JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Take This Clay

Another contemporary Christian praise and worship type lyric. I am particularly not satisfied with the bridge on this...so any thoughts, ideas or suggestions for that spot will be gratefully appreciated.

Bobbie

Take This Clay
© 2005 Lyrics by Bobbie Gallup ASCAP

The shards of my life were shattered
And scattered to the winds
Rebuild me in your likeness, Lord
I pleaded, where do I begin
With your loving hands create me
Refine me in your fire
With your living waters sculpt me
This is my one desire

CHORUS:
Take this clay
Mold me
Shape me
Make me your vessel, Lord I pray
Pour out your Holy Spirit
Change my life today

My victories were hollow
There was an emptiness within
Till your love surrounded me
And swept away my sin
Without shape and formless
My life is in your hands
Now fill me with your holiness
Dip me in the well again

CHORUS:
Take this clay
Mold me
Shape me
Make me your vessel, Lord I pray
Pour out your Holy Spirit
Change my life today

BRIDGE:
Reassemble all the fragments
Remove all the rough edges
Let me sense your guidance
Smooth me through your Word
Til my life displays your presence

CHORUS:
Take this clay
Mold me
Shape me
Make me your vessel, Lord I pray
Pour out your Holy Spirit
Change my life today

TAG: Take this clay

Hi Bobbie

very poignant

kinda reminds me of a piece Kaley did...the living waters part, i guess worship pieces will always overlap some...

as per the bridge

i might shorten it to lines two and five, otherwise it's overly redundant...

Howdy Ritt...

Thanks so much for taking a look at this. I may make that bridge shorter after all. I was trying to come up with something there that stepped away from the clay concept but offered some new insights. I will probably keep that last line...but not sure about the others yet. Needs more work.

Appreciate the look and ideas.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Hi Bobbie, I came up with this bridge idea before I saw your reply about wanting to keep the last line of your bridge......

there's a beautiful life ahead
a destiny I know is mine
and I know where I must seek it
the peace I know I'll find

......."Til my life displays your presence"

....don't know if it works for you, or if you can tie your line in with it......you'd have to drop one of my lines to get a more standard 4 line bridge........

your call

great title btw !

I'll take a closer look again when I'm not falling asleep at the keyboard (not becuase of the lyrics lol, I've been up 18 hrs)

Till next time..
Take Care,
Tony

Hi Bobby.

This is meditative and singable. Quite nice.

In the first verse I wanted to see:
Rebuild me in your likeness
I pleaded, Lord, begin again

I have a rather novel notion for your bridge which would just be moving some lyrics around. You get refined in the fire after being sculpted so I'm thinking the refining fire might be better for the bridge. I would do some moving around that looks something like this:
Last three lines of verse 1
Gather all the fragments
Remove all the rough edges
Til my life displays your presence

Bridge then becomes:

This my one desire
With your living waters sculpt me
And refine me in your fire.

Just thoughts to take or leave. Good luck with this.

Vondelle

Hi Bobbie,

The shards of my life were shattered
And scattered to the winds
Rebuild me in your likeness, Lord
I'M READY TO BEGIN
With your loving hands REFINE me
TEMPER me in your fire
With your living waters QUENCH me
TO SERVE is my one desire

CHORUS:
Take this clay
Mold me
Shape me
Make me your vessel, Lord I pray
Pour out your Holy Spirit
TO GUIDE ME DAY BY DAY

My victories were hollow BELLS
RESOUNDING DEEP within
Till your love surrounded me
And swept away my sin
Without shape and formless
My SOUL is in your hands
Fill me with your holiness
THE SPIRIT OF LIFE again

TT

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 04-15-2005).]

Bobbie,
I like the focus of the lyric " asking God to mend a broken life. You have lots of good advice from everyone.
One thing I think needs some more thought is your opening line. " The shards of my life were shattered" The word SHARDS means broken, shattered, in ruins, etc. so the line is off somewhat.Same as saying "My broken heart is broken"
Good start!

