JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 Snowflake

A wee winter's song for wee ones.....just wondering...if corn cob nose...sounds ok...
or should i go with traditional carrot.

and also...winter day or winter's day.
and Snowflakes?...or snowflake...

thanks much. and anything else you see...
music's done.....but word changes
welcomed.....

Snowflake
Kaley Willow
c2003

Chorus
Snowflake, Snowflake
Dancing past my window pane
Snowflake, Snowflake
There's nothing like a winter's day

v1
Out the door, grab a sled
It's no day to stay in bed
Slip and slide, up we'll climb
Then down the hill we'll gooooooooooo.......

Chorus
Snowflake, Snowflake
Dancing past my windowpane
Snowflake, Snowflake
There's nothing like a winter's day

Verse 2
Build a man.....out of snow
Eyes of coal, and corn cob nose
He'll be fine...till spring time
When he must go .......a.....wayyyyyyyyyy

Chorus
Snowflake...Snowflake
Dancing past my windowpane
Snowflake.....Snowflake
There's nothing like a winter's day

Repeat Chorus
Snowflake....Snowflake
Dancing past my windowpane
Snowflake...Snowflake
There's nothing..like..a..win..ter's day


[This message has been edited by Kaley Willow (edited 12-01-2003).]

Mornin' Miz Kaley,

I would imagine you have a light, bouncy tempo for this one.

Since snow flakes generally drift into one corner of window panes and ice crystals just stick there and congregate, maybe, "dancing past my window pane.

Frosty had a corn-cob pipe and a button nose.
I think carrot would work better.

Nice, refreshing look at a winter day.

dawg

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH...i'm so glad i posted this...thanks Dawg...you're right!...
I never gave that a thought......

gonna go edit it now...and thanks much....

will get some more thoughts on....cobs and carrots...but...thanks so much...for giving me your thoughts on his nose.too..

and..you're right, it's exactly that...
it's just a simple...bouncy...tune...

thanks Dawgy,
Kaley

What FUN! Kaley,
hmmmmmmmlet's see.......
I much prefer corn cob nose. rolls off the tongue easier too. (all I remember from growing up is just another stone, I think... )
I like the sound of WINTER'S day. But that little inner voice is telling me it's probably more poetic that WINTER day. and not sure the kids would "get it". might be best with just WINTER.
I would make it a plural on the snowflakes. In your part of the country, I doubt you see many singular snowflakes.
The one thing that jumps out at me, I think is a regional thingee. years ago I asked someone from Up northeast, because it's such a foreign concept to me. But....snow stays around for several weeks.. (2-3 months) at a time round your way? In other words.....in the last half of verse two

"He'll be fine....till springtime
Then he must go awayyyyyyyyy

you're saying you can make a snowman in December or so......and it will still be around in say...February?
I never had a snowman last more than 2 weeks.....and that was a loooooong time. so I had to ask.

then again........I just can't identify with the song White Christmas, cuz I've seen just one or two (and one of those qualified by only one inch of snow.)

------------------
Harriet
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/harrietamesmusic.htm

Hi Kaley - I like this song. Because I'm very familiar w/ snow here in MN I'll weigh in. From an ease of singing standpoint, I would use "Winter Day." Corn cob - if it's drawn out, carrot if you are singing it quickly. IMO, I like Snowflake better than snowflakes. Easier to sing and it just sounds better to me. Good luck! We need a new winter song. I'm tired of "Let it Snow" Anne

Hi Kaley,

Snowflake, Snowflake
Dancing past my window pane
Snowflake, Snowflake
(Nothing like a snowy winter day)

v1
Out the door, grab a sled
It's NOT A day to stay in bed


------------------
Terry

Kaley

having recently watched the original frosty the snowman, i'm with dawg on the carrot.

either way kids will love this fun tune!!!!!!

Hi Kaley.....

What a cute song! Hmmmm....I think if it works, I'd go with the carrot nose....just that kids are more familiar with that. Winter's day.....nice for adults, again, the kid thing would be "winter day" I think. Snowflake makes it sound more personal....like you have one special snowflake you are making friends with.....cute!

Sunny


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http://artists2.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Sharon_Longworth/

Hi Kaley,

Very cute! I vote for "winter day"..."carrot"..."snowflake." I was singing it as I read it. Kids will love it. I did...and I'm just a kid at heart!

I think it's a fun little lyric. Nice little twist. I can't see a nit in it.

