them hope, reassure them the pain becomes easier, etc... now I am emotional, but I'm okay.

Samuel(Joe), if I lived closer to you, I would be giving you the biggest hug, you & your sister, you also have had a lot of pain in your lives to deal with, and I am so sorry that you had to go through that huge loss in your lives. And No I won't suicide, I'm stronger then that now, I understand.

Jim, I am look forward to seeing the outcome of this song, yes we need to look out of the box, my opinion I think we already know the WHY, I don't think it needs to be said in your song, I look forward to hearing this song finished & recorded.

Michele
Aussie friend from down under

Wow, was that thought-provoking or what...

Yes, I see now how this one could be better without some repetition...we get so wound up in convention that it's hard to see a good diversion from the usual path, even when it's in front of my eyes. There is an art to reading a lyric all alone...I sure haven't come close to mastering it. But now I see a lot of the hidden depths in the Big guy's song...mighty cool.

The only trouble I have with Harriet's critique is personal: Big Jim is now going to be utterly impossible, and his head won't fit through the door. (I know: I can run but I can't hide...)


Michelle, I'm so glad you found your strength. It's always there, you know. Sometimes it's just really hard to remember that. -Mark

Go Jim

Harriet's comments, wow, what a read. Well done Jim! Get that recording happening, I can't wait to hear it.

Michele
Aussie fan from down under

I would like to thank Harriet for giving up some of her valuable time to JPF. Her critiques are an education and I am sure everyone regardless of ability or experience can learn a lot from them.
Long may they continue.
I am afraid this may be a long post that may make Brian's epics look like a telegram. LOL

I wrote this lyric as an experiment or exercise. Whilst I did not deliberately set out to break the rules I did not want to follow them either.
This is probably the darkest by far of any song I have ever written. I do not know why or what reason prompted me to write this it just came into my head to write a lyric that was different.
I think it is all the more darker because sometimes what is left out is more thought provoking and deep than what is put in.
I hope I have achieved that.
I will not reply individually but rather explain the thought proceess and try to address the various issues it raised.
Please excuse if this rant jumps about a bit as I do not have time to really think about the order or importance of the things I am going to say.

The title Unfinished Letter. Yes it does not appear anywhere in the lyrics. So I have broken a pretty important rule straight away. Or have I? There is a certain song called Unchained Melody.
It has broken records for being number ones with different artists. It has been covered more times than just about every other song. The title does not appear anywhere in the song and has apparantly nothing to do with the subject matter of the song.

Unfinished letter does not have a before or after. None of these details appear. So the hows and whys are not addressed. We are left not knowing what led the character to this action or indeed what happened at the end except a big question mark. The great Willie Nelson once said that he did not put all the info into his songs and deliberately left something for the listener to add to depending of their own life experiences, background and perceptions. If it is good enough for Wille then it is good enough for anybody else.
My lyric deliberately sets out to pose questions and NOT provide answers, as the answers are all their inside the mind of the reader.
Now some of you including Harriet may want a little more info. I have though about this. This is possibly true. I will have to think long and hard about what extra info to put in as too much may spoil the effect or take people down the wrong path.

I want to clear up and explain some misunderstandings although I think Harriet did a pretty good job of doing that for me. She grasped most if not all of the hidden meanings, irony and metaphors.

The T crossing and I dotting should not be take literally it is a metaphor. I think this should be taken to mean that he has grave doubts about what he has written and is double checking meticulously all the fine details. If truth be told an inner voice is telling him warning that it is wrong and he should be looking for a reason to change it or stop writing it altogether.

The whisky drinking.
I did not mean him to come across as a boozer. But if some of you want to think that so be it. I meant it to be as a sign that he is deeply depressed and has just taken to the bottle as a comfort or to obtain some misguided dutch courage to help him drown sorrows or do what he finds so hard to do.

Bill hit a few nails when he said the How and why is not important as this is just about capturing a moment in time and not worrying about what led to this moment or happend after.
Re who is going to sing it as he might lose empathy. Well I think Harriett covered that by explaining that it is third person and we cannot shoot the messenger. I take his point about having some hope. I tried to cover that with the debateable last verse and the hitting delete rather than save. The last to lines could convey that he has decided not to ever write the letter.
But some things are better left unsaid
About love and suicide.