Rob

Bobbie,

For me, the "hard" images are fighting the "soft" ones. I can see, if that was your intent, to say the shards are what's left from your old life and you want to move on and me molded from soft clay. But then in the bridge you go back not to molding, but to reassembling fragments. Maybe overanalyzing, but that's what I do

Bill

Howdy Tony,

Sure do appreciate the read and remarks! Glad you like this title. I got it as I was driving past the local feed store/nursery and saw all those big clay pots. Yes, I know my mind is a bit strange, but hey...I will take inspiration from anywhere that works. Thanks for taking time to try to help me figure out a solution for that troubling bridge. What you have is a viable alternative though I am not big on terms like 'destiny' and 'fate'. Hope you get some sleep! I am in the same boat...falling asleep at my keyboard. Not a good thing.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Hello Vondelle,

How in the world have you been. It has been way too long, girl. Hope all is well. Thank you so much for checking this song out. So glad you think it is a good concept and singable. You have given me a lot of great ideas to work with here..and I totally appreciate them. GREAT ideas! For reasons other folks are picking up on, I am not sure I want to keep the fragments idea. Already have shards...so am thinking that fragments image may have to go. but I am certainly going to entertain the idea of some rearrangement here. That is the sort of very helpful insight that I have come to depend on folks here to provide!! Everyone sees things a bit differently and that is a very good thing when you are trying to figure out how to make something really WORK.

So good to see you back here. Hope you can come back to Pineyfest this year too!!

Hugs,
Bobbie

Howdy Oh Tall One,

Some excellent tweaks there...but why did you leave the bridge alone? That is where I think this REALLY needs work. I like most of what you are suggesting. A few ideas don't strike me quite right. Not sure about the bells thingie. That seems to go a different direction. The lines sound nice, but the concept doesn't quite seem to fit for me. Also can't quite get into the Spirit of Life line...but I like the rest a lot. I need to spend time reworking this one now.

Thanks SO much!!
Hugs,
Bobbie

Howdy Rob,

Believe it or not, I actually considered that issue before writing that line the way it is. Ended up using it anyway because, at least for me, the idea was that shards being rebroken into very tiny fragments through the shattering process. In archaeology, they often find fairly large shards of pottery...but in this case I wanted it to mean that those had been further broken into extremely small pieces such that you couldn't really even reassemble them...had to start over completely. Thanks for catching that point anyway. A broken heart can be rebroken.

Glad you liked the core concept here. I just need to rework this to polish it up.

Bobbie

sorry...double post...arrrgggh...blonde day today!!

[This message has been edited by Bobbie Gallup (edited 04-15-2005).]

Hi Bobbie,

The first verse changes I made were to "unify" the imagery.
There's a Biblical line:
"Temper me in the furnace of humiliation"
so first you are refined into pure steel. . . then tempered. . . then dipped or "quenched" in water for the final stage of that tempering.

I introduced the "resounding deep"
to go along with "hollow" and because first I had:
"Take my emptiness away" at the end of the chorus and you would not have wanted the word "emptiness" appearing twice.

I added the bell as an after thought. . .
harkening to the Biblical, "without faith we are as clanging cymbals or tinkling bells" (paraphrased)

Those "victories" though now appearing to you unfulfilling. . . still would have imparted SOME sense of victoriousness
and so the "bells" of a celebration of sorts would have occured. . . but the sound, deep down. . . hollow. . . empty.

The Spirit is "the water of life" so the fact that God is remaking you as a vessel in your imagery, makes filling you with the Holy Spirit very logical.

------------------
TallT

Howdy Oh Tall One,

Thank you for the clarification regarding your reasoning. Please keep in mind that we are talking about clay here, not steel. Clay does get baked in the fire but would not be considered "tempered" like steel would. For a potter, the water is essential so the clay doesn't dry out during the formation process. As for the bell idea..that just seems to add one more distraction to the analogy here. It does help me to understand your thinking and where you get the ideas for this. As I said..some of them do work..some are still on the drawing board for the tweaking process here. Always appreciate your insights.

Hugs,
Bobbie

The word "refine" didn't belong with clay
so that's why I "mucked" with it.

"finish" me in your fire?

"He's not only the author but the finisher of our faith."

Hi Tall One,

I can't quote you chapter and verse but I was referencing the "Refiners fire" passage, meaning in this case that by testing us in the fire we come out more than half baked? This one isn't rocket science...so try not to overthink it. I think most folks who know anything about pottery knows that until clay has been baked in a kiln it is basically worthless.

