JPF Home Page Forums General Messages Songwriter Message Forum Where is the morality of the young people going?

So, the Patriots are going to sweep the table, 19-0 winning the Super Bowl this year, who's going to take the World Cup?

Bolton Wanderers.

By the way another 65 post to go and then the devil posts. Interesting to hear what he says on post 666.

I thought you was an Atheist Jim. Atheist's don't believe in the devil do they?

I wonder if there has ever been a thread that made it to one thousand?

So, the Patriots are going to sweep the table, 19-0 winning the Super Bowl this year, who's going to take the World Cup?


The team with the most points!
I couldn't help myself!

Are you kidding, of course he does. Atheists are just the minion of the devil anyway!

I just posted that to give you Christians a fright. If there is a devil he has a heck of a lot of religious folk on his team and they outnumber us Atheists.

Ah , rugby , the game they play in heaven !

Guess we won't be seeing those wimpish crash helmet wearing Americans there. That's a pity, since they're all gun toting, God fearing, good ol boys. ( stirring the pot )

cheers, nitesift

Here are some of our wimps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvKdjEuhhBc

You'd need a helmet, a gun, and a prayer, nite.

Ha ! Good one Mike. Yep, those crash helmet wearing, gun toting, God fearing good ol boys sure are a bunch of pussies. Wonder how they'd do without the helmets !

cheers, niteshift

PS - anyone for cricket ?

cheers, niteshift

Hockey is better

HEY Mike you call that a hit. When I played rugby I was nudged harder.


Hey airun The girls used to play hockey at school. On a football pitch. Waste of good grass I'd say. But if you are referring to ice hockey well OK it is a step up from figure skating.

Oh, so THAT's why your head is shaped like that! I thought you WERE wearing a helmet. But don't worry, you can hardly see the stitches on your photo. And, not wearing a cup? But at least you have no trouble hitting those high notes.

Jim, I'd love to see a rugby game with you in Scotland sometime. I had a buddy in Chicago who played it. Or, if you get to Nashville, you can check out our Titans, they're not very big or strong, of course, compared to you guys who just play in your skirts.

Hey you know the definition of a quarter tone? A bagpiper tuning his drones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play? To get away from the sound.

A Scotland football fan, out walking his dog, came across an old bottle from which a genie appeared, offering the man a wish. The fan asks if his dog could win at the National Dog Show. The genie sees the scruffy mutt and replies "You're going to need to think of another wish." The fan then asks "Can you make Scotland beat England 3-0?" The genie immediately says "Let me have another look at your dog."

Anyway, there's a chance I might be going to Ireland this year, if I do I'll try to make it up your way. Ireland's pretty much the same as Scotland, isnt' it?

Ireland is not too far. about an hour or so by plane or an overnight ferry. It is just like Scotland except it is IRELAND.

I DO watch gridiron from time to time (used to follow the redskins) ANYWAY it is the only time in american history that the indians meet cowboys in a fair fight.

Re the kilt. It is a fact that more non scots wear it than scots.
Apart from weddings and pipe bands you never see it here.
Anyway my son is getting married this June. He wants us to wear kilts. Do they come in denim I asked. Will send you pics if it ever happens. I know how you like a good laugh.

I am in process of making a solo album due out summer will send you a copy if it ever happens I know how you like a good laugh.


Anyway there was this bass player and he went into a music equipment store. I want a pedal to make my guitar sound better he said. Certainly said the storkeeper and gave him a kill pedal.
Will that work said the bass player.
well take this in case and he gave hime ear muffs.
What about the audience said the bass player.
They can buy their own ear muffs said the storkeeper.

I understand about the kilt and bagpipe, Jim, just ethnic stereotypes. It's unrealistic to believe stereotypes. All Scotsmen don't wear kilts and bagpipes; all Germans don't wear lederhosen; and all Americans don't wear cowboy hats, snap button shirts, put ketchup on everything, and shoot guns...well...I do...but that's beside the point.

So what you are saying is that you are a stereotype.
Me I always liked the old mono but it died when good music died and gimmicks took over.

Well have to go gigging.

as they say you cant beat a good drum kit.

So why do they make them?

If two bass players play exactly the same part....together if that is possible
why does it not sound like a double bass?
Answers on a postcard please.

What is the difference between bass and base cause I have often wondered what a base player looks like and how well educated he is. See it all the time now. Base player wanted.

Big Jim
I think the official dress material for you son's Kilt would be this material and pattern. Kind of cute don't ya think.

Hey Bill,

If he came here, it'd be The Tennessee Titans vs. the Merrilees Tartans.

Rugby is a pillow fight compared to the NFL! {LOL} Stirring the pot some more!

You guys are baaaaad.

I was just wonderin' why they call it the world cup. Why not championship or something like that.

