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Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
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Just finished this one, which was written at the request of a country artist who wants to cut it when it gets music...but I don't want to let her see it until I feel it is ready...which it ISN'T. I can see meter messes in it but is one of those things I am too close to, to be able to rectify my own mistakes. ALL comments and ideas will be gratefully appreciated. Thank you to ALL my JPF family for your assistance with this. This one really matters. I am listening!
Bobbie
What Really Matters (c) 2001 Lyrics by Bobbie Gallup ASCAP
I badly needed a break and something to eat Cause I'd been drivin' all night Figured the food would be fine when I saw that old sign And the row of trucks parked outside With a smile as bright as the morning sunlight Creeping over the canyon rim, The waitress brought me a cup and left the whole pot Said, "I can see what you need, my friend"
CLIMB: What a delightful way to start a new day I smiled to myself as she left Just a small town girl, she'd brightened the world Of a friend she'd only just met
CHORUS: What really matters most in life Isn't always what you see It's not often on the surface But somewhere underneath Can't measure wealth by what you have It's in the things you give away A smile, a hand, a bit of love Those all come back to you someday And that's...what really matters
A new Beemer drove up as I sat lost in my thoughts And parked by a old Chevrolet With scowls on their faces they seemed out of place Sure had little between them to say But that look in their eyes was hard to disguise And they sat far apart as they could The man was too curt and the waitress was hurt Though it was clear that he misunderstood
CLIMB: His wife peered down her nose as she flicked the fake rose That bloomed in the old plastic vase I could see she was sure the local folks envied her I wanted to tell her that wasn't the case
CHORUS:
With a big windshield crack and a mutt in the back A dented old pickup pulled up A young couple got out and there was no doubt That this was a pair in love She was giggling and grinnin' and laffin' at him As she grabbed the backside of his jeans They sat side by side; couldn't possibly hide What they had was more precious than things
CLIMB: She was a proud country wife, they had the richest of lives And all that true love can supply I felt joy just to see them and I'd much rather be them Than those with all money could buy
CHORUS:
[This message has been edited by Bobbie Gallup (edited 08-27-2001).]
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Bobbie, I really like this, I love the concept, but I do agree with you that it needs help with the meter, I don't have a lot of time right now to look at it carefully, but I'm goona print it out and then post what I think again....but I really do like the concept and the chorus! Love and Blessings, Mary
Go Big or Go Home
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Thanks SO much, Mary. I think it is easier to feel the meter I am after if you split the lines with the internal rhyme into two lines...ie: With a big windshield crack and a mutt in the back I saw that dented old pickup pull up A young couple got out and there was no doubt That this was a pair in love AABCCB She was giggling and grinnin' and laffin' at him As she grabbed the back pocket of his jeans They sat side by side and never tried to hide They had something more precious than things AABCCB
The last four lines of each verse end up being a climb...but they have the same meter and rhyme as the rest of the verse.
Please come back if you have time. Appreciate the comments very much.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Bobbie, I`d sure like to help, but I`d be like Dawg trying to help you figure out meter glitches! I will say I like the idea. Good story that I wanted to condense a bit, but in doing so would probably change too much or leave out too much. Hope you get the help you desire on this one! If I somehow come up with a brilliant idea(doubtful), I will let you know. Keep diggin, the gold is there! Dan. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/smile.gif)
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Bobbie,
I liked this so much that I took up your call for help and came up with the revision below. I don't think I've changed the tone at all. The chorus may have gotten remetered somewhat, I don't know if that's a problem. But I think I've stayed pretty true to your original story, and tone. The "peered down her nose" line is still problematic, but you HAVE to keep "flicked the fake rose" - it's a terrific phrase! I hope you like it, that it helps or is at least food for thought.
(deleted)
[This message has been edited by Michael Thomas (edited 08-26-2001).]