Melody.
I am not the best music writer BY A LONG SHOT AND SOME MORE. LOL
I sing for a living but have never had any formal training and can barely get a tune out of a piano. Hoever I do have some tunes in my head and have a good working relationship with my pianist. He transforms these tunes into melodys and structures.
Unfortunately he is not in the best of health right now so I am using other pals to help with the music side. Mixed feelings on whether it is working or not.
My melody is a bit complicated and again does not follow convention. It does get boring after a couple of verses so I will make a bridge or different melody for alternate verses.
Both Cliff and Mark were aware of the probs with this but I like a challenge. Hey Mark I'm gonna catch you. LOL
I have read through this lyric so many times my head spins. Believe it or not it is a first draft and only took a few minutes to put down but even so I do not see any meter probs. Perhaps it is the old thing of hearing it as opposed to reading it.

Finally (at last I hear you say)

Michele, my little friend from OZ

People say it takes a lot of courage to put a lyric up for a crit. Well it takes MEGA courage to post an aborted suicide letter for all to see.
Thank you. I was in tears reading it. I am only thankful you left it unfinished. The world is a better place with you than without you.
I have to finish this lyric by putting a proper melody to it and recording it. It is top of my wish list.
I dedicate this song to Michele.

Great critique Harriet! Thanks for hitting another home run.

If anyone wants to get a direct critique or take a class from Harriet, you aren't going to find a better resource. Visit her site at www.harrietschock.com

Thanks again Harriet!

Brian

Thanks Big Jim for your submission. I hope you understand why I didn't want to critique it. I will say that while I wasn't sure exactly how it might become a "song", I certainly saw craft exhibited. It works for the same reason a good screenplay works- the audience wants to know "what is next?". It is a straightforward chronology of the man's seemingly mundane actions and thoughts. The "hook" in this song isn't seen until the last line. Or maybe I should say that the hook is what you didn't say until the last line. So reading it is kind of like having a fish on a line. You can feel it; it's tugging at the line; it feels like a big one; and then when you reel it in, it's a Great White shark.

WOW...I can't critique other people's lyrics. Every time I have tried, I've just made the people mad. I don't know...just reading this thread was powerful. Congrats to you Big Jim and good luck making the music as powerful as the words...Big Hugs to the people that have lived through these types of events, I can't even imagine...and thanks to Harriet for AGAIN really bringing it.

I'd settle for makin them mad.
I always seem to be wrong, LOL
Tryin' to judge on ourstage. most of the time I get...almost no one agrees with you, LOL.
I'm either stupid or have really weird taste in songs, LOL

I only seem to get that when I give the thumbs-up to my own songs...

Hi Jim

Thanks a bunch Jim, you & all my JPF Chums are my friends, I feel safe here, and I feel for the first time, in a long time, that I have found those who care, and those who I can TRUST! Thank you!

Let's talk about Suicide! I think this needs to happen! I promise I am going to do my best to help & prevent suicides in the future.

I'm sorry if my letter got you crying Jim, I was crying as I was typing it out. I had trouble reading some of my letter! And thanks for dedicating this song to me Jim, even though your big & hairy, what a gentle giant you are. So special & lots of hugs for you.

Thanks

Your Aussie friend

Michele

Herbie

Don't worry

There's no difference between putting a critique up for critiquing compared with putting a song up for critiquing . I think putting your won song up is more nerve wraking , afterall it is more a part of you. You won't always get it right and there's always people who disagree with what you think. The only way to improve is my practise. I find it usefull trying to analyse otherpeoples songs so you can then apply that proacess to your own songs.

On this forum you get a professional bench mark to which you can compare your opinions even if you're way off line ..

Cliff

Sam Thanks for the kind words. I feel for you. If this lyric, soon hopefully to be a song, makes even one person think twice about their actions or about this subject then I will have achieved something. I will tell you it has certainly made me think and put things in a completely diff perspective.

Bump. I cannot believe that nobody wants to add any further comments about Harriet's critique. The response has been very poor.

Jim,

I think it's simply a matter of traffic. For the number of times it's been read, the responses are very high compared to other weeks. We just need to ALL help get the word out and get those other posters (especially on the Lyric and MP3 boards) to participate. It's OUR program and unless we all work to keep it active, we'll all lose it together.

Brian

Big Jim

To be honest...I was pretty much done with it. I tried to think of something more to add but I just could not.

I thought I was pretty much right on the mark with this one. Reading Harriet's critique left me wondering what I had read.
I had offered a couple little changes, KOS of course.

I am still not sold on the last verse. I like the idea of just stopping at delete. But I do have to agree the last line says a lot.
But some things are better left unsaid
About love and suicide.
But I never got the idea that love had anything to do with it..

I was then chastised for questioning whether the singer would be put in a bad light. It was a simple question.

One other thought on this song. People who have never been depressed, I mean really depressed, this kind of depressed, will not have the same view of this song.
I have been there. I sat for a whole night with a loaded 45 caliber handgun cocked and ready. I had written a note on the computer. It was on the screen.
It said this. "I am tired of hurting. F#&k it."
Nothing else. But it said it about a thousand times. Page after page of that same sentence.
I also had a bottle. Southern Comfort if I remember right.