Hugs,
Bobbie

I know many potters here in craftland and they put their creations in the kiln to FIRE them, not to "refine" them.

Man, you are stubborn!

TT

Moi?

Hugs,
Bobbie

You state this is a Christian Praise and worship type lyric.. Frist of all, you are asking for the lord to re-shape you.. I see not one word of praise to the Lord.. Think a little about your lyric.. I have written a few Christian Praise songs myself.. When writing a lyric about God, the Lord or Jesus our Lord.. Please think about what you want to say.. I like to think our Lord or God is a forgiving Lord.. And only wants to do well by his children.. You are asking to be re-shped or changed, God created man that all that they have to do is Praise him and ask for forgivness.. So what I am saying is if you are saying your writing a praise song, then shouldn't you say something about praise??? Glory or the Lord thy king or something like that, I would think.. The lyric you have written, is a person who has a great need for the hand of the Lord, and is looking for Salvation..This type of lyric is a dime a dozen, so many people have written this type of song.. I know you don't want to hear this, but it is true.. Why not think about a song that you sing praise to the Lord.. "Happiness" not so much sadness.. I don't believe our God ever wanted any of his children to be sad.. I would think of happy things and then write about God..

Howdy Ms. Bobbie!

Well, I'm no Christian expert by a long shot, but this hook caught my eye and the lyric, I feel, supports it very well.

I feel that Ritt's comment and fix on the bridge is spot on...

Regardless of what style we may debate about labelling this lyric there is one underlying truth: it's a good one! Kudos!

Unca Chuck


------------------
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/athabaxtra.htm
http://www.chuckcrowe.com

Hello John,

Welcome to JPF...don't believe I've seen you post any of your works here. Thank you for taking the time to check out my lyric. I appreciate your thoughts and will certainly give them the consideration they are due.

Lest we get into a debate over irrelevant label semantics...I would simply offer that we may have different perspectives on religion. As is made clear in the lyric, this person has already been saved:
Till your love surrounded me
And swept away my sin
I don't pretend to know what the Lord wanted His children to feel. This song is not about "everybody"...but rather is one person's personal journey to becoming the person God wants him/her to become. We are all works in progress.

Sorry this didn't appeal to you. I've been around long enough to realize that not everything I write has to appeal to everyone. That is one of the nice things about music. Everyone has different tastes. I have written a number of other songs on the topics you are talking about. Generally around here we try to offer positive constructive suggestions for improving the specific lyric being posted. What anyone chooses to write 'about' is usually left up to their individual muse...who usually behaves as it chooses anyway.

Wishing you the best..
Bobbie

Hi Bobbie,

We know where your heart is
And so does God
You have nothing to prove to him or us.

God said --
"Not everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord
is worthy of me."
That also applies to many singers of the repetitious "you are Holy, you are worthy" ad nauseam, praise-phrase songs too.

God already knows he is "great", "righteous", "Holy", you name it; and so It is so simplistic to demand that the authorized "praise" song version must incorporate endless favor-currying, goes-without-saying, expressions.

Under the Moody law, section 12 paragraph 2, you must be roundly criticized at once. . . and not constructively~

Better heartfelt honesty, than endlessly
repeted passionate "praises" where the zealot may be trying harder to curry favor, to prove himself to others and/or to make himself really believe what is only intellectually known of the "truth". . . . . insisting and convinced what is being preached is untainted by self-interest.

But oppression bespeaks punishing judgement
not within the reviewers preroggative.

"God knows your deeds
God knows your needs
Even before you ask."
Bob Dylan

God loves ya,
Terry


[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 04-16-2005).]

Howdy Unca Chuck...

Thanks so much for the kudos on this one. I don't pretend to be an expert on these songs either...that is for sure. All I know is what I feel like saying sometimes..and I have to write that down. It may not be "perfect" and it may not be "right"...but that is for Him to judge I guess. Appreciate your thoughts on that bridge. It is still my nemesis on this one.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Hi Bobbie,

Your song is great. I say this because I am an atheist and still your song appealed to me. Not because it is a praise song or whatever but because I could feel the earnestness and sincereness. I appreciate this song for its execellent songwriting and portrayal of feelings. Keep up the good work!