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Howdy Dan! Thanks for checking this out. ANY ideas are welcome on this..because this one is a bit more important to me than most, given it is already spoken for. You know it is easier to fix someone else's meter than my own...I get stuck in my own ruts and can't see alternatives. Sure appreciate the kind words on this one.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Hi Bobbie, Great story, I love it. It does seem to be a bit long, but if it is uptempo it would probably work fine. I liked the ideas Michael gave, especially in the chorus. I hope it becomes a hit, you deserve it! Best of luck with it mi amiga. Ria ------------------ http://angelfire.lycos.com/amiga/riassonglyrics
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Hi Michael! WOW..You have some terrific ideas there...as you can see, I used most of them. Still thinking about some of the other ones. I can't thank you enough for taking time to offer such thorough insights and great alternatives. I just love this place!
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Hi Bobbie. I printed it off for a better look. Seemed like "shabby" needed cut out of the third line. In the chorus, I lose the rhythm after about the first half.maybe I'll pick it up. The vowel rhymes in the first half of the first two verses, on lines I don;t think are supposed to rhyme, throw me. I'll get back. The idea is really good but think it neds some work.
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Bobby,
Hey, glad you liked some of it. I enjoyed the hell out of doing it. Hope it works for you.
Yours
Michael T
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Hi Bobbie, I don't have the time right now to look at this, but I did read it earlier and think you have a great thing going. I also looked at Michael's ideas and believe he's right on the money with most of it. I promise to get back to this cause I can see how important it is to you and woulld like to help if it's possible. Glad to see you like Michael's ideas also, cause I felt the need to condense right off the bat. I'll be back!! You, girl, are goin places! ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/wink.gif) Tink
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hello It's time for somebody to write a song about folks that are financially successful AND happy. BMW has become synonomous with uptight unhappy people. When did it become assumed that folks in a broken down car are somehow happier and more centered than people wearing nice clothes and driving a nice car? That scenario makes this song a little too predictable for me. How about turning it around so the rich folks are the good guys for a change. I know lots of working class people who are total jerks and alot of upwardly mobile people who are kind and loving and good parents to boot ! Turning this story upside down would make it different. As it sits, it's sweet, but it's a story that's been told an awful lot of times. Try it... Bob Young ------------------ www.BobYoung.com
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Hiya Bobbie;
Enjoyed the lyric as usual. I noticed the hook is only repeated 3x...don't know if that's enough, though it is well placed and exaggerated by the pause before it would be sung.
Sometimes can deceive...seems it should be Can sometime deceive (though i'm thinking you might have meter issues if you flip it)
These two lines:
The man was too curt and the waitress was hurt Though it was clear that he misunderstood
kinda seem somewhat vague in that i don't know what he was curt about and what he misunderstood.
Like the story though. And how sweet that an artist requested this! Congrats to you!
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Howdy Amigaria...
Thanks once again for the kind comments on this. I know the story is long...but I suspect this will mostly be a performance thing and not so much concern for the 3 minute radio play issue. Michael did have some great ideas for this. I made a lot of his suggested changes. Thanks once again!
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Howdy Wy...You are right..shabby is outta there. I want to work on that chorus some more. It doesn't quite sit right for me either. Ideas sure appreciated. I think I see the rhyme things you are talking about but that kinda stuff doesn't concern me much. Don't think it really throws anything off, as long as you can still hear the rhymes that are supposed to be there. I hope so anyway. Thanks SO much for looking this over for me. Any further thoughts gratefully accepted.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Howdy Tink...
Thanks so much. I agree that Michael offered some great ideas, most of which I incorporated. Hope you get a chance to come back because you always have great ideas also.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Howdy Bobbie. The detectives have really given some great thoughts on this one. I see the "Grand" has gone out of the canyon line - which was one thing I would have suggested. The 7th line of each verse has the internal rhyme and in Verse 1 thought:
"The waitress brought me a pot and left the whole lot" would give that in that verse, but then thinking about it "brought me a pot" may mean something else, but might still work.
In the first climb - I thought "beautiful" flowed better than "delightful", probably sing easier - not sure.
I'd question the misunderstood line as well since it's not clear what was misunderstood.
