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Real Deal
by Brian Austin Whitney - 05/07/26 01:38 AM
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Flyte
by Gary E. Andrews - 05/06/26 05:36 PM
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Prayers soar through the sky
Hurricanes are nature's way
Of trying man's soul
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Ben, this is very good. Does this mean you wanted more submissions? If so, here's one:
The cowboys rented
Some new X-rated movies
The sheep are frightened.
Joe
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Joe, I wrote this several months ago...when I first heard of haiku and just ran across it in some old mail. Wasn't even sure if it was done properly, but I see yours is similar, and, I might add.............hil-freakin'-LARIOUS!  Ben
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Here's the only one I ever wrote... Haiku? Gesundtheit! Haiku? Well I like you too! Haiku? Oh, Haiku! Scott
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I've written some haiku. I once had some published in a newspaper but it wasn't because I was special--they just asked people to send in haiku to celebrate the local Cherry Blossom Festival. After that I got into writing it some to relieve stress at work.
I liked yours but when I read it I thought prayer was two syllables which would mean you had six. The dictionaries I found had it as one. I had to get in the habit of counting syllables correctly. Took me a while. After all, once I get past two, counting gets harder LOL.
I did some internet research and it can get pretty complicated. I still can't figure out if it is right or proper to make clauses extend beyond one line. I don't worry about it much though. I liked yours.
When I am oppressed
Songwriter forums like this
Are my sweet relief
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I think you need one word change to make 'er great, Scottie. Instead of: Haiku? Oh, Haiku!...go with...Haiku, NO, Hai ku! I've actually heard people down here where we live use 3 syllables, eb. As in..Puh-ray-er. Well, one thing positive about this haiku stuff....it sure gets some quick responses. Guess the man was right..."Brevity IS the soul of wit!"
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Dis be a Moan-day
I sho hates to sees dem come
Deys overwhelms me
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deys overwhelms me too. Loves the haiku.
"And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." Paul McCartney
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Humm,
Someone correct me if I'm wrong but I thought Haiku required seven lines.
Ray E. Strode
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Too funny-- I used to run a weekly haiku contest on my writing website, but took it down due to lack of participation. Now we play an "Apples to Apples" type of word game instead. (Which I need to go out and update... I've been badly delinquent lately) Linda
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Haiku is three lines, with the syllable pattern 5 - 7 - 5 in the lines, respectively. True haiku is typically about art or nature and such topics, but you can write them on anything.
As we've already discovered here.
There is a Japanese poetry form with seven lines, but I forgot its name. It's not Sudoku. LOL.
Linda
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Well let me try one
Only like sushi
On the days ending in y
Why I sure don’t know
don't you jusr love the use of internal rhyme here?
(ducks tomatoes)
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I think technically - which we are not here - haiku is not supposed to rhyme but I don't worry about it. I think it's neat to rhyme to the 5-7-5 rule. I also like to do one sentence for all 17 syllables.
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Hi eb
I was just being silly lol. That's why I put myself ducking the tomatoes. All the time on lyric board three people talk about the use of internal rhyme so I thought I might do it on a haiku for fun lol!
Sincere Blessings
Derek
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Actually, it would be fun to do a Country Music Haiku where every line *did* have to rhyme. (It'd probably have to have a bridge, too.)
Joe
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John, Paul, George, Ringo
Cash, Stookey, Strait, Lorne Green song
Fooled ya, didn't I?
John, Paul, George, Ringo
Liverpool At JFK
Beatlemania
Been A Hard Day's Night
Paul Is Dead, Goo Goo Ga Joob
Dig that funky hair
Revolution, Help,
Long And Winding Road, Get Back,
My top Beatle picks
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I was wondering what you meant when you said "duck tomatoes"
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I think you need one word change to make 'er great, Scottie. Instead of:
Haiku? Oh, Haiku!...go with...Haiku, NO, Haiku!
An excellent suggestion, Ben. I will use it in any future posting of my sole haiku. Would edit it here, but it's just too long  Excellent thread by the way - am enjoying all the responses.... Yeah, I wouldn't have guessed, eb Scott
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Melancholy night
As I sit here and I write
Somber at twilight
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Hey EB
Nice Haiku I really enjoyed it!
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I was kind of impressed by my "melancholy night" haiku myself. I acomplished the rhyme thing I wanted to do. The "night" and "write" was fairly easy though I had six syllables in the first line at first. The only part of the three lines I didn't like was that the last line didn't actually sound like a sentence ending, which is what I was trying to accomplish. I couldn't come up with any other five syllable line that made sense.
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Hey eb
Yes I can see that. It's hard to bring a line a song or any other writing to a close. I know me personaly I just want to keep writing. I think what you did here was rathe succint though. I don't think it needs to have a true ending. It put me in a spot to imagine you sitting there writing and that sense pulled a whole story together. To do that in 17 syllables is genius in my opinion!