Maybe it started cause they would give the winners a cup to wear under the kilt.

What a sight it must of been without the cups.

Bill and Bob,

There's long been a stereotypical idea that a Scotsman wears nothing underneath his kilt, but that's not true. A Scotsman wears shoes and socks under his kilt.

Going on stage so have not got long.
There is nothing worn under a Scotsman's kilt it is all in perfect working order.

There's long been a stereotypical idea that a Scotsman wears nothing underneath his kilt, but that's not true. A Scotsman wears shoes and socks under his kilt.

HAHAHA

Oh! my Gaaaawwwd....it's true

Jim, is that you? I thought I recognized you from your picture.

I do not know wait till he truns round.

Sorry back on stage in a minute.

SHEESH

I got to get a life, LOL

but it's 8 degrees and snowing hard, the wind is blowing, and the 5 day forecast shows the same.
No way that Scot would wear that here. LOL
I won't even go out without my Carhardt's on.

Well if he turns around we will finally know if a Scotsman really has nothing under his kilt!

Well, a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair,
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share.
He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet,
And he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by,
One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye:
"See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong and handsome built?
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt!"

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be;
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see.
And there, behold, for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt,
Was nothin' more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

They marvelled for a moment, then one said: "We must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along."
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow,
Around the bonnie star the Scotsman's kilt did lift and show.

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call, and stumbled towards the trees.
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt, and gawks at what he sees.
And in a startled voice he says, to what's before his eyes,
"Oh, lad I don't know where ye been, but I see ye won first prize!"

Author Unknown

HAR!

Well Bill maybe in America but not in Scotland it is minus 5 here. I can hear pipes outside yep he's wearing a kilt.



Ponder why....


1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


Anyways back on stage not the whoah horsey thing you travel about in the States but the thing you perform on in the UK.
Sheesh these lights are hot. Never mind in just over an hour and a half I will be nursing an ice cold beer and watching a ventriloquist. He is very good. I was speaking to his dummy during my break and he told me so.

Changing the subject are ya Jim?

Ha
is that 5 degrees centigrade or Fahrenheit?

Ain't it amazing how folks in other countries are so obsessed with all things American.

Oh! Most places have drive up Pharmacies now

To answer a few,

The pizza gets to our house faster because the Scotsman delivering it is in a hurry to get our tip.

We have handicap spaces in front of our skating rinks so bagpipers can skate too.

We chain our pens to the bank tables so the Scotsmen don't walk off with them while making their hourly deposits.

How many Scotsman does it take to change a lightbulb?
I dinna ken wee ya be changin' it, laddie, a terrible waste, it's bonnie bulb wi' many a good year left. Now go and fetch a candle over there on the table by the bank pens.

Right now outside it is about -16 Degrees Celsius, or about 3 Degrees Farenheit here in Chicago.

Hey Bill,

That photo you put up of Jim, I find an uncanny reference to his mugshot. In fact it's very hard to tell the difference !

Mike, if you're going to have a beer with Jim some time, just remind him to bring his wallet. Them Scots are a little forgetfull in that regard.

Gotta laugh at the "Only in America....", but Jim does have a point. All the cultural integrity of yoghurt, but with only half the taste........

cheers, niteshift

Ok I am back the ventriloquist was OK but that little kid on his knee deserved a slap. He had a foul mouth and a bad attitude. I could not watch any more. Kids nowadays. Someone should start a thread about their morals.

I see you all have been having a pop at me while I was away. Well that is just typical of Americans. Pick on countries smaller than you who are more left wing and have oil. Well at least you are consistent.

I am going now as it is after midnight and I have a warm bed and a cold wife waiting. Be home in about an hour. Then up early 6.30am to take my wife to work. Well somebody has to work in our family. I am gigging again tomorrow 2pm hope I can sneak some sleep first. I hate Sundays. It's all the Christians fault.

Ya know

I was looking at that picture and I noticed something

That guy has a slight tilt to the right of his (grin)

Jim has a slight tilt to the right in his grin in his mug shot.

Am I the only one noticed that?

Like I said I need to get a life.

I am gonna change that mugshot. My daughter took it while I was doing what I do best sleeping on the couch. What about me doing a handstand with my kilt on. I'll ask my daughter to take a pic. G'night

Well Jim you have a safe drive home and make sure to say Hi! to the wife and kids from all us nice folks here at JPF.

We promise not to tell her you was makin' a pass at the kid on the ventriloquist's knee, and showing him pictures of Scotsmen without underwear.

Good morning Bill it is 8.15 am 3dgrees celcius and we are basking in a heatwave. No frost on my car this morning yipee.
Well I am going back to bed get a couple of hours before it starts all over again. Gigging at 2pm.
No wonder I am an Atheist no time for church too busy.