The second climb: the rose that "bloomed" in the vase. Since it's fake I don't think it would be blooming... maybe "that filled up the old plastic vase", or 'That sat in the old plastic vase'. Again, really minor nit.
I would have mentioned the "envy" line, it seemed a bit long, but Michael has a good fix there.
That's about it from me. I didn't read the other comments too thoroughly so maybe these have already been covered.
It should work well for a performance song, although there have been a few of these good message songs lately that have done really well on radio, so you never know.
Good luck with it. Cheers, Judy
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Hi Bob, Sure appreciate you taking time to read this one over and share your thoughts and insights. I suspect you are right in that the reverse of this story may need to be told. In this case, however, the artist came to me and asked for this specific story in a song. I'm sure not implying anything categorically about folks who have money or those who don't. The core concept of this story is actually that you don't need a lot of things to be happy. I sort of suspect more folks who listen to country music can probably relate more to the beat up old trucks than to a BMW. May just be my skewed perception there...but the singer is a very country girl herself, and that is the image she wants in her song (even though she drives a new SUV). I suspect we can all point to specific individuals from either rich or working class to illustrate our points. I never was one to try to pigeonhole people into any one class..of course not ALL wealthy folks are unhappy..nor are all country folks well adjusted and delighted with life. The examples could go either way...but in this case, because of the request, I have to keep it this way. Perhaps you should write the song from the other perspective. The nice clothes and nice car are certainly not what makes the couple in this song unhappy. That comes from somewhere deeper..as does the happiness of the other couple. Just thinking about audience relevance, however..not sure most of us who buy country music are gonna relate to rich folks all that much. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/biggrin.gif) Just my opinion, of course, but that opinion is based on my own family life. My folks were not poor but we sure didn't have a lot of the things many other people did...but we were really a very happy family. We did a lot of things together as a family, and my parents showed me you can be very happy without a lot of things. On the other side of the coin, a few years ago I was engaged to a man who was a multi-millionaire, and I have never known a kinder, more generous man, nor a better parent (but that is not the issue here). However, his happiness did not emanate from his acquisitions either. I am getting long winded here. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/smile.gif) Thanks again for checking this out. I DO appreciate your ideas here. Didn't intend to offend you or anyone else with this. Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Hi Bobbie I think this song has bags of potential so I printed this off last night so that I could have a good look. As far as meter goes I think that the third verse (with a big windshield......) & climb are bang on the button, the other verses should be mapped to this. I wasn’t 100% sure about the meter in the chorus, however I would be tempted not to tinker with this too much. I’m assuming here that the last line (and that’s......what really matters) is stand alone. I (like Blake) wanted to swap ‘sometimes’ & ‘can’ in the fourth line. The first line of the second verse has a different rhyming scheme to the other first lines, perhaps “As I sipped from my cup a new Beemer pulled up” might do it. Second climb: First line is brilliant. I think the last two lines need more of a build up, how about: His wife peered down her nose as she flicked the fake rose Then cast critical eyes over the place I could see she was sure the local folks envied her I wanted to tell her that wasn’t the case. Good luck with this one Bobbie Nige ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/smile.gif)
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G'mornin' MM!
I'd change the double "that that" into "the Hope" true love can supply...in last Climb.
Other'n that, I'm nitless this AM...maybe too much Zin, not Enuf Coffee? :-)
Lookin' like another Real Good'n Here!
"KUDOS" & Good Luck with It, Sweets!
