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Bayside
by Gary E. Andrews - 10/19/26 10:48 PM
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No, I'm not gay. I write from a man's perspective alot, though, because my cowriters are male. It's not my fault.
Ensenada
Patricia Baker, BMI©2007
Once upon a summer time
There was a girl that I called mine
Her kisses tasted sweeter than wine
In Ensenada
Pretty little seniorita
Heaven sent, a real man pleaser
Wrought iron gates that couldn’t keep her
In Ensenada
Chorus
My Ensenada by the sea
Burned into my memory
Caressed by her gentle breeze
She’s still beautiful to me
Ensenada….Ensenada
Coal black hair against starlight
Bodies outlined in moonlight
How young passion can ignite
In Ensenada
Eyes that snapped like castanets
Deep reflecting pools in sunset
A love that I can’t forget
In Ensenada
Repeat Chorus
Last edited by Tricia Baker; 01/07/07 03:36 AM.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Hi Tricia,
How sweet, simple and nicely done! You said so much and painted such a vivid picture with so few words. And you worked a very difficult rhyming scheme so easily.
Some will say that you should not use the hook in the verses if you have a chorus (okay with a bridge, though). However, more recent convention has said that it is okay as long as you use it at the same location in every verse...but must be the first or last line of the verses.
Marvelous job. Was looking to find a nit so I wouldn't sound like all fluff. Couldn't do it, though. Very nice!
Alan
Last edited by sideman66; 01/07/07 03:12 AM.
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Howdy, Alan. I've never done that rhyme scheme before so I wasn't sure it'd work. It's nice to know that it does. I don't know why I'm obsessed with Spanish type themes today but I am for some reason.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Nice words, but what is "Encenada"???
NEVER argue with a poet!!
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It's a city in Mexico, I believe. The name (though I don't know any Spanish) to me implies someone feminine in nature. Don't laugh. I'm trying to be serious here.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Hi Tricia
sweet romantic stuff, but the eyes snapped like castanets had me laughing, interesting imagery....also not exactly sure what bodies outlined in moonlight means...covered?
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Well, hell, Ritt. Help me think of something else, then. 
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Tricia and Boomer,
Yep...it's a resort town in Baja, Mexico. In Spanish though, it is spelled "Ensenada"...an "s" rather than a "c". But that's okay. It's a great lyric, anyway! FYI.
Alan
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Thanks for the correction in spelling. My fingers get going and I don't usually take the time to look up spelling. It was underlined in red, though. That should've been my first clue that it wasn't spelled correctly. DUH!
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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sparkled like castanets? eyes that held my secrets, eyes that cried, not till I collect...oh well...
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Simple and sweet Tricia. Very well laid out. Douglas 
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Hi, doug. I just rewrote it:
Ensenada
Patricia Baker, BMI©2007
Once upon a summer time
There was a girl that I called mine
Her kisses tasted sweeter than wine
In Ensenada
Pretty little seniorita
Heaven sent, a real man teacher
Wrought iron gates that couldn’t keep her
In Ensenada
Chorus
My Ensenada by the sea
Burned into my memory
Caressed by her gentle breeze
Time took her away from me
Ensenada….Ensenada
Coal black hair against starlight
Her body framed in moonlight
How young passion can ignite
In Ensenada
Fingers snapped like castanets
Eyes reflecting pools in sunset
A love that I can’t forget
In Ensenada
Repeat Chorus
Is this better??
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Tricia,
I like them equally well. Yeah, that's a lot of help, isn't it!! If you are going to use the 2nd version, one small nit. KOS, as usual.
Her body framed in SOFT moonlight
Just seems to meter a little better. But, could be just me...often it is. Regardless of the version you decide to run with, I like the heck out of it!
Alan
Last edited by sideman66; 01/07/07 04:01 AM.
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I love that, Alan. Thanks, punkin head.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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I've already got a cowriter. I could use a male vocal. Anyone up for that?
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Pretty please????????? Email or PM me if you are.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Hi Tricia,
I couldn't believe you didn't rhyme senorita with man-eater. Any way, This is great.
Rick
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LOL! It never occured to me till you said it that it'd rhyme but it does.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Hi T, Nice job girl. I like this part best... Wrought iron gates that couldn’t keep her ps.....I also like that photo of you in pink. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Calvin
I was wondering, could Tricia be, Mrs. Magoo?
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Enjoyed the read. Good images.
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Much better. Loved the line, "great man teacher". Great hook. Can I use it? Douglas
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Howdy, Calvin and Ritt. I appreciate you stopping by. Ritt, thanks for the nudge on this one to tweak. Calvin, you'd have loved that boa because........you're a misfit. Morning, Shayne. Thank you so much for all your good suggestions. I'm going to start calling you the meter man-of course on this one, you didn't nitpick that aspect of it. Either I'm getting better or you're slipping! LOL! Howdy, Douglas. Can you smell my biscuits? I'm having a late breakfast this am. Great man teacher is a good hook?? You think???? Ok, use it. Why not? 