Sarah

Hello Bobbie,

Saw some of the replies and just wanted to encourage you on this one. It's never as easy to post a christian lyric as a secular one, knowing that some folks won't relate. Even those who do, come from so many varying levels of spiritual understanding. You won't be able to please us all, so go from the gut and pour out your heart.

One thing that God's been showing me lately, in some unusual ways is this: - We only have THIS life in which we can praise Him simply because we CHOOSE to. Think about it like this, ...what would you buy God if you wanted to give Him a present? I mean the King of Kings. Is there enough money available to get Him something He'd get excited about?

Of course not. After He's touched our heart and we've begun to want to please Him, after we've accepted salvation on HIS terms and not some self-deception we've created to allow us to feel better about ourselves while ignoring His requirements, there's really only ONE THING He actually desires from us...

- Our WORSHIP.

This is getting lengthy, but I think you'll relate. What I'm learning is that "praise and worship" in church isn't about how much we enjoy the songs/music/feelings, etc. It's about us bringing our honest, heart-felt worship to service with us, and then "throwing it up to Him" with all we've got in us!

We go to a great church in Columbia, "Straightway Christian Center" which is off 31 on "Rankin's Ridge." It's non-denominational, charismatic, full-gospel, etc, BUT, our pastor is unreal. He's the best I've ever seen. He walks with God as His buddy and it shows.

He's deep and sweet!

Soooo, if you ever want to check us out, you've got an invite! Just drive south on 31 past Shoney's and the Cadillac dealership, and the church is down on the right about a half mile past the 50/31 intersection.

God shows up to receive our worship EVERY service and as He promises in His Word, He "inhabits the praises of His people." You can tell He's actually there! If you want to experience "THE REAL DEAL", this is where you'll find HIM.

End of advertisement. ;-)

I know you're living a quite a few miles from town, but you won't be sorry if you come in for a service should you decide to. (We've got one family that drive 61 miles from Murfreesboro because they can't find God in any of the churches where they live.)

Most people have no choice but to go someplace where most folks are only playing religious games. It took us a year to find this church, 'cause we like a place that actually changes your life and that's hard to find. - Anywhere.

Good luck with this song. Keep polishing it and it will shine!

Stan
931-987-3019
RestlessWriters@earthlink.net

Howdy Oh Tall One,

Thanks!! You are a sly one.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Hi Sarah,

Thank you so very much for taking time to read this and let me know it appealed to you, despite your difference in religious perspective. That means a LOT to me!!

Hugs,
Bobbie

Great Blonde Babe Of Tennesse...

How are ya? With all that has been suggested to you at this point, I have nothing constructive to add. So, I'll just make a personal note and say..."Wonderfully Done!".

I have written but 2 0r 3 Christian lyrics in the 20 or so years I have been writing. Faith to me is very personal and because of that, I am far from being the messenger of His word and definitely not Evangelistic in mt approach to my faith. None-the-less, I thoroughly enjoyed your lyric. Keep on a -writin', girl!

Alan

------------------
If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

http://www.soundclick.com/alanddavid

Hi Bobbi,

I just had to jump in on this one, even though I try to stay away from spiritual
lyrics!

Frankly, I think the "Praise You Lord" lyrics
can be overdone and a turn off to many. You've captured a "Praise You Lord" feeling with this, yet kept it at a humble level, that many can relate to. I'm probably not expressing myself well here, but I think
the personal way you wrote this, is down to earth and very appealing to many. In my opinion, expressing a desire to be molded by
the Lord, is an expression of praise.

Diane

Hi Stan,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful insights...and for the invitation. After I move closer to Columbia, I will certainly be looking for a church home and will check yours out.

You are right about posting religious lyrics. Since there are so many variations on beliefs and faith...it is hard for people to critique them sometimes...and it does take a certail level of willingness to be vulnerable to put yourself "out there" when you can't be certain how anyone will react. Not quite the same as performing a song in church.

Will give you a call sometime...hopefully we can connect when you are in the vicinity. You know how to reach me at work.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Hi Alan,

Thank you so much for the kind comments on this lyric. I will gladly accept a "wonderfully done" any time.