BPH Stan
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Hi Bobbie, I came back and and copied and pasted your lyric to a word doc and started to really look over it. I was pleased to find that there really wasn't much I wanted to tweak. I guess on the screen it just looked really long, but when I set out to condense, I found it all belonged there. The chorus tripped me up a bit and if I were writing this, I may have done this: CHORUS: What really matters Isn't always what you see The shiny outer package Sometimes can deceive WEALTH ISN'T MEASURED BY WHAT YOU POSSESS BUT BY THE THINGS THAT YOU SHARE A smile, a hand, a bit of your love SHOWING SOMEONE YOU CARE And that's...what really matters but that's JMO.... In the second verse, there were just a couple of suggestions I had. **A new Beemer drove up as I drank from my cup** And parked by a old Chevrolet With scowls on their faces and not a hair out of place **I tried to tweak the above line because I don't think you were really getting the point across with the scowls and hair thing. I think lots of folks wear scowls and are particular about their hair. I tried something with "They couldn't force a smile, but wore the latest style" but couldn't get it to flow to the next line.** And little between them to say But that look in their eyes was hard to disguise And they sat far apart as they could **The man lost his patience with the overworked waitress** **"curt" just seemed a bit unconversational.** Though it was clear that he misunderstood I loved everything about the third verse and it epitomizes the person I aspire to be, and really think I am. Beautiful message Bobbie, and this really needs to be heard. Best of luck with it and keep us posted with the progress! ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/wink.gif) Tink
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Hi again Bobbie. Well we've got a disagreement on the vowel rhyme thing. To me , it messes a song up completely when it's sung. Maybe doesnt other people. Going by your last verse , you're rhyming 2 and 4 and 6 and 8. In verse one , you've got an imperfect rhyme between 2 and 4 and a perfect ryhme between 2 and 5. Be that as it may , all I can do is critique it as I see it. Just going to do the first verse, keep or sweep
I badly needed a break and something to eat 'Cause I'd been drivin' all night Knew the food should be good,just an old sign made of wood But a row of trucks parked outside With a smile as warming as sun in the morning Creeping over the canyons rim The waitress said coffee's hot, she left the whole pot Said , I can see what you need my friend
Think the ideas good . Been done of course but so has most everything else.
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Hi Bobbie, Here are a couple of ideas for V1 and Climb.
I[badly deleted}needed a break and something to eat Dead tired from drivin' all nite When I saw that old sign I knew the food would be fine By the big rigs parked on the right With a smile as bright as ["the" deleted} morning sunlight Creeping over the canyon rim She brought me a cup and left the whole pot Said "I know what you need, my friend"
What a wonderful way to start a new day I smiled to myself as I left ["Just" deleted}A small town girl had brightened the world Of a stranger she only just met
Just some minor suggestions for the first two sections. Maybe some of them will be useful. I'll try to get back to the rest of the lyric later. I'm kinda on the run today.
Cya, GJ
[This message has been edited by GJShades (edited 08-25-2001).]
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Hi Bobbie Don,t find any time letely...been real busy. Anyway... This one looks real good A few lines I might change
First line in Lyric All my systems were in low, needed somewhere to reload
1st climb What a thoughtful thing to say, to start off my day( seems to be a lyric about thoughts)
2nd verse..last two lines The waitress stood back, from the courtesy he lacked As he talked to her like a block of wood
food for thought/keep or sweep Allen
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bobbie
I apologize for my tone I reread my post and I'm disappointed in myself for sounding so abrupt. I didn't pay attention to the fact that this was a commissioned work Good luck I'm sure the artist will be happy
She's lucky to have you writing for her
Bob Young
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Afternoon Bobbie, This looks real good and I like the changes you've made. I'm sure that Kiley is going to love it. Pam
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Howdy Blake,
Glad you enjoyed this one. Actually, the hook is in the chorus twice..at both the beginning and end, so with 3 repeats, it gets in there 6 times, which may be sufficient. It could also be repeated at the end as a tag if the producer/composer feels it is needed.
As far as the curt thing...soem folks just have that demeanor about them. They are abrupt in their manner of speech. In this case I didn't think what he was curt about or misunderstood was all that relevant to give it anymore detail..but will reconsider if that is bothering folks. I just had to cut out a lot of non-essential details here. The singer was listening to the exchange of words and simply felt the guy was at fault for whatever happened.
This story actually came from the singer's husband over dinner the other night. Never tried to write a specific song for someone else before. It was interesting to try it.