Unlike this character I did have a serious drinking problem.

In the morning I hit....delete.

I also find it a little silly that someone could think this was about quiting a job or a relationship.

I'll add this. I also felt a bit uneasy with the idea that finishing the letter was a cowards way out. I never felt like a coward nor did I feel brave. I was just a very depressed person who was searching for a way to continue on.
Bravery or cowardice had nothing to do with it.

Harriet's critique gives us lots to think about and I read every word. I'm digesting it all and don't have anything witty or thought-provoking to add at this point. I'm in learner's mode I guess!

But some of what I take from it is that repetition can be used/not used strategically in many ways and small details say a lot. We don't need to discover the moon with a song....finding the small things are often the big things...and will do all the discovering for us. That's mostly what I take from it right now.

Jim, have you worked on the music yet? You know we are all waiting to hear it...

Bill, I hope you don't think I was chastising you for suggesting it put the singer in a bad light. Maybe you were referring to someone else's comment, but if it was mine, I was simply urging Jim not to worry because 1) it was in the third person and 2) there are other songs that would put the singer in a worse light. It was not a slap on your hands. When you say "Reading Harriet's critique left me wondering what I had read," did you mean in his lyric or in my critique? If the latter, let me know what you don't understand and I'll try to be clearer. I think it's important to point out that the brilliance of the last line is that it does bring in love and it could all be about love, even though certain readers would not have considered that subject at all. We all see through our own filter, I suppose, but it's an interesting exercise to try to step away from that filter and see a work as it is, not as it would be if 1)it were about us, 2)we had written it or 3)the writer shared our background 100%. That's why, even though I would like for the character to wonder if it was cowardice or courage, the ultimate decision is up to Jim. Maybe he agrees with you and thinks courage and cowardice have nothing to do with it. I think it's great that you, Michele and others in this situation had what I consider to be sufficient courage to stay with us so we could all have this discussion. I really enjoy hearing the different viewpoints.

Wow, Kristi...reading that, I feel like I'm watching Dorothy talking to the good witch just before Glinda tells her to close her eyes and tap her heels together 3 times! Great interpretation.

I was hesitant to comment because...well, it's the strangest thing...so mind-boggling that I had doubts some of you would believe me, but I think I've shown I'm a straight up, no bs type-o'-guy, so I'll go ahead. Incredibly, what I had in mind (had I gotten it posted) was virtually VERBATIM to the critique offered by Harriet! Man, we were thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat close...

Harriet,

Your usual great and insightful (maybe even incite-ful in some cases ) observations, spreading a bit more knowledge amongst those smart enough to tune in.

Thanks!

Ben

Shoot, started my post above when Idol came on and Harriet's wasn't there yet...not that it matters. Coming to think of it, to paraphrase the C. Lion, peculiar wedder we're havin', ain't it.

Oh My
Bad choice of words I think.

Wondering what I read...I guess I mean both. This song has really been following me around for the last couple days.

I have been reading this Lyric and this critique more than any I have read in a long time.
Harriet, I have read through your comments several times. Using it to analyze the Lyric.
I had made a couple of minor suggestions for changes in a couple lines. I thought it would make it stronger.

What I have done is try to read the lyric from a couple different perspectives. The quitting Job angle, leaving the wife, What else could this be about.

But no matter how I read it that first verse says SUICIDE

Big Jim indicated it is about suicide but then that last line makes you wonder.

I read this and It seems it can only be about suicide. That first verse. Folding the glasses. Not just folding them but carefully folding them. Then placing them in their case.
This says what? He would not need them again.
He is tidying up the last little details before the act.

I wish I had never seen the last verse. I was content without it.
But it does add a little hope, does give you the sense that the guy is going to survive this night...again.

I have been trying to write a song with this much power, emotion, irony, etc. for 4 years. This song digs deep, real deep.
The music will determine whether it is a good song or a great song.
But, if it is about quitting a job or leaving his wife it becomes superficial and I would not be able to take it seriously..I cannot imagine this much long term anguish over either.

The first 4 lines of the last verse

Maybe finish it another time
This letter he didn’t write
Be brave and complete it
some other dark night

I am not real fond of this.
this letter he didn't write

This does not work for me. He wrote the letter, he just didn't print it. Or save it. He's written it many times.


In any case I don't know what more to say about this song.
I wonder if it could be commercial. It might be, with the right music and the right artist.
What is really interesting is Big Jim says he did not plan to do anything with it. He was only doing it for an excercise.