Like you...my faith is a very personal thing. I am not wild about trying to convert anyone to my way of thinking. I tend to write very personal lyrics. But I feel as though He has given me some words to write and if they can bring pleasure to someone else...then they will have served their purpose.

Thank you again...prayers are with you.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Hi Diane,

I don't post a lot of my spiritual lyrics for the same reason. Most of them are just rather personal...but lately, I have started working with some outstanding composers who are making me rethink that position...because the results have been outstanding in my humble opinion..and I feel like He has some purpose I may not understand.

I don't much care for most of the little chorus type songs I hear in church these days that are called praise and worship. There is no harmony and the words are so repetitive and almost boring. Clearly, a lot of other folks must like them...but it is not my cup of tea.

Thanks for the kind thoughts on this lyric. Much appreciated.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Do I feel badly....I was here yesterday and focussed mostly on the zeros and a few others, and missed you completely! But I'm here....

Now I'm no expert either like Uncle Chuck, but I sense something fundamentally wrong with your opener ....methinks apart from the shards\shattered\scattered tongue twister, the logic of shards shattering breaks down The're small pieces already... so I'd look at changing one of those words (Though I'm admittedly more straight ahead these days in my thoughts)or continue to have been ground down into the small pieces necessary to re create clay (....can this actually be done once clay is fire hardened>>> )


Also, why not pour the Holy Spirit INTO your new vessel??? Back in my Catholic days, it was having the Holy Spirit INSIDE you that mattered...

Finally the bridge... I guess what stuck out for me was "smooth the rough edges... everything else worked. The reason that line doesn't is that we suppose that God would, in reassembling, do it right the first time....

maybe something like this??

Reassemble all the fragments
So I can bear your Word
Let me sense your guidance
Smooth me through your work
Til my life displays your presence


A "linear thinking" hug

ciao

Howdy John,

Hope all is well and that your busy season is winding down. It would be nice to see you here a bit more often!

I understand what you are saying about the shards, but that is something that IMO at least, has already happened...the original had been shattered into shards which were then scattered (if that makes sense). I like the sound of those words, despite the potential for tongue twisting. I don't have trouble saying them...so hopefully I can find a singer who would be able to handle them also.

You are right that once fired, clay cannot be made back into clay...at least I don't think so...perhaps if it is ground down finely enough. What this lyric is really saying is that God will have to start over with fresh clay. (I have pretty much dispensed with the current bridge and am going to write a different one...though I am not sure where it is going yet.)

As for those "rough edges"...I don't think any of us ever attain perfection while here on earth...I believe we continue to be works in progress. The smoothing must continue throughout our lifetime.

The Holy Spirit issue is also one of those things where we can ask Him to pour His Spirit into us or pour it out upon us. I think it works either way.

I may post it when I get that bridge rebuilt. Thanks for the linear look!!

Hugs,
Bobbie

Hey Bobbie,
It's been pretty well worked over so I'll just look at the bridge. It's
a mite rough all right , uh The bridge doesn't come up the the quality of the rest of the lyric,yeah, that's a better way to say it<G>.
As it is, seems like it's just restating what's been said in the C in a little different words
The bridge could be cut out without really losing much info. Anyway, this is just for ideas. seems like it would still lead back into the C, cause it's talking about a future time
When I get to hereafter
As we all will some day
May I be (in Thy image) (perfected)
No longer only clay
Wy
(Where is that Kaley girl. Who does she think I'm going to pick on anyway. )

"The Holy Spirit issue is also one of those things where we can ask Him to pour His Spirit into us or pour it out upon us. I think it works either way. "

Just a side note... "inspiration" and "enthusiasm" are both ancient words referring to having the divine spirit within us, so I think you have a few thousand years of precedent for it being "into". :^)

-- James

Howdy Wy,

That suggestion for the bridge was what I was hoping for...a different perspective entirely. Am reworking with that in mind...so thank you SO MUCH!

Hugs,
Bobbie

Hi James,

Yeah...I think it can go either way. This just happened to be the one I chose. Might yet switch, but will see. Thank you for taking time to read and share your thoughts. Appreciate that a lot.

Hugs,
Bobbie