Thanks again. Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Thanks so much, Judy, for checking in on this one for me. This is the first time I have ever tried to write a specific song for someone else...and it was much more difficult than just writing whatever I wanted. If you see this note, perhaps you might clarify if you think it is better with or without the GRAND with that canyon line. I didn't really want it to be that specific, and it didn't seem to need the extra syllable there for the meter so I left it off. I have been listening more and more to the kinds of rhyme that is being used these days in country songs that are making it to radio...and of course, checking liner notes. I find that they are moving away from the perfect rhymes which often sound forced. For example, in Alan Jackson's current song..he uses the words heaven/livin/sittin as rhymes. In another of his songs he rhymes edgy with spaghetti..and Alan is about as traditional as they get these days. I was using cup/pot as the internal rhyme in that 7th line. I like what you said about "the whole lot" but I think it has a bit of the Aussie sound to it that may not work so well here. In the line talking about the rose "blooming", since I already said it was a fake one, I am hoping folks will understand that I simply meant it was an open flower. That was sorta meant to be tongue in cheek there...and I like the way it flows a bit better than 'sat' in the vase. I am still cogitating on the envy line and the beautiful/delightful. Those may still change also. As for the length, I am hoping the music may help with that, and given that this is her song, I suspect she will perform it regardless of length...and she won't need to worry about breaking for commercials. You always make me think through why I write what I do..and I sure appreciate that!!! Thanks SO much for the ideas and insights! Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Howdy Nige...I ma sure glad you like Blake, but don't tell his wife! ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/biggrin.gif) sorry..couldn't resist. I may switch that can/sometimes thing. I am so glad you think this one has potential. To answer your question, yes, that last line is a stand alone line. Can be repeated as much as a composer or singer feels it should be. If you note my comemnts to Judy (above) I am working on using more imperfect rhymes these days which is why some of these line rhymes may sound a bit different. In the first line of V2, I am using "up" and "thought" as the rhyme. I really like your ideas for that second climb. Am gonna add them to the consideration pile. Thanks SO much for the time and thought you put into this. Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Dang, The Zin Man caught me with a typo! I shall never live that one down. Thanks so much for the catch there. Had it right in my lyric sheet but messed up making the edit apparently. Dang..hate that. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/biggrin.gif) Appreciate those kudos...but still tweaking on this one. Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Thanks SO much for coming back on this one, Tink. You always have such good ideas for me and this is no exception. I know I have to keep working on that chorus. It needs to be the strongest part of the song, not a letdown.
On that second verse...I started with the idea that these two seemed out of place...but that didn't seem to work into the line about having little between them to say either. So I think it may be back to the drawing board a bit there. On that first line, I really want to retain the fact that this has made the singer think about things. Still pondering on that curt line myself. I like your alternative a lot there.
I think a lot of us aspire to be like the folks in that last verse. That is the essential nature of what this artist wants in this song. I just hope she is pleased with the final product. I will post the good news when I am more sure of the bottom line..but there IS great news coming!!
Thanks for always being on the team!! Your ideas are always helpful.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Hi Wy...thanks for coming back on this. Those are some great alternatives. I think if I just switch your two thoughts around in this couplet it smoothes it a bit for me: Saw an old sign made of wood, knew the food would be good With that row of trucks parked outside
I noticed the perfect rhyme thing between line 2 & 5 after I wrote it..but because of the internal rhyme on that 5th line, I am fairly sure (since listeners can't see a lyric sheet) that by the time they hear that line, the other would be out of their mind. I could well be wrong...but when I sing this, it doesn't bother me (of course I only have a head tune and probably a bad one). When this gets to the composer, they may want to switch that, so it does remain an option for me. I do like the ideas you offered here. Can't thank you enough.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Howdy GJ. Sure appreciate the excellent suggestions. Only one I can't use is this line, because the singer isn't leaving at this point in the song: I smiled to myself as I left I also think I want to retain the word "friend" in the last line of that verse to emphasize that to this gal, every stranger was a friend.