Sincere Blessings
Derek
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Okay, I'll give her a whirl:
When does Derek snooze?
He posts every five minutes
Let's kidnap his muse
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I'll try another, while it's on my mind....
My foot is broken
My arm and ankle are too
No, I aint jokin'
or how about...
Red Sox won again
Pennant fever's running high
Thanks to our bullpen
or how about:
I love Halloween
Kids bundled in their costumes
All want to be seen
or how about:
Lyrics make me groan
Haikus do not need music
They can stand alone
Time to leave this thread
Must get back to my writing
May just go to bed
Fun thread, thanks!!
Beth
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Whenever I die,
I will walk from this meat sack
And scare my ex-wife
A required bridge
In country western haiku
Seems reasonable
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I've never written a haiku..is this along the correct lines?
rain is falling down
as the clouds darkly roll by
i'll stay till its dry
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Yippee, I'm so glad I found this thread...I really need to "get out" more (from Lyric Feedback Forum 3, my home away from home!). Kathy, according to the parameters described above -- and those I recall from Campfire Girl days ; ! -- that most definitely meets the Haiku criteria. Lovely. I'm also thinking that these haikus are a great writing challenge in their own right, as you do need to get a clear message/image across in a mere 17 words. For those who know me, they are probably impressed I even ventured into this thread. Anyway, I may even do some more! Like.... Caramel apple Draped in brown gooey goodness Pulls out a loose tooth Oh my, this could keep me occupied for a while....  Beth
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shadows on the wall
desklight over a keyboard
i'm writing to you
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Fingers grow lazy
Words bob and weave on the screen
Time for the night shift
Later, have a good one all...
Beth
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Mother, trucks, trains, farms,
Prison, dead dogs and Christmas--
It's country haiku.
Have a good night, y'all.
Joe
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Hey Joe
Nice country Haiku lol. If you play it backwards does everything come back? lol jk
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Ok time for another Haiku (clears throat)
I don't write for change
I write only for dollars
Got any spare change? lol <=== not part of the haiku
Last edited by Derek Hines; 10/20/07 08:34 AM.
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Hey Mz Beth
Now you want to kidnap my muse aye? What you don't realize is a plot more sinister than any screen play writer could ever develop is about to unfold mu hahahaha!!! To be continued....
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I liked that Derek...
Slept with wife's best friend
Really! All we did was sleep
She snores really loud
Last edited by eb; 10/21/07 01:44 AM.
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JFK, Johnson,
Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush
Clinton, Bush, stay tuned
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Statlers, Elvis, Hag
Hank the first, Beatles too
Manilow my faves
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who will tickle me
nothing better then laughter
when i feel silly
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Escaping chilly
Would be easier with chili
Wife says you silly
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Laid back Sunday morn
Reflectin' and relaxin'
Soothingly awake!
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Oh no this one has fallen time to raise it back up!
poodles in puddles
Dachunds eating donut holes
Sure sounds wierd to me
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sometimes I feel blonde
Can't figure out what's going on
Thoroughly confused
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Ok Joe here is an all haiku country song had to take the challenge!
Country Haiku (She Left Me Lonely)
1st Verse
We were so happy
When we were together then
Now we’re only friends
Chorus x2
She left me lonely
Wondering what to do now
My one and only
2nd Verse
Left me feeling sad
I’m crying now in my beer
Wish she was still here
Chorus x2
She left me lonely
Wondering what to do now
My one and only
Bridge
Wish she would come back
See her there on my door step
Like she never left
3rd Verse
I need to move on
Get myself out of this rut
Fore the door slams shut
Chorus x2 out
She left me lonely
Wondering what to do now
My one and only
Copyright November 17, 2007 Derek Hines All Rights Reserved
Last edited by Derek Hines; 11/17/07 11:03 AM.
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A new haiku thread
Kemosabe said okay
Competition good
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Boxers hit the trail
Japanese start their haiku
And the months March on
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A, E, I, O, U
and sometimes W, Y
f_ll _n _ll th_ bl_nks
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Ice is slippery
Got retractable crutch cleats
Now fall down in style
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Forgot to wind watch
Going to be late for work
Think they will miss me?
Low expectations
Keep me from being upset
When things don't work out
One two three four five
How do we get to seven?
Need another two
Dentists scare me bad
what with all their drills and such
Want a gentler touch
Two plus three equals
Five plus two equals seven
less two equals five
Cultural icon
Vast array of gadgetry
MR Ron Popiel
Ok that's enough for now lol
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Two plus three equals
Five plus two equals seven
less two equals five
Derek, is this Haiku Law? If so, I can understand it. Just curious. You guys are good at it.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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One thought and three lines
And seventeen syllables?
Not enough fingers...
Joe
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Good one, Joe. Okay, I get it now.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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"I left my home, only to find a new home, full of heart, soul and dreams. Then, I left that new home, heart intact, but much stronger and energized from the experience" -Brian Austin Whitney
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