I'll say it again: posts on the Mentor Lyric/MP3 Forum do not appear on the "What's Going On?" box. If it did, you would dramatically increase hits and posts. This forum is off the radar...people really do look at the "What's Going On?" box and often start from there.

I'm just sayin'...

I'd comment more on Big Jim's lyric, but then we'd have to change his nickname to Big Head.

Gosh, Bill. Have I opened the way back to Oz?

"Lions and tigers and bears, OH MY!"

Good observations, IMHO. No sweat, bud. REMEMBER why..."WHY? Because Jimmy LIKES us!" Uh-oh...wrong quote again...oh, yeah.

"We're ALL in this TOGETHER!"


Hate to be a doofus, Markus, but what's a what's going on box?

Well Ben do you know where the Shout Box is? On the left. That column?
If you don't have it hidden, right under the Shout Box there is another Box. that is the what's going on Box. It shows the post's with the most recent activity.

Well, I reckon it must be hidden, William, 'cause all I see on the left is the picture of an adorable baby.

Scroll up, Ben.

Scroll up for the Mystery Tour!

It's on the WAY left but also on the WAY TOP left of the screen, when you roll the screen up to where it started...and then down a box.

Yea! I found the "What's Going On Box." Now that I've found it, I want us to be on there! Brian....how do we do it?

Hey Bill I have said this to Michele and will say this to you. I am just glad you put the gun away. The world is a far better place with you than without you. Who could I insult if you were not here.
I have re read my reply and just noticed I did not really explain my thinking about the last line. Love and suicide again is not really meant as totally literal. Yeah there is no doubt the guy is contemplating suicide. There is no doubt it is a ritual he has gone through before. I think the hope angle is there because again he did not go through with it. There is a warning however that he might do it again. Now love can mean love of life, love of a woman/man, children, God, a bottle, fellow humans and many other things. In this song it was meant to again be a bit vague to let the listener make up their own mind just what kind of love he was meaning. Most people jump to the conclusion that love in this context would mean a broken relationship relationship. Not necessarily so.
My main nit is perhaps I have tried to be too clever or too vague and it has not worked for some people.
It is difficult to cover all the bases as every person has different perspectives and needs and wants from any lyric. Trying to generalise about a subject is difficult.
A pal of mine drove out into the countryside and blew his brains out with a shotgun. He was a succesful football (soccer) player
owned a pub and had no financial problems. He was always happy smiling and joking. He had a wife and family and apparantly no problems in the relationship dept. WHY DID HE DO IT.
Nobody knows. No note nothing. At first they thought it was a murder and started an investigation. Forensics proved different. Muddy field no footprints around car. Nobody else was there.

Hi everybody,

I haven't got much to add for the time being. Just three quick thoughts:
- I totally agree with Bill: that was the "carefully folding" thing that gave me the feeling the song would be about suicide (that's why I wrote I didn't need the explicit reference in the last verse. It seems I didn't carefully read that verse, though, as it contains more than this reference.
- I would have been destabilized (disappointed?) if the last verse had told me the song was about something else (unrequited love, job loss, whatever).
- I'm wondering if the song would lose something of its strength (or wouldn't it gain something?) if the unfinished letter was not part of a ritual. I mean, if it was not just one letter in a series but THE climactic moment of a crisis, wouldn't we care more? Wouldn't it lend the moment something stronger? Wouldn't we be more afraid and concerned about him never finding the Delete Key?

I hope to find some anwers in the next posts. Come on, guys, keep at it, it's not over now!

The best to everybody,

Yann.

I just wanted to add that I feel really inept when it comes to critiquing someone else's lyric or even my own lyrics. I believe I've only posted on one of these mentor critiques previously, and I'm not sure what I said was all that helpful. I've only been writing songs for about six months or so, and consider myself a total beginner. On the other hand, I've learned so much since I've been a part of JPF and I really appreciate everything this site has to offer. I especially appreciate these mentor critiques. They are a wonderful learning tool and even reading the posts has helped me with my own stuff.

Love and suicide...they are always deeply intertwined.

Anyone who has stood at that brink thinks about love, wrestles with it, and most of the time it's love that pulls us back home.

I came close at one point in much younger days, with no good reason either, other than a short season of depression and mixed-up confusion. Now I would never dream of it...mostly because of love. And now, at 46, I have too many friends who took their own lives. I am convinced that every one of them would be happy and relieved today if they had somehow been rescued from their moment of anguish. I miss them all so bad.

Thanks to all who chose life. Your loved ones deserved better, and you came through.

On the top there is a blue bar
There is a MY STUFF tab
Click it
There is a drop down menu with my PREFERENCES
click it
there will be a page with options.
scroll down a bit and you will see "Turn off left column"

yes....no


And yes we do not show up on the "what's going on" box