JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 Even angels love to ride

Writers: Loirlee Stien and Ken Lillie
©DEC. 2004
Song title
Even angels love to ride

v1

I found my leather jacket
That I put away for good
As I held it in my hand
Something told me that I should

V2

I wondered when this day would come
As I dusted off that bike
I could feel her presence near
First time in years this felt so right

Chorus

I could here her voice say
I loved it when we'd ride all day
As she sat behind,holding on so tight
The sound and the rumble from those twin pipes
I'd be looking back at her, my heart filled with pride
As she whispered in my ear Angel's love to ride

v3

My mind quickly goes back when that
Truck slammed into our side
She was gone from me so fast
Yet somehow I survived

v4

So I headed for the coast
Where she loved to watch the tide
For now we were together
"cuz" even angels love to ride

Chorus

I could here her voice say
I loved it when we'd ride all day
As she sat behind holding on so tight
The sound and the rumble from those twin pipes
I'd be looking back at her,my heart filled with pride
As she whispered in my ear Angel's love to ride

[This message has been edited by nitetrapper (edited 12-08-2004).]

[This message has been edited by nitetrapper (edited 12-08-2004).]

Hi Ken,

Only tiny nits I had with this one are the change in POV and one line that read a mite bumpy. In most of the song you are talking about "her" but in this line, you switch over to "you":
The feeling of the wind,holding 'you' so tight
Think that line ought to be HER also.

Also, this seems to smooth this line out a bit for me at least:
I'd be talking to her, WOULDN'T even try to hide

Bobbie

Hi Bobbie, Real good suggestions, I think I'll use would'nt.The other you suggested is part of the chorus when I hear her talking to me about the things she loved about riding. Thanks again. Ken....

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Poems belong in bookstores. Lyrics belong in songs.

Hi Ken,

I see what you are talking about now...but that chorus is still confusing because you can't tell when he switches back to talking to her.

Bobbie

Hi, Ken. You always write really good stuff. I hope that you'll focus on presentation of your lyrics next. You've come a long way with your formatting but each word in a title needs to be capitalized. Each verse needs to be in one paragraph and double spaced between each one. Same thing with the chorus. Publishers are very, very nitpicky from what I hear. It's just something to think about, of course, and I'm offering that to you in the spirit of friendship and fellowship of this board.

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Thanks for the replys and advice Bobbie and Tricia. Take care Ken.............

I made a few changes and was wondering if anyone had any more thoughts. I'm going to record it tonite. Thanks Ken.....

Hi..Ken...Just read this...and I really thought it was well done..!!

the only thing that jumped out at me...
is the same B.G...mentioned; that "you"
in the chorus....

there's the her...than the we'd..so am not following on why back to the you.......as it switches to...her again...right after.that

I'm not always super great..on the pronouns myself...but this one...jumped out at me...
Many times...I've gone to Bobbie..and
asked her advice...as she taught University Level English....and she's straightened me out...or tried to... ...

Like this a lot..
best to ya...
Kaley

Don't mean to sound chauvinistic, but doesn't the woman normally sit behind the man and hold on? If so, the third line of the chorus doesn't work..

I'm having a problem believing that a woman would call herself an angel..a man usually says that about the woman.

Also, is there much talking while riding on a loud bike?

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http://shayneman.proboards19.com/

[This message has been edited by shayneman (edited 12-08-2004).]

Hi Kayley, I made afew changes in the chorus let me know what you think. Thanks Ken....

Hi Shayne,I made a few changes in the chorus.Also The reason she calls herself an angel is because shes dead and is one.As for talking over loud pipes. He is just reflecting back to himself the image of him riding with her again.As he finally got the courage to ride again. Thanks Ken....( Its all in his mind.)

Hi Ken - I read this after you fixed it up w/ Bobbie's suggestion. I think it's great. I understood she was literally an angel. Good luck with your demo. Anne

That formatting looks mahvelous. Good job!!!

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Thanks Ann and Tricia. As always you all help me out tremendusly. Take care Ken....

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Poems belong in bookstores. Lyrics belong in songs.

Ken: Shoulda seen it coming. But you blind sided me with this one. It genuinely tugs at the heart real bad. I don't know the right words to say but man you can do a whole lot moe with it. Its such a great concept. For example of What I mean take the first verse:

I unpacked my leather jacket
That I put away for good
Slipped my arms inside it
She whispered that I should

Hope you see what I mean. You raised my expectations with your song. Now you got my ears and heart, you gotta deliver the final knock out blow if you wanna keep me glued here listening.

You got a great song brewin, do not repeat do not stop--- keep going and make it stronger and dynamic.

GOod luck ...Paul

Paul,Thanks for the words of encouragement.I'll keep working on it.Take care Ken