Brrrrrrr!! Nice little winter song, Kaley! I think kids of all ages will enjoy this one! I vote for "carrot" -- the visual of a corn cob nose isn't appealing to me ... also I think "snowflake" will sing better, as well as "winter day". But if you're already singing this one, you should be able to determine which one rolls off the tongue better. Really nice job overall, Kaley!

------------------
Mary Lou

Hi HH...it's really nice to see you drop by, thank you !! I'm glad you like this. I'm really up in the air..on
corn cob or carrot.... Like you, I positively absolutely love how it rolls...
and sounds.......actually like it better....
but am wondering...if the kids will say..
CORN COB?... Thanks MUCH for weighing in
on the winter, and snowflake.....gal...i appreciate that.

hmmm....WELL, ..technically speaking, ..
they've stayed around...from...January..to
March on occasion...but truthfully, most..melt within a month.....so I guess it could happen enough times..(depending upon where the child lived)...that it wouldn't be unreasonable......

but..thanks for that...cause...made me think and re-examine......and that's MUCH appreciated.

take care....
kk

Hi there Kaley - another great one for the kids. I've never built a snow man but I'd love to, in fact I've never seen snow in Australia, only when I lived in New Zealand for a while and my kids have never seen snow. I like "corn cob" nose, but it works either way. Only line I found a bit lumpy was the "out of bed" line, my suggestion:
Come on now, get out of bed.
Hope you and the family are well and looking forward to Christmas. Cheers K, Judy

Hi Kaley,

A really nice song. Freshly done !

I vote for (corn cob)(snowflakes)(winter).
Either way you chooce should work.
But I think,(untill) spring time, flows better than (till) spring time.

Either way you've a very happy little tune, & keep up the good work.

Calvin

Good Morning Anne,

The snowflakes are "dancing" in Central Pennsylvania this morning...and the Round Top has a coating of fresh snow.....
Thanks so much for....taking a look at this song Anne,...and for giving me your thoughts
on it.... I keep singing it with different words put in.......and think it can go both ways on almost all of them....I get to try this out in a few weeks....and hopefully will be able to tell from the kids reaction to it.

Best Wishes......
Kaley

[This message has been edited by Kaley Willow (edited 12-02-2003).]

Hi TT, Thank you very Much for taking a look at this....and for taking my kid songs seriously...appreciate that!........

Think your...It's Not a Day TO stay in Bed...
sings better than what I have....(for that verse...)...but if I do that....than I'll need to go down...and change something...in
corresponding line...in 2nd verse..... In more involved songs...I'm not quite as picky about matching up...note to exact note between the verses.....
but this one...I plan to submit...for piano
sheet music...and children's song books..and think I'll have a much better chance of having it accepted if I have it matched up exactly...so can be played the same way for both verses... If you feel......this works...i could use not.....and still keep the same......?

Out the door, grab a sled
Not a day to stay in bed...

holler back....as I know you also write music.......and I could be confused.

Am thinking...on getting snowy in there...
If I stress differently....it could work.

Thanks again very much for your time and thoughts.

best wishes,
Kaley

Kaley

What a cute song. Well done and you've received so many good suggestions.

The master layout is yours though and it's really good.

Eric

Hi Sweet Joyce,

boy...it's lookin like half carrots and half.....corn cobs....hmmmm.......thanks so very much....for reading this....and thinking about it....and thinking it...fun...... .....very glad it comes across that way....

best wishes,
Kaley

.

Hi Kaley,

In keeping with your keeping your meter
simplified:

Chorus
Snowflake, Snowflake
Dancing past my window pane
Snowflake, Snowflake
There's nothing like a S N O W. .Y. . . day

v1
Out the door, grab a sled
NOT THE day to stay in bed
Slip and slide, up we'll climb
Then down the hill we'll gooooooooooo.......

Chorus
Snowflake, Snowflake
Dancing past my windowpane
Snowflake, Snowflake
There's nothing like a s n o w y day

Verse 2
Build a man.....out of snow
Eyes of coal, [and - A - corn cob nose]
He'll be fine...till spring time
When he must go .......a.....wayyyyyyyyyy

Just make the "and A" of "corn cob nose". . .eighth notes. . . so two
words (and and 'a') both happen in the same space of time
as one of the quarter notes in:
"and corn cob nose".

Sing: "and a corn cob nose"

and: "and corn cob nose"

and you'll see how adding the "a"
adds rhythm and takes care of the difficulty of ennunciating "and corn".


------------------
Terry

Kaley,

You have such a wonderful insight to the minds and hearts of the little ones.