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Mrs. Magoo? I'm not sure who that is. Do I know her?
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Tricia,
Mr. Magoo is an old cartoon character who was very popular back in the 60's and 70's. He was a near-sighted nincompoop. Jim Backus was his voice. Your avatar looks a bit like his cartoon wife. And now you know! The morning news has been brought to you by Dr. Pepper and Jalepeno Peppers...Al David reporting!
Alan
Last edited by sideman66; 01/07/07 03:48 PM.
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Tricia,
What a great song. Very descriptive.....sometimes I write from the female perspective, if my wife is helping me.
Don
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Oh, THAT Mrs. Magoo! I remember him but not her, Alan. Dr. Pepper and Joe Jalapeno. Thanks, Don. It's hard for me to write from either perspective. My muse has beaten me up pretty badly lately.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Ever since I learned John Prine wrote Angel from Montgomery, I've never worried about the gender of the author.
Enjoyed the read.
Marty my home Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again!
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I'll have to check that one out, Marty. I think some folks would be afraid to write against their gender but it's silly to be afraid to. I think a writer should be able to make that transition easily without having any qualms about it.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Hi again, Tricia.
I agree with you and Marty. I have never understood why a man thinks he shouldn't write from a woman's point of view and a woman from a man's point of view. I do it quite often. I'm sure that most of the lyricists/songwriters here at JPF are aware that many of the big hits that the female stars have had over the years were written by male authors. The numbers on that royalty check do not change, based upon the gender of the writer! The great Harlan Howard wrote nearly as many songs for the ladies as he did for the male stars. And he is one of the most revered songwriters in country music history. Too bad he's gone.
Just wanted to add my nickel's worth.
Alan
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Here is John Prine's lyric. It's sort of rambly piece, isn't it? The first two lines are killer. I bet this one is personal as hell to him.
Angel From Montgomery
©John Prine
I am an old woman named after my mother
My old man is another child that's grown old
If dreams were lightning thunder was desire
This old house would have burnt down a long time ago
Chorus:
Make me an angel that flies from Montgom'ry
Make me a poster of an old rodeo
Just give me one thing that I can hold on to
To believe in this living is just a hard way to go
When I was a young girl well, I had me a cowboy
He weren't much to look at, just free rambling man
But that was a long time and no matter how I try
The years just flow by like a broken down dam.
Repeat Chorus:
There's flies in the kitchen I can hear 'em there buzzing
And I ain't done nothing since I woke up today.
How the hell can a person go to work in the morning
And come home in the evening and have nothing to say.
Repeat Chorus:
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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One of my personal goals is to be more familiar with Harlan Howard lyrics as well as with John Prine's and Guy Clark's. Guy Clark once wrote a song about a little boy who thinks he can fly-it's called "The Cape". That is one of the best songs/well written songs that ever was, IMHO.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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This is simply lovely, Tricia... best to ya with hugs, Kaley
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Thanks, Kaley. That means alot to me.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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SOME TWEAKS?
Ensenada © 2007 by Patricia Baker, BMI
Once upon a summer time
There was a girl SAID SHE WAS mine
Her kisses tasted SWEET AS wine
In Ensenada
LOVELY little senorita
Heaven sent, a real man teacher
Wrought iron gates couldn’t keep her
In Ensenada
Chorus
My Ensenada by the sea
BURNS into my memory
Caressed by her gentle breeze
Time took her away from me
Ensenada….Ensenada
Coal black hair REFLECTS starlight
Her body framed in FULL moonlight
How young passion can ignite
In Ensenada
Fingers SNAP like castanets
Eyes REFLECT A RED sunset
A love that I canNOT forget
In Ensenada
Repeat Chorus
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Regarding male/female point of view, I highly reccommend rewriting every song, if it will, for the opposite point of view, to enable that sex to sing it. Sometimes it just won't go without real changes that make it practically a new song. But sometimes it's just a matter of pronouns. I wonder how challenging Ensenada would be to write from the senorita's POV? Could "His eyes snap like castanets." ? Could be fun to try. So I will. Hope ya don't mind.