DO hope you get a chance to come back on this one. I want to get it to music fairly soon. Thanks for checking in on this for me.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Hi Allen...we miss you around these parts. Hope life slows down enough to let you get back here a bit more often in the future. Those are some excellent suggestions. I am sure gonna think on them more. Especially like the one about the courtesy he lacked. That has a good feel to it to me. You really have given me some good food for thought here. Thanks always.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Late to the show as usual. (-:
Wow, Bobbie, what a terrific piece this is! You probably have already repaired whatever nits have been discussed, but I found no problem with any of the meter. I've pretty much accepted that my "head tune" vs. yours doesn't matter. The musical composition and arrangement will generally address what SEEMS to be meter issues.
For a commissioned work, this is pretty dang solid! It's one thing to write something really well because it comes from inside YOU, but to be given the assignment of writing on a particular topic, well that's another matter and you have certainly risen to the occasion.
My only suggestion is in the last verse. I think I'd change it, slightly, to read:
"She was gigglin' and grinnin' and laffin' at him As HE grabbed the backside of HER jeans."
This shows a little interaction on BOTH their parts, and is also more likely how such a scene would appear, He grabbing HER backside. Just my opinion, of course.
I really like this a lot. Expecting big things from you!
Greg
If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.
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Howdy again Bob...sure is kind of you to come back and apologize...but it wasn't necessary. I long ago developed a mighty thick skin where my songs are concerned, and I realize that on a board such as this, we are bound to get a pretty fair cross section of opinions and responses. That is pretty much what would happen if we got so lucky as to get a song out there. I know your work has already proven itself and I respect your opinions very much and appreciate you taking time to read and comment on my work. I didn't like feeling as though I had somehow managed to offend you with this, because it sure was never my intention.
Thanks again... Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Howdy Mz Pam,
Thanks so much for the kind comments. I sure hope Kilyn is happy with this. You know I will report back when I find out.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Howdy Greg, Thanks so much for such confidence. It was a bit more difficult to write to someone else's expectations, to be honest. I just hope she is pleased with it when it gets set to music. You know, at first I thought about making the butt grab be the guy...but decided against it, just for the heck of it. You know, equal time for us women, and I, um, well, sorta recall doing this on at least one occasion. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/biggrin.gif) But don't tell anyone, ok? LOL I agree involvement on both their parts might make this stronger. Lemme think on that for a bit. Thanks again for taking time to read and comment on this. Your support means a lot!! Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Bobbie, quick reply... I meant NOT mention "Grand" in the canyon line, sorry I didn't make that clear. I think it's exactly one year ago this week that I posted my first lyric at JPF. Back then I would never have believed I would be able to have the confidence to offer advice to any writer, let alone one with your talent. Thanks for listening to my thoughts. Cheers, Judy
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Thanks so much for clarifying that for me, Judy. Congratulations on the one year achievement. I passed my one year about a month ago. I owe so much to you and other folks who have shared your thoughts and ideas with me on my stuff. I just hope my lyrics reflect an improvement over that time. I feel much more confident about my writing and critiquing these days..so I understand totally how you feel. Thank you once again for ALL your help.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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ok...a few thoughts
first..we definitely want the girl grabbing the guys ass rather than the other way around I love it when my wife grabs my tired old butt !
I'd change delightful to great or good or something..delightful is hard to sing
The Things that really matter Aren't always what you see They're not always on the surface But somewhere underneath
I'd put something in there about the size of peoples dreams
Some people have small dreams Some people have big dreams Small dreams are good dreams too It's great when either size comes true
I dunno...whaddya think
Bob Young
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<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Bobbie Gallup: Just finished this one, which was written at the request of a country artist who wants to cut it when it gets music...but I don't want to let her see it until I feel it is ready...which it ISN'T. I can see meter messes in it but is one of those things I am too close to, to be able to rectify my own mistakes. ALL comments and ideas will be gratefully appreciated. Thank you to ALL my JPF family for your assistance with this. This one really matters. I am listening!