I like "snowflake" and "corn cob" personally. Just seems to move a long real well.

Very nicely done and a most enjoyable read.

Alan

Hi Y'all.....sorry I did not get on here yesterday...to answer any of you....

My Mom who will be 84 next month...was taken to the emergency room and is admitted now...
and is bleeding quite profusely from the
bowels...trying to get that under contrrol and also...determine the cause....I'll be on to look and see what all you're saying as soon as I can and I thank you very much ...and for any prayers on My Mom's behalf...My Mom...although slower...bakes..
and sells..pies, cookies, and cakes.each week....and is incredibly
alive....for her years..........just would appreciate any thoughts or prayers..for her...

thank you....
Kaley

Kaley,

We will keep your mother in our prayers with the hope that she recovers well and gets back to baking those pies. God Bless.

Alan & Helen

Hiya Kaley, sorry I'm so Late to the Party!

Corncob Nose seems fine! "Winter's Day" & Single "Snowflake" I vote for.

My Mind's Jukebox wanted to slide the Last Syllable on the Choruses, after Verse 1. & Awaaaaaaaay..Ya Goooooooo!

"KUDOS" for a Cute One!

Big Christmas Hug,
Stan

Hi Sunny Gal......Thanks so Very Much for offering thoughts on this.. and I'm glad you liked it.........I bounce back n forth on corn cob and carrot....
I believe I've settled on snowflake....and basically for the reason you suggested....
but..i couldn't...put my finger on it as well as you did.....I kept thinking it personalized it a bit more....and you...summed it up well. & I see...what you're saying about winter and winter's...
It might come down to which word sings better there.......I'm really glad I did post this...as you guys have offered a lot.....thanks so very much......

Best Wishes...
and Prayers for Brad's safety....

kk

Hi Ann....I'm glad you could sing along with it........and that you liked it!.....
Thanks for your thoughts on word choices...
I appreciate the time and thought!....think it will probably come down to ...how each word sings....since many of you feel it could go one way or another...and everybody's making sense!!!. .....

thanks bunches,
Kaley

Thanks Quality.....I'm glad you thought it worked....!!!!!! and glad you liked this wee song.... Thank you very much for stopping by and reading and commenting......

Best Wishes,
Kaley

Hi, Kaley!

I like your "not a day to stay in bed" solution .

It's no day (sounds like it's snow day, LOL.)

I like carrot. It's easier to sing and more kids would be familiar with carrots than cobs I think. Unless people still keep corn cobs for starting fires, it may be unlikely anyone has kept them by winter time. But carrots are available all year round because they keep so well. (Course there are those mushy frozen corn on the cobs but they are usually cut into small cylindrical shapes.) If I remember I will try to ask my little ones at school if they know what a corn cob is.

But either corn cob or carrot works.

I was thinking maybe the snowman could melt away but then again, I guess the wind could erode it, so maybe go away is the right choice.

I think the chorus works well. I was thinking the snowflake could call the singer out for winter play, since the verses are mostly about playing in the snow.

Cute song. Do you remember Suzie Snowflake?

JeanB

Just want to check in and vote for CARROT!

Hi Mary Lou!....thanks for reading and thinking and commenting.......I've decided
on snowflake.....but...still up in air..on whether I like the sound of corn cob....or the visuals...of carrot.<G>.......May take this down to the hospital this evening....
and run it by Mom...also....but I know her answer..already...Oh that's so beautiful...
doesn't matter if it's meant to be silly...or...off the wall.....it's always..Oh that's so beautiful... hmmmmm
(so much for objective reasoning).......

Thanks Gal.....for your thoughts!!!!!

kk

Dear Judy,

Hi dear Aussie Gal.....Hoping you are fine
across yonder ponds......

I have not forgotten about our getting together on our I've got a Happy Little Song......I've just had to concentrate on
some other things.....but I will remember.

Thanks Judy for your thoughts on this....
Makes me feel good to know..you guys take these children's songs seriously.....

I really appreciate it...and thank you!!!!!

Best Wishes,
kk

Hi Calvin....

hoping Calle is doing well!!!.....thanks for looking at this....and offering your thoughts on the three questions...I too..like
corn cob...because of the way it sounds...but
the carrots have made a valid point. Both
sing well.......with corn cob slightly smoother.........

hmmmm on the until...... It just may...but
I'm really trying to keep it as close to the
first verse as possible.....and it would mean
adding an additional note...which I'm not
opposed to..........but I'd like to keep it
as close as possible....and to my ears, that line sings nicely with till.