Ensenada © 2007 by Patricia Baker, BMI
Once upon a summer time
There was a MAN SAID HE WAS mine
His KISS, HIS LIPS WERE SWEET AS wine
In Ensenada
HE CALLED ME HIS senorita
Heaven sent, HE WAS MY teacher
But wrought iron gates couldn’t keep HIM
In Ensenada
Chorus
My Ensenada by the sea
BURNS into my memory
Caressed by HIS gentle breeze
Time took HIM away from me
Ensenada….Ensenada
Coal black hair REFLECTS starlight
HIS body framed in FULL moonlight
How young passion can ignite
In Ensenada
Fingers SNAP like castanets
Eyes REFLECT A RED sunset
A love that I canNOT forget
In Ensenada
Repeat Chorus
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Hey, Gary. Not a bad idea at all. In fact, I like it. Can you write a rose into his teeth, too???  I'm just kidding about that part, though.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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No, I'm not gay. I write from a man's perspective alot, though, because my cowriters are male. It's not my fault. Nice disclaimer, I'll have to remember that, I've gotten myself into a few sticky situations because of this before. I only have a couple of suggestions, and it could be the grammar police in me who wants to strike all the thats in the lyric. Aside from that , I think this is simple, lovely, and very warm Once upon a summer time There was a girl that I called mine Her kisses tasted sweet AS wine In Ensenada Pretty little seniorita Heaven sent, a real man pleaser Wrought iron gates that couldn’t keep her In Ensenada Great work, Tricia!! Tink
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here is my take on the song- it's not a girl- it's a place so if you replace "girl" with "love" then you could say"
Once upon a summer time ...........8 (with rest beat)
I fould a love that I called mine..8
Summer kisses sweet like wine......7 (with rest beat)
Ensenada
I found a little seniorita...... 8 (unaccented "I")
Heaven sent, a real man pleaser..8 (I like your first choice)
Iron gates could never keep her. 8
In Ensenada
Chorus
Ensenada by the sea
Blowing through my memory
Carried on her gentle breeze
She’s still beautiful to me
Ensenada….Ensenada
Coal black night against the starlight 8
Bodies outlined in the moonlight.......8
Passion growing on a hot nignt.........8 "ig- nite" is not natural to say
In Ensenada
Eyes that snapped like castanets 7 (with rest beat)
Deep reflecting pools in sunset 8
A love that I can not forget 8
Ensenada
Repeat Chorus
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
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Hi Tricia Love what Cat has done...I had a problem with this verse from the first read, but didn't have a solution until I read it Cat's way. Of course it takes it up a notch maybe. Take or leave. jm Coal black night NO ONE IN SIGHT 8 Bodies NAKED in the moonlight.......8 Passion growing HOT AND RIPE........8 In Ensenada
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Evening, Tink. Thanks for the suggestions. I agree with you on condensing/deleting the "thats". I have a scratch demo of this one, already. Soon as I get an accompaniment file I can send it over to Gerry Cooper who will croon this one for us. The melody is really nice and it even has classical Spanish type effects like horns.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Joe, I wish you could divide yourself between me, your family and all the other people you collab with. If I had my way, I'd hog you. I meant that as a compliment and in a strictly professional way, of course. Hi, joice marie. See above message to Joe. Thanks for the kind words and the suggestions. Joice Marie!! Is the moon getting full?
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,232
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,232 |
Tricia, fell in love with this lyric when I read it several days ago, sorry to be so late saying so. You've got some great ideas from the others - here's one for the first verse from me (gotta get into the act somehow)..
Kisses sweeter than sangria wine
Cheers, Judy
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275 |
HiDee Mz Trish!
A Very-Likeable Lyric! (& I'm allus a Sentimental Sucker for Spanish-Flavored Romantic Songs, I confess..ever since I heard Marty Robbin's "El Paso" number as a kid.)
I cast my vote for "Man PLEASER" too...("Teacher" isn't TOO romantic a term...IMO.) "Gate" Line is a Dandy!
"KUDOS" Overall & Good Luck with this Sweet, Sentimemtal One!
Big Hugs,
Stan
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199 |
Tricia,
this lyric really flows along beautifully. That nashville cat from Texas has made some pretty sensible suggestions. All the rhyming couplets/triplets may add to the upbeat tone.
John
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 449
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 449 |
This makes me want to go to the beach and hear broken English - sweet and simple and flowing well - great job.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 8,318
Top 20 Poster
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OP
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 8,318 |
Hi, Judy, John, py and Stan. I have had some excellent suggestions from you guys. This little piece danced in my head all day Sunday till I finally got it out. I've never had a piece that had horns or a Spanish theme till now. I feel like passing out cigars or something.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788
Top 40 Poster
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Top 40 Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788 |
Hi Trisha,
This is a refreshing lyric because it's different. A spanish guitar would definintely enchance it. The very name (title) drew me in. My favorite line is "when eyes snapped like castanets" (now that took creativity!!!!!!!) Good write.
Best,
Lynn
Last edited by LyricalLynn; 01/12/07 02:51 AM.
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,192
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,192 |
Hi Tricia,
This one looks like it's gonna be a great one. For some reason I keep thinking it's gonna replace that old Nursery Rhyme about the Pumpkin Eater. I know my brain has strange wires. I think it's the "wrought iron gates that couldn't keep her" line. But, I have a feeling you already know about that connection.
Great writing and should sound very enchanting with the Spanish flair you have planned.
Vanessa
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