Bobbie
What Really Matters (c) 2001 Lyrics by Bobbie Gallup ASCAP
I badly needed a break and something to eat Cause I'd been drivin' all night Figured the food would be fine when I saw that old sign And the row of trucks parked outside With a smile as bright as the morning sunlight Creeping over the canyon rim, The waitress brought me a cup and left the whole pot Said, "I can see what you need, my friend"
CLIMB: What a delightful way to start a new day I smiled to myself as she left Just a small town girl, she'd brightened the world Of a friend she'd only just met
CHORUS: What really matters Isn't always what you see The shiny outer package Sometimes can deceive What really makes you rich Isn't what you have It's the things you give away A smile, a hand, a bit of your love Will all come back to you someday And that's...what really matters
A new Beemer drove up as I sat lost in my thoughts And parked by a old Chevrolet With scowls on their faces and not a hair out of place And little between them to say But that look in their eyes was hard to disguise And they sat far apart as they could The man was too curt and the waitress was hurt Though it was clear that he misunderstood
CLIMB: His wife peered down her nose as she flicked the fake rose That bloomed in the old plastic vase I could see she was sure the local folks envied her I wanted to tell her that wasn't the case
CHORUS:
With a big windshield crack and a mutt in the back A dented old pickup pulled up A young couple got out and there was no doubt That this was a pair in love She was giggling and grinnin' and laffin' at him As she grabbed the backside of his jeans They sat side by side; couldn't possibly hide What they had was more precious than things
CLIMB: She was a proud country wife, they had the richest of lives And all that that true love can supply I felt joy just to see them and I'd much rather be them Than those with all money could buy
CHORUS:
Hi Bobbie
How about "Trapped in the old plastic vase".
[This message has been edited by Bobbie Gallup (edited 08-25-2001).]</font>
JDRussell
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Bobbie darlin',
I feel most priviledged. In the two days I was gone, I have been able to see these lyrics metamophosize from catepillar into butterfly.
Wonderful job and a lot of fine help from fine friends.
dawg
Wisdom does not always accompany age. Sometimes age just shows up alone.
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Howdy Bob! Now that is info I can use also. I edited the chorus now. Don't think I want to go into the dreams part..but that first suggestion is a killer IMO. I felt I had to keep the hook in the first line to give it more play, but used your other ideas. See what you think of this chorus revision? CHORUS: What really matters most in life Isn't always what you see It's not often on the surface But somewhere underneath Richness isn't what you have It's the things you give away A smile, a hand, a bit of love Those all come back to you someday And that's...what really matters
Sure do appreciate the excellent ideas, Bob! Thanks so much!
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Me again Bobbie.... just keeping tabs on this one. The "richness" word doesn't seem to fit there for some reason - can't say why. A thought:
"Can't measure wealth by what you have But by what you give away"
I sure don't envy you getting this one over the line, so many good suggestions. Cheers, Judy
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Howdy JD...Don't think I have seen you around these parts much yet..so I'd just like to welcome you to the board and thank you for dropping in on this one! Please know your thoughts and ideas are more then appreciated here! This song is still evolving..and I will sure give consideration to your idea for that line. Thanks again.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Howdy sweetie...so glad you are home. The wings on this one still aren't quite dry...so will need a bit more time. Thanks for all your support! You know how much it means.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Howdy Judy...whew..that was a great suggestion for that spot..and spot on! Gonna fly with that. Does this work for you? CHORUS: What really matters most in life Isn't always what you see It's not often on the surface But somewhere underneath Can't measure wealth by what you have It's in the things you give away A smile, a hand, a bit of love Those all come back to you someday And that's...what really matters Thanks for the continued help with this. I feel like I am having a baby here. LOL With a lotta comforting midwives to help and encourage! ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/biggrin.gif) Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Howdy Noel,
You can come late to my party anytime. It is always great to hear from the Down Under Contingent! I am not sure I am familiar with the song you are referring to...but hope it is a good one! Thanks for your kind comments on this one.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Hey Bobbie.... works fine. WOW, so glad to help out. There'll be a lot of cigars passed 'round when this one is born. Cheers, Judy
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