Thanks so much for taking the time...to look closely at the lines.....and think about them....and offer suggestions! appreciate it.

best wishes,
Kaley

Eric, Thanks on that ...Yep...there have been lots of suggestions...and even on something...written so simply....each word needs to count.....and you guys have really made me think....I'm really glad you liked it
Eric.....

Best Wishes
Kaley

Hi TT, Thank you!!!!.......Your not suggestion was right on.. and I love how that line sings now....it is MUCH better.

To snowy,....I think your suggesting it...
for..the sound of the word.....and singing
ease.......rather than for the coloring the word does....... as I think it may sing
a 'touch' better...... ..but in illustrating.....I 'm thinking...all kinds of winter pictures come up in my mind....
with the word winter.........(hmmm...
though I guess I could have the same pictures come up in my mind with the word
snowy)........I'll give That more thought.....
along with the addition of "A"...in front of corn cob.....I've seen how they show that
extra note in sheet music and books and the like.........but maybe it's because I'm doing a slight pause......it seems to sing well with out the A.......(but I've got those Pennsylvania ears...and we pronounce stuff in Central Pa...kinda strange like...)

I thank you very much for coming back...
thinking, rethinking, and taking the time....Terry.

Best Wishes
Kaley

Dear Alan.....Thank you!!! and thank you for
the thoughts about my Mom Her bleeding has slowed....the prognosis...looks pretty good if she continues...to respond to the antibiotics......Had she not gone to the hospital ..it most likely would have taken her life.......so I'm glad she is there...
and I thank you for the thoughts and prayers...I know you have had your struggles
and I think of your wife often..and have prayed for both of you too.

I'm glad you like this......and thank you for the compliment. Yep...I've settled on Snowflake....and guess I'm going to have
to make a decision on winter winter's snowy
and corncob and carrot......hmmm...i like them all... .......

thanks so much,
Best wishes,
Kaley

Hi Huggin Stan.....

Thanks so much for stopping by.....and giving me your thoughts on this...... yep...on snowflake....and gonna make my mind up...on the others....seems you guys are pretty evenly split....and seems to tell me
it's gonna pretty much work....with any of the choices...(me thinks)

(My Mind's Jukebox wanted to slide the Last Syllable on the Choruses, after Verse 1. & Awaaaaaaaay..Ya Goooooooo!) not sure what you mean by slide...Stan....but....we may have had the same jukebox...for this one...
it holds on ....then drops....hmmm..can't remember....but think it drops kinda dramatically from....the c above to the middle c......

thanks bunches Stan......
kk

Hi Miss Jean B...you made me laugh.....hadn't thought of that....bout the
it's no day....hmmmmm...(thanks TT
well..I'm glad you like this gal...as it seems kinda cute to me....also...think it should be easy for kids to sing......and
I believe the tune is simple..and hopefully will stick with them.......

Yeah...I think. although I like the sound of corncob....some kids might think that sounds a bit strange... Around this area...it would probably ...fly and could get away with it.........

I thank you very much for taking time on this to think about it Jean...and I'm also glad you think it works!!!!.....

Appreciate it very much...
Best Wishes
kk

Marty, HI!!! and thank you for stopping by.....and commenting. I was tickled and surprised..this wee song...touched folks.

I REALLY appreciate....the thoughts!!!!!

Best Wishes...
Kaley

Thank you everyone...

Hi Kaley,

Your hospitality is irresistable!

You wrote re. "snowy"

"I think your suggesting it...
for..the sound of the word.....and singing
ease.......rather than for the coloring the word does"

Actually I was thinking of how kids would like the white colour :-) and happy swing of "snowy". . .
Also in my thinking was that a "winter day"
isn't necessarily snowy, so in that sense that line can be said to lack color relative to the root theme of the song.

But initially I wanted:
Nothing like a snowy winter's day
and only held that back so as not to rock
your meter boat.

As for me. . . I wrap the music around the words, more than I ever try to make the
words conform to the music.
The music is infinitely more variable.



------------------
Terry

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 12-06-2003).]

HI TT! and thanks for the return visit...
and making me think.....hmmmmm.....well..
I am doing a bit more bendin on melody to fit words...than I was.. ....especially
if a song is more involved...but this one
just...seems so smooth.....I will give it thought. though........and I will run word choices...by a few other folks before I submit this......as I really appreciate..the time....and effort you guys have made on this simple song.

