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I've been fighting with myself over this title for awhile now. So I'm trying this. Does anyone think it is better or a no-no? I did not use the word hidden in the last line of the verses, cause I didn't think it sounded right that way. And the title etc is changed just ever so slightly- could I slip by with that? Opinions welcome. Thanks everyone! -Keye
PS- Can anyone help me with the morph thing?? Thanks!
PPS- Is there any way to edit my title in the topics bar?
Also---- Lookin at this- I'm thinking of replacing the whole behind closed doors thing with "When we're all alone" And make that the title. Would that leave it with the same feel? Thanks!

Hidden Behind Closed Doors

You seem so sweet
As can be;
You are loved
By everyone you meet;
But your innocent facade
Melts away when they are gone-
And you are the devil behind closed doors!

Hidden behind closed doors
Your spirit morphs
Into some evil demon
That only I know.
If they knew
The real you,
I know that they'd be floored;
I'm the one who sees your horns
Hidden behind closed doors.

If I had every dime
You've spent on wine,
I'd be rich in
A very short time;
Every night the spirit flows
And far away your sweetness goes;
And you are the devil behind closed doors!

Hidden behind closed doors
No one knows,
I am your victim
When the booze flows;
You've got your act
So down pat,
No one would
Believe that
This is how it goes behind closed doors!

By Keye Kirkland
Copyright 2003

[This message has been edited by Keye Kirkland (edited 10-08-2004).]

[This message has been edited by Keye Kirkland (edited 10-08-2004).]

Keye,
Very high impact lyrics. Good job

Rob

Good idea and some good images... but, here comes a big ol' but: one of the most famous country songs of all time is called 'Behind Closed Doors'... it's no big deal to use titles (sometimes even hooks, if they're used differently) that have been used before, but I think in this case I'd look for another'n.

CP

Keye,

Good to see your posts here. There are a lot of good writers from whom I've learned much, and I think you'll like the company.

I commented on this at your archive site over at PoetryPoem.com, so I'll pass on further comments here. Corey is right in two things: 1. a hook/title cannot be copyrighted, and may be used by as many writers as wish to use it 2. if a certain hook has been used recently, or in a very popular piece, your later lyric will inevitably draw comparisons. So, you haven't done anything wrong by using "Behind Closed Doors", but you've increased your likelihood of running competition with a classic.

Keep writing.

Skip

Yeah, Corey and Skip, y'all are right. And I realized this after I wrote it. But I just hang on to it because I like it and I tried to portray a vivid image that a lot of folks might can relate to. So I kind of keep it for myself. But I like to share evrything with everybody- even goof ups.
Thanks for calling me on it!
And Rob- thanks for your comments as well! -Keye

I love Charlie Richs' song "behind Closed Doors" but I see nothing in this lyric that alludes to that song. Titles have been used over and over and over again. I'm sure that if we all searched thru our own lyrics we would most certianly find some line or phrase that has been used before. If you dont, then you are a pure geniuess! If that is the only nit to be found with this lyric then I say there is no nit at all. How can a song draw comparasions when they are about two completly different subjects and almost 30 years apart?

[This message has been edited by palidin (edited 10-02-2004).]

Thanks Rob. -Keye

Keye, I just edited my post above because I forgot to add my first thought, I sometimes get so caught up in what im saying that i forget to say what i first intended.

Ha. Thanks again, Rob! -Keye

Anytime!!

Hi Keye

Regarding famous titles; with the odds so stacked against a songwriter, why give a pro added ammunition? As far as i can ascertain, if two wrongs don't make a right, it would certainly stand to reason that many wrongs don't make a right as well.

Joyce- And you are RIGHT about that! Thanks for commenting! -Keye

Ok, sorry, I cant help myself.
Are these fine folks saying that they would not listen to a good song just because it happens to have the same title as a famous song from almost 30 years ago! Are they really saying that! I watched a new movie the other night "Walking Tall" I didnt see folks running from the box office because it had the same title as a movie from 30 years ago. just the oppisite.

Yes, we're saying that. The average fans might not recall a song from 30 years ago, but believe me, the publishers and record execs do. BTW, Walking Tall was a remake of the original.

Did you see the movie, It was a rip off of the original,not a remake. And will the publishers and record lables close there minds to a deal that would make them money?
Just because of a title A big NO!
And it dosnt matter if the fans recall the song or not, they will not be expecting the same song and there are not many folks that dont know "behind closed doors" that just makes it more interesting.



[This message has been edited by palidin (edited 10-02-2004).]

Ok y'all. Cool your horses. (you know what I mean) I can see both sides of this argument- and I can agree with both of them (but I really want to agree with you, Rob) But facing facts is hard to do. Especially when you've worked hard on something. If I left out or changed the Behind closed doors part of the song, it would change it entirely. Yet, if I left it, then it would be repetitive.

So, I'm going to leave it And just choke it up to it was fun to write and I like it, so I'll lock myself in a closet somewhere and just read it to myself. Just kidding. hey I love debates.

Thank you everyone for such valid comments. I really do see both sides and am torn. I've posted 2 others. Like to check them out? -Keye

Its much easier to open a safe vault than a closed mind

Well I'll be damned, boy I've been put in my place; 'xuse me while I shuffle off to a corner and cry.....

------------------
http://www.ampcast.com/music/26305/artist.php

Keye,

I liked the lyric but if you want to publish your song (and get radio airplay) I think you need to do sthg about your chorus. Remember the power of repetition in the listener's mind.

Carolyn.

Thanks for reading and commenting, Carolyn! -Keye

Hey yall, this one has been buggin me for awhile-- How about if I changed "Behind Closed Doors" To "When we're all alone"?
I still don't think it has the same ring to it, but it solves a problem. What do y'all think of that? -Keye

Carolyn, I jst read your comment again now that am awake and fully rested. So you are saying that it is BETTER to have a chorus that repeats each time? (honest question) I thought I was being creative by having a chorus with the same melody, but different words. But I also want to stick kinda close to the rules- so is that what is more accepted? -Keye

Or anyone could answer this for me... I really want to know this. Thanks!!

[This message has been edited by Keye Kirkland (edited 10-08-2004).]

There is a very common lyric form that ends each verse with the same hook, Keye - the verse-bridge structure. It goes verse-verse-bridge-verse, with the number of verses dependent on the length of the song. Sometimes the hook even repeats in the bridge! But usually just in the verses, in the same place each time. And the hook is almost always the title of the song. So you're OK with your structure, here. In fact, it's classic! As for the title debate, that's a big hit title, but it was also a billion years ago (when I was young), so it may not be important to the modern country crowd. Although it may be important to some old coot of a publisher! One thing about the lyric...you might want to reconsider "morph". It's not the most conversational word in the world. Keep at it.

Thanks Michael! Yeah, I know "morph" is rough. You are right! I knew that when i wrote it, but said heck with it. It's just sittin there until I can come up with a better one. I need to find a rhyme better with "Know" thanks for your comment. -Keye

Keye,

Just a humble suggestion. I know you like Behind Closed Doors for the title but why not just add a word before it?

Maybe the word "Devil" since two of your lyrics end with this line.
"Devil Behind Closed Doors"

Hang in there I know you will find something that suits you.

Willie

Thanks willie- liked that idea too. I tried to fix it differently, but I might come back to your idea. Thanks!! -Keye

Bump