Thanks so much TT

Best wishes to you,
kk

G'day Kaley,Gee I love your bonzer song this one could be your most bonzerest song of all.best wishes, Ray in Australia.

Dear Ray, Thanks so very much for the BONZER.......I'm glad you liked this....
We still have snow on the ground from last week and I believe they are calling for some more this weekend.

I've not commented on your History song yet,
but...I really like what you have started on that....Ray.

Best Wishes,
Kaley

High Kaley! Always enjoy reading your kiddo tunes as they are fun and light hearted. After the read and some of the critiques I'm kind of at an impass on one thing. The corn cob nose works well for me but thinking of Frosty (a classic at that) makes me wonder it it will work. Don't want a pipe nose after all do we!

Carrot dosen't seem to fit in well there so I'm stuck on suggestions for the moment. Love the song otherwise and it's as good as any I've seen in this genre.

Nice job!
David

Hey Kaley,

Been busy lately...this one reads real well. Enjoyed it ...I even had a tune going from V1.

Stan

------------------
Having Fun!!!!
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/stanloh

Dear David...!!!!..and Stan!!!!!

David,
Wow...it was neat to see your name on the board.....and glad you had a moment to check this out.....and glad you liked...it..
What's wrong with Carrot?...finally had myself convinced...to go with the traditional carrot and THEN you had to come along and tell me it didn't sound right.. ..
(hope you can tell I'm kiddin!!!).....hmmm..
yeah...someone else just told me...about him
having..a pipe for a nose...too...hmmmm...
oh well.....what else can you use other than a carrot or a...corn cob for a nose.....
ok...I will think about it....and I sure am glad you stopped by...and I sure do hope you stay...!!!!!!!.......

Thanks bunches,
Take Care,
Kaley

Hi Stan of the North,

Hoping you are doing well......and..understand on the busy!!!..
I did not get here very much during the summer or fall....either....

GOOD..on being able to pick up on a melody for this... I think..it's simple...but...has room enough
to let a melody...carry it a bit farther...
I was just told it would be a good one for
wee ballet dancers at the bar...and had truly never given that a thought.

thanks Stan...glad you like it,
Kaley

Bump

Thank you Brian...for the bump!!!

I'm hoping to be on here more now that
the homefront has calmed down a bit.....

I received some super news on this wee song....back in September....

best to..you...
Kaley


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/kaleywillowmusic.htm
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/4/willownwindmusic.htm
http://www.flashfast.com/kids/
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/kwwg

Very cute! Would definitely fit nicely in a graded series of piano study books.

So what's the good news? Or are you sworn to secrecy?

- James

------------------
You can really only please one songwriter at a time. Might as well be yourself! :^)


Samples of my music at www.soundclick.com/jamesmitchell.htm

Yes Kaley!!
Please tell us!!!
Joanne



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[*]The Best is Yet to Be,Joanne Lurgio-singer/songwriter www.joannelurgio.com


[*] Joanne's Gig Calendar - http://www.musi-cal.com/search?key=performers&value=Lurgio

[*] http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=100751

[*] www.cdbaby.com/cd/lurgio

Hi James ...nope no secrecy...I just had been gone so long....I felt funny coming back
(JUST GOT INTERNET)....and saying...blah blah blah......but was so tickled that Brian
bumped this....that out it came anyways...

will write a short note on Successes...
signed a contract in beginning of september
for...just that.... Snowflake made cuts in two editions....of a Songbook to be released by Piano Press in the fall of 06....and it just may be graded....as you're thinking.... I know they released one earlier this year...with songs....from easy to more advanced....

thanks for thinking that it could be......
twas very nice to hear that...!!!!!!

best to ya....

kaley

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=6469
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=8404
http://www.flashfast.com/kids/
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/kwwg

Hi Sweet and talented Ms..Joanne....

It gave a nice boost to my summer....gal...
..I submitted 4 songs last January...and received a letter in the mail in June (i think)...saying that
Snowflake and Thankful Thankful Thankful were being held for consideration.....
I'd also heard there had been a whole lot of songs submitted......and I believe the competition to get a cut is pretty fierce...There's some folks that are Grammy Nominated that are getting songbook cuts with PP...and so I just didn't know...
I felt hopeful..but....anyhoo....
I heard in September..about Snowflake......
and I don't think any announcement has been made yet on their Thanksgiving series...yet.....so mebbe...Thankful has a home too...((hopeso))....

thanks for asking...
hugs...
kk

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=6469
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